


Bring him home

by Bewa



Series: Even and Isak as fosterparents [1]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: AU Isak and Even as fosterparents, Anxiety, Child Abuse, Foster Care, Future Fic, Helpfull friends, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentally ill parents, Past Child Abuse, friends - Freeform, married isak and even, relationship, supportive husband, supportive parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2018-12-25 16:32:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 45
Words: 101,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12039846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bewa/pseuds/Bewa
Summary: Isak took his bag out of the car and dumped it on the floor. He was too tired to unpack. All he wanted to do was to open a beer and sink down in the big chair in front of the fireplace. No TV. No music this time. No lights. No sounds. Nothing. Just him and the silence, the darkness, his own black hole. He could feel the silence. It was a blessing. This week had been the hardest in years. No, he didn’t want to think of it now. He was going to drink the beer, disappear in the silence, in the dark....The story about Even and Isak as fosterparents, and the struggle  they go through when it's desided that their fosterson is going back to his abusive mother. It's also about Isak coping with his own past while fighting for his fosterson.





	1. At the cabin

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic, so I'm kind of nervous. be gentle, please.  
> English isn't my first Language, so don't judge me for errors or spellingmistakes. 
> 
>  
> 
> Appreciate comments.

Isak opened the door. He sighed. Finally, there. The drive to their cabin had taken him about three hours. The sun was setting, and the air was chill. It had been a beautiful day, and it was going to be a beautiful evening. He knew. But it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered anymore.

Isak took his bag out of the car and dumped it on the floor. He was too tired to unpack. All he wanted to do was to open a beer and sink down in the big chair in front of the fireplace. No TV. No music this time. No lights. No sounds. Nothing. Just him and the silence, the darkness, his own black hole. He could feel the silence. It was a blessing. This week had been the hardest in years. No, he didn’t want to think of it now. He was going to drink the beer, disappear in the silence, in the dark. But the thought couldn’t stay away. He was back three days. Back to Tuesday. 11th September 2029. The shittiest day ever. The trial. How could it happen? How could the world be so cruel to him? To them? He shook it off. Took a large sip of the beer again –  emptied it. He opened another one, slurped the foam that came up, took a sip. He stood up and walked around the almost pitch-dark living room. Everything was like it was the last time they were there. Everything. And yet it was all different. Everything. He sat down again, sunk down in the chair and let himself drift off with the can of beer in his lap.

When he woke up, he felt tears streaming down his face. The beer was still in his hand in his lap. The tears fell down and it hurt. It hurt so much. How could he move on? He picked his phone out from his pocket and noticed six unread messages.

**JONAS (22:10)**

_“Hey bro! How are you coping? Shitty week. Feel sorry for you both!”_

**EVA (22:43)**

_“Issy. Heard the news. If you need to talk, give me a call.”_

**SANA (22:55)**

_“Best Bud. I’m crying for you both. Call me when you feel like it”._

The tears kept streaming down. He wouldn’t think of it. He couldn’t think of it. He couldn’t talk about it – but he had to. He hadn’t talked about the trial since it was over, but he knew he had to. He had to. He read the three last messages

**EVEN (21:00)**

_“Baby. Are you safe at the cabin?”_

_“I’m coming up Saturday after… after… I can’t even write it. I’m so angry. So sad. So upset”_

_“I miss you and love you.”_

The tear flow was even harder now. Isak didn’t want to think of it. Didn’t want to picture it. Didn’t want it to be real.

He opened the photo album on his phone and opened the last picture he had taken. It was Even, Isak and Lucas. They all smiled. It was the last picture of them together. It hurt so bad. Isak was sobbing now. Lucas. Their little big boy. He was six. It was the last picture he had of him. Isak touched the screen and cried.

After a while, his breath was steady again, Isak opened the messages from Even again, and wrote back:

EVEN (23:30)

_“I’m safe at the cabin”_

_“Sobbing”_

_“Looking at the last picture on my phone._

_“Sorry for running away. Couldn’t do it after the trial. Couldn’t face her.”_

_“Miss you like hell”_

_“Love you”_

_“It’s OK Is. Mum is coming with me.”_

_“I know it’s harder for you than it is for me, even if I’m all teared up myself”_

_“Love you too”._

 

Lucas had moved in with them when he was three. He was a wonderful boy. Full of life, the most beautiful brown eyes, dark hair, a wide smile. And a lot of hidden ugly history. He came from a broken home. His mother was mentally ill and couldn’t take care of him. His father wasn’t there at all. He was taken away from his mother and moved to temporary fostercare when he told the teacher in kindergarden that his mother had beaten him and she used to lock him in his room when she was sad or angry or when he was disobedient. The investigation showed that it wasn’t the only thing she had done – or not done. She didn’t change his clothes, didn’t feed him properly, didn’t bath him, didn’t care for him at all. He was neglected, abused – physically and mentally –  not a home for a little boy.

Lucas came to Isak and Even shortly after, and he had turned their life upside down. He was so scared and hurt. He didn’t say a word the first days in their flat. Isak had paternity leave from his job at the hospital and stayed close to Lucas all the time. Even worked at UNI teaching in film and media, but could easily do a lot of work from their home office.  Isak played with Lucas in the livingroom while Even was working, they ate with him in the kitchen, small meals that they knew Lucas liked. Changed his clothes, bathed him, tucked him into bed in the evening, red him stories, sung to him. Always chatting smooth and with low voices, no abrupt movements, no sudden changes of any kind. Gradually through the first week Lucas relaxed a bit. He didn’t speak, but he started to smile occasionally.

Then one night, it was his tenth night with them, Isak suddenly woke of a small hand touching his head. He opened his eyes and Lucas stood by his side of the bed, tears streaming down his face and he said almost inaudible: “I sleep here?”. Isak lifted his duvet and Lucas crawled in to the bed, in to Isaks warm embrace, tears still streaming from his eyes. “Sshhh, I’ve got you” Isak said. “It’s going to be alright”. Lucas’ tears mixed with Isaks tears were making the pillow wet, but Isaks tears were not out of sorrow, but of concern and a little bit out of relief. He finally got through to the boy. The little hurt boy. They didn’t know all of his history yet, maybe just a fraction, and Isak knew it wasn’t nice. He also knew it was similarities to his own story. Even woke and turned around, gasping when he saw Isak and Lucas all cuddled up. He tucked his chest in to Isaks back, and put his hand over both of them. “We’re gonna make it”, he whispered into Isaks ear. “Shhh, little man” he said to Lucas. “We’re here. We’re going to keep you safe”.

And they thought they would. But now.

Isaks thoughts were back in the chair in the cabin. The tears didn’t stop. It was nothing more they could do. The trial didn’t end well. Lucas was going back to his mother. Isak couldn’t understand it. How could they send a six-year-old boy back to that woman? Isak was furious. Hurt. Angry. Upset. Sad. Devastated.

Lucas didn’t understand it either. He had cried and cried when the lady from the social services told him that he had to move back to his mother. He clung to Isak and cried. “NO. I don’t want to. Please Isak and Even, don’t make me!”. Isak had cried to. Even tried to keep the tears, but his eyes were watery and he bit his lips. “I’m sorry Lucas. It isn’t our decision to make.” Isak held Lucas tight to his chest and said “Sorry, Lucas. We love you, but it isn’t our decision. We’re not the one who decide”.

The lady from the social services said that it had to happen quickly, and it was decided that they were going to start the process of Lucas moving back to his mother at Saturday. Isak was furious. Move to a lady he hardly knew anymore. Lucas had visited his mother once every other month the last two years. Only in daytime, no sleepovers. Isak couldn’t do it and Even understood. Even knew that Isak was comparing Lucas life to his own as a child. And that he couldn’t be a part of sending Lucas back to his mentally ill mother – even if she was on medication now and had got her life together. Isak compared her to his own mother. She had got her life together too – but only for shorter periods. And then it was all hell again. Isak was terrified that it would happen to Lucas mother too and that it surly wold affect Lucas in terrible ways. Their Lucas who had become a healthy, lively, smiling, happy, safe boy with a lots of friend. Now he had just started school. And then BANG – ripped out of his safety of Isak and Evens home.

It was going to be quick. He should stay from Saturday at 1000 to Sunday at 1700. And the next weekend from Friday after school to Sunday at 1700. And then the weekend after the same, and from Friday 5th of October he should move permanently in with his mother. Isak didn’t agree, but he wasn’t the one to decide.

Isak left the chair in the living room and got to bed. He was tired. Exhausted. But he knew sleep was not to come easy. He crawled up in even and his bed, buried his face into Evens pillow, and put both of their duvets over him. Then he got his phone out and texted Even.

EVEN (00.30)

“ _Going to bed, trying to get some sleep, but doubt it will happen”_

_“Not sleeping either”_

_“Lucas is here beside me, fast asleep”_

_“Took him some while to get to sleep tonight, but he’s a brave boy.”_

_“He said he loves you”_

_“Oh, that sweet boy”_

_“I’m so sorry I run away.”_

_“You’ll be here at Sunday when he comes back”_

_“Yeah, I know”_

_“Miss him though”_

_“Miss you too”_

_“Miss you too”_

_“Love you”_

_“Love you even more”_

_“Give Lucas a kiss from me, please”_

_“I will”_

_“Done”_

_Are you coming right after you’ve left him at his mum?”_

_“Yes. Will be at the cabin around 1330._

_“Looking forward to it”_

_“Me too”_

_“I will try to sleep now.”_

_“Love you so much, Ev.”_

_“Love you too Is.”_

 

Isak closed his eyes and by some miracle he must have fallen asleep during the late night. A dark, heavy sleep. With no dreams. He hadn’t had a decent night sleep since Tuesday, so it was about time. When he woke, he felt some heavy weight on the bedside, and a big hand stroking his back. He turned around and looked surprised at Even who sat by his side.

“Hey, beautiful” he said.

“What?” Isak startled. “What are you doing here?” Even smiled and giggled

“Told you I’d be here by 1330, its after 1400 now. I’ve been watching you sleep for nearly half an hour”. Isak pulled his husband to his chest and clung to him.

“How was Lucas?”.

“He was ok. He didn’t want me to leave, but it was ok. I promised we would both get him tomorrow at 1700, and that we would eat dinner together at home after. He asked me to tell you he loves you”. Isak feels his eyes tears up.

“Oh, that’s our lovely boy.”

“Yeah, I know”.

Even lay down by Isak side, pulled him towards his chest, shared some kisses, just enjoying the feeling of being close together.

 “What do you think they are doing now?” Isak asks.

“They were going to the park to play, then to McDonalds and then just do what Lucas wanted” Even answered.

“I’m so worried, Even. I can’t think of anything but Lucas and how his mother is going to take care of him or not take care of him.”.

“I know” Even said. “Me too. But you know what? We have a spy.” Even smiled a tiny smile, Isak looked at him, questioning;

“Hm?”

“Mum is not at all happy with this, and she offered to spy on them today, watch out for Lucas on distance. You know Lucas mother haven’t met mum, and she sat in the car while I was in with Lucas, so when I told her what Lucas and his mother was going to do today, she said; “Oh, exactly my plans for today. A stroll in the park and dinner at McDonalds after”. Isak gasped

 “Liv. She’s the best”.

“I know” Even said. “I told her to be careful, because it wouldn’t look good for us if the social services find out that my mother is spying for us”.

“I guess not” Isak said. “But it’s good for me. And Lucas. And you”.

“Yeah” Even said, and pulled Isak even closer to his chest. “Yeah, definitely”.

They lay in bed for a while more and Isaks stomach started to growl.

“Have you been eating since yesterday?” Even asked. Isak blushed. "No".

  Even stared at him firmly. “Then we’re eating. Come on.” Just about when he was getting out of bed, Isaks phone went off. And then Evens. Isak startled. Picked up his phone. It was Liv.

Liv (15:15)

_“Hey boys. Spying is easy. They’ve just left McDonalds. It seems that Lucas is ok, but he’s not the bright happy boy I know, but he’s eating and chatting with his mother”_

_“Thanks Liv. Means a lot to us that you do this.”_

_“Having a shitty time right now.”_

_“I know, love.”_

_“How’s Even?”_

**_“I’m fine, Mum. Got up here about 13:30, just in time to wake Isak up”_ **

_“He didn’t wake me up, I was awake in bed”_

**_“You were not”_ **

_“Was too”_

_“Haha…. I don’t believe you Isak. You were asleep”_

_“Liv… how could you?”_

**_“Thanks Mum!”_ **

_“Well, now Lucas and his mum are back home in her flat, so I’m heading home too. Unless you boys would like me to stay undercover in the car eating donuts and drinking coffee all night?”_

_“No. Go home, Liv. Thanks a lot. You’re the best mother-in-law in the whole world.”_

_“I know, Isak.”_

**_“Oh, my God, Isak. You’ve done it now. She’s gonna use that against both you and me!”_ **

_“Haha.. Enjoy the cabin boys. Text me tomorrow when you’re back home all three of you.”_

_“Will do. Thanks again, Liv.”_

_“ **Thanks Mum. Love you”**_

_“Love you too”._

 

Isak looked at Even, brushing hear away from his forehead

“I love you so much, Ev. I don’t know how I could live and cope without you. Especially now. You’re so strong in this”. Even looked at Isak, shook his head.

“I’m really not, Is. I’m tearing apart. I’m afraid. I’m shaking. I just knew that I had to do it today. For Lucas. For you. I knew that you were hurting more than me because of your mother. But I’m not strong.” Isak put his arms around Evens neck and pulled him tight in.

 “I’m sorry, Ev. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to be with you today. I’m sorry I’m such a mess. I’m sorry I’m fucked up”. Even put his arms around Isaks waist and held him tight, whispering in his ear.

“You’re anything but a mess, and you’re not fucked up. You’re my husband, and I love you, and I’m here for you and you are here for me. We’ll get through this together. We’re not alone. We’ve not been alone for 12 years.” Isak leaned back and put his hands on Evens cheeks, and kissed him deeply.

Even kissed him back, and they made love. Made love to the love of their lives, both thinking about their little boy, about their family that was breaking, but it wasn't going to break them. They were going to get through this together. Tears came in their eyes when they looked at each other. It was slow, tender, careful, soothing, deep and so full of care, despair, hurt but most of all love.

Later that evening, when they sat in the living room together, watching a film after they ate, Isak turned to Even and asked.

"Will we do it again?" Even turned around in a second. Glared at Isak like he didn't understand the question. But he did. He looked away, and back at Isak again.

"I don't know. Will we?". Isak didn't know. He didn't know if he would take the risk of going through this again. Getting a child and losing it in three years. He loved Lucas so much, and if another child comes in to his heart and he loses that too – he didn't know if he was able to cope.

"I don’t know either. But they're going to ask us. I know. They've already asked – before the trial – they asked in May you know." Isak looked at Even and saw that he was thinking the same thing as he was. What if they'd said yes in May? Then they would have had a little girl in their life now. Maybe this hadn't hurt so much then? Bullshit. This would have hurt even more than.

 "I know." Even said. "We have to get through this first, then we can talk about it."  Isak nodded, curled up in Evens embrace, kissed his neck, collarbone, snuck his hand under his shirt and felt the warmth of Evens skin. Heard Evens heart beating in his chest. Strong arms around his back. Even kissed his head, held him tight.

"We'll get through it, Is".

 "Yeah", Isak said. "Together".


	2. Back home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even is heading home with Lucas.  
>  And Lucas as something to tell them.

**Sunday 16:55 – Back home**

Sunday evening at 16:55 they parked outside Lucas mums apartmentbuilding. Isak was shaking.

"Do you want to wait in the car?" Even asked. Isak took a deep breath. He shook his head

"No", opened the door and got out of the car. Even got over at his side, grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

"Come on, let’s get our little man home". He smiled.

"Yeah".

They stood outside the apartment door, and Even was about to push the doorbell as the door flew open and Lucas shouted:

"ISAAAK" and throw himself at Isak. Isak lifted him up and held him tight. Tears streamed down Lucas' face, and he clung around Isaks neck.

"Hey, there little man. How are you?" Lucas held his arms even harder around Isaks neck, and only said "I missed you".

"Shhh" Isak said. His mother came up in the hallway of her apartment.

"He doesn't stop talking about you, Isak. He loves you very much." She said with a slight of dismay in her voice. Isak just nodded.

 "Yes" _you have no idea,_ he would continue, but didn't.

Even spoke instead,

"How's everything been? Everything ok?" Lucas mother told them what they'd done, and got his bag from the living room. Lucas hadn't let go of Isak yet. Not until Even stroke his back an asked:

"Hey little man. Can I have a hug too?" Lucas unlocked his hands from Isaks neck and reached out for Evens arms, and clung to him in the same way as he had to Isak.

"Hey there little fellow. Are you going to say “Goodbye” to your mum?" Lucas turned around in Evens arm and waved to his mother.

 "By mum" and turned around to Isak, reached out for his arms and said "Can we go home now, Isak. Please". Isak took the boy from Even and turned around.

"Sure" he said. He turned around to Lucas mum and said "Bye, see you Friday, we'll come around right after school's finished". She nodded, and waved to Lucas. “I’ll be sick on Friday” Isak heard Lucas whisper in his ear as they walked down the hall.

“By, Lucas. See you Friday” his mother said after them.

Even stayed behind for a chat with Lucas mum, and Isak carried Lucas out to their car.

Once they got to the car, Lucas loosened his grip around Isaks neck, and he climbed into his seat in the back of the car. Isak picked out his phone about to text Liv, but didn’t manage to get it done before Lucas spoke to him. Isak got a hunch, and put on “recorder” on his phone before Lucas was finished asking his question.

“Can you sit with me, Isak?” he asked quietly.

“Sure” Isak said. “How was your day?” Lucas looked down on his feet

“Okay, I guess. We watched a movie, I played on mums phone, we had some cereals for breakfast. But not the one we’ve got back home. I like the one we got more.” Lucas looked up a Isak. “Do I have to go to my mum next weekend?”. Isak felt his eyes tear up, he pretended to sneeze to avoid Lucas seeing them, and dried his eyes.

“Yes.”

Lucas looked at him with tears in his eyes.

“Why?”.

Isak didn’t know what to say or do. Why? Because some idiot judges in a trial had said so. Because Lucas mums lawyer was very good and said all the right things. Because the world was cruel.

“Because the judges think that it’s the best for you to be with your mum, Lucas. It’s not Even or me that wants this. We love you very much, but your mum is your mum, and she should get a chance to be a good mum to you.” Isak was lying. He knew it. He was lying, but he couldn’t do anything else.

“But I don’t like her as much as I like you and Even. I love you. I want to stay with you. Please Isak. Can I stay?”

Isaks heart hurt. He was nauseous, his hands were shaking.

“I’m so sorry Lucas. If I only could say yes I would, but I can’t. I’m not your father, and neither is Even. We’d love to have you stay in our family, but it isn’t our decision to make.” Lucas had tears streaming down his face.

“I want you and Even to be my fathers. I don’t want my mum.” Isak lifted Lucas from his seat and into his lap. Held him tight and stroked his back and whispered“Me too, Lucas. Me too.”

They sat like that when Even came into the car.

“Ready to go home, boys?” he asked.

“We are” Isak said. Even looked to Lucas’ car seat, but Isak shook his head slowly. Even nodded. They drove in silence back home. When they got in, Lucas went to his room and put on some music. Isak handed Even his phone and said;

“Listen to this, I recorded the conversation I had with Lucas in the car just before you came.” Even took the phone, walked into their office to listen in peace. After some minutes Even came back, all teary and despair in his face. Isak stood up and hugged him and Even clung to him.

 “How can we let this happen?” he said.

“I don’t know” Isak said. “And I don’t know what to do”.

“We have to ask Sana for help, Isak. Can you text her?” Sana was a child psychologist and worked at the same hospital as Isak. Isak as a surgeon, Sana as a psychologist at the same ward. Sana has specialized in children with trauma from sexual abuse, psychological abuse and domestic violent, – such as Lucas.

“Yeah”, Isak said, and Even gave him his phone.

**SANA (18:09)**

_“Hey, Best Bud. We’re back home with Lucas. We need your help. Can you come over tonight?”_

_“Hey, Best Bud. What’s going on? Sure I can help. When?”_

_“We need to discuss something Lucas said after being with his mum”_

_“Around 20? After Lucas has gone to bed?”_

_“Sure. Can I bring Yousef if my mother can babysit?”_

_“Sure. We may need him as well”_

_“See you”_

_“See you”._

 

Yousef worked as a special teacher in school. Specialized to work with kids who had problems dued to abuse, neglect, problems with their concentration, problems that came from the environment they lived in. Such as Lucas before he got to Isak and Even. It would maybe be helpful to have him there as well. And besides – Sana and Yousef were Isak and Evens best friends. Had been since highschool. Sana and Yousef had got together in Sana and Isaks last year at Nissen, and they married three years before Isak and Even. They’ve got three beautiful kids – not a footballteam yet, but on their way.

“She’ll come” Isak said to Even. “And she’s bringing Yousef if her mother can watch the kids”.

“Good” Even said, giving Isak a kiss and stroke his back. “Should we get our little man in the kitchen and prepare some dinner for us?”

“You mean that you can prepare some dinner, and Lucas and I will mess around?” Isak said with a grin.

“Yeah, something like that.”

They knocked at his door and opened it carefully. Lucas was lying on the floor, facing the roof and of all the music in the world Coldplays “Fix you” was on his speakers. He looked at them when they got in his room.

“Hey, little man. Wanna come and make dinner with us? You can choose between pasta and oatmeal.” Isak smiled. Oatmeal was definitely Lucas favourite. He could eat it for breakfast, lunch, dinner, all day long. But only Evens oatmeal. With milk, grapes, apple bites, cinnamon (they had tried cardamom, but no success) and butter.

“Not hungry” Lucas said.

“Okay” Even replied, “but would you come and make dinner with us anyway, because we are hungry, and we would really like you to come with us. And maybe you would get hungry being there?”

“And you can decide what Even and I have to eat” Isak smiled to Lucas, and Lucas smiled back. He knew that Isak didn’t like oatmeal that much.

“We’ll have oatmeal, and Evens gonna make it. He makes the best oatmeal in the whole wide world” Lucas said. Standing up, put his arms up to Even who lifted him up and hugged him.

“Thanks, Lucas. We’ll make Isak eat a really large bowl of oatmeal tonight. It’s good for him. Building muscles”. Even smiled at Isak, and Lucas giggled.

“You two are the worst. It’s two against one – that’s unfair” Isak smiled back at the two boys. One little and one big. And he loved them both so much, and soon the little one was going away. He felt the tears pushing in the back of his eyelashes, but managed to get them away. Maybe they could fix it? The end of Coldplays “Fix you” was pouring out of Lucas speaker.

_And the tears come streaming down your face_

_When you lose something you can't replace_

_When you love someone, but it goes to waste_

_Could it be worse?_

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you_

Isak was screaming inside – they had to fix it. They had to. For Lucas. For himself and Even. For them.

 

They made oatmeal and fooled around in the kitchen. Lucas sat on the countertop chatting and singing silly songs. Even and him were at the same level in both singing and dancing – silly, foolish and fun. Isak watched them as he sat the table, occasionally joining the song. He and Lucas cut the fruit together – and some of it disappeared in strange ways – Lucas tried to hold his mouth closed when Even asked about all the apples and grapes – but Lucas shook his head and tried to chew invisible.

Sitting at the kitchentable Lucas was hungry after all. He ate too much for Evens liking.

“Hey, hold on, little man. You’re not going to eat all of it yourself are you?”

“But I’m so hungry. I’ve not eaten since breakfast”.

“What?” Isak said. “Didn’t you have lunch at mums?”

“No, she didn’t have time. She was busy on her computer”.

Isak looked at Even, and Even looked at him.

“Okay” Even said, bit his anger in him, and looked at Isak who was equally angry in his eyes. Not at him or Lucas, but at Lucas mother. “Take another bowl of oatmeal then. So you’re going to sleep well before school tomorrow”.

They finished the meal, and it was time for Lucas to get to bed.

“Bathtub or shower, Lucas?” Even asked.

“Hmm… showtub?” Lucas said, smiling. “Or bathwer?” Even and Isak laughed at him.

“Okey – showertub it is” Isak laughed.

“No… just bathtub” Lucas laughed. “Can I play for a while in the bath?”

“You can play for about 15 minutes”, Even said. “School tomorrow you know”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes you do little man. Why shouldn’t you? Isak smiles.

“I may be sick tomorrow “ Lucas smiled.

“If that happens we'll talk about it then. Off to the tub now.”

Isak and Even followed him to the bathroom and sat beside the tub and played with him till he was done. Brushed his teeth, combed his hair, hugged and kissed him. Even lifted him up and asked

“Bedtimestory?”

“Yes please.” Lucas said. “Isak too”.

“Of course” Isak said.

Lucas yawned. His eyes were heavy. “I’m not tired” he said.

“Sure you’re not” Isak said, “get in bed now, and we’ll read you a story and sing for you. What story?”

“I don’t know. Can you please tell me the story about when I came here?”

Isak looked at Even, and Even sighed.

“Sure, little man. You were so adorable. Brown, big eyes, brown hair, a beautiful smile witch you hid away the first days you lived here. You didn’t want to speak, but we played a lot in silence. You loved the cars and the animals we’d gotten for you.” Isak drew his breath heavily and looked at Even. Even continued

“You couldn’t sleep without your soother even if you were three and you were so adorable with it. And you always wanted Isak or me to sit by your bed until you fell asleep. We told you every night from the first night you slept here that you could come in to our bed if you were scared or needed us.”

“And on your tenth night here you came in to me, and tapped my head and asked if you could sleep beside me” Isak continued. “I was so happy, because it was your first words you had spoken to us beside yes and no. And since that night you’ve spoken ALL the time” he grinned – and so did Lucas and Even.

“Can I please sleep in your bed tonight?” Lucas looked from Isak to Even and back to Isak again.  Isak looked hasty on Even, and he nodded, and Isak said: “Sure, little man. You can sleep with us. But no snoring?” Lucas laughed.

“I’m not the one who snores. That’s Even”.

“What?” Even acted surprised and hurt. “I’m gonna get you”. And he tickled and blew raspberries on Lucas tummy. Lucas laughed and stuttered “no, no, not you. Isak” And Isak gave him the same tickling and raspberries as Even, and Lucas laughed even more. Even finally lifted the little boy up and carried him to their bedroom and dumped him in the middle of their bed.

“Can you lie here, please” Lucas said. “Just a little while.” He looked pleading from Isak to Even to Isak again.

“Ok.” Even said, and got in the bed on one side and Isak on the other and sandwiched Lucas.

“I love you so much” the little boy said. “I don’t want to leave you”.

“We know”, Lucas. “We know” Even said. Stroking his hair back from his eyes.

“Don’t think about that now. Go to sleep. Want me to sing?”

“Yes, please. Can you sing “Fix you”?”

“Sure”, Even said. “With my guitar?”

“Yeah. Please.” Lucas said.

Even grabbed his guitar and started to play. He sung while Isak held Lucas tight against his chest, and the little boy fell asleep on Isaks chest while Isak stroked his hair and back.

When you try your best, but you don't succeed

When you get what you want, but not what you need

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone, but it goes to waste

...

_And the tears come streaming down your face_

_When you lose something you can't replace_

_When you love someone, but it goes to waste_

_Could it be worse?_

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you_

 

Tears from Evens eyes fell down on his cheeks and on his guitar and finally down on their bed, and Isak felt as if his heart was ripped out of his chest. He carefully put Lucas down on the pillow in the middle of the bed, tucked the duvet around him and crawled over to Even and put his arms around Evens back. Buried his face in the crook of his neck and said:

“I can’t do it Even. I can’t fucking do it. He didn’t even get lunch today because she was “busy on her computer”. How can you forget to feed your child at the first sleepover in over three years?”

“I don’t know, Isak. I fucking don’t know. But soon Sana and Yousef will be here, and we’ll show them your conversation with Lucas in the car, and we’ll tell them what he said at dinner, and then we probably will get some advises.” Even said, held Isaks head in his hands and kissed him softly, lovingly, passionately and tender. It healed the hurt in his heart a little bit. For now.

“Yeah. Thank God for Sana”

“Allah”

“What?” Isak asked.

“You can’t thank God for Sana, you have to thank Allah”  Even smiled at Isak

“Dork” Isak laughed back. “Come on, they will be here soon”.


	3. Sana and Yousef - and a nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sana is supportive and comes with advises.  
> Lucas has a nightmare.

Sana and Yousef left about half past ten in the evening. Isak and Even had told them everything from the day their prosecutor from the child welfare office – Anna – told them that there was going to be a trial, because Lucas mother could try her case in court every year, and now she was on medication and her lawyer said that she had a good case. – Apparently she did, because she won. But neither Anna, Even, Isak or any of the employee at the child welfare office could understand anything of the trials results. 

Sana had asked them what the questions at the trial were, and Isak had answered, because he was the one who had been there. It was questions about how Lucas had been when he came to them and what changes he had been through. It was about his days in preschool, it was about his behavior at home, it was about how he made friends, how he coped in the daily life, and how his reactions were after he’d been with his mum both with and without supervision. Isak had told them everything. How Lucas had changed in the first two weeks, how he loved preschool, how well he behaved at home, how he played with his friend, how he had nightmares occasionally – and they were for the most about him being trapped – but Lucas didn’t tell them anymore about it. He always said he didn’t remember what or where – just that he was trapped. And Isak told them about the silent and somewhat secluded boy they got back when he had been with his mother. 

Sana and Yousef couldn’t understand the result of the trial either. And when they heard how Lucas had reacted when Isak and Even picked him up, the conversation between Isak and Lucas on Isak’s phone and when Isak finally told them about Lucas missing lunch, they got mad. 

“You have to contact Anne tomorrow. He can’t go back there” Sana said, looking firm at both Even and Isak.

“But what can Anne do?” Isak asked

“I don’t know, but she does, or at least she should know”. 

“I don’t know if I can leave him on Friday” Isak says. “Two nights, two whole days – what if she forgets to feed him again? What if she forgets that he’s with her? What if she forgets he’s with her, for example, at the mall?” 

“I know, sweetheart” Even puts his arms around Isak. “And I agree, I worry to. Can we deny sending him to her, Sana?”

“It will NOT strengthen your case if you do, but I understand that you’re thinking that direction.” 

Isak thought back to his childhood. He was seven years old and at the mall with his mother. And suddenly he was alone. All alone. He walked around searching for her red and yellow coat and brown beanie. He walked and walked and was so tired. Suddenly a man stood in front of him and asked him if he was alone. Isak nodded almost invisible. The man sat down beside him and strokes his cheek and put his hand on his back. Isak remember he thought he was disgusting; it was something in the man’s eyes. The man had asked him to follow him, but Isak didn’t want to. He made up that he saw his mother, and run to an unknown lady who walked by them and said loud “Hey mum, where have you been”, took her hand and dragged the lady away from the nasty man. When they got far away from the man, he told the lady that he was lost and couldn’t find his mum, and about the nasty man. The lady asked what his mums name was, and Isak told her. His mother didn’t come when the security guard at the mall called her on the speaker. Luckily Isak knew their address, so the security guard drove him home. His mum opened the door and welcomed him in, not at least surprised. The security guard asked if everything was allright, and she said it was. Isak knew it wasn’t. 

“But what can we do?” Isak asked again, back in the livingroom with Even, Sana and Yousef. 

“We’ve got five days” Sana says. “We’ve got to use them wisely. And if we don’t get what we want, we have to go undercover this weekend. We already got Liv on our team, haven’t we?” Sana grinned and turned to Even. 

“What?” 

“I bumped into her Saturday evening. She came out of McDonalds. She doesn’t usually visit McDonalds, does she? I asked her, and she said she was paying attention to Lucas and his mother”. 

Even smiled. Isak too. 

“Yes, she’s a spy”. 

They laughed. 

“I’m sure Eva and Jonas would love to help too” said Sana. 

“Yeah. They are quiet fond of the little man”. Even said, still with his arms tight around Isak. Isak still thinking of the mall-episode. Maybe he should tell Sana about it sometime. But not no. 

“Everyone is” Yousef added. 

When Sana and Yousef had left, Isak fell against Evens chest and cried. He cried out of exhaustion and sorrow, he was scared, hurt and broken. Even held him tight again and soothed him. Caressed his back, brushed his fingers through his hair, dried his tears away whit his thumbs and kissed him. 

“I’m sorry” Isak said. 

“For what?” 

“For being so weak in this, for crying all the time.”

“You’re anything but weak, Isak. You cry because you love Lucas. You cry because you care about him. You cry because you don’t know what good you can do for him. You cry because you are desperate to find a solution that’s going to make his childhood better than yours and that solution isn’t easy to find. That’s not week. That’s fucking strong, because it’s your feelings and your love.”

Isak looked at him, put his hands on Evens cheeks and kissed him. Deep, passionately and with a huge amount of love. 

“Thanks, Ev. Thanks for being you, for being her, holding me and saying all the nice things to me. I love you so much, and I know we’ll get through this, but not knowing the result terrifies me. I’m so scared, Ev. I’m so scared that he’s going to be a new me. For fucks sake. She forgot to feed him on the second day he was with her.”

“I know, Is. I’m scared too. But we got to keep our hopes up. But now we’ve got to bed and get some sleep.”

“Yeah.”.

They got to bed – on either side of Lucas. He was fast asleep in their big bed. They watched him sleep for a while before Even crawled over both Lucas and Isak and was the big spoon to Isak, and Isak held Lucas in his embrace. They fell asleep in an embrace of love. 

Isak woke up a couple of hours later of the sounds of silent cry. He turned around, it was not Even, then he felt Lucas shoulders shaking. He woke Even up gently, and pulled Lucas in his arms. 

“Hey there, my sweet boy. What’s going on”

Lucas didn’t answear. He was still sleeping.Even came around on his side of the bed, lying down beside Lucas, stroked his hair and tried to wake him up. 

“Hey, Luc, it’s a dream swettie. Wake up”. 

Lucas still didn’t wake up. But now his crying was a bit louder, his voice trembling. _“No, no, not in there. Please”_ his voice was the same, but his language was like when he came to them – like the three-year old Lucas speaking.

Even looked at Isak, and Isak looked back with sorrow, fear and tears in his eyes. 

“Phone” Isak said. Even got his phone from his bedside table, and started filming Lucas.

“Lucas, wake up, please sweetheart” Isak said, combing his hair with his fingers, shaking his shoulders gently. 

_ “No, please mum, please. I’ll be good”  _ Lucas cried.A little bit harder now. 

“Lucas, please wake up, Lucas.” Even shook his shoulder, stroked his cheeks. 

“Lucas, you’re at home with me and Even, please wake up, Lucas” Isak continued, a bit desperate, clapping his cheek gently. 

_ “Please, mum. Don’t lock the door. Please.” _

Even looked at Isak – sorrow and anger in his eyes – sorrow for Lucas, anger for his mother – and Isak lifted Lucas up and took him in his lap. 

“Lucas. You have to wake up” Isak said with ha louder voice. “Lucas”. He almost yelled the last. And then Lucas opened his eyes, terrified. But when he saw Isak, he clung to his neck and cried. 

“Shhhh” Isak said. “I’ve got you. You’re here, in my lap. Evens here too. We’ve got you, sweetheart”. 

“I was looked up in a dark room. Please Isak don’t make me go there. Even”, he turned his head and looked at Even.“Please!” Tears were streaming down Lucas cheeks. 

“Go where?” Isak asked even if he knew the answer. 

“Mum.” 

Isak just held Lucas tight, he couldn’t talk. Because he couldn’t say what he wanted. He couldn’t say that Lucas could stay. He looked at Even, and saw that he hadn’t stopped filming – thank God. 

They lied down all three of them again – Lucas in the middle, Isak and Even sandwiching him, soothed him, cuddled him, whispering “we love you”, “we’re here”, “sleep now, sweetheart” – and finally Lucas fell asleep. And so did Isak and Even to, fingers intertwined on top of Lucas, holding him safe and comforting each other. 


	4. Monday - seeing Kriss and Anna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even and Isak sees Evens therapist Kriss and Anna.
> 
> Changing beetween Evens and Isaks pov in this Chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok.... 
> 
> I've no experience what so ever with appointments with a therapist, so that part is just how I think it might have been. Bare with me. 
> 
> As for the meeting with Anna - some of it might have happend - for real. 
> 
> And please. Be gentle with me, I'm still learning.

Even was the first to wake up Monday. He looked at the two boys fast asleep in the bed. The two most precious human beings he knew. He still couldn’t believe how lucky he was, and he still couldn’t understand how deep he could love another person. Neither Lucas or Isak. It was a deep love nobody had told him about. He loved them both so much, and it hurt to think that Lucas wouldn’t live with them anymore. It hurt so bad he didn’t know how to deal with it. He was afraid something would happen, and he didn’t know what to do. Even walked into the bathroom and took his medication. He almost never forgot anymore. And if he did – three times the last ten years – he always told Isak, and he talked with his therapist at once. But now he felt like he really had to talk to Kriss. Today. He sent a message.

**Kriss (th) 06:55**

_“Hey Kriss. Sorry to bother you so early in the morning.”_

_“Ruff time at home. The trial about Lucas didn’t go our way.”_

_“He’s supposed to move back home, but something has come up about him.”_

_“Can I see you today? I need to sort things out.”_

_“Even”_

Even walked into the kitchen and started breakfast. Coffee for him and Isak, pancakes for the three of them. And blueberries. And raspberries. And orangejuice for Lucas. He set the table, put the bowl with the batter for pancakes by the cocking top and the frying pan ready before he headed for the bedroom to wake the two boys. He didn’t get there before his phone went off.

**Kriss (th) 07:10**

_“Hey Even”._

_“I’ve got time 10:30 if you’d like.”_

_“I’ll be there”_

_“Your medication ok?_

_“Yes. I’m all good. Not missed one in three years”_

_“Good. Sleeping?”_

_“Kind of bad since last Tuesday”_

_“It was the day of the trial. Decent night sleep Saturday to Sunday. 7 hours –_

_the rest about 3-6, 6 at most.”_

_“Tonight?”_

_“2330-0130, and 0330-0645”_

_“Lucas had a nightmare”_

_“Ok. Not too bad.”_

_“Meals?”_

_“Good boy”_

_“Very good, Even.”_

_“See you later today. Take care.”_

_“Say hi to Isak from me”_

_“I will.”_

_“Can he come if he wants?”_

_“It’s up to you. Sounds like a good idea.”_

_“Thanks”_

_“See you”_

 

Even put his phone away and went into the bedroom. He laid down beside Lucas and run his fingers through the little boy’s hair and said.

“Hey, sleepyhead, time to wake up. School today!”

Lucas pulled his pillow over his head and murmured. Just like Isak, Even thought and smiled. He pushed Isak’s shoulder and leaned over to give him a kiss, and Isak did just the same as Lucas. Murmured and pulled his pillow over his head. Even laughed to himself. Even bounced on the bed. Laughing

“Hey, sleepyheads. It’s time to get up!”

“Noooo” Lucas grunted

“Eeeeeven, stop!” Isak almost shouted into his pillow.

“But you guys have to get up. School and work today, and I’ve got pancake batter in the kitchen”

Lucas jumped up and grinned. “Pancakes? For breakfast? I’m up! First to the bathroom, Isak!”

Even laughed. Nudged Isak who was still under his duvet, head buried under his pillow.

“That’s a good boy. Fresh clothes on the dresser, Lucas. Remember to brush your teeth thoroughly! Isak you have to get up, baby!” even said – the last with love and _“sorry I have to wake you, but you really have to get out of bed”_ \- in his voice.

“Hmmmm, I know. I’ll be there in a minute” Isak mumbled.

“Good. By the way. I texted Kriss when I woke up today. I’m going to see him at 1030. Wanna come?”

Isak opened his eyes and threw his pillow on Evens side of the bed, sat up and looked at Even with a slightly worried expression.

“Why?”

Even smiled at him – moved against him and sat beside him in the bed, put his hand on his cheek and caressed it with his thumb.

“Just a precaution. I feel ok, but at the same time this is heavy stuff we’re dealing with. I would really like you to come. Maybe you need to talk to Kriss too?”

“Yeah – sounds like a good idea. You’re so smart, Even.”

“I know” Even replied with a grin. “The smartest.”

They kissed, and Isak put his arms around Evens waist, pulled him in. “I love you” Isak said into Evens mouth. Even smiled and held Isak even tighter. “Love you too”.

Lucas suddenly bounced up in their bed. “Me too, me too”

They smiled at each other, put Lucas in-between them and held him tight. “We love you so much, Lucas” Even said and kissed his hair.

**Monday 08:30**

They drove Lucas to school together, and Isak followed him inside, and got hold of his teacher and gave him a short notice of what had happened this weekend. The teacher thanked him for the information, and said that he would give them a call if Lucas had abnormal behavior during the day.

Isak and Even had a good relationship with Lucas teacher, and he was earlier fully informed about Lucas history. Isak walked back to the car, debating with himself if he should go to work or not. He had called them Wednesday and said that he probably would be absent for two weeks due to family crises, but he felt like he should stop by and talk with his boss and colleagues. He got out of his thoughts when he sat in the car, and noticed that Even talked to someone at the phone. 

“Yeah” Even said. “Yeah, we can make it to 0915, but we have an other appointment at 1030. . (…) Yes, he’s at school. Isak just came into the car after speaking to Lucas’ teacher. (…) Just to inform him about the weekend, and that Lucas had a rough night. (…) Nightmare. (…) We hardly got him to wake up. I actually filmed the whole incident. (…) Yes, you can watch it when we’re at your office. (..) Ok. Bye.”

“Anna”? Isak asked.

“Yes. She was the one who called. She wondered how the weekend was, and I told her some of it. She wants us in her office about 0915. We can make it and to Kriss at 1030. I can text him that we may be five minutes late”

“Ok. Let’s go” Isak said, leaning in for a quick kiss. He got it. He then called his boss and talked to him and explained the situation. His boss understood the situation, and told him to take all the time he needed, and didn’t expect him back at work earliest next Monday.

Even drove steadily to Annas office. They were lucky to get a parking spot just outside the building, and walked into the landscape of offices, knew exactly where they should go. Anna was waiting. They got a cup of coffee and a hug each, and sat down with Anna.

Even started, told Anna his share of the history – from Friday night and to the point that he had left Lucas with his mother. (Not mentioning Liv spying. He didn’t think that Anna would consider that a clever idea.)

Isak continued from when they picked Lucas up. Both the reaction to Even and him when they arrived, that Lucas didn’t want to say properly goodbye to his mum, and the conversation in the car. Isak referred to it himself, but also told Anna that he had it recorded on his phone. Then they told about the oatmeal-dinner, and finally the nightmare. They showed Anna the film in Evens phone. Isak saw the reaction in Anna’s eyes – she didn’t like it at all. Anna gave Even his phone back, looked down at her desk and spoke.

“Ok. This is definitely not good for Lucas. I’m not sure what to do, but I’m going to do something. I saw Lucas reaction at your place last Wednesday when the lady for social services was at yours to tell him that he was going to move back to his mother, but I really didn’t imagine that it would be this bad. And I actually did not know about him being locked up before he was taken away from her. I definitely should have known that. – Maybe I didn’t know because I’ve not been on Lucas’ case since the beginning – I don’t know. But I still don’t understand why the judges in the trial said their verdict as they did. I know her lawyer is a very good one, and she has received treatment, and she is - according to the lawyer – coping very well – and have been the last 18 months. She’s got a lot of documents showing progress.  She’s seeing a therapist and she’s on medication and she’s committed to still see her therapist for at least a year and she has to take counseling at home when – or may I say – **_if_** – Lucas stays with her.”

“What should we do?” Isak asked, his voice was trembling because of the last sentence. “ _Lucas stays with her”_.                                                                                              

“Exactly what you are doing and have done the last days. Be there for Lucas. Talk to him, love him and if you get any “incidents” – record it.

“So we haven’t done anything wrong?” Even asked, voice also trembling.

“No, not at all. You are doing what is best for Lucas. And I’m on your side, guys. I think the judges were all wrong. Lucas should stay with you two. He’s had an amazing development living with you. From a scared, hurt, terrified, silent, shy and sad boy, to a boy full of life, chatterbox, smiling, happy, loving and lively. Your love for that boy have made miracles, and he deserves to be with you.”

“Thanks, Anna. Those words mean a lot” Isak said, his throat was full of lumps, he was on the edge of crying again – He reached out for Evens hand, found it and squeezed it.

“We’ve done what we’ve thought was the best for him, and we can see that he was in a good place before Tuesday last week. But he wasn’t yesterday. And he wasn’t Wednesday. And not Friday either” Even continued when Isak couldn’t speak anymore. “But we would like to get him there again. But that will not happen if he has to move back to his mother. I’m afraid that just one more weekend may destroy so much of what he has achieved.”

“I agree” Anna said. “But I can’t promise you anything. But I’m going to fight for you. I have people I can talk to, and I will. But I can’t do that if you guys are hanging in my office…”

Even smiled at her, stood up and pulled Isak out of his chair.

“We’d better go then. Call us, Anna. Please”

“I will. Take care. And say hi to Lucas for me, please. And tell him that it’s not me that decided that he should move back to his mother.”

“He knows” Isak said. “We’ve already told him”.

Anna smiled and walked them to the door. As she turned her back to them, and they were about to walk out of the office landscape, Isak just remembered one thing.

“Hey, Anna. Forgot something Lucas said. When we were about to leave his mum yesterday, and he had said “good bye” and I turned around to walk down the hall. He mumbled in my neck “I’ll be sick on Friday”. Do you think he’ll try to be sick?”

“I don’t know, Isak. You and Even know him a lot better than me”.

“But you know if six-year-old can be sick on purpose?”

“Actually, there is a few that can.”

“We’ll see then. Bye”

Isak and Even walked out of the building and got into their car. They would get to Kriss on time, and Even wasn’t shaking anymore, and Isak’s voice wasn’t trembling. Even leaned in for a kiss, and Isak gave him a deep one.

“Love you” Even said.

“Love you too” Isak answered.

Even started the car and drove to Kriss’ office.

**Monday 1030**

Kriss was waiting for them, and Even felt that he actually was a bit nervous. He hadn’t been nervous meeting Kriss since his first appointment with him nine years ago. Strange. Isak didn’t seem nervous. He had come with him to Kriss several times before, both when he had bad periods, but also on their scheduled monthly appointment –  the first Monday in every month, at 0900. That was his time. Isak had come with him in April, because of the small episode he had in the last week of March.

But now he was here, nervous, sweat in his hands and his heart pumping.

“Hey, Even. Good to see you. You look good.” Kriss gave him a hug. “Oh, you’re tens today, Even. Isak, nice to see you to.” He gave Isak a hug too.

“Yeah”, Even said. “I’m nervous – don’t know why, and I’m all sweaty, shaking, and my hearts pump like hell”.

“I see” Kriss said. “Sit down, please.”

They sat down on the couch. Isak took Evens hand, and looked straight at him, and his eyes said “I’m here”, Even squeezed his hand.

“Can you please tell me what the story is – I didn’t get the whole story from your texts this morning, but I understand it’s got something to do with Lucas and a trial?

Even cleared his voice before speaking.

“Yes. There was a trial last Tuesday – a week ago tomorrow, and the judges decided that Lucas is going to move back home with his mother the 5th of October, and the process has already started, he slept there this weekend from Saturday to Sunday, and it didn’t go well, to be honest”

“How?” Kriss asked.

And Even told him about the delivery at Saturday, he told about his mother spying, he told him about the pick-up, about Lucas’ conversation with Isak in the car, the oatmeal-dinner, and the nightmare. And he told Kriss about the conversations with Anna and the meeting with the lady from the social services.

Kriss listened and wrote some notes. 

When Even was done talking, he sank together, as he was a balloon the air was let out of. Isak grabbed his hand tight and looked at him. Even looked back and sighed.

“So”, Kriss said. “This is really heavy stuff. I can see that you are both scared and angry, but also full of love and concern for what’s going to happen to Lucas. But first of all, Even. You said in your text this morning that you had something you needed to sort out. What?”

Even looked at him and needed a while to understand the question. “What? Isn’t that obvious?” But then he thought some more about it and continued;

“It’s so much going on, and I don’t have control and neither does Isak, and that’s fucking hard to deal with.” Even burst. “Isak use to have control and that means that I’m in control, and when we lose it, I feel like I floating away – not from Isak and Lucas, but from myself. And I feel like I’m slipping, and when I slip….” he stop talking.

Isak looked at Even while he spoke, and he nodded, shook his head and nodded again.

“I can’t see any sign that you are slipping, Even” Kriss said. “Not one single one. Do you Isak?”

“No” Isak said, “I don’t, but I can feel what Even feels. I’ve got it the same way. No controll, feel that I’m slipping – but for other reasons than Even.”

“Ok, we can talk about that later on, Isak. Ok?”

“Ok”

“Back to you Even. Sometimes you can’t be in control – and I’m sorry, but we can’t do anything about that. But you have to take control over the things you can. Your life with Isak?

“Good. We’re really good. We talk a lot, we spend a lot of time together, we go to work, spend time with friends, shop normal, sleep normal – except for the last week – we eat regular, we have normal amount of sex, we have a lot of cuddle, we do not drink beer often – maybe one beer a week for me and some more for Isak. We don’t smoke.”

“Really good boys.” Kriss smiles. “Number one clients I’ll say.” Smiling again, and Even smiles back at him. It hasn’t always been like this, not before Lucas. And definitely not before Isak. But now, Even is normally in a good place, in a good routine and in control. But it doesn’t feel like that right now.

“How is your life with Lucas?”

Even smiles when he thinks about the little boy.

“Wonderful. He’s such a great boy. He smiles, he laughs, he’s a real chatterbox, a million questions, he’s a bundle of hugs and kisses, he’s so affectionate, throws himself around our necks, hugs, kisses. He sometimes tests our boundaries, but hey, he’s six, and we’re more stubborn than him yet.”

“I can see that you both love that boy very much” Kriss says, looking at both Even and Isak as Even speaks. Even looks to Isak too, and can see the smile on Isak’s face when he talks about Lucas.

“Yes, we do. And that makes it so hard to think about him moving away from us”.

“Well, you have to make the best out of the days you’re going to be with him this week. Take it slow, enjoy the company with him, cuddle, make it happy memories for that boy. But don’t spoil him – no good comes out of spoiled children. And do the heavy work when he’s at school. Do you have classes this week, Even?”

“Yes, I have mediastudents at Wednesday from 0800-1200, and filmhistory at Thursday 1200-1500. Others just research for my dissertation”.

“Ok. Kriss said. Can you cope?”

“Yes, I can.”

“Can you, Isak?”

“I guess” Isak hesitated a bit before he spoke.

“Do you work this week?”

“No, I have leave until next Monday.”

“You shouldn’t go to work until this is over, Isak. After 5th of Octorber, or if you got the boy back to you.”

“Do you think we will?”

“I say there may be a chance.”

Even looked at Isak and smiled a tiny smile, he saw hope in Isak’s eyes and wish he could promise him that it was going to be alright.

“I can give you both a sick-leave for next week. Even you do your classes this week, and Isak stay home, or talk to Anna, or Sana, visit Liv and Anders, join Even at UNI or something.”

Even looked at Isak. Isak nodded, and cleaned his throat.

“I think that’s a good idea.”

Even nodded. “Me to.”

“Ok” Kriss said. “I’ll get the paperwork sorted out. But Isak. Even mentioned that you’ve got something on your mind too. Wanna talk about it?”

Isak hesitated. Even knew he was hesitantly because it was his appointment, and he didn’t want to interrupt or take advantages of Kriss when he was Evens therapist. But Even wanted Isak to be good too.

“It’s ok, Isak” Even said. “I’m sharing Kriss with you”. Kriss smiled at Isak and nodded.

Isak looked at Even, then at Kriss and so he spoke.

“Well, I’m comparing Lucas story to my own, and I see a lot of similarities to my own childhood, and I know – or at least think I know – what’s going to happen to him if he has to go back to his mum, and I can’t handle it very well. I couldn’t be there at Saturday when Lucas should stay with his mother. I ran away to Liv and Anders cabin. I couldn’t be there for our boy. I couldn’t leave him there. I left Even to deal with the hard bit, and I feel so bad about it, but I really couldn’t. And I already feel sick thinking about leaving Lucas there Friday. I’m a fucked up nutcase who can’t get my life on track when something comes up. I’m a coward. I’m a complete mess”

Kriss nodded and looked at Isak for a while.

“It’s naturally that you are afraid and that you feel you can’t handle it. Your story is severe, and I can totally understand that you are comparing your story to Lucas. But you are not a coward, Isak. It’s you that’s judging yourself, and you are the hardest judge – because nobody else sees you like you do.”

Even looked at Isak. He was utterly broken, and Even could feel the tears pressing in the back of his eyes. His wonderfull, loving, caring and strong Isak sat beside him and talked himself down. It hurt so much. Even grabbed Isaks hand and squeezed it. Kriss coninued:

“Who was there when you picked Lucas up Sunday?

“Me”, Isak stottered.  “But…”

“Who was there at dinner yesterday?”

“Me..”

“Who texted Sana yesterday, spoke to here, asked for advices?”

“Me… and Even.”

“Who sat by Lucas side tonight when the nightmare struck, and who comforted him and soothed him back to sleep?”

“Me” Isak had tears in his eyes, and his voice shivered.

“Who spoke with Lucas teacher today?”

“Me” the tears fell down his cheeks.

“And finally – who came here with Even today?

“Me”

“To me that’s not a coward. That’s not a fucked up man. That’s not someone who’s a mess. That’s a strong, confident man, a husband, a father, a loving person who struggles with a very heavy childhood history and is having a really hard time.”

Even looked at Isak while the tears fell down both their faces. He put his arms around Isak and held him tight. Whispered into his ear

“I’m so proud of you Isak. And I love you”.

Isak looked at him and blinked the tears away, continued

“But I’m making it even harder for you Even.”

“No, you’re not, Isak. We’re in this together. You’re not making it harder for me, you make it easier for me to cope, and I want you to feel the same thing. If you only could see that together we’ll make it easier for each other. Not easy. It’s not going to be easy no matter how it ends, but together it will be easier for us both.”

“Evens got a good point there, Isak.” Kriss said.

“I’ve seen you to many times, Kriss” Even said. “I’ve learned a lot”.

Kriss smiled at them and continued, “Yes, Even. You’re doing great, and I doubt that you’re going to have neither an manic episode nor an depressive one at this point. You seem to be in a good place despite the hard time you’re going through.”

“Ok” Even said. Watched Isak dry his tears, clearing his throat.

“Thanks” Isak said. “I guess I’m not as fucked up as I thought.”

“No, you’re not, Isak” Kriss said. “But you have your history to deal with and it’s hard to meet someone with the same history, especially when that somebody is a small child that you care for.”

“Yeah. It hurts so fucking much.”

“I understand. But use the forces in you – and in the both of you – to make Lucas feel the love. Make him strong for what may come. And maybe he don’t need it after all – but love is never wasted. A child can never get too much love. Never.”

“I guess” Isak said.

Even looked at him again. Saw that he was prosessing what Kriss said, saw that he tried to believe that it was the truth. He looked up at Even, the green eyes had a new light, a light that he had seen so many times before, but that had been gone for some days. It was love, it was the will to fight, it was the will to stand up and go for it. And Even loved it.

“I want you both to come back in a week. Next Monday at the same time. No matter what happens. Ok?”

“Ok” Even said. “We’ll be here. Thanks Kriss.”

“You’re very welcome, Even. Take care of each other and that little wonderful boy you’ve got”.

“We will” Isak said. “Thanks Kriss.”

Even took Isaks hand as they left Kriss’ office. When they got outside, Isak stopped for a hug. Even put his arms around the younger man’s shoulders and held him tight, smelled his hair, it smelled so good. It smelled Isak. Even was filled with love and he just wanted them to stay like that forever. Safe in each other’s embraces, held by the man of his dreams. His one true love.

“Should we grab some lunch before we pick Lucas up at school?” Isak asked after what felt like a long while. Even got back to present time.

“Yeah. KB?”

“Yeah. KB.”


	5. Monday - at Anders and Livs, and another nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner at Evens parents, and another nightmare

**Monday 13:30**

Isak flinched as his phone went off when they got back to the car after eating at KB. He reached into his pocket and took it out. It was Liv. He sighed relieved.  

“What” Even asked.

“Nothing. It’s your Mum. Wanna speak to her?”

“Sure” Even said, and got the phone from Isak. “Hey mum!” he said.

“Yeah, sorry about that. I turned it off when we saw Kriss this morning and forgot to turn it back on. (…) Yeah, we both did. It was good. We’re going on sick-leave the next week. (…) No I’m teaching my two classes this week, and then sick-leave next. Isak is on leave already, and the next week too. (…) He’s as good as he can be. He’s at school”

Isaks thoughts drifted of as Even spoke with his mother. He was back to the day he first met Liv. He was so nervous. It was the day after the Kosegruppa Christmasparty in 2016, Even was on his way out of his depressive period after his manic episode at Plaza. Isak was so in love, and wanted to do what he could to make Even feel good again. Isak could still feel the butterflies in his stomach when he thought of it: the moment Even came into the kitchen at Kollektivet that night before he met Liv. How his legs almost didn’t carry him when Even said that Liv wanted them to come over the next day and how he trembled, sweated and was out of breath the next day when they walked up the stairs to Evens parents flat, knowing that this time Liv was going to be there. And Anders too.

But it was a waste of energy to be nervous. Liv and Anders was the most beautiful, fantastic people, and Isak couldn’t had asked for better in-laws. They were supportive, loving, demanding when necessary, asked the right questions, truly cared both for Even and him, and they had very soon started treating Isak as their own son. And Isak loved it. Absolutely loved it.

From being alone at 16, hiding in the basement of Kollektivet - to have a new set of parents at 17– it was a huge change, but a very good and welcomed change. Before he met Liv and Anders he rarely had experienced the joy of having a normal conversation with an adult who cared about him, not only wanting to lecture him, not telling him that God would come and doom him because he was a sinner (not because he was gay, but because every man was a sinner in his mother’s opinion). He never had parents that loved him unconditionally, parents that were there for him – because of who he was – at any time. Parents that hung his assignments on the fridge, who told him off when necessary, who told him “no”, and then explained why, who asked him “why or why not” and explained him “why or why not” if he didn’t know.

He wanted that for Lucas. He wanted to be that person for Lucas. Together with Even he wanted them to be the parents he didn’t get himself at three, six, eleven, fifteen. But he got it at 17 – he got Liv and Anders as a bonus of loving Even – and that could have been too late, but fortunately it wasn’t. After telling her his whole childhood story, Liv had called him a “dandelion-child” – a child that’s so strong it survives everything – like the dandelion.

But even if it was so – he still had a hard time believe it himself – he was not invulnerable. He had so many scars. Yes, they were healing – yet after 12 years with Even – and together with Even, Liv and Anders, the scars were healing. But sometimes, like now, they were open and bleeding again, and he sometimes – like before the appointment with Kriss – felt that they couldn’t heal – ever – that he wasn’t good enough, that he was a failure, that he was a mess – but he wasn’t. He had to try to believe it. He had to believe that he was good enough.

Isak got back to the car again when Even nudged his arm.

“What do you think of that?” Even asked.

“What – sorry, thoughts another place. What did you say?

“Dinner at Mum and Dad tonight – after we pick Lucas up from school?”

“Sure”, Isak said smiling. Lucas loved Liv and Anders. He called them grandma and grandpa because Evens niece and nephew did, and Liv and Anders liked that very much, loved their bonus-grandson so much and didn’t know what good they could do for him.

“We’re coming, mum Right after we pick him up? Don’t want it to be too late. He’s got school tomorrow you know. (..) Ok.(…) Fine, see you. Bye.”

 

“Guess someone’s going to be a happy boy now”, Even said when he ended his conversation with Liv.

“Yeah. Not strange when you think of it.  They’re the best. And they spoil him a lot” Isak smiled.

“I know. I’ve tried to tell mum, but I think she becomes temporarily deaf or something when the “you-spoil-our-kid” is the subject of our conversation.”

“I’ve noticed” Isak hummed.

“Where were you when I talked to my mum?

“Hmm?” Isak looked at Even and didn’t understand the question at once.

“You were lost in your mind I think. Where were you?

“Oh, I was back when I first met Liv and Anders, and I was thinking of how much they mean to me and how much they’ve helped me – us – since we met. They are wonderful people. You are so lucky to have such great parents. No wonder you are so great!”

“I know. They are the best – I really do appreciate them. But hey, they consider you as their other son, you know that. I bet if we had broken up, you still had been considered as that.”

“God forbid”

“Huh?”

“God forbid we break up”

“Oh, of course. It was just a picture of how much they care about and love you!”

“I know. I’m the lucky one… But you have to start driving – Lucas school day is over in fifteen minutes. I don’t want him to wait for us. We can wait for him.”

“Sure. Buckle up love.”

Isak looked at Even as he parked the car outside Lucas’ schoolyard. There weren’t any kids out yet to Isak’s relief. His fear was that Lucas was in the schoolyard alone thinking that they had abandoned him. As he was, all those years ago, 24 years to be specific. Six years old and all alone in the schoolyard. Nobody came. He waited and waited, and in the end when all the mums, dads, big brothers and sisters had left, and the yard was empty, he had to go home all by himself. It was scary, it was getting darker outside, it was lonely, it was…

He heard the bell rang, and after a minute or two, the schoolyard was filled with kids. He got out of the car, searching for Lucas, and when he saw him, he smiled widely. Because Lucas came out of the door side by side with his best friend Marcus and they chatted lively and smiled widely at each other. When Lucas spotted Isak he waved and shouted:

“Hey, Isak. Can Marcus come to ours today, please?”

“Oh, that would be very nice, but we’re not going home, we’re going to grandma Liv and grandpa Anders for dinner. Sorry Marcus. Maybe tomorrow if you’re free and mum and dad says it’s ok?

“Why can’t Marcus come to grandma and grandpa?” Lucas asked.

“Because it might be late, and I think grandma and grandpa would want you all by themselves” – Isak smiled at Lucas.

“Ok. But, please Isak. Text Marcus’ mum about tomorrow at once?”

“Why don’t you guys run over and ask her yourself? She’s right over there” Isak pointed at Marcus’ mum who was parked on the other side of the parking lot.

“Lucas – come” Marcus said. As the boys run off, Even got out of the car, questioning the situation.

“They’re going to ask Eva if Marcus can come to ours tomorrow after school.” Isak explained.

“Oh. Should we go over and say “hi”?”

“Probably” Isak said. Even took his hand and they went over to Eva.

“Hey” Eva greeted. “Lucas just invited Marcus over tomorrow – that’s ok with you guys?”

“Hey, Eva.” Isak gave her a hug “It was my suggestion. They wanted it to be today, but we’re going to dinner at Evens parents so today wasn’t a good time. But tomorrow is. Hey boys! Why don’t you run along and play in the schoolyard, we’re just going to talk to Eva for a bit!”

“Okay” the boys said, and run along.

“How are you guys coping?” Eva asked, giving Even a hug too.

“Oh, we’re hanging in there” Even answered. “We had a meeting with our counselor at the child services today. Some stories that came up after the weekend that we needed to share with her.”

“Seriously?” Eva stared at him. “What happened?”

“We don’t want to tell to much yet, but let’s say that Lucas didn’t have the best weekend, and it ended with a nightmare about something he had experienced before he came to ours.” Isak explained

“Shitt” Eva said. “I haven’t told Marcus anything yet, but what do I say if Lucas has told him?

“I don’t think that will be an issue” Even said. “Because Lucas hated the weekend, and he don’t want to go back on Friday. I think he kind of displaces it.”

“Ok. But what if?” Eva asked again.

“Tell him the judges have decided that Lucas is going to live with his mother again, and that it’s the judges’ decision, and that Even and I would love to have him living with us, but it’s not our decision to make. And that we love Lucas very much, and are very sad that he is leaving. That’s what we’ve told Lucas too.”

“Ok. I can’t believe this is happening.” Eva blurred out.

“We neither” Even said. “It is rough. But we’ve not given up yet. We’re fighting for our little man”

“Didn’t doubt that” Eva smiled.

“Well, we better get going. Mum and dad wanted so much time as possible with Lucas today.” Even said. “But why don’t you and Jonas – and of course Bea – come over for dinner tomorrow – Marcus will be at ours anyway – so I can cook for all of us?”

“Sure you’re up for that?” Eva asks – looking from Even to Isak and back to Isak.

“Yeah – it gets our minds off the topic for a while” Isak said.

“Ok. We’ll be there” Eva gave them a hug. “Take care.”

“We will.” Isak said. “Hey! Lucas! We’re leaving for grandma and grandpa!”

“Coming! By Marcus. See you tomorrow!”

“Bye, Lucas. See you!”

They walked over to their car, Lucas between Even and Isak, holding both their hands, bouncing and chatting about his day in school and how he looked forward to seeing grandma and grandpa. Isak looked over to Even, and saw it in his eyes too. They just had to fix this. They just had to. For Lucas and for them.

 

 

**Monday 1500**

Lucas couldn’t wait for Isak and Even to get out of the car when they parked outside Liv and Anders house. He flung the car door open and run to the front door which Liv – as usually – had left open. They saw Liv enter the hallway and Lucas flung himself to her, she picking him up in her arms and they swung around, laughing and smiling. Anders came into the hallway too, and Lucas got the same big hug of him, and a ride on Anders shoulders.

Isak smiled to Even, and they both knew what the other one though, no need to say it out loud again.  _“How can we allow this boy to be ripped out of all this environment of love.”_ They got out of the car, and was met by Liv, Anders and an excited Lucas on the tram.

“Hey my precious boys. So nice to see you again” Liv praised. Even grinned, hugged his mother and said with an overbearing voice “I saw you Saturday, mum, it’s not like we’ve been away from ages”

“Wasn’t talking to you, Even.” She glanced at him, an overbearing look, still full of love and teas, “I was talking to my wonderful second son. So nice to see you Isak”

Isak smiled and giggled, wrapped Liv up in a tight hug “Nice to see you too, Liv. Always nice to come here” He looked at Even with a big grin on his face, and Even stared back, rolling his eyes.

“I knew you love him more than me” he played hurt

“Of course they do” Isak replied “I’m so lovable”

“But they love me the most” Lucas shouted, after he had watched the playful battering between Even, Isak and Liv.

“Of course we do” Liv said, and lifted the boy back up in her arms. They all started laughing when they saw Lucas rolling his eyes like Even just did, and like Isak used to do. “But come in boys – all three of you, witch we love equally much – and we’ll make dinner!”

They made dinner together – all five of them. That is, Liv and Even made dinner, Anders, Isak and Lucas watched, talked, fooled around, but they were all together in the big kitchen and it felt good. Isak loved the atmosphere, the house filled with love, loved spending time with Anders and Liv. When it was all settled, and they just had to wait for the food to get finished, Anders took Lucas out in the garden to play for a bit. Liv, Even and Isak sat down by the big kitchen table, and Liv looked seriously at them.

“How’s everything going?” she asked.

“We’re coping.” Even said. And continued to tell Liv about everything that had happened since they picked Lucas up at his mums yesterday until they parked outside. Isak watched Liv’s reactions during Evens monologue, both the smiles when something funny happened, but also the tears in her eyes, the anger in her face, the despair, the devastation and the love. When Even was finished Liv sat there all quiet. She took a deep breath, and tried to say something, but she couldn’t. The tears ran silence down her cheeks, and she couldn’t speak. Isak put her arms around her, and Even came to sit on the other side and put his arms around her mother too.

“It’s just not fair” she sniffed.

“I know. It’s not” Isak said. “But we’re not giving up. We’re fighting this battle, and maybe we’ll lose – All mighty powers in the world forbid – but then we know that we’ve fought as hard as we can.”

The rest of the evening was pleasant and calm. They didn’t bring the subject of Lucas moving up again, Liv ensured the boys that she would fill Anders in on everything later. Food was great, Lucas got ice-cream for dessert after waving his brown beautiful eyes at Liv for just a moment, and Isak and Even had some coffee and tea before they left. \-- The little family came home just in time for Lucas’ bath, and with a yawn and a sigh he got into the tub, and played for some minutes before he asked politely if he pleas could go to bed. Even and Isak looked at each other and shook their head. That had never ever happened before.

As they were in the bathroom, Even toweling Lucas, he looked at Isak and asked quietly. “Isak, can I please sleep at grandma and grandpa this weekend?”

Isak froze. Looked hasty at Even – didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to ruin Lucas nice day and evening by saying that he was supposed to be with his mother this weekend too, and he couldn’t say yes, because – well Lucas couldn’t. And he couldn’t say no, because.. Even saved him;

“Hey big guy. Grandma and grandpa are going to London this weekend, so sorry. Can’t do it.”

“Oh. But it’s been so long since I slept there. I miss them” Lucas looked at Even with the usually big brown eyes, and Isak knew that Lucas did that on purpose. Making Even feel bad for him.

“I know, sweetheart” Even said. “Maybe you could sleep there before they go to London? What do you say Isak, Wednesday to Thursday maybe? Grandma can drive you to school?”

“Sleepover at a school night? Are you crazy, Even?” Lucas’ eyes were wide and he looked thunderstruck. The rule was clear; no sleepovers at school nights, or kinder garden nights.

Isak giggled at Lucas’ first comment about Even, Even saw and heard and rolled his eyes at Isak, who continued;

“No sleepover at school nights is at friends’ houses. You’ve slept at grandma and grandpa on kindergarden nights before – remember when Even and I was at that meeting in Paris this spring, with my job? Then you slept at grandma and grandpa from Wednesday to Saturday.” Isak explained.

“Oh, yeah.” He saw how Lucas slowly remembered “I got Nutell-sandwich for breakfast every day” he giggled.

“Ok – no sleepover at them for you, mister” Even said, tickling Lucas belly.

“Please, Even. Can I ask them now? I can call them with your phone”

“Ok, sweetie.” Even handed him the phone, Lucas easily found Liv’s number and called.

“Hey Grandma, its Lucas. (…) Yeah, I’m going to bed now, I just wanted to ask you something. Can I sleep at yours and grandpas from Wednesday to Thursday? (…) Yes, they said it was ok because you and grandpa are going to London this weekend,” Even froze – and Isak suddenly understood that there were no London-trip that he hadn’t heard about – Even made that up so it would be easier to avoid the topic of Lucas going to his mum. Isak held his breath with Even, praying for Liv to understand the lie. “and I wanted to sleep at yours then. (..) I can. (…) Yess! You are the best, grandma! See you Wednesday. Love you!” He gave Evens phone back, and smiled as wide as only Lucas could “She said yes. She’s picking me up at school!”

“Lucky boy” Even said as his phone went off – saying there was a text. Isak knew that it was Liv – and Even did to. He smiled at Isak, and Isak rolled his eyes, but smiled too. “But now it’s bedtime, young man. Off you go!” Lucas giggled as Even tried to tickle him again, and he run into his bedroom and jumped in his bed.

“Which story?” Isak asked.

“None” Lucas said. “Can you sing instead, please?”

“Sure”, Isak said. “Can I lie beside you? And what do you want me to sing?”

Lucas made space for Isak, Even also came in, but sat down on the floor beside Isak instead of squeezing three people together in the small bed.

“Can you sing “Til Kingdom comes”?”

“Coldplay again little man? Think you are the biggest Coldplayfan aged six.” Even laughed.

Ever since Anders and Liv had introduced Lucas to the music of Coldplay, there was no other music Lucas wanted to listen to or sing. He’d forced Anders to teach him the words and the meanings of the lyrics, and Lucas loved them. He had looked at Even with his big brown eyes and begged him to sing the song accompanied with his guitar, so Even just had to practice and learn the songs – especially Lucas favorites – as “Til Kingdom Comes” and “Fix you”.  And as Even and Lucas had played and sung the songs, Isak had also learned them, and the two adults also grew to love the songs – because of Lucas.

“Til Kingdom comes it is” Isak said.

 

_Steal my heart and hold my tongue._

_I_ _feel my time, my time has come._

_Let me in, unlock the door._

_I've never felt this way before._

 

_The wheels just keep on turning,_

_The drummer begins to drum,_

_I don't know which way I'm going,_

_I don't know which way I've come._

 

_Hold my head inside your hands,_

_I need someone who understands._

_I need someone, someone who hears,_

_For you, I've waited all these years._

 

 _For you, I'd wait 'til kingdom come._ _U_

_ntil my day, my day is done._

_And say you'll come, and set me free,_

_Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me._

 

_In your tears and in your blood,_

_In your fire and in your flood,_

_I hear you laugh, I heard you sing,_

_"I wouldn't change a single thing."_

 

_The wheels just keep on turning,_

_The drummers begin to drum,_

_I don't know which way I'm going,_

_I don't know what I've become._

 

_For you, I'd wait 'til kingdom come,_

_Until my days, my days are done._

_Say you'll come and set me free,_

_Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me._

_Just say you'll wait,_ _you'll wait for me._

_Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me._

 

“Will you wait for me?” Lucas asked almost asleep when Isak was done singing.

“What do you mean sweetheart?” Isak didn’t get it right away.

“When I move back to mum. Will you wait for me till I come back? Because I will. I will come back to you and Even. I love you” he said, curling up about to fall to sleep. 

“I love you too” Isak said, holding his tears back for the millionth time the last week. “And I will wait for you”. He kissed Lucas on his forehead, and Even stood up and kissed it too mumbling “me too” in the kiss, took Isak’s hand and led him out of the bedroom.

“Bed?” Even asked when they got out of Lucas bedroom.

“Bed” Isak said. “But maybe you should answer your mothers text first?”

“Will do in bed – together with you.”

They brushed their teeth together, Isak took a quick shower and they cuddled up in bed. Even on his back, Isak tucked in to his side, his head on evens chest, one leg over Evens thigh, hand over his stomach, caressing his stomach and chest. Even stroke Isak’s hair and back with one hand, and held his phone in the other, and opened the message from Liv.

**Mum <3 20:35**

_“Okay boys, so we’re going to London this weekend, warn an old lady next time, please.”_

_“Sorry Mum!”_

_“A hasty lie to avoid talking about Lucas going to his mum this weekend.”_

_“I figured that out – and you’re lucky I’m such a smart old lady”_

_“I know. You’re the smartest.”_

_“That’s why I’m so smart.”_

_“Isak is the smart one, Even. You’re the artist.”_

Isak giggled at that message. Even rolled his Eyes.

_“I’m hurt. My own mother”_

_“You’ll live”_

_“But how’s the little man?”_

_“Isak’s fine”_

Isak pushed Evens side and Even giggled and tickled Isak back.

_“That’s very nice, but I was talking about Lucas”_

_“I knew – just had to”_

_“He’s fast asleep. Made Isak sing “Til Kingdom come” on the bedside.”_

_“Oh, that boy. Just have to love him. Coldplay!”_

_“It’s dad and your’s fault”_

_“But after Isak was done, he asked if we would wait.”_

_“Wait for what?”_

_“Wait for him to come back when he moves to his mother”_

_“Because that’s his plan. To come back”_

_“Oh, my God. Poor boy. I think I’ve got to play that song now.”_

_“You should.”_ _“But be prepared with tissues. You’re going to need a lot.”_

_“Saying I’m soft? Rude boy”_

_“The softest, and we love it, mum”_

_“Love you, thanks a lot for all the support and help”_

_“Love you too, give Isak my love too”_

_“He’s lying her with me, reading all the messages with me”_

_“You’ve gone to bed allready?”_

_“Yeah. Rough day. Drained. Anna – Kriss - it takes a lot”_

_“I see. Sleep well boys. Text me tomorrow please.”_

_“Will do.”_

_“Good night mum. Isak sends his love to”_

They curled up together and fell asleep – both of them before 22.00 – a rarity.

**Tuesday 00:35**

Even was the one who heard it first. The scream. He was wide awake in a second, hearing Lucas scream from his bedroom.

“Isak. Get up, it’s Lucas” Even said, shaking Isak’s shoulder. His eyes flung open, and he was out of bed in a second. “Phone, Even” he said, rushing to Lucas bedroom.

Even got his phone and turned on the camera to film, and went after Isak. When he came into Lucas’ bedroom, Isak had turned on the bedside light, and he saw the little boy tossing around in his bed, and he could feel the fright and anxiety in the little body – his eyes closed hard – squeezed close. Lucas mumbled like last night.

_“Please mum, I’m hungry. Please don’t lock the door. I’m hungry.”_

It was a moment of silence, Isak tried to wake him, he shook his shoulder, but then Lucas rebounded from him and yelled;

_“AAAU, mum. Don’t hit me. I’ll be a good boy”._

Even stood there, tears in his eyes, and a big lump in his stomach. It hurt so much to watch the little boy hurt, and it hurt that Isak wasn’t able to wake him up. Isak took Lucas in his lap as he did the last night, tried to wake him up, but this time Lucas waved his arms at him, pushed him away to free himself from Isak’s lap, and he tossed down in the bed again screaming.

_“Mum, please. Don’t hit me. I’ll be good. Not the cabinet, please!”_

Even stiffened. Cabinet. Did he use to get locked up in a cabinet? Did that woman lock her kid up in a cabinet? And that woman should take care of their little boy. Even felt the anger build up in him.

_“Au, Lucas said again. That hurts.”_

“Lucas!!!” Isak shook him now, holding him in his lap again and almost yelled. Lucas eyes flung open – all teary and with fear. Lucas cried loud into Isak’s chest, shaking.

“She hit me, Isak. She hit me. I could feel it. She hit me with a big spoon. It hurt so bad. And then she was about to lock me up in the cabinet in the hall. Even, she hit me. I don’t want to go to her ever again”. Lucas was ranting. Isak stroke his back, soothing him, comforting him, and Even sat down beside them, putting his arms around both of them.

Even felt so angry. How could a grown up woman do that to a little boy. He was three when he was moved away. How could she do that to her two-three-year-old child? Even couldn’t and wouldn’t understand. Yes, she was ill. He knew that. But he was too – he had bipolar, and he had never during his episodes laid hands on anyone, and he would never, ever lay hands on either Lucas nor Isak. Not anyone else for that part – except maybe someone that hurt the people he loved so bad as she had done – but not because of his illness.

Lucas was still sobbing, but, it was quieter, and he spoke more coherent now.

“She hit me when I asked for food while she was on her computer. Because then I was rude. But I was so hungry I forgot. And then she hit me and put me in the cabinet in the hall”. Lucas talked fast, low voice and almost into Isak’s chest. But Even got it on the film – he hoped at least.

“Why haven’t you told us this before, sweetie?” Isak asked with love and care in the voice – not accusing, because then Lucas would shut off again, as he had before.

“I didn’t remember until now. I’m sorry”

“Nonononono” – Isak held him tight, rocked him from side to side. Even felt tears running down his cheeks as he saw the two persons he loved swaying from side to side at Lucas bedside. Isak continued “You have nothing to be sorry for, Lucas. I just wondered. And I’m so sorry you had to dream that, but I’m so happy you remembered it and told us, because now we can help you.”

“Okay” Lucas said. His breath was almost at normal level now.

“Wanna go to sleep?” Isak asked, stroking Lucas back. Even had no intention to stop filming before Lucas was fast asleep again, so he followed every movement with his phone.

“Yeah. Can I sleep with you and Even? Please?”

“Of course.” Isak said. “No one should sleep alone after a nightmare. Right Even?”

Even nodded, and smiled to them. Isak lifted Lucas up in his arms and carried him into their bed. Put him in the middle and Lucas curled up and tried to get as close to Isak that he could. Even still filmed, thought that this was important to get on tape. And just as he was going to put the phone down, Lucas spoke – almost in his sleep

“Even, can you please come and lie down with us. It’s much safer when you are on one side and Isak is on the other.”

“Sure, sweetie. Safe from what?”

“The nightmare” Lucas said.

“Ok, I’ll be there in a second” Even said, thought about last night when the nightmare came despite Lucas lying in their bed. But he didn’t mention it. Just snuck under the duvet, crawling into Lucas back – he was facing Isak, but turned around as Even stroke his back. Lucas pressed his head into Evens chest and sighed.

“I want you to be my dads” Lucas mumbled before he fell asleep.

Even sighed, and thought “me to”, but didn’t say it loud. He could feel Lucas body relaxing, bit by bit. And he felt his own body and mind relaxing as Lucas’ did. And when he felt Isak’s hand sneaking above Lucas head, stoking his hair, slow soothing movements on his head and cheek, he knew that he was alright. He couldn’t feel the unexplainable stress he had this morning anymore, the fear for himself was gone. He wasn’t going to slip. Not now. He was going to fight. Fight with Isak for Lucas. They were a team, and they were a winning team.

“I love you” he heard Isak say from behind Lucas back.

“I love you too, Isak” Even said. And they fell asleep. All three tangled up in the big bed, all synchronized breaths, exhausted, safe and loved.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It may not come as a big surprise, I'm a Coldplayfan <3


	6. Tuesday - part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sana's coming over for a chat. 
> 
> And love.

** Tuesday 09:00 **

Isak had walked Lucas to school, and was on his way back to their house – deep in his thoughts about the whole situation. Lucas, Even and him. The support from Liv and Anders – he didn't know what he would have done without Liv and Anders – or, mum and dad – as he in his mind had been calling them for a while now. (Not sure what they would say if he started saying it out loud.) The help and support from Sana and Yousef, wise, honest, fair and calm both of them. And Eva and Jonas. His best friends since junior High. He was lucky to have those people in his life. They were few in numbers, but in love and wisdom they could outnumber any army, he thought to himself as he crossed the street and was halfway home from school. His phone went off in his pocket, it was Sana. 

** SANA 09:00  **

_ “Hey Best Bud, how are you guys?” _

_ “Hey. We’re coping. On my way home after walking Lucas to school” _

_ “All good at work?” _

_ “Won’t be there until earliest next week – maybe not before the 5th.” _

_ “Good.” _

_ “Want some company? I’m not working until 1200 today” _

_ “Sure. I’ll be home in 10 minutes.” _

_ “Evens out grocery shopping, so you'll have to cope with just me for a while” _

_ “I’ll survive. <3” _

_ “Nice.” _

_ “Yousef at work?” _

_ “Yes. How?” _

_ “Then I’ll just have to survive with just you <3” _

_ “Nice one. See you in 20” _

_ “See you” _

Isak smiled to himself. Sana and him. Best buds since high school. She always knew what to say or do. It wasn’t always the nicest things she said, but she was honest, and he knew that it was out of love – even if it sounded cruel or it hurt when she was so honest. Sana didn’t care for white lies. She cared for the truth. And if she was wrong in anything – she apologized when she found out. Isak loved her. She was his best bud. 

Isak came home and put the kettle on, laughing to himself when he thought back; the tea he made for her in their second year at Nissen. From warm tap water. He just hadn’t a clue then, how to make a decent cup of tea. Fortunately, Even had taught him – but he was still reminded of the tap-tea when the opportunity was there. But it wasn’t as often now. 

The doorbell rang, and he opened the door, facing Sana’s beautiful smile. He gave her a warm hug, and she entered their living room. 

“Hey. How’s everything getting along?

He told her about the nightmares Lucas had, the meeting with Anna and that both Even and him had seen Kriss. Sana nodded. 

“That sounds like a smart thing to do. You’re going to be fine, Isak. I’m sure. The world isn’t that cruel, you think?”

“Well, I’ve had my share of cruelness and bad experiences in the past, maybe the universe can deal me the right cards now? I don’t know, Sana. I just hope.”

“Got to keep the hope up, and don’t stop fighting, that’s for sure.”

His phone rang, and he froze. He hated it when his phone rang. Texts was one thing, he could choose when he should answer, but when it rang – he had to face another person at once. And he didn’t know if he was ready. He picked it up, and saw the name on the display. 

“It’s Anna” he said to Sana. “Got to take this” 

Sana nodded. “Want me to stay?”

“Please” Isak answered. Rinsed his throat and answered. 

“Hey, it’s Isak. (…) Hello Anna. (…)  We’re coping. Lucas got another nightmare tonight. Even filmed it. (…) Ok, I’ll tell him. (…) Is that a good thing, you think? (….) Ok. (…) Yes, we can do that, sure. (…) Ok. Yes, but what about this weekend? (…)Yes, I understand. I’ll talk to Even. (…) OK. Thanks a lot, Anna. See you tomorrow then.”

Isak sat down on the coach. 

“Bad news?” Sana asked tender.

“Not necessarily. I just have to wait for Even to tell him to. He’ll be here any minute now.” 

Sana sat down beside Isak, put her hand around his back, and he leaned into her shoulder and sighed. 

“It hurts so fucking much, Sana. Not knowing, not being able to decide for ourselves. Knowing that maybe he has to move and we can’t do a thing about it.”

“Yeah,” Sana said. “I can’t imagine what you guys are going through, but I’m here by your side, and so is Yousef too. And Jonas and Eva. And Liv and Anders. Just remember that. You guys are not alone in this. We’re all here for you and Lucas.”

“Thanks” Isak said, as he heard the front door opened, and Even stepped into the hallway and greeted them with a “halla”

“Halla” Isak said. “We’ve got company”

Even walked into the living room, smiling widely. “Hey Sana” Sana got up and gave Even a warm hug. Sana only reaching Even to his chest. He glanced at Isak, and Isak looked at him and Even saw that something was going on. 

“What’s happened?” he asked

“Anna called” Isak said. 

“Oh.” Even froze. “Bad?”

“Not necessarily, sit down, and I’ll tell you. Sana can stay, can’t she?

“Of course” Even said. “Sana’s in on this, we’re not letting you go” he smiled at her, and she smiled back. 

“I’m not leaving”.

Even sat down beside Isak, put his arm around his back, and pulled him in for a kiss. “Ok, bring it on baby.”

“Anna told me that she had gone to her superior with the things we talked about yesterday, and her superior wasn’t pleased at all about what Lucas had told or about his nightmare at Sunday night. He was so concerned, that he had contacted the police, and the officer at the policedepartment that handles childabuse and domestic violence, said that we should make an report to the police. And when I told her he had another nightmare, she was very interested in watching that video too.”

“Okay” Even said. 

“And when I asked about the upcoming weekend, she didn’t know yet. But she asked us to come to her office tomorrow, and then she would take us to the police together with her superior.” 

“Okay” Even just nodded. “Anything else”

“No, but Anna was glad she’d got her superior to help her on the case.”

“Okay. But what did she think about it?”

“She wouldn’t tell. She’s professional. She doesn’t assume. She sticks to the facts.”

“Yeah. Of course she does.When are we supposed to be there tomorrow?” 

“0900. Just after we’ve left Lucas at school”

“Ok.” Even laid back on the coach. Rubbed his hands in his face. 

“You guys alright?” Sana asked. “It’s not a bad thing what’s happening now. It sounds like you’ve got both Anna, her superior and the police on your side”

“Yeah” Isak said. “I don’t feel like it’s a bad thing either. It’s just that I’m afraid it will be too late to prevent us to leave Lucas at his mother this weekend.”

“I can see your concern, Isak. Take one day at a time.”

Even looked at her, looked at Isak and said quietly.

“Sounds like you know a lot about this things?”

“Well, I work at the hospital, treating a lot of kids who comes for violent and abusive homes. The police act quick in those cases, and they protect the kids. Not their parents. The law and the courts often protects the parents, the police don’t. But in your case the abuse is in the past, and when the judges now have decided that she is capable of taking care of Lucas, I don’t know how they take two-three-year-old history to consideration. I just know what happens when it happens in present time.”

“Thanks Sana.” Isak said. “No wonder you’re my best bud”

“I’m always here for you guys. Both me and Yousef are. Can I watch the film of Lucas from tonight?” she asked quietly, looking at Even. 

“Sure” Even said, picking up his phone, opened the video. Sana took it and watched it. Isak shrugged and held his hand over his ears when he heard Lucas three-year-old-voice in the video. He was so scared. Terrified, hurt and small. He didn’t want to listen, and hid his face in the crook of Evens neck. Even put his arms around Isak and held him tight. 

“Oh, shitt. That’ was something…” Sana said when the film was over. “I wonder what they say about that – both Anna and the police.”

“Me too” Even said, got his phone back and put it on the table. He sat back in the coach again and pulled Isak tight into his side. 

“I think I’ll have to leave. Work at 12. Please text me tomorrow after meeting with Anna and the police.”

“Yeah, we will. Fortunately, Lucas is going to mum and dads tomorrow after school, so we can spend the day at public offices.”Isak grinned. 

Even looked at him with a confused glare “Mum and dad?”

Isak looked at him as he didn’t understand the question, but suddenly realized what he had said. “Oh, I meant Liv and Anders…. ” Isak said shy. Even just smiled at him, wider now. 

“Sounds like a good idea.” Sana said. “Why don’t you come to ours for dinner tomorrow? At 1730?”

“Love it, Sana! As long as it’s Yousef that cooks.” Even smiled at her. 

“Hey – I can cook!” Sana said, insulted. 

“No you can’t Sana” Isak smiled. “Yousef can!”

“Ok. Yousef will be the chef tomorrow. Promise”

“We’ll be there” Even said, hugged Sana, and walked her to the door. Isak came after, hugged Sana tight, 

“Thanks, best bud. You are really the best”

“Take care, guys. Give Lucas a big hug from me, please.”

“Will do. Bye”

Sana left, and Isak stood at the door, facing Even and leaned into his chest. Even put his arms around him, pulled him tight, smelled his hair and sighed. 

“Wanna go to bed for a while?” he asked, quietly. 

“Hmm, sounds nice and warm” Isak replied 

“Yeah, you go ahead. I’ll put away the groceries, and then I’ll join you!”

Isak went to their bedroom, got undress down to his boxer and crept under the duvet. He stole Evens pillow, and tucked his head down into it. It smelled of Even. He felt so tired, so vulnerable, so scared, so tens. All bad feelings at once. But at the same time, when he smelled Evens scent from the pillow, he felt the love. The strong, handsome, fantastic man who he shared everything with was seconds away from him, and he longed to curl up into his body, smell him, feel him. And there he was, in the doorway, tall, bright, smiling at him. Blue eyes looking at him with concern and love. He was Isak’s life. The man of his life. The man of his dreams. 

“Hey, handsome” Isak said, lifting up the duvet to let him in to his warm body. 

“Hey, gorgeous” Even answered. Climbing into bed, pulling Isak to his chest and lied down, holding him tight. “Wanna sleep?”

“No” Isak said. “Wanna lie here next to you, feel you, fell the comfort, he warmth, the love. I love you Even. I don’t think I can describe to anyone in the world how much I love you. All of you.” He tried to get closer to him, but it wasn’t possible. He craved the closeness, he craved for his warmth, for his touch, for all of him. 

“We can do that” Even said as he tightened the grip around him, stroke his back with one hand, circles, long drags, short drags, soft drags, hard drags – just as Isak loved it. They lied in silence for a while. Just breathing – synchronizing their breaths – as they were one. 

Isak tilted his head up and looked at the blue eyes that he always could get lost in. He kissed Even softly, and said; “Make love to me, Even. I wanna make love to you.” 

“Always” Even said and kissed him. Slowly at first, but then deeper and deeper. They made love, slow and tender. Even and Isak, Isak and Even. Isak couldn’t tell in the heat of the moment were he ended and Even started. They were so close, so tight the whole time, and it was so comforting and good.The orgasm was so intense for both of them – all their tension and anxiety seemed to burst out through it, and they fell down in each other’s arms and just breathed for a long time. Isak laid on Evens arm, caressed his chest and just inhaled the scents, the breaths, the comfort and the love coming from him. They were sweaty, sticky and hot, but it didn’t matter. Isak didn’t want to ruin this moment. It was their sanctuary in the war they fought. It was their moment. 

“You know Isak. I don’t think I could have been happier ever in my life and in this world than I’m with you, despite the horror we’re going through right now. I’m so happy I’m in this with you. Nobody else could do this as you do.”

Isak looked at his husband, put a hand up to his chin and stroke it, his index finger traced his lips, his nose, his chin, his eyebrows, his hair. 

“And I love you so much, Even. I don’t think I would be able to live without you, not for a second. Being with you makes me the best version of me – because I want to be that version with, and for, you. You make me feel so safe, loved, strong, confident, wise. Thank you for loving me”

“And thank you for loving me, Isak. I love you too. With all of me – my flaws and weaknesses, my strength and confidence. I love you. Always has and always will.”

They cuddled for a while more, just stayed in their moment. Together. Until Evens phone got an incoming text. 

“Bet you a kiss it’s your mother” Isak said. 

“About that” Even grinned at Isak “Did you call them “mum” and “dad” just a couple of hours ago? It was so sweet. I’ve never heard you say that before”

“Yeah.” Isak flushed “I did. I’ve done that in my mind some time, but I wasn’t going to say it out loud before talking to you and them about it. It’s just with all that’s happened last week, it just came out”

“They would love it, Isak.”

“You sure? It’s not too much?”

“No, it’s not. They call you their second son – have done that for twelve years – they love you like you’re their own. I think you can call them whatever you want and they still love you. But mum and dad – that’s really a nice. You should ask them.”

“I will.” Isak said. “But what does “mum” write” – Isak felt a bit weird saying mum to Liv out loud, but he had done it for a while in his mind. He wanted to be brave enough to do it to her, and he was going to. Soon. 

Even got his phone and read the text with Isak

** MUM 12:45 **

_ “How are you guys?” _

_ “Ok, I guess. Lucas in school. We’re going to pick him up soon” _

_ “Going to Anna and the police tomorrow.” _

_ “Police?” _

_ “Yeah, Anna says that the police want to hear us out on Lucas story.” _

_ “Oh?” _

_ “Because of what Lucas said about his nightmares” _

_ “He had a new one this night.” _

_ “She apparently had beaten him, and locked him up in a cabinet” _

_ “He’s never told us that before” _

_ “He hadn’t remembered it before the nightmare came.” _

_ “Oh, that poor little angle” _

_ “Do you think he will get a nightmare when he comes to ours tomorrow?” _

_ “No idea. I think not. But he should probably sleep with you and dad” _

_ “He always does when he’s here” _

_ “Sure he does.” _

_ “You really are spoiling him” _

_ “It’s my privilege as a grandmother, Even. Get used to it” _

_ “I know.” _

_ “You really is the best!” _

_ “Keep safe, boys.” _

_ “We will”  _

_ “Going to pick up Lucas and Marcus now” _

_ “Love you” _

_ “Love you too!” _

They got out of bed, hit the shower, got dressed, and went to school to get Lucas and Marcus. They agreed to walk to Lucas’ school. Holding hands, chatting. It was nice. It was safe and it was normal. 


	7. Tuesday - part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No bedtime story
> 
> And the third nightmare in a row.

** Tuesday 19:30 **

Jonas, Eva and the kids had just left, after dinner, playtime, chatting, laughing – all the normal evening activities when you have friends and kids over for dinner. Lucas and Marcus had played in Lucas room for hours after school, and when Jonas, Eva and Bea had come over, the three kids played nicely together while the adults could chat and have a nice time. Lucas seemed very happy to have his best friend over, and there were no signs of sorrow or bad feeling or that he had heavy things to deal with. 

Even was in the kitchen doing the dishes and Isak and Lucas had gone to the bathroom to get Lucas ready for bed. Lucas looked at Isak and asked quietly “Will tomorrow be the last time I sleep at grandma and grandpas?”

Isak looked at the little boy, stroke his hear and said equally quiet, “I don’t know, Lucas. I really don’t know. I hope not, because they love you very much”. 

Lucas got in the tub and sat down, played with his bath toys. He seemed satisfied, he talked to and played with the toys as he used too. Isak used the opportunity to tidy a bit in the bathroom, cleaning a bit where it was necessary and they had a quiet time together. But then Lucas suddenly spoke again, apparently he had been thinking a lot more the last days than Isak had thought. 

“Why did the they decide that I should move back to mum?”

Isak froze in the moment, debated with himself, before he turned around and sat down beside the bathtub and answered, “I really don’t know, sweetie. But I do know that your mum was very ill when you lived with her before, and that she’s better now, and they might think that she can take care of you now.”

“But I don’t want to” Lucas looked at Isak. “I don’t want to live with her.”

“I know, Lucas. But as we’ve told you before, it’s not our decision, and as long as the judges has decided, we have to obey.”

“But what if she gets ill again?” Lucas looked at him, and Isak could see that Lucas was scared.

“I don’t know, sweetie. I’m sorry, but I don’t know what will happen.”

“I don’t think it’s fair.” Lucas stated, and he was done with the conversation, Isak knew him that well. And Isak couldn’t agree more, but he couldn’t say it. 

Even came in to the bathroom, smiling and said cheerfully “Ready for bed, sweetie?”

Lucas looked up at him, smiled a sad smile and nodded. 

“OK, come here, and I’ll get you dried up and ready for bed.” Even lifted Lucas out of the tub, and towelled him, rubbed his hair and got the toothbrush down from the shelf, brushed his teeth and got him to put on his pyjamas and carried him to bed. Isak followed them into Lucas’ bedroom, and sat by his bedside. 

“Why can adult just decide something like that without asking the kids?” Lucas asked,in his bed, looking up at both Isak and Even. 

“Because adults think that they know what’s best” Isak said hesitantly. Even looked at him questioning, but Isak just shake his head slightly and mouthed “later” without Lucas noticed. 

“That’s stupid” Lucas said. “They should ask the kids first”

“Yes, they should. But sometimes adults think that they don’t have to do that, and they decide without.”

“That’s stupid too.” Lucas said. “They should ask the kids because sometimes the kids know best” he continued. 

“I agree” Isak said. “And I don’t know why no one has asked you what you want. And I’m sorry about that, but I can’t do anything about it.”

“I know.” Lucas said with sad, low voice.Isak looked at the little boy, stunned by his calmness and apparently wisdom. It was silent a bit before Even spoke, 

“Ready to go to sleep, sweetie?”

“I think so” Lucas said. 

“Want us to sing you a song?” Isak asked. 

“No.”

“Bedtime story?”

“No.”

“No?” Even asked.

“No. Just want you to sit by my bed until I sleep. Can you do that?”

“Sure” Isak said, bending over Lucas, gave him a hug and a kiss. And Even did the same. Then they sat by his bedside, Lucas closed his eyes and after a while they heard his breath steady and he fell asleep. 

Isak and Even left Lucas’ bedroom, and as they got into the living room, Even asked; “What was that all about?

Isak sighed and told Even about his and Lucas’ conversation in the bath, and Even shook his head, breathed heavily and said quietly; “Oh, what that boy has to deal with”

“Yes, I know. I say as Lucas did; It’s just not fair.”

They sat down at the sofa in the living room, Isak cuddled up to Evens side and they sat in silence. 

** 01:12 **

That night, it wasn’t Lucas’ nightmare that woke them up. It was Isak’s. 

Isak was back in his childhood home. It was night, and there were angry voices downstairs. He was eight, and he couldn’t recognize the voices he heard. They were loud and angry, and there were no nice words. He was afraid, tears in his eyes, trembling, but he got out of his bed, opened the door to his room carefully and snuck down the stairs, and sat down in the middle of the stairway. He could hear the voices clearer now, and he recognized his father’s angry, deep voice, yelling at his mother. She was screaming back at him – screaming that he was lost for all salvation. That he should go to hell. That Isak should go to hell. That the devil was going to take them both and they would burn. Isak in the stairs was terrified. Of his mother, of the words, of the voices. His father was yelling back at his mother that she was out of her mind, that she was a crazy religious bitch that he would be better off without. 

Isak in the stairs was so afraid, but he moved silently down a few more steps. He could see them both now. He didn’t recognize his mother and father at all, they were so different in their faces and in their voices. And then his mother threw a bottle in the direction of his father. She missed – luckily – but the bottle hit the glass door connecting the living room and the kitchen – so both the glass in the door and the bottle broke to pieces. His father hesitated for a minute, before he took a step forward, taking his mother’s wrists in a firm grip, shook her and yelled at her – asked if she was crazy or something, trying to kill him. His mother twisted her right wrists loose, and hit his father hard over the cheeks with her fisted hand. Isak in the stairs now managed to react, and yelled: “NOOO! MOM DON’T HIT DAD” – they both froze their movements and voices and looked in his direction. 

His father let go of his mother’s left hand, came to the stairs, and when Isak thought that he was going to be comforted and hugged, he felt a firm – too firm – grip around his arm, and he was dragged up the stairs – his father was so angry, he could feel the rage oozing from his body, and Isak was peeing his pants then and there – and then Isak was thrown into his bedroom, the door slammed shot behind him. Not a single word was spoken to him, and he lied there with his wet trousers, heart beating about 200 beats a minute, he was crying, trembling and…

“Isak, Isak. Wake up. Please, Isak”. Isak heard the voice. At first in a distance, but then he could feel someone shaking his shoulder, clapping at his cheek, and he heard the terrified voice again – a voice he knew and loved. “Isak. Please, Isak. Wake up. WAKE UP!” Isak managed to drag himself out of his childhood bedroom and opened his eyes, looking at Evens terrified face. 

“Oh, Isak. You had a nightmare. I’ve tried to wake you up for a while. What happened? I was so scared. You cried, twisted, and I’m sorry, but I think you’ve kind of peed yourself. Not much, but your pyjama trousers are wet.”

“Even…” Isak’s voice trembled. “Even, I was locked up too. I dreamt it. I didn’t remember either…”

Even put his arms around Isak, soothed him. Rocked him from side to side like Isak had done to Lucas the night before. Even stroked his hair, kissed his head, held him tight, tight to his chest, both legs on either side of Isaks body so he could get as close as possible. Isak hid his head in the crock of Evens neck, put his arms around his shoulder and clung to him and cried quiet. 

When Isak had regained his breath and the tears had stopped, he lifted his head and looked at Even. “I’m sorry I woke you up”

“Oh, love. You’ve nothing to be sorry about. Just let it out, beautiful. Just let it out. I’m here and you’re safe here with me. Nobody is going to hurt you here”. 

“I know.”

“Wanna tell me about your dream?”

“Yeah. But I’m going to get cleaned up first” Isak felt the wetness in his boxers and pyjama pants, and he felt awfully embarrassed. “I’ve peed my pants” he whispered, looking down, wanted to be invisible for a while. 

“Don’t worry sweetie. It was the nightmare. I don’t care as long as you’re here with me again and you’re safe and awaken from that horrible nightmare from the past. Go get a shower and I’ll change the beddings.”

Isak went into the bathroom, pulled of his wet clothes and got in the shower. He thought back to the dream he had, and now he could remember what happened. It was a fight between his parents, and he had been thrown into his bedroom, his father had locked the door when he left, and Isak had been lying on the floor, listening to the fight continue downstairs. He had been so terrified and alone. He had eventually hidden under his duvet, pulled his pillow over his head to mute the sounds from his parents. He had cried and cried, and in the end fallen asleep exhausted – still in his wet pants. And in the morning, when he got up, his mother had yelled at him because of the stains in the stairs and the wet clothes. It had been terrifying and he felt so alone, scared and unloved. 

Even came into the bathroom after some minutes, and sat down, waiting for Isak to get out of the shower. When Isak did, he held out the towel, wrapping Isak in it and held him tight. 

“Feeling better?” he asked. 

“A bit.” Isak said, leaning into Evens strong and warm body. “Can we go to bed again; I don’t think I can manage to stand upright for long.”

“Sure sweetie” Even said, guiding Isak to their bedroom and into their bed – all made up with fresh linen. 

Isak crawled into the bed, and Even quickly followed him and wrapped Isak up and held him tight. Then Isak told him all he could remember, both from the dream and what he remembered in the shower. Even stroke his back, hair, kissed his cheeks, hair, forehead while Isak spoke, and when Isak was finished, he felt empty, and Even had tears in his eyes. 

“Oh, my God. I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry you had to go through all this when you were a little boy, and I’m sorry you had to go through this again now. And I’m sorry I can’t make it disappear.”

“Even, you’ve nothing to be sorry about. It’s not your fault. It’s my fucked-up parents’ fault. They should never have had kids.”

“Don’t say that Isak, please”

“WHAT?” Isak startled, and he didn’t believe what Even just said.

“If they didn’t have kids, you wouldn’t be here in my arms, and I don’t know what I would do without you.” Even whispered in Isak’s ear. 

Isak sighed, and looked up at Even who still had tears in his eyes. 

“I mean” Even hesitated “You are the best thing in my life Is, and if your parents hadn’t had you, I wouldn’t have had you either. And I can’t imagine being without you. And I’m sorry you had so many bad things going on in your childhood, and I can’t take it away from either your memory or you, but your history made you the man I love. And I love you so much, Is. I love you so fucking much it hurts sometimes. Like now. I hurt because you hurt. But I still wouldn’t be without you. Because you’re the man of my life. You’re the love of my life. You ARE my whole life, Is.”

Isak dried his tears falling down his cheeks again. 

“Thank you, Ev. I love you too. So fucking much. Thank you for being the love of my life.”

“No, Is. Thank you”

Isak sighed, crawled even tighter to Evens body, felt the warmth from his body. Felt the strong arms around him, soothing him, comforting him, felt the kisses on his head, and felt the all-consuming love radiating from the man beside him. The man he loved. 


	8. Wednesday - kitchen comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even tells Lucas that adults can have nightmares too.

** Wednesday 0630 **

They had slept well after the nightmare. All tangled up in bed. Even wanted Isak to sleep as long as possible that morning, assuming that he needed a bit more rest due to the exhausting night he had experienced. Even had snuck out of bed a bit early to call his superior at work telling her that he couldn’t teach his classes today, and not the next day either. His superior was very understanding, and asked if he could send over the files for the classes, and Even did right away. His superior was well known with their history with Lucas, and wished them best of luck. 

Even went into Lucas bedroom and got him out of bed with some persuading – that boy loved his bed as much as Isak did, Even thought. When they got into the bathroom, Lucas asked for Isak and Even explained that Isak was a bit tired because he also got nightmares sometimes, and he needed to rest a little bit more, because he had one that night. But they were going to wake him up soon. 

“Can adults have nightmares too?” Lucas looked up at Even.

“Yes, they can. And Isak had a really bad one, and I thought that he should get some extra sleep.” Even said, patting Lucas hair.

“I didn’t know that adults could have nightmares.” Lucas said, he seemed to disappear in to his thoughts for a bit before he continued “What was it about?” 

“You have to ask Isak, because it’s not my story to tell. We can go and wake him after we set the breakfast table. Wanna help me out?”

“Sure”

They walked to the kitchen and set the table. They didn’t finish before Isak came shuffling in, only in his boxers and a t-shirt. 

“Good morning, sweetie” Even said and kissed him. 

“Hey Isak” Lucas said, rising his arms up, asking to be lifted up in Isak’s arms. And Isak did. “I’m sorry you had a nightmare”. Lucas stroke his cheeks, and Isak looked at Even with a worried glance. 

Even shook his head slightly; “Lucas was wondering why you were in bed, so I just told him you had to rest a bit because you had a nightmare.” Isak nodded, sat down with Lucas in his lap.

“What was it about?” Lucas asked. “Were there aliens? Monsters? Ghosts?” 

Isak smiled at the eager boy. “No, Lucas it wasn’t about all that. It was about something bad that happened to me when I was a little boy.”

“Oh” Lucas looked at Isak, and they could see his brain working hard, “It happened to you to?”

“What?” Isak asked

“Someone was mean to you too when you were a boy”

“Yes, Lucas. Someone was mean to me. But that’s a long time ago, and now no one is being mean to me anymore, because now I’ve got you, Even, grandma, grandpa, and you’re all keeping me safe.” Isak pulled the boy tighter in his lap, and Lucas put his arms around Isak’s neck and hugged him back. 

Even looked at the two fragile, but somehow strong boys, comforting each other, sharing a similar history only the older of them knew about, but Even sensed that Lucas could feel it. And it was confirmed when Lucas pushed back a little looked at Isak and spoke 

“Why don’t you have a mum, Isak?”

Even froze, and he looked at Isak and saw the worry and anxiety in his eyes for a bit, before Isak drew his breath and answered. “Oh, I do have a mum, Lucas. I just don’t talk to her or see her” 

Lucas looked at Isak, tilted his head a bit, brains working on high-speed, Even could see that. Isak looked back at Lucas, love in his eyes, but also concern. 

“She was the one who was mean to you, wasn’t she?” Oh, kids and honesty! Even looked at Isak and Isak shut his eyes, breathed in and out four times, looked up at Even, and Even nodded to him. Isak looked Lucas straight in the eyes, holding his hands in his own and said

“Yes, Lucas. She was. And my father. And that was what my nightmare was about.”

“Did you live with them?” Lucas asked silent.

“Yes, I did. I lived with them till I was 16, then my father run away from me and my mother, and a while after that I run away from my mother. And then I lived with Eskild and Linn for a while, and so I met Even and since I was 17 I’ve lived with him.”

“I’m only six” Lucas said. “Do I have to live with my mum until I’m 16?” 

“Oh, sweetie” Even sat down beside them, stroking Lucas back, kissing Isaks temple. “We don’t know about that yet.” Even felt the shiver from Isak on his lips as he kissed him, but at the same time Isak was surprisingly calm. Even took both his boys in his large embrace and held them tight. 

“I know I have to go to my mum on Friday” Lucas continued. “And even if I don’t want to, I will do it, but I don’t like it. Can I please bring my pillow to hers?”

Even looked at Isak, and smiled a sad smile at him.

“Of course you can”

“Great” Lucas said. Jumped of Isak’s lap, run along to his bedroom got something and then he run into their bedroom and was back in the kitchen in a minute. Even shook his head slightly and smiled at Isak. How could kids change their mood so quick? Even was so impressed every time he saw Lucas do that. But it was a good thing though – as long as Lucas talked about both the bad and the good things. 

“What was that all about?” Even asked Lucas, ruffling his hair. 

“I just put my pillow in your bed. Because then it smells like you guys and when I’m at mums it will be like you guys are lying in bed with me even if you’re not there. And I want that."  

Even got tears in his eyes, looked at Isak and saw the same in his husbands’ eyes. Even picked Lucas up, put him in his lap and squeezed him into a hug. 

“You are the brightest, smartest most lovable boy in the universe, Lucas. And we love you so much.” Even kissed his face multiple times, and Isak too, and Lucas giggled and laughed. 


	9. Wednesday - Anna's office

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The meeting at Anna's office 
> 
> Isak's going through some tough hours.  
> Even's his anchor, rock solid.

**09:00 - Anna's office**

Isak was nervous before the meeting with Anna, and held Evens hand in a really tight grip. Even stroke his thumb over Isak’s hand to comfort and sooth him. It helped a bit, but Isak could feel his heart beat. He thought back to the morning when Lucas just red him like an open book when he told him about the nightmare. Was it visible on the outside of him that his mother and father had been bad parents? Could everybody see it? Was he like a walking, visible proof of child-abuse-history? He didn’t want to be that. He didn’t want Lucas to know about it, but he couldn’t lie when Lucas had asked him. And it kind of felt good that Lucas knew too, because than Lucas knew that he wasn’t the only one this had happened to.

Isak was pulled out of his thoughts when Anna said his name; “Isak, Even. Nice to see you again. Everything ok? I presume it’s not good, but I hope ok?”

“Yes” Even said, “It’s ok. Lucas in school and he’s going to mum and dads this afternoon and spend the night there. Maybe for the last time.” Isak looked at Even, and saw that he had to swallow a few times when he said it, and Isak forced the lump in his throat away too.

“Oh, that’s nice” Anna said. “Well, step into my office. The policeofficer will be here about 0930, I thought we could chat a bit first.”

“Sounds good” Even said, held Isak’s hand in a firm grip, still caressing the hand with his thumb.

They got into Anna’s office, and Anna started; “So, tell me what happened since we spoke Monday”. And Even did. He told her everything – every small conversation with Lucas, the sleepover-call, the bathroom-talk after Jonas and his family had left, the bedroom-talks – both at Monday and Tuesday, the breakfast-talk that morning, and of course – the nightmare at Monday night. Anna listened and took some notes. She smiled when Even told her about the pillow, and she smiled sad at Isak when Even told her that Lucas had guessed it was Isak’s mother that had been mean to him. Isak forced the lump back again. Smiling sad back at Anna. When Even was finished, he pulled out his phone opened the video of Lucas’ last nightmare and handed it to Anna. Isak turned around in his chair when he heard the sound of Lucas’ small voice in the video, and he put his hands over his ears. Even put his arm around his shoulder and pulled him into his chest, stroking his back and kissed his head.

Anna handed Even back his phone and looked at them both.

“It’s hard for you, Isak. I can see it”

“Yeah” Isak’s voice shivers, and then he burst out “It’s like I’m back in my own fucked-up childhood, and again – I can do nothing. I don’t want Lucas to go through the same as I did. He asked me this morning if he also had to live with his mother till he was 16 – like I had to, and it hurts so fucking much that I’m not able to say NO to that question. It hurts that I – we – have to send him back to a place he doesn’t want to be. It hurts to think of WHAT can happen when he’s there. And it hurts to see his little brave face when he says that he knows he has to go to her on Friday. It just Hurts.So.Fucking.Much. And sorry. I swear a lot.”

Anna just looked at him, and said; “I understand you, Isak. You don’t have to be sorry for anything, and I see your concern and I share it. And I’m sorry I can’t promise you anything.”

The air had gone out of Isak, and he just said; “I know, Anna. I know”.

Evens hand was on his back, comforting and strong. And Isak’s body was trembling, but he managed to breath and calm down with Evens help. ‘

“The policeofficer will be here any minute now. I suggest that you Even tell him the whole story – from you left Lucas at his mums at Friday till this morning. Is that ok with both of you?” Anna spoke after a minute of silence.

“Yes.” Isak said, looking up at Even. He looked a bit nervous.

“I guess” Even was dragging the words. “But I would like Isak to fill me in if I don’t remember all correctly. Can you do that, sweetie?”

“Yeah. I can do that” Isak said.

“Good” Anna said. “I’m going out to see if the officer has arrived, and show him in here. You two; breath, use the bathroom, get some coffee or just relax for some minutes, and then we can start.”

Isak nodded, and he stood up. “Got to pee” he said, and went for the toilet. Even followed him.

“I’m sorry for my outburst” Isak said when they walked down the hall to the toilets. “I just couldn’t stop.”

“Isak. Please stop saying you’re sorry for what you say and feel. You've got nothing to be sorry for. I think you’re brave and loving, and you should never stop saying what you feel – about anything.”

Isak looked up at Evens face, the blue eyes were still the most wonderful thing he could look at, he leaned in to his chest and craved for some closeness, and Even put his strong arms around his back. “Thank you, Even”. Isak buried his face in the crook of Evens neck, smelled him and breathed. “Thank you”.

 

When they got back to Anna’s office, the police-officer was there. He was in his thirties, tall, dark hair, fit, and he had ha nice, calming smile. He put his hand out to greet them.

“Thomas” he greeted Even first “Thomas Hansson”

“Even Bech Næsheim” Even greeted him back. “Nice to see you even if the circumstances could have been better”

“Yes, true.” Thomas replied, smiling friendly. He held out his hand to Isak

“Still Thomas Hansson” he greeted Isak with a smile.

“Isak Bech Næsheim” Isak smiled back at him. He liked the first impression of this man. He stepped back, and found the comfort of Evens hand, and got a little smile from him. _I can do this_ he thought to himself. _I can do this. For Lucas, for me, for Even, for all of us. I can do this._ He got out of his thoughts when a slightly elderly woman entered the room. She had grey hair, tall, and she oozed of confidence and sympathy.

“Hello, I’m not too late, am I?” She looked at Anna.

Anna smiled “Not at all Linda, right on time.” Anna turned to Isak and Even and introduced them. “Isak, Even, this is Linda, my superior, she’s the one I talked about yesterday on the phone with you, Isak”

“Oh” Isak put out his hand “Isak Bech Næsheim, thank you for looking into our case”

“It’s my job, Isak. No worries. And you must be his husband?” She turned to Even and stretched her arm out to greet him.

“Yes, Even Bech Næsheim. Nice to meet you, Linda.”

“Why don’t we all sit down” Linda said, and they were all seated around the oval meeting table in the one side of Anna’s office.

“Ok.” Linda continued “This meeting is about Lucas Mortensen and his return to his mother’s care due to a court sentence last week. It was a most unexpected verdict in court, and the return is quiet hasty I think, but according to the sentence it will go on like planned – if not something highly important comes up – something that’s so severe that a return is not recommended.”

It was dead silent in the room. Isak looked at Even, then at Anna, he didn’t quite get the hold of what Linda was actually saying, but he didn’t want to speak either. Scared that his voice would crack, or that he would be so angry that he would swear again. Than Linda continued, and it was no wonder Isak didn’t get it, because she was not finished.

“We need you – Even and Isak – to give us all the information about the last days conversations with Lucas, the nightmares – I understand that it has been two nightmares that is due to experiences he had when he lived with his mother before he came to you. And the nightmares content is severe, and that nobody knew that it had happened in that way before? Am I right?”

Even coughed slightly “Yes, that’s right”

“Ok, and I need you to tell us how Lucas is coping, how his mood is, if he gives any signs of being happy, sad, looking forward to visiting his mum, scared, closed, open. Anything that’s not as it used to be – or anything that is exactly as it used to be. Thomas here is going to ask questions after you’ve told the story - if he thinks that's necessary, , and he would very much like to record when you tell your story if that’s ok with you?”

Even looked at Isak, and Isak’s thoughts were high-speeding. They had to do this – they had to get Lucas’ story out and get some help. Maybe. Maybe they could prevent Lucas moving back to his mother. They had to do what ever possible to keep their boy with them. Isak nodded, and Even answered; “Yes, of course.”

“I would like you to start at the beginning – that is, the files from when Lucas was taken from his mother about three years ago, we have. Same is the trial, we’ve got all of that. What we want you to tell us now, is all reactions, conversations, incidences from you delivered Lucas at his mum’s apartment on Saturday, and all up to this morning when you left him at school.” Thomas explained, and pushed the record button when he spoke the last sentence.

“Ok” Even said, and started. Isak looked up at him and he saw that Even was a bit nervous. He grabbed his hand under the table, and squeezed it a bit – as to comfort him. And it helped. Evens voice got steadier. Isak listened carefully, and supplemented Even when he forgot something – a sentence Lucas had said, an incident he hadn’t witnessed, but Even got it all very well. He handed his phone over when it was time to tell about the nightmares, and Isak looked down, covering his ears to mute the sound of Lucas’ voice.  

When Even was about to tell about the same morning, he hesitated and looked at Isak and asked carefully; “Do you want to tell about this morning yourself?”

“Sure” Isak said, shiver in his voice.

Thomas looked at him, questioning the uncertainty of Isak, and Even explained; “Isak didn’t have a good childhood himself, and last night he had a nightmare of something he hasn’t remembered before the nightmare came to him. And he and Lucas talked about it this morning – that is, Lucas guessed what had happened to Isak in some kind of mysterious way.”

“Ooookay” Thomas said. “Do you want to include your story in the recording?”

Isak shook his head, “No. Maybe later.”

“That’s ok. You go ahead, Isak”

Isak spoke, and told them about this morning, the conversation between him and Lucas, and the question Lucas had about him being with his mother till he was 16. Isak held Evens hand so firm while he spoke, that he must have left marks, he was sure. Even just smiled at him, caressed his hand with his thumb all the time, and squeezed back.

When Isak was finished, Thomas turned off the recorder, took a deep breath and started talking; “First off all, I’ve got to say I’m sorry. Sorry that the judges in court obviously has made a wrong decision – in the light of this new information that has come up - especially in Lucas’ nightmares. I do believe that he actually is dreaming about something that has happened – same to you Isak – your nightmare last night, you could remember it later that it was exactly what happened when you wake up. The nightmare is like an opener for your memory, and that’s not unusual for those who’ve been exposed to domestic violence or abuse. The incidents are often supplanted, and a trigger can make the memory come up to the surface again. In your case Isak, the trigger is Lucas' nightmares, and in Lucas’ case it’s his sleepover at his mum and the she didn’t feed him lunch Sunday.”

Isak could see in his peripheral vicion that Even nodded. Isak just had to look down, he was shaking inside, he didn’t feel comfortable at all, he felt like he was going to pass out any minute. There were black dots flying before his eyes, and he felt dizzy. He grabbed Evens hand, and Even turned sharply around. “You ok, Isak? Your hand is both cold and sweat, and oh… you’re all white in your face, Isak. Sorry, I think we need a break here” Isak heard Evens voice as if he spoke with cotton in his mouth, and then he just felt his body slip down, and it was all black.

Isak woke up on the floor, he looked up at Evens worried face, but tried to give him a smile.

“Oh, hey there. You’re back” Even smiled at him. Isak got up, first he sat up, and then on his feet, still a little dizzy, but he managed well. Even steadied him whit a hand on his lower back as they sat down in their seats at the table again.

“Yeah. Sorry about that. Should have had some water I guess.”

“No need to be sorry, Isak” it was Thomas’ voice. “Could happen to everyone. Anna is out getting some water and something to eat now, so you’ll be good. Don’t think about it.”

“Yeah…” Isak was embarrassed anyway. Fainting in an office…. He shook his head.

“Hey sweetie” Even leaned in, whispered so only Isak could hear. “It’s ok. Really. You’ve only been gone for about a minute. You ok? Wanna lie down?”

“No, just sit by my side, please. And I’ll have some water and something to eat, and I’ll be fine.” Isak felt Evens hand on his back, and he leaned in a little bit, to get some contact, and he was alright. Really. He had to be.

Anna came in to the office with water, coffee, some fruit, biscuits and chocolate. Isak drank some water and poured himself a cup of coffee and took an apple and some chocolates. He didn't feel better, but didn't want to tell anyone.

“Ok”, Thomas said, “Think we’re ready to continue.” Isak smiled and nodded, still whit Evens arm on his back, and he put his own hand down on Evens thigh, just to be in contact.

“As I said, triggers can get memories to the surface, and I think that’s what’s happened here – to both of you. Your full story I don’t know, Isak, but when it comes to Lucas, I now know a lot. My problem in this is that the verdict from the court stands over the ting in the past – at least as for now. So I can’t do anything else than file all the information you’ve given me.”

“You’re serious, you…..” Even tried to say something, but Thomas interrupted him;

“Just hear me out, Even.” Even nodded, pulling Isak a bit closer. Isak drew his breath slowly and prepared for the rest. And Thomas continued; “I can’t do anything now. Because all the things Lucas has told happened before he was removed from his home, and before his mother apparently got her treatment sorted out. But. There is a but her. If something comes up now, you have to report it to me immediately. I can’t prevent Lucas from staying at his mother this weekend, I’m sorry. I know you guys would like me to, but I can’t.”

Isak felt the words like a punch in the face, even if he kind of knew that it was going to happen. He felt his stomach cramp up, and the lump in his throat was growing. He fisted his hands and tried to breath, but didn’t manage to make it without sounds.

“I’m so sorry Isak, but I can’t do anything. I totally can see your anger and frustration now, but I can’t. I’m so sorry.”

“So what you’re actually saying is that we can’t do anything before Lucas mother does something to him?”

“She doesn’t necessarily have to actually do something to him, and to be honest I don’t think she will do anything to him – but maybe it’s what she doesn’t do that is the worst. I want you to be aware of how she’s interacting with him. Greeting him – him greeting her – saying goodbye, greeting you after he’s been there, and his experience of being there. Make him speak with you, and please, if you’re able to – record it – filming or voice recording, doesn’t matter.  You’ve told us how he reacted after last weekend, and I would like you to be very aware of his reaction on Sunday when you pick him up. And IF he gets any more nightmares after being with her again, I want to know immediately.”

Isak’s still struggled with his breath, but was managing better. “Ok, so we have to leave him there this weekend?”

“Yes” Thomas said “You’ll have to. I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault” Even said “but we’re not looking forward to it this Friday, that’s for sure”

“I understand, but I don’t have any authority to stop it as long at the verdict from the court is there. Just be there for Lucas when you can, and do what you do best for him – be good and loving parents!”

“We will” Even said, holding his hand around Isak’s back, and pulling him tight.

“I want to have a new meeting – Monday, 0900?” Thomas said. 

“We’ve got another appointment at 1030, will we be done in time?” Isak asked, looking hasty at Even. They had their appointment with Kriss at Monday morning, and Isak wouldn’t miss that. He wanted to “borrow” Kriss a bit from Even. Talking about the nightmare, getting things sorted again. And Even did need the appointment too, Isak thought. Even if there were absolutely no signs of Even slipping. He was the rock. His anchor. Isak leaned into Evens side to get some body contact.

“Probably not” Thomas said. “We’ve been here for nearly two hours today.”

“We can move the other appointment to 1130” Even said calmly. Isak looked at him, and saw that Even understood the importance of Kriss just now.

“That’s very nice if you could, because I think it’s a good thing to hold that meeting as soon as possible after Lucas returns to you after being with his mother. But I don’t want to ruin your Sunday afternoon.” Thomas smiled.

“No, that time is going to be precious” Even said.

“Ok” Anna spoke now. “Next meeting; Monday at 0900. We’ll be there all of us!”

“Ok” Isak said, and stood up. Swaying a bit, but got Evens hand on his back steadied him.

“We’re going home and you’re going to rest” Even said, fastening his grip around Isaks waist.

“Sounds like the thing to do” Anna said, smiled and patted Isak’s shoulder.

“Yeah” Isak just answered and started to walk to the door, holding Evens hand now. “See you all on Monday”

“See you” Thomas said. “Take care boys”

“Say hey to Lucas from me.” Anna said. “Bye”

“Will do” Even said before they were out of the door.

They walked in silence out of the building and to their car. Got in, and then Isak started to shake, and the tears just streamed down his face. He couldn’t stop it. “He has to go, Even. He has to go to her on fucking Friday!”

“I know, sweetie. I know.” Even reached over from his seat in the car, pulled Isak into his arms and held him. “But now we’re going home, and I’m getting you into bed, and we’re going to relax, and maybe you can sleep a bit. Want me to phone Sana and cancel the dinner tonight?”

“No. Please. I wanna go. Wanna talk to Sana, want to get my mind on something else." Isak said tired. He took a deep breath and whispered, "And, we’ve got to text mum when we come home.”

Even smiled at him. “Yeah. We’re gonna text mum when we come home.”


	10. Wednesday - Hurt and cheering up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak hurts and Even's comforting and cheering him up.

**Wednesday 14.05**

Even sat by the dining table  in their kitchen, reading, waiting for Isak to wake up. They had come home about an hour ago and Isak had stumbled in their bedroom-door and crashed right into bed, fallen asleep immediately, clothes and shoes on. Even wasn’t that tired, he felt good, and didn’t want to ruin his sleep schedule, so he didn’t go to bed with Isak, even if he would love to curl up to Isak’s side. He undressed his exhausted husband, tucked the duvet around him and kissed him on his temple and whispered “love you so much” before he went out in the kitchen.

Even remembered that he had to reschedule their appointment with Kriss, so he wrote him a text

**Kriss (th) 1407**

_“Hey Kriss.”_

_“Can we set our appointment  Monday till 1130?”_

_“Instead of 1030 I mean.”_

_“We’ve got a meeting at the child-services at 0900, and it will probably last two hours.”_

Kriss answered quick this time.

_“Sure.”_

_“Good news? Bad news?”_

_“Actually no news.”_

_“Lucas is going to his mother this weekend – as planned”_

_“The meeting Monday is to evaluate the weekend”_

_“Been there today and told everything that’s happened so far”_

_“Good. Talking helps.”_

_“I know.”_

_“Isak’s going through some hard times now.”_

_“Nightmare tonight – from his childhood – he was apparently locked up in his room when his parents had fights”_

_“Oh. That’s not good”_

_“Triggers around him”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“That’s what the guy at the childrens services said too.”_

_“If Isak needs to sort things out before Monday, he can come in tomorrow at 12.”_

_“I’ll tell him when he wakes up.”_

_“You seems to be good now Even.”_

_“In a good place I mean”_

_“No worries?”_

_“Yes, I’m good. No signs of anything.”_

_“Just worried about Isak and Lucas.”_

_“Good. But take care of yourself too.”_

_“Sleep an eat regularly – stick to your strict regime, and take your meds”_

_“Doing all that.”_

_“Not jeopardizing anything now!”_

_“Good. Let me know when you’ve talked with Isak.”_

_“I will. Thanks a lot, Kriss”_

_“No worries.”_

 

Even sighed when he put his phone down. He was indeed worried about Isak. It hurts so much seeing Isak struggle with both Lucas returning to his mother and his own history. Even knew a lot about Isak’s childhood. He had told him a lot. But what could he do when Isak didn’t remember everything himself? How could he protect Isak from a past Isak didn’t know about before it hit him like a lightening in the dark night? How could he be there for the handsome, strong, confident but yet fragile, scared and hurt man he loved so much? Evens heart bleed for Isak. He wished he could swipe all the bad things away and just have the happy, smiling, laughing and cheerful Isak by his side all the time. But he knew it wasn’t that easy. It was a battle – and he was ready to fight. Together with Isak.

He could hear some movements from their bedroom, and he got on his feet, walking upstairs and looked in through the crack of the door. Isak was waking up. Even opened the door, watched the beautiful man waking up from his – hopefully – dreamless nap. He walked in and lied down behind Isak, stroking his back, his hair, his arms. Isak hummed.

“Hey love” Even whispered. “Slept well?”

“Hmmm… I guess. What time is it?”

“Half past two. You’ve slept for about one hour and a half.”

“It was good. The best part was you being her when I woke up.”

“Always here for you, Is. Always. Feeling better?”

“Yeah. Kind of.”

“Ok. What’s on your mind? Talk to me, Is. I’m here.”

“It’s just… I feel kind of useless. I just feel like I can’t handle it. I couldn’t speak in Anna’s office without shivering, I fainted, if I think about Friday my pulse is rising as if I’ve run marathon, I fucking peed my pants tonight because of a fucking nightmare – like I was a three-year-old. Even, I’m a fucking coward, a fucked up human being. You have to do all the work all the time.”

Even shook his head, put his arms around Isak and pulled him tight to his chest.

“Is. You are the most loving, caring, empathic, lovable, wonderful, sympathetic – and at last but not least – gorgeous – human being I know. And you struggle because you had bad things happening to you in your childhood and youth. And you struggle because you’re afraid. You struggle because you’re not in control – and you hate that.  You want all the best for the people you love, and when you can’t get it, you feel like it’s your fault. But it isn’t. It’s not your fault, and you can’t keep blaming yourself. You can’t be superman and fix this – because we’re not the one who can. But together we can make things easier, and maybe we can contribute to fix it – and if we succeed that’s great, and if not, we at least can say that we did our best.”

Even looked down at Isak, and wanted really to pound the words in to his brain. Get him to understand it. Get him to see the Isak he saw him. The strong Isak. The lovely Isak. The caring Isak. The wonderful, gorgeous, kind, smart Isak who wold give everything in the world in exchange for his loved ones being safe and loved.

“I’m going to sing you a song. And before you ask; Yes, Lucas has rubbed off on me, because it’s kind of a Coldplay-song, and I love it. And I want to sing it to you because I want you to be safe, to feel loved, to feel like you’re the best thing in my life every day, always and forever. No matter what.  I’ve rewritten it a bit – so it fits us. You ready?”

“Ok” Isak said, looking up at Even. Even bent over to get his guitar, and he sat back in their bed, and started to sing.

_I've been reading books of old_

_The legends and the myths_

_Achilles and his gold_ _Hercules and his gifts_

_Spiderman's control_

_And Batman with his fists_

_And clearly I don't see ourself upon that list_

 

_But I said, where'd you wanna go?_

_How much you wanna risk?_

_I_ _'m not looking for somebody_

_With some superhuman gifts_

_Some superhero_

_Some fairytale bliss_

_Just something I can turn to_

_Somebody I can kiss_

 

_"Oh I want something just like this_

_I want something just like this"_

_"Oh I want something just like this_ _I_

_want something just like this"_

 

_I've been reading books of old_ _T_

_he legends and the myths_

_The testaments they told_

_T_ _he moon and its eclipse_

_And Superman unrolls_

_A_ _suit before he lifts_

_But you’re not the kind of person that it fits_

 

_I said "Where'd you wanna go?_

_How much you wanna risk?_

_I'm not looking for somebody_

_With some superhuman gifts_

_Some superhero_

_Some fairytale bliss_

_Just something I can turn to_

_Somebody I can kiss"_

 

_"I want something just like this_

_I want something just like this"_

 

Isak looked at him while he sang, and Even looked Isak straight in the eyes. He wanted Isak to understand that he was good enough just the way he was. And that Even loved him just the way he was. And that would never change no matter how many nightmares he got, or how many time he fainted in public offices, or how many times he didn’t feel like he was good enough. Because he was. He was more than good enough for Even, and Even wanted Isak see that, wanted him to believe that.

When Even had finished his song, he put down the guitar, and took Isak in his arms. Isak buried his face in Evens chest, and sniffed.

“I love you, Is. You don’t have to be someone else. I love YOU.”

“And I love you. Thank you, that was a beautiful song. Thank you! I think Lucas can keep up rubbing off on you – it’s the third song that have made me cry this week.”

“Yeah – he’s got good taste in music that boy.”

“Speaking of him – he’s at mum and dad’s now” (Even couldn’t stop smiling at Isak when he said “mum” and “dad” to his parents) – “weren’t you suppose to text her today?”

“Oh, fuck…!” Even said. “I forgot. Can you pass me you’re phone please – if I can use it?”

“Sure” Isak handed him the phone, and they lied down on the bed, so both could see the texts.

Even searched for Liv’s number, and started writing the text.

 

**Liv 15:47**

_“Hey mum.”_

_“How’s Lucas?_

_“By the way – it’s Even writing, from Isak’s phone.”_

_“Oh, my god”_

_“I thought it was Isak – finally calling me mum.”_

_“You know that would be very nice, Isak, sweetie”_

 

Even grinned widely at Isak when he read the text – and Isak blushed and rolled his eyes at Even, but he smiled too.

 

_“And Lucas is fine. He and Anders are in the garden playing football”_

_“Did he said anything about anything?”_

_“No, not a word.”_

_“Maybe it’ll come at the bedside tonight?”_

_“It might, or might not”_

_“We spoke to Anna, the police and Anna’s superior today”_

_“Nothing new, but they are following up this case close.”_

_“We’re going to a new meeting with them on Monday”_

_“They weren’t pleased about the situation – especially not the nightmares”_

_“So that means Lucas has to go to his mother this weekend?”_

_“Yes. Unfortunately. ”_

_“But.., ..you know what he did this morning?”_

_“He put his pillow in our bed so it would smell like me and Isak”_

_“And he wanted bring it to his mother, so he could feel like we were there whit him when he slept”_

_“ <3”_

_“He’s something else”_

_“Yes, he is”_

_“He also said that he knew he had to go, and he would, but didn’t like it”_

_“Aww”_

_“He’s far too grown up in his mind for a six-year-old”_

_“I know.”_

_“Well, we’re going to Sana and Yousef’s for dinner this evening so we’d better get ready”_

_“Have a nice time, boys.”_

_“Say hi to Isak from me – even if I know he’s beside you reading it”_

_“Yes, he is”_

_“He might be taking you up on that “mum”-thing”_

 

Isak blushed again – pounded Evens ribs hard, and mumbled “you weren’t supposed to write that” between his teeth. Even just laughed, and gave Isak a big, wet kiss.

 

_“Would love it if you would do that, Isak”_

_“He’s blushing”_

_“And nodding”_

 

Isak was blushing even more, (Even smiled wider) but not exactly nodding, more of a nod-shake-nod-shake kind of movement with his head, because of his silly husband. Even didn’t mind, kissed him again and again and again.

 

_“I know Even’s teasing you now, Isak.”_

_“I’m on your side. Feel free if you’d like”_

 

Isak grabbed his phone out of Evens hand, showed him down on the bed, and typed the answer back to Liv while Even laughed and looked at his husband, stars in his eyes.

 

_“Thanks, Liv”_

_“That ridiculous son of yours are making fun of me – but I’ll cope”_

_“Because I’ve got the best parents-in-law in the whole world to help me out with him.”_

_“And I might take you up on the suggestion – I’ve thought about it”_

_“But it’s kind of strange to start with”_

_“Now I’m giving MY phone back to your foolish, irritating, ridiculous – yet lovable – son”_

_“Say hi to Anders and Lucas from me”_

_“Feel sorry for you, Isak!"_

_"Even; be good to him”_

_“Yes, mum! – It's me, Even,  again.”_

_“We got to get ready for Sana and Yousef”_

_“Love you guys!”_

_“Love you too <3”_

 

Even stared at Isak for a while after reading what he had written. “Me? Foolish? Ridiculous? I got your beautiful smile back on your face with it at least”

Isak shook his head. “Yes, you did. Thank you for cheering me up”. Even planted another wet, sloppy kiss on Isak’s mouth, and Isak responded. Licked Evens lower lip. Even could feel it in his toes – he cupped Isak’s cheek, forcing him to open his mouth so he could sneak his tongue in, licking inside of his mouth. Isak was moaning from the depth of the kiss, and Even felt Isak melt into his body, and he loved it. Loved making Isak soft – in every way (but one). Even pulled back.

“We’ve got to stop” Even panted, “We’re going to Sana and Yousef for dinner. It’s soon 1700, and we should be there at 1730.” Even pushed a tiny bit away. Isak stared at him.

“We’ll get back to this when we get home. I promise” Isak said. Standing up and leaving Even on the bed. Even smiled wide, his pants were so tight it was painful, but he had to leave it for now. He laughed at himself – they were just like horny teenagers, but luckily they had the sense to stop. Even was already looking forward to a night with Isak – all to himself.


	11. Wednesday - at Sana and Yousefs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner at Sana and Yousefs
> 
> And a heating car-ride back home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for kudos and comments.   
> Really appreciate it! <3
> 
>  
> 
> This is a short chapter with mostly good feelings.

** Wednesday 17:25 – Sana and Yousef, **

They made it – luckily there weren’t a lot of traffic this evening – or else they would have been late. Even parked the car, and they were about to get out when Even said; “Oh, Is. Forgott to tell you, I texted Kriss earlier, our appointment on Monday is rescheduled to 1130. And he said if you needed, you could see him tomorrow at 12.”

“Did you and Kriss talk about me?” Isak looked at Even, shooting his brows up. 

“He asked about you, and I just told him you’d got a nightmare. He knows your story, Is. You’ve seen him so many times with me. He was just concerned about you.”

“Sorry” Isak said. “Do you think it would be a good idea?”

“You don’t have to say you’re sorry, Is. Please. And why not? We don’t have anything else scheduled for tomorrow other than picking up Lucas after school.”

“Can you come with me?” Isak asked quiet. 

“Of course, love.” 

“Ok, thanks.”

“Ok? I’ll text Kriss to let him know.”

Isak grabbed Evens hand as they left the car and walked up to Sana and Yousef’s house. He was looking forward to the easy, relaxed conversations with Sana and Yousef. And he knew that they wouldn’t mind either talking about Lucas’ case or not talking about Lucas’ case. They just wanted to be there for them. It was nice. The door opened as they walked up the stairs.

“Hey, Best Bud” Sana smiled at them, especially at Isak, took him in her embrace, and he hugged her back, real tight.

“Hey Best Bud” he mumbled to her neck. “Nice to see you” 

Sana hugged Even too, and looked at Isak again. 

“You don’t look to good, Isak. Sorry if I say so. You look like shit!”

“Thanks a lot, Sanasol” Isak grinned at her. “I don’t actually feel like I’m shining like a sun on a bright summer day either.”

“It’ll get better. You’re taking care of him, Even. Aren’t you?” Sana lowered her eyebrows and stared at him. 

“Of course, Sana. Wouldn’t dare not to – I don’t wanna risk getting you on my back…”

“Haha…. Fun.” Sana smiled.

“I know,” Even smiled back.

They walked into the living room, and Yousef came out to greet them, gave them both a big hug, and patted their backs. 

“So how’s it going?” Yousef asked. 

“We’re coping. Had meeting with Anna, her superior and a police officer today.” Isak told them, and smiled sadly. 

“I sense it didn’t go your way?”

“No – or – not exactly. They’re on our side – saying that they think the court verdict is wrong, but they can’t do anything about it, because the episodes Lucas is dreaming about is before he was moved and before his mother started her treatment.”

“Too bad.” Sana said. “So there’s nothing you can do?”

“Not now, but we’re about to register all Lucas statements, stories, moodswings, outburst – or no outbursts – and interactions with his mother – up to the time we leave him there at Friday and from Sunday when we pick him up, and throughout the next week. And then we’re giving the information we might get back to Anna, and they will see if there’s anything they can do. They really don’t want Lucas to stay with his mother.”

“Ok. Sounds hard!” Yousef said, touching Isak’s shoulder and shook it. 

“Yes. It is. Hard. Fucking hard. Oh… sorry. Didn’t mean to swear – your kids probably got ears as long as a broomstick too?”

Sana smiled at him. “Yes they have, but they can’t hear you. They’re at my parents. Thought it would be nice with adults only tonight”

“Ah…” Even breathed out. “Nice one, Sana. And Yousef!” He pulled Isak into his side, and kissed his temple. 

“We thought if you wanted to grab a beer or something, you could sleep here?” Sana suggested carefully. 

“Oh, thanks Sana but…” Isak started

“…I – we – don’t think drinking at this time is a good idea – not even a beer.” Even finished. 

“And we ought to get home in our own bed, I think that’s best for the both of us” Isak continued. “But thanks anyway.”

“No problem” Yousef said. “We understand. But – hey – food is ready, take a seat, please!”

They got seated around the dining table, and the conversation flowed easily. Most about work, kids – and high school and UNI-memories. Isak thought it was wonderful. He felt that he was relaxing, chatting, and was cut off from the reality for a while. They were so lucky to have such nice and good friends as Sana and Yousef. 

The evening went on, and they had a really good time. Sana served coffee and dessert while seated on the coach, and Yousef and Even were in the middle of a conversation about which colour was the best for making a room feel cold. An everyday conversation. Isak liked it, the everyday life. The time was about 21 and he felt himself dose off for a bit, seated in the coach, Even on his right side, and a coffee in his hand.

“Ooo… watch out” Even said, as Isak was about to pour the coffee in his lap. “I think maybe we should go home. This one is worn out” he said smiling to both Sana and Yousef pointing at Isak. 

“Yes, I can see that” Yousef said. “Early night might be good for both of you”. 

“Yeah” Isak yawned. “I think that’s a good idea. Thank you very much for a delicious meal and very nice company!”

“It was our pleasure, Isak” Sana said, giving him a hug. Yousef leaned in and hugged him to. 

“Take care of your boys” Yosef whispered to Even as he hugged him. “I’m a bit worried about Isak. He seems drained.”

“It’s hard on him – getting his own childhood right back in his face now - but he’s strong too. I will take care of him. No worries.” Even whispered back, ending their hug. 

They left Sana and Yosef’s house hand in hand, Isak almost collapsed in the car seat, and pouted. “I was looking forward to a long evening in bed with you, handsome”. 

“Oh, you’re going to get a long evening in bed with me, sweetie. Just not the way you imagined. You’ll probably fall asleep here in the car – before we’re halfway home – and you’ll collapse on our bed when we get home.”

“Yeah” Isak said. “We should have finished what we started before dinner”. He was smiling shyly at Even. Thinking about all the things he would like Even to do to him. Evens hands on his hips, in his hair, on his cheek, on his neck, on his thighs, on his ass, in his crotch, on his dick, and for some reason – all of a sudden - he was not so tired anymore. He felt his dick twitch a bit, and when he looked up at Even, he saw the lust and desire in Evens eyes too – probably coming from Isak’s statement. 

“Yes, we probably should” Even said. 

“Or, we can finish when we come home” Isak said. Laying his hand on Evens thigh, stroking up and down, going higher and higher each stroke. 

“Fuck, Isak. I’m driving. This is more dangerous than drunk driving”. 

“Just making sure you don’t fall asleep” .

Even smiled his brightest smile back to him  “I thought you were the one to fall asleep” he said with a little arousal in his voice.

“I was, but then I started to imagine what I want you to do to me.” He smiled the tiny little smile he knew Even loved. “I want you…” he whispered, leaning over to whisper in Evens ear – even if it was just the two of them in the car. “I want you so bad. I want you to rim me with your fantastic tongue, I want you to finger me open, slowly with your beautiful strong and long fingers, I want you to blow me whit your awesome mouth, and I want you to fuck me with your fantastic, wonderful, hard, big dick. Mmmmm. I want you!”

“Oh-oh.... Fuck….. ” Even burst out. “Stop, Isak, I’m going to hit the sidewalks or the ditch or some people if you don’t stop. I really would like to fuck you and do whatever you want me to do with you, but I can’t do that if I crash our car.”

“Okay…” Isak said. Leaning back in his seat, reaching down to his crotch pushing and adjusting his hardening dick. His pants were to tight, and he was wondering if he should pull down the zipper and get his dick out, but when he heard Evens moans just of his hand on the outside of the pants, he decided not to. Didn’t want to end up in a car-crash. 

“Isak, please. Stop touching yourself” Even growled. Isak could see the bulge in Evens pants, and saw Even was getting a little red in his face. Isak enjoyed it. But he wouldn’t tease Even much more now. It was almost enough. He wasn’t tired anymore, and Even hadn’t crashed their car – yet – so just one more.... “Ok” Isak answered. “No hands” – he took his hands behind his head, and shot his hips a bit forward, so the bulge in his own pants were very visible. Even moaned loud, clutched his hands to the stearin wheel and put his eyes on the road. Staring at the road. Isak hummed to himself. It was enough. He knew that he was going to get it when they got home, and he could barely wait. 

It was just before twelve at midnight they fell asleep. All tangled up in bed, naked, exhausted, content, sweaty, and comforted by the other man. All anxiety had been released for a while. All their tense muscles were relaxing, Isak was a bit sore but it was so worth it. Even had been so good to him, and he had got it back. Oh yes. 

“I love you, Ev” Isak mumbled before he fell asleep. 

“I love you too, Is” Even mumbled back, 

They pushed their bodies as close as they could, and slept. Finally – a dreamless night of sleep for both of them. Both their bodies and minds got some needed rest. 


	12. Thursday morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even have a morning all to them selves. Dreaming and comforting

**Thursday 0915**

_The sunbeams made the water sparkle. The air was warm and comfortable, and it was a beautiful day. There were a lot of people on the beach, families, couples, friends, someone played beach volleyball, someone swam, a boy tried to get up on a board – not succeeding - a couple of toddlers splashing water at themselves and their fathers, the fathers smiling at each other and Isak was wondering if they were a couple with twins or if they were buds with one kid each. He couldn’t stop smiling either way._

_Isak heard Lucas laughing at distance before he spotted him and Even running towards him, Even chasing Lucas, smiling, laughing, playing. Lucas was first over to their bath towels, almost buried in the sand, left there in a pile after the two boys decided to have a footrace to the car and back – just for fun. Lucas threw himself in Isak’s lap and yelled “I won, I won” and Isak was all of a sudden attacked by Even too, who threw himself upon both of them, tickling Lucas saying; “You cheated, you didn’t touch the back of the car”. Lucas laughed “You didn’t specify that it was the back of the car we should touch. You just said “bumper” – and cars have bumpers both in front and in the back”. “Oh did I? I did so say the rear one!” Even said, attacking Lucas with his long fingers again, tickling him and lifted him up in the air while lying on his back, all the sand from Lucas body sprinkled all over both himself and Isak. Isak just smiled at those two boys. He smiled at the joy, the love, the friendly battering between them, the giggles, the fun. Even let Lucas down. “You owe me an ice-cream, Even. You said the winner would get one”. Lucas looked at Even then at Isak who nodded. “You did, Ev.” Isak smiled at him. Even sighed – “ok, even if you cheated.” He grabbed his wallet, gave Lucas some money and said; “By one for Isak and me too, please?” Lucas smiled. “Ok” and he run along to the ice-cream store._

_Even turned to Isak and smiled, Isak laid down, watching his husband, smiling and said; “We made it, Even. We made it”_

 

 

And then Isak woke up.

Isak sat up in bed, he could feel the good feeling from the dream in his whole body.

“Even” he said out in the empty room. No answers. Isak checked his phone – half past nine. Even was up long ago, he knew it. Probably sitting at their kitchen table reading and drinking coffee, waiting for his sleepy husband to come down. Isak pulled on sweatpants and went downstairs finding Even at the kitchen table as presumed.

“Hey sweetie” Even said when he walked in.

“Hey handsome” Isak replied, put his arms around his neck and kissed him, “I had the most wonderful dream just before I woke up.”

“Oh” Even looked at him, smiled, and Isak was sure that those blue eyes could never stop being the most beautiful eyes in the world, the same with his smile. Breath-taking beautiful smile. “Wanna tell me about it?”

“Yeah.” Isak continued, as he sat down beside Even, leaning in to him, stroking his chest and shoulders “We were at a beach – I’m not sure where, it looked like Greece or France or something, but we’d got a car so I don’t know. Anyway, Lucas and you did a footrace in the sand, and you accused Lucas of cheating because he won, and you were both giggling, laughing and having so much fun, and I didn’t mind getting all sandy because of you two fighting and getting our bath towels all messed up in piles with sand all over. It was so wonderful.”

Even looked at him, and he knew by the look on Evens face that he was going to tease him now, and it was ok. “Yeah, that was definitely a dream if you didn’t mind sand everywhere or messed up towels” Even grinned widely, and Isak just showed him lovingly away. “I’m sorry” Even giggled “it sounds like a wonderful dream, and maybe it will come true? You know we can afford to go on holiday this winter if we want to. We both have vacation left, and we’ve got some savings that I would like us to spend on something very nice – like a beach-holiday.”

“Mhm.” Isak nodded. “We could do that. After Christmas maybe?”

“Or before? Maybe when all this is over? November?”

Isak looked at him and couldn’t resist the urge to kiss his wonderful husband. Reaching up to cup his chin and kissed him forcefully. “November” he mumbled into the kiss. Even put his arms around him and pulled Isak into his lap, Isak straddling him and deepened the kiss, tugging his hair and slid his tongue into Evens mouth. He could feel himself hardening, and he was sure Even was too. “Wanna shower with me” Isak panted. “Yes, please” Even moaned, and they stumbled out of the kitchen and into the shower.

 

 

A while after – as long as it took to empty the water heater in their house, and some more – they sat in their kitchen again, eating breakfast, chatting, smiling at each other, enjoying the company. They talked about Lucas a lot, how he’d grown so much in the three years. Isak didn’t want to think about him not being with them. He just wanted to enjoy the good feeling he had just now. From the wonderful dream, the hot and definitely breath-taking shower-sex and the delicious breakfast Even had made him. And Even was on that path too. They avoided all bad topics, knowing that they would have to deal with them later.

"So, where would you like to go on vacation? Europe? Asia? America?" Even asked, smiling at him – the most beautiful smile Isak knew.

“I don’t know.” Isak waited for a second “not a typical tourist-place, but it has to be beach, restaurants, shops, playgrounds maybe? I don’t want to go too far – don’t like flying that much.”

“So Europa then. Or Northern Africa. It narrows it a bit.”

“Yeah – and NOT Canary Islands”

“Agree. What about Malta or Malaga?”

“Sounds good. We should probably book soon if we want to go in November.”

“Probably” Isak hesitated “but we don’t know if we should book for two or three.” He looked at Even, and knew that his eyes were sad again. He didn’t want to ruin this great morning, but just the thought of Lucas not being with them when November came was hurting. “I’m sorry Even. This was supposed to be a cheerful morning, and now I ruined it”. Even stood up and came around the table to Isak and pulled him into his arms, held him tight. “Please, Isak. Stop saying you’re sorry for what you feel. Only you can feel what you feel, remember? It’s ok. It’s not that I didn’t think about that too.”

Isak lifted his head, looking at Even “You did? Why didn’t you say so, and why doesn’t it show in your face that you’re sad?”

“It doesn’t show because I don’t want you to be sad. And yes, I did. But you know what. I’ve got a hunch that Lucas is coming with us on this vacation. I just feel it. In here.” Even put his hand over his heart.

“I’m sorry” Isak said again.

“Is…” Even started “for what?”

“For you not showing your feeling because you’re afraid I’m going to be sad. You should show your feeling no matter what!”

“I am, Is. It was just now. I promise. I’m not holding back anything. I’m in a good place, I show my feelings, I’m not slipping. I’m here for you.”

Even held him tight to his chest, stroking his back, comforting him. The strong arms made Isak breath steadily, and he got back in the good place he was a bit earlier. He pulled out of the hug, tilted his head, kissed Even lovingly.

“Thanks Even. So Malaga? November? Two adults and one kid? I’ll do the reservations tomorrow.”

“Yeah. Sounds awesome. And if – IF – not that it’s going to happen, but if – IF – Lucas isn’t with us – we just borrow Marcus” Even said, and Isak stared at him, about to slap him on his arm, but then he saw the tiny twitch on his lips, and he laughed. And they laughed together, holding tight. “Yeah right!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short one - 
> 
> The next one will probably come later this eveing.


	13. Thursday - at Kriss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isaks appointment with Kriss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I've mentioned before - I've absolutely no idea - what so ever - how an appointment with a therapist works out - I'm just letting Isak and Even have someone to talk things through with. Make some new thoughts, get some new points of view.

**Thursday 1200**

The waiting-room at Kriss’ office was familiar, but still, Isak felt like it was strange. Maybe it was because this was HIS appointment. He wasn’t her with Even this time. It was Even that was with him, and it scared him a bit. It was his story that should be told today, and he wasn’t yet sure if he wanted that story to be told. Not to Kriss. He had told everything he remembered to Even during the years, and that had been really good, but to let Kriss in on his darkest past – he wasn’t sure of that. Even put his arm around his shoulder and pulled him into his side. “You only have to tell as much as you feel is alright, Is.” Isak looked at him and nodded. “I know. But what’s the point if I don’t tell him what’s worrying me?”

“You can tell Kriss what’s worrying you without telling him everything. He knows that you had a rough childhood and youth. He knows your parents wasn’t the best. He knows you run away when you were 16. He knows about your father running away and your mother’s mental illness.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Isak said, leaning into Evens side. “I guess I’m a little afraid of what can come up – what if I suddenly remember more episodes like the one in the nightmare, what if I can’t deal with it?”

“Then Kriss will be here to help you. And I will. If you want me to come in with you.”

“You don’t dare leave me alone, Even” Isak said definitely grabbing his hand and held it tight. Even smiled at him, squeezing his shoulder.

“I’m never leaving you alone as long as you don’t want me to!”

The door to Kriss’ office was opened, and Kriss stood in the doorway smiling at them.

“Oh, my favourite couple. Come in boys, have a seat. Coffee?”

“Yes, please” Even said.

“Isak?”

“Can I have a glass of water, please” Isak mumbled.

“Of course” Kriss said, walked over to the little kitchen in the waitingroom and grabbed a mug of coffee for Even and a big glass of icewater for Isak.

 

They got into his office, and Isak sat down on the edge of the chair, while Even leaned back in his chair. Kriss sat down behind his desk.

“Sooo, Isak.” He started. “I understand that there has been a nightmare that you’ve never had before, and that this nightmare comes from actual experiences from your childhood – can you please tell me about it?”

Isak swallowed a couple of times, brushed his hands on his thighs, bit his lip, and started to tell Kriss about it. From the beginning to he was awaken by Even. And he told Kriss about what he remembered in the shower after. He even told Kriss about the “peeing-himself”-incident during the nightmare.

“I see. That was a tough one. Do you remember anything about the day before – before the incident in the nightmare I mean?”

“No”

“What about the day after?”

“No”

“Ok. What do you feel about it now?”

“I really don’t know. It’s just another bad episode from my childhood story. But it’s the only time I can remember being that scared that I peed myself, the only time I saw my mother hit my father. I guess it makes me a bit scared.”

“What are you scared about?”

“That there will be more nightmares" Isak moved a bit, twisted his hands, and said - almost whispering "And that it’s going to happen to Lucas when he’s at his mother.”

“I can see that. But if there is another nightmare, what’s going to happen?”

“I’ll be terrified again, and I’ll wake Even up, maybe I’ll even hurt him because I don’t know what I’m doing – after all I peed my pants in my sleep – I can’t control what I do in my sleep.”

“That’s correct. You can’t control it, and then you can’t be blamed for it.”

“I guess” Isak said, hesitantly.

“And what happens to Lucas when he’s with his mother, you can’t be blamed for either – and you can’t control it”

“No, and that’s freaking me out!” Isak raised his voice a bit. “I want to protect him at all costs, but I can’t, and I know how it hurts being hurt by a parent!”

“Yes, you do, Isak. And you know what? You can use that to help Lucas – in one way or another. Because your experiences may be bad, but you got through it, you’ve a good life with Even now, you managed High school without your parents, you got a new family in Evens, you’ve got a good job, and you’ve got a fosterson that wants you to be his dad. All that you have achieved even if your parents didn’t take care of you like they should.”

“I guess.”

“What do you think about what I just said – does it make sense?”

“Yes, it does. And I can see what you’re telling me. It’s just… I’m so afraid of what’s hiding in my subconscious, and what will come out. And if I can handle it.”

“I can’t tell you what’s in there” Kriss said, pointing at Isaks head, “But I’m pretty sure you can handle it with Even by your side.” Kriss nodded in Evens direction, and Even smiled at him.

“Yeah, he’s wonderfull. And he was that night. But what if my history triggers his….” Isak looked at Even “what if my nightmares triggers episodes for you?” Even looked at him, and looked at Kriss.

“Well” Kriss said “that could happen, but I doubt it. Because it’s not that sort of things that triggers most manic episodes. And besides Even’s a very good boy with both medication and schedules of sleeping and eating, so I doubt it.” Even nodded in agreement with what Kriss said. Kriss and Isak had a short conversation about triggers and dealing with them, both for Isak’s nightmares and what might trigger episodes for Even. Isak felt better, he felt that he wasn’t risking anything for Even by getting a new nightmare, he felt that he was relaxing a bit, and that he might be able to deal with things if they came at night. But he wasn’t sure. It depended on the severity of the nightmares. 

“But Isak. If you want to, I can try to hypnotise you – get your mind back to your childhood and maybe discover some episodes that you don’t remember now. And then you can work through them here with me? I can't guarantee it will work, because it's not something that works for everyone. But maybe?”

Isak looked at Kriss and then at Even, thinking about the suggestion. What good could it do? And what bad things could happen? He was afraid of knowing anything more bad things about his childhood, but he was at the same time sure there were something under the surface, and he would rather relive it here with Kriss who he could talk to, than have nightmares at home.

“Yeah, maybe that would be something?” He watched Even showing a little smile on his lips. He agreed to the decision, but it was Isak’s decision. “Like now?”

“No, not now. I just had half an hour for you today, and a session like that craves at least an hour. Maybe an hour and an half. But soon.”

“Ok” Isak nodded.

Kriss turned the pages in his book, finding a open spot. “What about Thursday in two weeks? Then we’ll do the weekend-talk at Monday with the both of you, and you can come in Thursday for hypnoses? You see, I would like you both to come in both upcoming Monday and next Monday. I think you both will need that.”

Isak looked at Even, and Even smiled and nodded ensuring at him. “Even has to come with me. I can’t do it without him.” Isak said fast and determined. He couldn’t do this without Even. If he couldn’t come with him, it was off.

“Sure, but he can’t be in this room while I hypnotise you. He has to be in the waiting room. Only a little scent of his perfume or a little cough can be enough for you to not getting far enough back to find something”

“Ok. That makes sense.” Isak nodded.

“Good.” Kriss said. Then I’ll see you both at Monday. Try to have a nice weekend, do something fun. Go out for dinner. Go to the movies. Go shopping. Have a lot of sex, eat in bed, shower together. Visit Evens parents, be with your friends. Do whatever you want – and need – to get your minds off the situation. And HAVE FUN!! – That’s an ordre!!” Kriss smiled at them both.

Isak glanced at Even and smiled, and Even smiled back. Kriss was a star, they knew it.

“We will” Even answered Kriss, and took Isak’s hand and got him on his feet. “We will”.

 

 

They walked out of Kriss’ office hand in hand, and Isak felt good. He got the feeling from this morning back, and he kind of manage to look forward to something good. And just now he looked forward to pick Lucas up from school. He couldn’t wait to see their boy smiling and chatting with them, they would make dinner together and maybe they would go to the park or the playground after dinner? He wasn’t sure, but he really wanted this afternoon and evening to be theirs. Only the three of them.

“Wanna grab a coffee before we pick Lucas up?” Isak asked Even, and he nodded.

“Yeah, that would be nice.” Even answered. “And maybe grab something to eat?”

“Sounds like a good idea.” Isak took a firmer grip on Evens hand, pulling him closer and tilted his head up, asking for a kiss. “You’ve got so many good ideas, my beautiful husband”

“Oh, compliments – or are you trying to get anything, mr Bech Næsheim?”

“Nothing, beside you buying coffee and food for me, I’ve forgotten my wallet back home!” Isak smiled his widest smile to him.

“Too bad – you’ll starve.” he laughed and pulled Isak in for another kiss.

Isak laughed back. Kissed him again, “Your problem. I get grumpy when I’m hungry.”

“Oh, we wouldn’t have any of that would we. I’d better pay for you then”

“Yeah, you will”. Isak smiled, took Evens hand and squeezed it as they walked to their car.


	14. Making dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucas is back home with Even and Isak after the sleepover at Evens parents..  
> Dinnertime and Lucas mood is a rollercoaster.

** Thursday 1415 **

They were back home. Lucas had talked the whole way from they sat in the car at school to the car was parked in their garage. And he didn’t stop then either. He told them about school the day before, and the same day, what he and Marcus had played, what they had done in classes, what their teacher had said, what the other classmates had said. The words just spilled out of his mouth, and Isak looked at Even and smiled. It was nice, safe, calm. Lucas seemed so good and happy, Isak almost thought that he didn’t remember what should happen the next day. 

“How was grandma and grandpa?” Even asked, when Lucas was silent for a bit, they were in their kitchen, unpacking groceries. 

“They were good. Grandpa and I played football and I got pancakes for dinner, and ice cream for dessert…” He smiled at Even “…and Nutella sandwich for breakfast” – Lucas smiled even wider. 

“I knew it” Even said, pretending to be angry “I knew we shouldn’t have left you there, they’re ruining your good habits!” Even smiled at Lucas, and Lucas smiled back. 

“Grandma says that’s what grandmas and grandpas are for. Spoiling their grandchildren” Lucas said, tilting his head up and put his nose in the air. 

“Oh, she says that? I’m going to have to talk some sense into that old lady!”

“She’s not old. She’s the best!” Lucas argued, still smiling. He knew that Even was teasing him, but he couldn’t be absolutely sure. 

“Yes, she is!” Isak agreed “she’s absolutely the best. Even’s just jealous because he didn’t get Nutella sandwiches when he was a little boy!” Isak looked at Even, smiling, and Even stared back at him with so much love in his eyes, that Isak was sure he could drown in them. 

Lucas smiled at them both, about to say something, but he didn’t. He just watched them for a while, smiling his brightest smile while his eyes were wandering between Isak and Even. 

“What are you thinking about?” Even asked, ruffling Lucas hair. Isak wasn’t sure that he would want to know, but he looked at Lucas with a smile. 

“You love each other very much, don’t you?” Lucas asked silently. 

“Yes, we do” Even said, smiling at both Isak and Lucas, and Isak nodded too. “Why do you ask?” 

“Because grandma said that if someone loves each other very much, they can make anything happen.”

“Yes, that can be true” Even said. “Love is a very strong force, and can make anything happen. But unfortunately there are other forces in this world that can influence on our life so love doesn’t win. Even if we fight really, really hard!”

“Did you have something specific in your mind, Lucas?” Isak pulled Lucas in to his lap, stroking his back and watched his face as it changed its expression from happy to wondering to sad to wondering again. Lucas looked up at Isak and smiled at him and said shy

“I just would like love make the judges change their minds!” 

“Me too, Lucas. Me too!” Isak held the little boy tight in his lap, stroking his back, sniffing in his hair and rocked him a bit from side to side. “But you know what, Lucas? We – Even and I – we love you so much, that I think YOU can manage everything. And we don’t stop loving you – or love you any less – because of you going to your mum tomorrow. We love you just as much when we’re coming to get you on Sunday as we do right now, as we do tomorrow, as we did yesterday and as we will next week. Never doubt that, Lucas.” 

“Ok”, Lucas whispered, wrapping his arms around Isak’s neck and hugged him tight. “And I love you too.” They sat like that for a while, Even had sat down with them, and wrapped his long arms around both Lucas and Isak, and Isak could feel his breath steady in his ear, and he knew that even if he sounded calm, he was also hurting inside because of Lucas’ words but he didn’t show. And again – they were stunned about the boy’s ability to change mood, as he all of the sudden raised his head and announced; “I’m hungry. What’s for dinner, Even? Can I help?”

Isak and Even untangled themselves from the hug, Even laughed at Lucas “Hungry little man? What would you like?”

“Can I choose?”

“Maybe we’ve got something you can choose between?” 

“Oatmeal?” Lucas said – grinning at Isak, and Isak just looked at him, raising his eyebrows, smiled, grabbed him by his waist and tickled him

“You would like that, wouldn’t you?” Lucas laughed, and laughed as Isak tickled him. 

“No, no… We…. we won’t…. won’t ha…… have oh…oh…oatmeal” Lucas laughed while he tried to speak. 

“You’re quiet right, we won’t,” Isak laughed too. “But you can choose. Lasagne or pizza?”

“You or Even cooking?” Lucas looked up at Isak as he asked. 

“Why do you ask?”

“Because if you’re cooking I want pizza – because then it’s “Big One” or take away from the pizzastore. If Evens cooking I want lasagne because he makes the best lasagne in the world!”

“You say I can’t cook?” Isak smiled, grabbed Lucas waist again and tickled him a bit. 

“Ki….kih….kih…kiind of…” Lucas laughed, and Isak tickled him some more. 

“And he’s quite right!” Even said, smiling “Isak you can’t cook. You’re very good at heating up food, and ordering, but cooking, sorry sweetie!”

“I’m deeply hurt and shocked. My own two boys!” He pretended to be deeply hurt, but both Lucas and Even just laughed, and as they had a secret agreement and a secret sign, they both attacked Isak at the same time, tickling him so he fell off his chair, and they were all bundled up on the floor, laughing and smiling. 

“Okay, okay” Isak stuttered “Okay boys. I admit it. I can’t cook. But I would really like something to eat. Please.” Even and Lucas stopped the tickling-attack, and listened to him. “So what’s it gonna be, Lucas? Take-away pizza or Evens famous lasagne?”

“Easy, lasagne of course” Lucas smiled at Even “Can I help you?” 

“Yes, please” Even said. “You can teach Isak how to cut tomatoes, onions and carrots for the tomatosaus”

“Really?” Lucas raised his eyebrows as Even used to do “I have to teach him?” and then he turned to Isak rolling his eyes and smiled an overbearing smile. As Isak tried to grab him by his waist, he slipped away and got out in the living room, Isak after him with a big grin on his face, 

“I’m gonna get you Lucas. You’re gonna beg for mercy when I get you. The tickling will never stop!”

“Hey boys! You two!” Even said into the living room “Stop the fighting – come and help me with the lasagne instead.”

“Coming!” the boys shouted, laughing and laughing. They entered the kitchen again, Lucas on Isak’s back, bouncing up and down, smiling, laughing and hugging Isak from behind. 

Even had got the vegetables on the counter, so Lucas and Isak could start cutting, and by some miracle, they got it done without any more battling or cutting fingers. Even made the béchamel-sauce, and all three of them tasted it several times to ensure it was good enough. It was more than good enough the first time, Isak thought, but he didn’t mind tasting Evens food twice or thrice.

 

 

As they sat by the table later, about to eat Evens delicious lasagne, Lucas’ mood had changed again. He couldn’t hold his feet still, he sat bouncing his knee while he was waiting for his food, and he flicked his head around as he was looking for something or someone. He wasn’t concentrating while drinking his water, so he spilled it on his shirt, something he never used to do, he dropped his food when he started eat, he dropped his fork, and he almost forgot to put it into his mouth when he picked it up again. 

Isak looked worried at Even who looked at Lucas.

“Lucas?” he said calmly.

“Huh?” Lucas answered.

“Something’s bothering you. Please talk to us sweetie.” It wasn’t a question; it was a statement. They could both see he was struggling with something. 

“What?” Lucas said. 

“We can see that something is bothering you, Lucas. What is it?”

“NO!” Lucas said loud. “Nothing is bothering ME!” He yelled the “me” and he pushed his chair back so it fell back to the floor, and he marched right out from the kitchen and in to his room, slamming the door behind him. 

“Ouch” Isak said. “Something IS bothering him. You or me?”

“What do you want?” Even asked. Isak loved that he was so considerate, asking him what he wanted. 

“I would really like to go, but you can come with me?” 

“Nah.. I think one is enough for Lucas for now. You go, and I’ll come in a while if you guys don’t come out. 15 minutes?”

“yeah…” Isak said, stood up, kissed Even on his way to Lucas bedroom. 

He knocked three times and spoke before he opened the door. 

“Hey, Lucas. It’s Isak. Can I come in?”

“ **WHATEVER**!” Lucas shouted from his room. 

“I take that as a “yes” and will come in” Isak said, opening the door. Lucas was on his bed, his teddy in his lap. He was angry in his face, biting his lower lip and he was holding his bear so tight it might look as he was going to rip it to pieces. He had thrown his duvet on the floor, and he had kicked the rug that used to be in front of his bed under his desk. He was kicking the madras with his feet. 

“Hey, sweetie” Isak started. “Can I sit with you?”

“WHATEVER” Lucas said, a little less angry in his voice now, but not much. 

Isak sat down by his side, and started to talk. He hadn’t planned it, but it just happened. 

“You k, Lucas, when I was six, like you are now. I was also often very angry. I was angry at eight, ten, twelve and fifteen too, but when I was six I was angry with everyone, because nobody could see that I was hurting. And nobody could see that I didn’t feel well, and nobody could see that my mother and father weren’t good to me. My mother didn’t care, and my father wasn’t there most of the time. I remember I was so jealous of Jonas, because his mum used to hug him and kiss him when we walked to school. My mother didn’t even bother to get to the door. But you know what I didn’t do? I didn’t talk about it. So my anger stayed inside me. And some bad experiences stayed inside me too. And the experiences make the nightmares – like the one I got the other night. But the anger – the anger was inside me for years, and it was hurting me – making my stomach a hard knot, making me feel like I always had to defend myself, like I always had my guard up. Because I didn’t want to talk about things. I didn’t know how, I didn’t dare to and I had nobody to talk to.”

Lucas sniffed. “Why didn’t you talk to Jonas? He was your best friend.” 

“Oh, I did – eventually. But you see. I didn’t dare to talk to Jonas before I was 15, because I was afraid he wouldn’t care. I was afraid he would run away from me. I was afraid he would make fun of me for telling. Because that’s what I was used to.”

“That’s what your mum and dad did to you?”

“Yes.” 

Lucas crawled into Isak’s lap, hugged him and spoke slowly.

“I don’t want to leave you tomorrow. I don’t want to go to mum, but I know I have to. But I don’t want to. And I’m angry with the judges, and I’m scared of the nightmares. What if I get a nightmare when I’m away and mum doesn’t hear me or listen to me? Who’s gonna comfort me then, who’s gonna cuddle me then, who’s gonna make me go to sleep again if you and Evens not there? What if… What if…” Lucas started to cry silent tears down his cheeks. 

“Shhhh…. I know you’re scared, Lucas. And I know you’re angry, and it’s very, very brave of you to tell me that, because I’m here and I’m gonna listen to you – always!”

“What if she hits me and locks me up in my room?”

“Oh, she wouldn’t do that, Lucas. She was very ill when she did that before, and now she’s got medications and she’s got treatment, and she just want to be your mum.” Isaks heart pounded and his stomach wrenched when he said those words. He wasn’t sure of it, he might be lying in that exact moment, but what could he do? 

“Yeah, I guess.” Lucas said. “You really believe she’s good now?”

“I have to, Lucas!” Isak buried his head in Lucas hair, sniffed him, hugged him. “I have to, because how could I leave you there if I didn’t believe she was good? I won’t leave someone I love so much with a person that’s not good. And if – IF – I’m wrong, then I have to apologize a thousand times to you.”

“No, you don’t!” Lucas said. “Because it’s not you or Even that’s decided it. You’re just following the judge’s decision.” Lucas smiled a tiny smile. 

Isak hugged the boy tight again. “No wonder I love you so much, sweetie.” They hugged for a while, Isak rocking Lucas in his lap, finally Lucas was calm and his breath was steady. Isak asked him “Now, are you ready to come and eat some more of Evens delicious lasagne?”

“Yeah, I’m starving” Lucas said. 

“No wonder. You didn’t eat at all!”

“I know. I was busy being angry!” he smiled, and Isak smiled back. 

“Come on!” Isak grabbed Lucas under his arms, lifted him up and carried him into the kitchen, were Even sat all alone, worried expression on his face, but when he saw the two boys smiling, he gave them a big smile too. Isak mouthed “later” when his eyes questioned what had happened, and Even smiled again. 


	15. Evening and bedtime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The evening before Friday, oatmeal and bedtime.

**Evening and bedtime**

After dinner, they’d gone out in the park to play for a while. It was a beautiful autumn afternoon, the sky was almost cloudless and the evening sun was shining whit it’s dim beams. The leafs were about to change colours – some had already become both orange and red, while others still were sharp green. The air was a bit crisp, but not too cold.

Lucas had been so happy in the park, running forth and back, chatting with both Even and Isak, on the playground he’d been on the swing for a while, climbed, jumped, slid and run. On their way back home, they’d been “crazy” and bought ice-cream for all three of them. Lucas had stared at Isak when Isak suggested it, as he didn’t believe his ears. Ice-cream on a Thursday evening – no birthdays or special occasions – he was stunned.

Arriving home – a little late – but Isak thought that it didn’t matter tonight. It was the night before the dreaded Friday, so Isak didn’t give a shit. He was going to enjoy this afternoon and evening with Lucas and Even, and give a shit on his principles. Ice-cream after the playground was one thing, and now he assumed that Lucas would think he’d gone totally crazy when he was about to suggest supper,

“Hey Lucas” Isak said “Wanna have something to eat before your bath and getting into bed?”

“Yes, please” Lucas said. “What do we have?”

“Your choice, sweetie.”

“Sure?” Lucas glanced at him, not quite believing he got to choose this late.

“Yes, I’m sure. You decide what we’re going to eat this evening.”

“You’re going to regret it, Isak” Lucas giggled. “You’re so going to regret it”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I’m choosing Evens oatmeal of course!”

“Oh” Isak grinned – he knew Lucas would choose that, so he wasn’t surprised, but he acted like it, because he knew Lucas would giggle and laugh. And right now that was much more important than Isak getting something he liked to eat. “Oatmeal – how could I forget your obsession with oatmeal. You crazy boy!”

“You’re the one who’s crazy Isak, letting me choose.”

Isak rolled his eyes to Lucas, and tickled him a bit, “I guess you’re right. Come here now, we can cut the fruit and Even can make the oatmeal!”

Isak lifted Lucas up on the counter, and he started cutting the fruit while Lucas was watching.

“I need to pack after we’ve eaten” Lucas suddenly said, silent with a sad tone in the voice.

“You know what?” Isak answered “I can do that while you’re in the bathroom with Even. Then you don’t have to think about it?”

“Ok. Just remember my IPad, the charger and my teddy.”

“I will, sweetie. Anything else you want to bring?”

“Yeah. My pillow, but I don’t want you to put it in the bag until tomorrow. It can be in your bed tonight too.”

“What about you? You don’t need your pillow tonight?” Isak smiled, knowing what Lucas would say next. Lucas was smiling his brightest smile, looking straight at Isak with the brown, big eyes which could make both him and Even melt and fill them both up with love for the boy.

“I thought maybe I could sleep in your bed tonight?”

“Oh, you did, didn’t you?” Isak looked at Even who was following their conversation while he made the oatmeal. “What do you think Even, do we want this little snuggle monster in our bed tonight?”

“I think I can manage two snuggle monsters tonight!” Even smiled at them. Isak shook his head, Lucas giggled.

“That’s it then, Lucas. Think you’re sleeping in our bed tonight!” Lucas threw himself around Isaks neck, and hugged him tight. “Thank you!” he whispered, and reached for Even too, and hugged him, tight and long. They were all three in the same hug, and Isak felt Evens hand steady on his back, soothing, calming but also giving him strength and courage to keep himself going. And Isak needed all that, because he was almost tearing apart inside, but he didn’t want it to show. Not now.

After they’d eaten, Even took Lucas to the bathroom, and Isak walked into Lucas’ room and started packing. He pulled out his little wheeled suitcase Liv had given him when they were on holiday together – it was in June, they’d all been in London – Lucas, Even, Liv, Anders and him. It was wonderful – five days in London - the five of them. They’d seen all the attractions, Lucas had been on top of the world in the Eye of London, they’d walked through Hyde Park, they’d been at Hamleys – Lucas had barely been able to pick something to buy because of the amount of toys – they’d eaten fish and chips (Isak didn’t really like that– food in newspaper – not so hygienic he thought, but the boys didn’t listen to him), they’d eaten lunch in pubs, dinner at restaurants. Liv and Anders had insisted on watching Lucas one night, so Even and him had been out on a date night, eating in a fancy restaurant and had a few beers. Walking down by the Thames after, hand in hand just enjoying the company and the bussing sounds of the city. Cars, people, music, watching the lights mirroring in the Thames, watching the ravens of the Tower of London. It was magic. And even more magic, coming back to their hotel room finding Lucas all snuggled up in their bed, all piled up with their pillows, fast asleep with a smile on his lips.

Isak shook the memory away with a big smile and started to pack. Pants, t-shirts, boxers, socks, hoodies, pyjamas, raincoat… He folded the clothes neatly. Caressed every single one as he was trying to fill them with love, for Lucas. He put the IPad and charger on top, and made space for both Teddy and Lucas’ pillow. He wished there would be a way to monitor Lucas’ stay at his mother, like some surveillance equipment he could hide in his suitcase, but he knew that it wasn’t possible. But what if?

Isak shook it off as he went out of Lucas’ bedroom and walked into his and Evens. He laid down in bed, taking Lucas pillow and rubbed his nose into it, smelled the scent of Lucas, and closed his eyes. He had to breath a couple of times to himself to avoid the tears from coming. Then he heard a laugh and a loud bang from the bathroom followed by more laughter.

“You’re never going to get me!” Lucas yelled, and all of a sudden he had a six-year-old on top of him in the bed. “Isak, please. Help me. He’s going to tickle me.”

“And why is that, you little rascal?” Even came after him into the bedroom, soaking wet on his shirt. “He poured water all over me, Isak!”

“I can see that. Can’t imagine why he would do that?”

“I just slipped some ice-cold water on his back when he brushed his teeth. It wasn’t on purpose!”

“Oh, I’m sure it wasn’t. Guess you got what you deserved, Mr. Bech Næsheim!” Isak laughed, and protected Lucas in his embrace. “No go and get a dry shirt, Even, and come cuddle with us!”

Lucas laid in Isaks arms, laughed and giggled all the time, and Even twisted his shirt of and jumped into the bed without. Isak watched him happily– Even shirtless was something Isak always appreciated, no matter what! Even laid down on the other side of Lucas, sandwiching Lucas between them.

“Peace?” Even asked Lucas.

“Peace!” Lucas said.

“Bedtime story?” Isak asked.

“Nah” Lucas said. “Or, can you please tell me about when I first met grandma and grandpa?”

“Yeah” Even said. “I can do that! Do you remember anything from it yourself?”

“I don’t think so”.

“Ok. Get yourself comfortable, and I’ll tell you all about it sweetie.” Lucas curled up against Isaks chest, putting his legs over at Evens chest, so Even could rub his feet while Isak combed fingers through his hair. “I’m ready” Lucas grinned.

“I can see that. Little prince! Well, you’d lived with us for about three weeks. You had started to talk – like a lot – like all the time, you’ve never actually stop talking since you started that night when you came in to our bed…”

“I have too!” Lucas protested “I don’t talk much when I watch TV!”

“Ok. Got me there. Anyway. You were a little tense when we should go, because you didn’t know what grandma and grandpa would be like, and Isak and I talked you through it, like they were my parents, they were a little older then us, that they lived in a house with a garden, and so on. And when we came there, you hid behind me, clinging to my leg, and didn’t want to say hello at first. When grandma had given both Isak and me a hug, she asked “But where is that little boy, you told me you would bring him here today.” And you started to giggle a bit. And then my mum said; “Even, is something wrong with your legs? There’s a strange sound coming out of it!” And then you giggled even more. And as we went into the hallway that leads to their living room, you peaked out from behind my leg, and grandma was like “Oh, my god, Even. There’s a boy behind your leg!” And you giggled even more. Grandma sat down on the floor and she said; “You must be Lucifer!” And you started laughing and said “No, I’m Lucas!” Grandma clasped her hand in front of her mouth and said “Lucas – is that really you. Very nice to meet you!” And then you said the famous words that melted her heart forever – earning you all those Nutella-sandwiches – “You don’t look old. Even said you were old!” Grandma was staring at me and said “Did he say that?” and then she laughed and you laughed and I tried to explain that we’d told you she was older then Isak and me, but she pretended not to listen, and you went into their kitchen and you got your first Nutella-sandwich from her!”

“Grandpa? Where was he?”

“Oh, he stood in the back all the time, watched you, and I think he thought you were the most adorable three-year-old he had seen, because when you got back into the living room with the sandwich, he looked at you and said: “Lucas, I’m Anders, but if you want, you can call me grandpa, and I would be so lucky if you want to do that!” You stood and looked at him for a while, and then you said the same to him as you did to grandma; “You don’t look old either!” And grandpa looked at Isak and me and said: “I’m in love with this boy of yours!” And you walked back to me and Isak, sat between us in the sofa and ate that sandwich.”

“I was pretty smart, wasn’t I?” Lucas grinned.

“Yes, you were. You certainly knew how to charm them, that’s for sure!”

“I miss them already!” Lucas said, a little sad. “Can we visit them when I come back on Sunday?”

“We can visit them for sure.” Isak answered, “but not on Sunday. Maybe Monday or Tuesday?”

“Ok”

“Want us to sing?”

“Yes, please.”

“Which song?”

“I don’t know.” Lucas thought for a while. “Can you sing the song Grandma use to sing to me?”

“Which one is that?” Even asked, calmly, rubbing Lucas feet slowly and calm.

“What do I know!”

“You’re kidding me? Grandma is singing you old Ed Sheeran-songs?”

“Yeah. It’s nice. It’s about love that can make anything good. I like it!”

“Ok. Ed Sheeran it is – I’m kind of embarrassed that I know the lyrics!”

“Oh, you know the lyrics to much worse songs, Even…...” Isak teased.

“Yeah, I guess. Ok sweetie, head on pillow, and we’ll tuck you in and you’ll go to sleep whit a wonderful Ed Sheeran song.” Even tried to hide the irony in his voice, but Isak heard it, and smiled at him.

“I can’t use MY pillow, Even. Then it will smell like me. I’ve got to use yours or Isak’s. And you have to use mine!”

“Of course.” Even smiled at him, grabbed his guitar and started playing, and Isak sang along with him on the refrains. Lucas smiled at them both, closed his eyes and they watched him relax into Isaks pillow. He was adorable.

 

_Ain't got a soapbox I can stand upon '_

_But God gave me a stage, a guitar and a song_

_My daddy told me, "Son, don't you get involved_

_In politics, religions, other peoples' quarrels."_

_I_ _'ll paint the picture, let me set the scene,_

_I know when I have children, they will know what it means_

_And I'll pass on these things my family's given to me_

_Just love and understanding positivity_

 

_We could change this whole world with a piano_

_Add a bass, some guitar, grab a beat and away we go_

_I'm just a boy with a one-man show_

_No university, no degree, but Lord knows_

_Everybody's talking 'bout exponential growth_

_And the stock market crashing and their portfolios_

_While I'll be sitting here with a song that I wrote_

 

_Saying love could change the world in a moment_

_But what do I know?_

_Love can change the world in a moment_

_But what do I know?_

_Love can change the world in a moment_

 

_The revolution's coming, it's a minute away_

_I saw people marching in the streets today_

_You know we are made up of love and hate_

_But both of them are balanced on a razor blade_

_I'll paint the picture, let me set the scene I_

_know, I'm all for people following their dreams_

_Just re-remember life is more than fitting in your jeans_

_I_ _t's love and understanding positivity_

 

_We could change this whole world with a piano_

_Add a bass, some guitar, grab a beat and away we go_

_I'm just a boy with a one-man show_

_No university, no degree, but Lord knows_

_Everybody's talking 'bout exponential growth_

_And the stock market crashing and their portfolios_

_While I'll be sitting here with a song that I wrote_

 

_Saying love could change the world in a moment_

_But what do I know?_

_Love can change the world in a moment_

_But what do I know?_

_Love can change the world in a moment_

 

_I'll paint the picture, let me set the scene,_

_You know the future's in the hands of you and me_

_So let's all get together, we can all be free_

_Spread love and understanding positivity_

 

_We could change this whole world with a piano_

_Add a bass, some guitar, grab a beat and away we go_

_I'm just a boy with a one-man show_

_No university, no degree, but Lord knows E_

_verybody's talking about exponential growth_

_And the stock market crashing and their portfolios_

_While I'll be sitting here with a song that I wrote_

 

_Saying love could change the world in a moment_

_But what do I know?_

_Love can change the world in a moment_

_But what do I know?_

_Love can change the world in a moment_

_But what do I know?_

“When I come back to you, you’re going to teach me how to play the guitar, Even” Lucas mumbled before he fell asleep.

“Sure, sweetie. I’ll teach you how to play the guitar, and a thousands more things!” Even whispered in his ear as he hugged the little boy.

Isak watched them and felt the overwhelming love for those boys fill his body, leaned over and kissed Lucas’ forehead and mumbled “Love you, sweetie. Be safe in your sleep!”


	16. Ready?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friday morning - ready for School, but not for the evening.

**Friday 0615**

Even was awake, lying in their bed with the two boys beside him, watching them, felt the love for them while he brushed a curl away from Isak’s forehead, and he traced one of Lucas’ eyebrow. He’d dreaded this day since last Friday. He was nervous for Isak’s reaction when they should drive Lucas to his mum after school. Afraid he’d get a breakdown. He wished for an easy goodbye – both for Lucas’ and Isak’s sake. He feared both the breakdown of Isak and the inconsolable cries from Lucas when they should leave him at his mum later that day. He wondered what he could do to make that NOT happen.

Even pressed a kiss to both Lucas’ and Isak’s foreheads before he got out of bed and into the bathroom. Turned on the shower and got in. He’d not been there long before he heard the doors slide open and Isak was behind him, putting his strong arms around his waist.

“You? – awake? – now?” Even mumbled.

“Yeah.” Isak sighed. “Haven’t slept much tonight. I was awake when you got up. Feeling you brushing my hair away from my forehead, kissed me. Just wanted to be close to you.”

“Come here” Even said, turning around, put his arms around Isak, Isak leaning into him, laying his head in the crock of his own neck. Even sniffed at Isak’s hair as it became wet from the shower. He smelled so nice. Safe. Strong. Isak. “We’re going to make it, Isak. We’re going to make it!”

“You know what I thought about yesterday when I packed his bag? I thought of buying surveillance-equipment to bug him being with his mother!”

Even smiled. So typical Isak. Protecting his loved one at all cost. “Yeah. That’d have been something. But you know. I think that’s illegal.” He smiled into Isaks hair, stroking his back, feeling his entire body melt into his. It was soothing for the both of them.

“I guess it is. But I packed his IPad though. Then he can FaceTime us if he needs to.”

“You’re so clever. Suppose you put his portable wifi in his bag too?”

“Of course!” Isak smiled, tilted his head up for a kiss. And Even bend down and kissed him. His hand reached up for Isak’s chin, stroked it with his thumb, making Isak open his mouth a bit so he could slip his tongue into Isak’s mouth. He tasted of morningbreath, water and Isak. And Even loved everything about Isak. He moaned into the kiss, and he felt himself growing hard against Isak, and he felt Isak hardening too. The kiss became deeper, and he kissed Isak’s jaws, down his neck, sucked the skin softly – not leaving any marks now – kissed his collarbone, sucked it. He could feel Isak pressing himself against him, grinding his cock against his own, and it was wonderful. Even found Isak’s mouth again, and kissed him deeply, with passion and lust.

“What if Lucas comes in?” Isak moans through the kiss.

“He’s fast asleep. Won’t wake up until we wake him! Let me take care of you, Is. Please!”

And Even did.

After they sat on the floor in the shower, panting, kissing, getting their breath back. Isak smiled at him, and caressed his shoulders and chest, couldn’t take his eyes of him, and Even couldn’t take his eyes of Isak either.

“That was awesome! Thank you Even – need some help?”

“I’m all good. Came with you!”

“Oh!” Isak smiled at him. “You alright?”

“Yeah. I’m married to the sexiest man in the world, and I can give him a blowjob in the morning while I cum all over the shower floor. I think that makes me feel awesome!”

“You ARE awesome, Even!” Isak leaned into him and kissed him again.

They eventually got back on their feet, finished the shower, got out and got dressed.

“I’ll make breakfast if you can wake Lucas up?” Even said, knowing that Isak would never, ever volunteer to make breakfast.

“Ok.” Isak said. “What’s for breakfast?”

“Scrambled eggs and toast!”

“Yummy” Isak said, leaning over for one last kiss before they went to different rooms.

 

 

Even walked into the kitchen, started to whip eggs, cut bread for toast, set the table. He tried not to think about leaving Lucas at his mum after school, instead he was planning a date-night with Isak. He wanted to get Isaks mind on something else tonight. Movie? It was a lots of movies they’d missed the last years because they didn’t want to have babysitters for Lucas. They wanted one of them – or both – to be together with him so much as possible. Dinner? – Definitely dinner – at some Italian restaurant tonight. He didn’t know which, but he had some suggestions. And when they got home? A bath? Together – it was ages since last time. He had bought some candles and a bottle of wine – non-alcoholic - because he assumed Isak would want to be able to drive IF something happened. But they were used to enjoy non-alcoholic drinks in the last four-five years. Both wine and beer, and they didn’t really miss the alcohol that much. They had a few beers in the weekends – occasionally – not every weekend, not even every other weekend. But they never got drunk anymore. Even thought about it – he hadn’t been real drunk since Isaks 25-year birthday. They’d celebrated with their friends – him and Jonas had arranged it, a real party with all their high school friend – Magnus, Mahdi, Vilde, Noora, Chris, Mikel and his girlfriend, Adam, Mutta – and some of their Uni-friends too. They’d been at home, lots of food and drinks. It’d become a real fun night. Singing, dancing, and they were all so grown up really, but acted like 17-18 again. Isak had been wasted before midnight, and so cute and affectionate towards both him and all his friend. Hugging, clinging, announcing how much he loved each one of them. Even smiled at himself while he made the eggs. He couldn’t understand – yet after all these years with Isak – how he could be so lucky to have him in his life. But he was. Even thought he was the luckiest man on earth.

He could hear Isak and Lucas coming down the stairs. They were chatting, and it sounded like they were happy. He heard them walk into the bathroom talking about something Lucas had learned at school. Something about planets and the sun. The universe – just what Isak loved. Even poured the scrambled eggs on a plate and put it on the kitchen table, and walked to the bathroom. The door wasn’t all closed, he could hear Isak and Lucas chatting in the bathroom.

“But what if there’s someone out there in space that can travel that fast, Isak. Can they come to earth? Lucas asked.

“Yes, if they have the technology they can – humans haven’t got that technology to travel so fast yet. It will take us too long to get to the planets that’s so far away. We’ll die on the way there.”

“But isn’t it possible to like – hybricate – to get there?”

“You mean hibernate? Nah – humans can’t do that. Not yet anyway.”

Even smiled at the two science-geeks, opened the door, and smiled at them.

“My science-geeks – all busy with the universe?”

“It’s exciting, Even!” Lucas said. “Think about it. What if we can travel in space, we could see so much cool things!”

“Probably.” Even smiled “But I really like the earth and living here with my two favourite boys!”

“I like that too” Lucas said “But it’s fun to think about it and imagine how it could be!”

“I agree, Lucas!” Isak said. “But I also agree with Even.” Isak smiled at him, and he could see that Isak already was struggling with his thoughts about the rest of the day.

“I’ve made scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast. What would you like in your lunch-box today, Lucas?”

“Nutella-sandwich?” Lucas smiled his widest smile.

“Nice try. Not a chance. Ham and cheese?”

“Ok. Had to try though!” Lucas smiled at him.

Even went back to the kitchen and made Lucas a ham and cheese toast for his lunch-box. He added some fruit too, and went crazy and even put in a cookie. Oatmeal-cookie. A bit healthier than a chocolate-chip-cookie. He smiled at the eagerness in Lucas when he talked about the topics he was interested in.

Isak and Lucas came into the kitchen, Lucas sat down and Isak came over to him and gave him a kiss.

“Oh – why do you always have to kiss?” Lucas asked – hiding his face in his hands.

“We embarrass you?” Isak asked.

“Sometimes.” Lucas said. “But why do you do it?”

“Because we like it, and because we want to.” Isak said. “And because I love Even so much I can’t help doing it! Like I can’t help hugging and kissing you either.” And Isak went over to Lucas and peppered kisses on his cheeks. Even felt his heart beat faster by the words Isak had spoken.

“Stop it!” Lucas whined, but giggled at the same time.

Isak sat down beside him and poured some juice for them both, and Even got over with a mug of coffee for Isak and himself. Even looked at Lucas, and he thought he looked good. No signs of concern or worries in his face. They ate while chatting about school, Marcus, teachers and everyday-stuff. He looked at his watch and said.

“We’ve got to leave soon. Will you go brush your teeth please, Lucas?”

“Sure.” Lucas said. Left the table and went to the bathroom. When he was out of the kitchen Even looked at Isak, trying to read his expression, but wasn’t sure of what it said.

“You ok?” he asked.

“Sort of.” Isak answered. “I think I’ll manage this day ok. I’m not looking forward to the afternoon, but I think I’ll manage.”

“Want to go out for dinner tonight? And maybe a movie?”

“Yeah. That’d be nice.” He said, not smiling widely, but a tiny smile was traceable on his face. “Something special on your mind?”

“Nah” Even said. “There’s a movie at 1700, I thought maybe we could watch that and eat at Restaurant Roma after?”

“Sounds nice. I like when you’re planning for me to get my minds off the bad things, Even. Thank you!”

“Doctors ordre” Even smiled back at Isak, thinking about Kriss’ words the day before.

“Yeah. He’s a star. Kriss that is!” Isak smiled back. “I’m so glad we have him!”

“Me too.” Even said. “But now we’ve got to clean the table and get going!”

“Suppose so.”

Isak started collecting plates and glasses, put them in the dishwasher and cleaned the table after.

Even walked to the bathroom and looked for Lucas. He wasn’t there, and Even walked up to their bedroom and found Lucas in their bed.

“Hey there. Ready for school?” he asked.

“I guess.” Lucas said. “Just wanted to lie down for a bit first. I’m going to miss you!”

“We’re going to miss you too.” Even said, sat down at the bed and pulled Lucas into his lap. “But it’s only till Sunday, and then you’ll be back here with us again. And we’ll cuddle in bed all three of us again. I promise!”

“But after the weekend after the next weekend we won’t!” Lucas said, almost like a whisper.

“No, we won’t. We just have to cuddle a lot this Sunday – and next Sunday!” Even tried to smile at Lucas as he clung to his neck. He could feel the little body shiver and he hurt inside. He wanted so bad to be able to tell him that it was going to be ok, but he couldn’t. Even stroke Lucas’ back in long soothing strokes, and he eventually stopped shivering.

“Ready for school?” Even asked silent.

“Yeah. Remember to put my pillow in my bag before you come and pick me up?”

“Of course!” Even assured him. “Could never forget it!”

Lucas smiled at him, jumped down on the floor and bounced down the stairs to their hall. Even shook his head. He really couldn’t get used to the sudden mood swings that boy had, and made a mental note for himself to remember to talk to Sana about it.


	17. Friday afternoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even and Isak are picking up Lucas from school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one this time. The Next Chapter will come soon. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy the story even if it might hurt to read for some of you.
> 
> But real life hurts sometimes too. 
> 
> And remember; 
> 
> Alt er LOVE. <3

Even parked their car outside Lucas school, he looked at Isak who sat in the passenger seat. He was pale, his eyes were staring on something Even couldn’t see, his fists were tight, and Even could see a tiny shiver in his legs, the left knee slightly bouncing up and down. 

“Hey” Even said, putting his hand on Isak’s knee, to make the bouncing stop. “Breath, Isak. We’re going to make it!” Isak stopped bouncing, and looked at him. Even could see fear in his eyes and his own heart pounded. “Is. We’re going to get through this. I know you’re dreading this, but I’m here with you, and we’re going to greet Lucas, we’re going to drive him to his mother, and she’s going to welcome him, and he’s going to be alright. And we’re going to pick him up at Sunday and then we’re going home and we’ll have him with us again.”

It seemed that Isak just looked straight through him, his eyes were blank – not out of tears, but out of despair – and his face was pale and hard. It scared Even a bit. “What if….” Isak tried to speak. He swallowed a couple of times and continued “what if it’s not going to be ok?” Isaks voice was small, and Even just wanted to take Isak in his arms and make his pain, uncertainty and fears go away. But he knew he couldn’t. “Then we have to deal with it IF it happens.” Even said, leaning over to Isak, grabbing his neck, pulling him in to his chest, caressing his hair. Isak unbuckled his seatbelt and clung around Evens neck. “Ok” he said with shivering voice. “We’re dealing with it IF it happens!” They held each other for a while, and Even couldn’t leave the thought of what might be hidden in Isak’s past making him react like this now, but he didn’t want to go there now. It was Kriss’ job to search Isak’s past, his job was to be there for Isak now and forever. Just be there. 

The school bell rang, and all of a sudden, the schoolyard was filled with a myriad of excited kids looking forward to the weekend. They were laughing, jumping, chatting, bouncing, screaming… Even got out of the car and started looking for Lucas. He came down the stairs with Marcus – as usual – and they were chatting but not with their usual laughing and smiling faces – they were serious. Dead serious. Lucas hugged Marcus when he left him, and walked with heavy legs towards Even. 

“Hey there, big boy. How’s school?”

“Ok. I guess.” Lucas said. His voice was low, emotionless. 

“Ready for seeing your mum again?”

“I guess.” Lucas said again, coming up to Even, raising his hands for Even to lift him up, and Even did. Lucas put his arms around Evens neck and hugged him tight, tight. “Is Isak coming?” Lucas asked in the crock of Evens neck. 

“I’m here sweetie.” Even heard Isak’s voice behind him, and Lucas looked up. Isak stood behind him, and he ruffled Lucas’ hair, Lucas reached for Isak and Isak took him in his arms. Lucas hugged him tight too, and whispered “Are you coming with me to mums?” 

“Yes, I am.” Isak said, and Even watched the two boys and thought that they were good to each other, they had a bond that he would never share with them – thank god – because he had his parents – loving, caring, supporting, safe and stabile parents – the parents the two boys never had. So he had to be the strong one in this – be there for them. 

“Hey boys. You ready to go?” he asked.

“Are you?” Isak asked Lucas. 

“I guess.” Lucas answered. “Did you remember my pillow? And my IPad?” 

“Yes, we did.” Even said. “It’s all in your bag sweetie.”

“Good” Lucas said. 

Isak and Lucas headed to the car, and a voice sounded behind Even. 

“Even, can I talk to you for a minute?” Even turned around and faced Lucas’ teacher. He had a concerned expression on his face, and Even felt his heart pounded a bit faster. 

“Sure” Even turned around, and nodded at Isak – as for him to get in the car with Lucas, and he turned around again facing Lucas’ teacher. “Something wrong?”

“Yeah – or – Lucas acted strange today in classes. He was really quiet, seemed really down, didn’t want to talk, play or participate in anything really. And he didn’t eat much of his lunch, and he complained about stomach ache.” Marius looked a bit worried. “Something’s up this weekend?”

“Yeah, didn’t Isak talk to you Monday? About Lucas moving back to his mum?”

“Yes, of course he did. How could I forget?” Marius shook his head. “Of course, of course. That explains the whole day a bit more, I guess.” 

“Yeah. He’s got quite a changing mood at home the last days. From happy to devastated in a blink of a second. We’re not happy about it at all.”

“I understand. I was shocked when Isak told me. I don’t understand it.”

“Neither do we. But can I ask you something?”

“Sure” Marius said. “Anything I can do for Lucas and you?”

“Yeah. We’re kind of collecting documentation on Lucas behaviour since he got to know that he’s going to move back, and he’s – as you can see – not particularly happy about it, nightmares, thoughts, concerns and so on. So we want to know about any change in behaviour, moods, expressions etc that he has, and try to convince someone up there in the system that he should stay with us. If you could write down your observations on changes he has got at school, that would be awesome?”

“Sure. I’ve actually started writing down some – because I was worried about him both Wednesday, yesterday and today. But I was hoping to catch you here today – knowing you always pick him up at Fridays.” 

“Thanks. Appreciate it. Really.

“No worries”

“Well, if there wasn’t anything else, I should get going. They’re waiting for me, and it won’t be any easier leaving him there if we are postponing it anymore now.” Even felt the tears pushing behind his eye locks. 

“Nothing else. Good luck. I’d appreciate a call on Monday if you manage?” 

“Sure. We’ll drive him to school, maybe we’ll have a chat?”

“If you’ve got the time, that would be wonderful. Or else – use the phone.”

“Ok.See you. Bye.”

“Bye, Even.”

 

Even walked over to their car, he saw Isak and Lucas in the back, chatting and smiling. He wondered what they were chatting about. He had to ask Isak after they’d left Lucas, but he admitted to himself that he was a bit curious to know what Isak had done to make Lucas smile and laugh, but he loved him for it. Opening the door, he heard Lucas giggle, and Isak laughed loud. 

“What’s so funny?” he asked. 

“Nothing.” Lucas giggled “We just imagined how it would be if everyone moved to the moon, and everyone was weightless – how we would float around – eating, drinking, pooping and peeing”

“I see. Science-geeks in action!” Even smiled at them, starting the car and drove. 

The mood in the car shifted along with the distance they drove. Lucas was silence, Isak was taking a lots of deep breaths, and Even felt his heart started pounding. As he drove up to Lucas mum’s apartment building, he felt his pulse was really high. He stopped the car, and turned to Lucas in the back seat. His face was of stone. No expression at all. 

“Ok. We’re here, Lucas. Remember this. We love you very much, we’re coming to get you Sunday at 1700 and if something comes up, you have your IPad, and you can FaceTime me or Isak anytime. Day or night – we’ll be there to talk to you if you need us. Ok?”

“Ok.” Lucas whispered. 

“Ready?” Even asked. 

“I guess” 

They got out of the car, Isak took Lucas hand and Even grabbed his suitcase. They walked the short way to the building, found the right apartment door and rang the doorbell. 


	18. At Lucas' mum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even leav Lucas at his mum.

Lucas’ mum opened the door, and stood there with a big smile on her face. She looked good and healthy, Even thought to himself. 

“Hello Lucas. Am I glad to see you! I’m so looking forward to this weekend.” She smiled widely, and reached to Lucas. “Hi Isak, Even.” She continued, smiling a little less to them. 

Lucas stood by Isak’s side, not smiling, holding Isak’s hand tight, not making a sign to go over to his mum, even if she was holding out a hand towards him. 

“Hi mum.” He said without smiling.

“Hi, Anita” Isak said, “can we come in?”

“Sure” Anita said, stepping aside from the doorway.

“Hi Anita” Even said. “How are you? Looking forward to the weekend?”

“I’m fine, thanks.” She said without smiling – “and I’m really looking forward to spend the weekend with my favourite boy! I’ve prepared pizza for tonight, and I’ve got a movie for us. You like pizza and movies, don’t you, Lucas?”

“Yes.” Lucas said. Still not letting go of Isak as they walked into Anita’s hall. It smelled a tiny bit of smoke in the apartment, and the hall was messy and dirty. Lucas took of his shoes and jacket, and put it nicely on the shoe shelf and a hanger. Isak followed him. Even looked at Lucas and knew he was struggling with the urge to cling to Isak. His own body was shivering, but he got himself together and lifted the suitcase and spoke. 

“Where can I put Lucas’ suitcase?” he smiled a forced smile at Anita. 

“In his room. It’s over there.” Anita pointed across the living room at an open door. Even walked over to the room and put the suitcase down by his bed. The lining was clean, but the floor was dirty, dust balls by the walls, it was stains on the cupboard door and on the desk, and it smelled odd, like some kind of molds. 

“I’ll put your pillow and teddy in the bed Lucas” Even said loud, looking through the door seeing Lucas watch him. He nodded. 

Isak sat down at his knees on the floor in the living room, taking Lucas into his lap and hugged him. “We’ll see you Sunday” Isak said. “We’ll come and get you at 1700. You have a nice time with your mum.” He hugged Lucas tight, stroking his back up and down, and Even saw Isak fighting the tears. His body was shivering slightly, but not so much that anyone else than Even could see it. Even sat down on his knees beside the.

“Yeah” Lucas said, his voice was trembling. “Sunday at 1700,” he was quiet for a bit. “it’s 50 hours.” The last as a whisper only Isak and Even could hear. 

“I know.” Isak held him tighter. “I love you.”

“Can I have a hug too?” Even asked quietly. Lucas came over from Isak’s lap, and crashed into his arms. “We love you so much.” Even whispered into Lucas’ ear as he hugged the little boy. “You’ll be alright, and we see you at Sunday!” 

“Yeah”. Lucas answered again. “I’ll miss you!”

“And we’ll miss you, Lucas. Have a good time, ok. And remember we’re always here for you if you need us!” Even whispered the last sentence into Lucas ear. And Lucas nodded into his shoulder. 

“We’d better get going, Isak.” Even said as he got on his feet. Lucas was beside him. He seemed so small, standing there alone. 

“Yeah” Isak said, his voice was weak. “I guess.”

Even took Isak’s hand, and walked to the door. 

“See you Saturday, have a nice weekend!” Even said, and looked at Lucas, as he walked over to stand beside his mother. He could see Lucas’ watery eyes, but couldn’t turn. He couldn’t even stop.

“Thanks. You too!” Anita said. “Bye.”

“Bye” Even said, and walked out the door with Isak. Holding his hand tight. 

They didn’t speak a word until they got into their car, Isak sat in the passenger seat and the tears streamed down his face. “That was fucking awful!” he blurred out. “I feel like the worst person in the world leaving him there with a woman he doesn’t want to be with.”

“I know” Even said, shivering voice. “I feel exactly the same as you. It’s awful!”

“Did you see his eyes?” Isak asked. “They were filled with despair. I wanted to grab him in my arms and run. I had to really restrain myself not to.” 

“Yes. I saw it. And I felt exactly the same. And he didn’t even look at Anita the whole time we were there. We have to go now, or else I’m running inside to get him.”

“Drive” Isak said. 

And Even did. He drove away, they sat in silence for a while. Even drove with no purpose at first, but then he thought they had to go somewhere and talk to someone, so he decided to drive to his parent. It was the only place they could go not being alone and at the same time being themselves without putting on a mask. 

“We’re going to Liv and Anders?” Isak asked. 

“Yes. I think we need to be with someone. You want to be alone, just us?”

“No. Liv and Anders are perfect.” Isak nodded. 

The drive didn’t take long, and as Even pulled into their driveway, they both sighed, got out of the car and walked straight into the house. 

“Oh, hey you two.” Liv said as they walked into the hall. She looked at them, and saw right away that they were upset and hurt. “Not good today?” she asked, worried eyes, arms out ready to embrace the both of them. Anders came up behind them, and opened his arms too. Isak fell into Liv’s embrace, and Anders caught Even. They stood like that for a while. Both Isak and Even crying, the tears just didn’t stop. Even could feel Anders strong fatherly comfort, and it was nice. He remembered when he was a boy and thought his father could fix everything in the world. It wasn’t like that anymore, he knew that, but it was a good feeling to be held by him anyway. He heard Isak was sobbing against Liv, and his mother’s soothing voice as she was trying to comfort him. Even released himself from Anders embrace, and looked at Isak, took a step towards him and took him in his arms as Liv let go of him, and they held on to each other like they never could let go. 

“You want to stay for a while” Liv asked cautiously after a little while. 

“Yes please” Even said, letting go of Isak’s tight grip, grabbing his hand and started to walk into the kitchen, Liv made them a mug of coffee each, and they sat down by the big kitchen table. Even felt himself calm down a bit, grabbed the mug and took a sip. 

“Speak” Anders said. “It always helps to share a story.” 

And Even started. Told them about last night, about the same morning, about the conversation with Marius at school and about the meeting with Anita. Isak was silent. He took some sips of his coffee, but didn’t speak. “We feel awful.” Even said. “Leaving him there, it was dreadful. It was devastating. We feel like the worst people in the whole world. He was so tiny, scared, lost.” 

“I understand” Anders said. “But what could you do? And if I understand you right, Lucas was aware of it, and he knew he had to go, didn’t he?”

“Yes” Even said. “But still, he is six. He’s a little boy. Little boys shouldn’t need to do that!”

“I know, and I agree, but it’s not your decision. And Lucas know. He’s a bright boy, and yes, he doesn’t want this, but he’ll cope. He’s strong, smart, and he knows you love him very much, and he’ll be alright. Maybe not fine this weekend, but alright.”

“I really hope so!” Even said, putting his arm around Isak’s shoulders. “How are you?”

“Terrible. Feel like I’ve betrayed him. I feel like I’ve abandoned him. I feel….”

“Isak, love.” Liv interrupted him. “You’ve not betrayed Lucas, and you’ve not abandoned him. You’ve left him with his mother, and he was prepared. You have done everything right.”

“Then why does it feel so wrong. Why does it hurt so bad? Why do I feel like the meanest man in the whole world?”

“Because you love him, Isak.” Anders said. “You love him.”


	19. Friday afternoon and evening.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak, Even and Liv have a talk in the kitchen. 
> 
> And Anders makes Even embarrassed

They didn’t go home that afternoon. They didn’t go to the movies; they didn’t go to an Italian restaurant. Liv and Anders insisted that they should stay for a while, having someone to talk to if the thoughts got to heavy. Isak had curled up on the coach and fallen asleep after an hour, Even chatted a bit with his parents, before they started preparing dinner together.

“How is Isak, really?” Liv asked Even when they were alone in the kitchen, Anders had popped out to get some groceries..

“He’s struggling. Fighting his own childhood and his thoughts.” Even said. “It’s so hard for him – going through his childhood again at the same time he’s fighting for Lucas. And he gets help from Kriss and some from Sana.

“And you, Even. And you. Don’t you ever forget yourself.”

“I don’t think I help him that much. He’s more worried that his struggling is going to push me into an episode or something. He talked to Kriss about it, but I don’t know if that helped a lot. I feel like maybe he would have talked a bit more about the heavy stuff if I hadn’t been around.”

“Even, don’t say things like that.”

“But I think it’s true. I think he doesn’t dare to talk to me about it because he’s terrified that I’ll slip. And if I slip he has to take care of me too. I can’t do that. I can’t slip!”

“Even, listen to me now!” Liv got her “mother voice” out. “Isak loves you so much, and if you hadn’t been there for him – or him for you for that sake – neither of you had become the great men and fathers for Lucas that you are today. You are a team. And some members of a team talk a lot – like you – and some members of a team talk less – like Isak. But that doesn’t mean that the one member is doing any good without the other.”

“She’s right, Even.” Even spun around, facing Isak in the doorway into the kitchen. “I do love you, and you can never think that I don’t dare talk to you, because I really want to. I’m just so bad at talking about stuff. Yet after all these years my thoughts are working against me, but I try.”

Even walked over to him, Liv taking a step back, to let the two of them have a little privacy. Even put his hands on Isak’s shoulder, caressing his neck with his thumbs. Isak’s hands slides around Evens waist.

 “And you help me every day, Even. EVERY.FUCKING.DAY. Just by being beside me, you help me. And you talk to me. You see me. You’re there for me. All the time. And yes, I’m terrified that my shitty childhood coming back to me are going to push you in to a manic episode or a depressive period, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want you to be the one who helps me. Because I want you to be with me all the time. And I’m trying to talk about things. I really do. But it’s so hard for me. Still. After all these years. I feel like if I talk about things – feelings and emotions – then someone is just going to laugh at me, or make fun of my feeling – and I know it’s stupid because I know you never would do that – but my body doesn’t understand that, and a little piece of my “childhood”-brain doesn’t understand that either. Because that’s what happened when I was little. I was always made fun of when I tried to talk about my feelings. So I stopped talking about them, and it’s so hard to start again.”

Even couldn’t believe what he heard. It was devastating. His beautiful Isak, still struggling so hard whit all the heavy shit from his childhood. He pulled him into his embrace, stroke his back, felt his t-shirt becoming wet of tears. “I would never, ever, make fun of you talking about your feelings, Isak.” Even whispered into his ear. “And I really, really want to be there for you – every day. I love you so much, Isak. But it’s hard for me too, you know. Seeing you struggle and not being able to help you. I hurt when you’re hurting.”

“I know, Even. And I’m trying and I will try even harder in the future, because I know that it’s the only way to get rid of the bad stuff. And I have to manage it, because we have to fight for Lucas, to avoid him standing like this in 20 years – leaning to his girl- or boyfriend – and go through the same shit as I.”

Even held him tight again. “Together.” He said. “We’ll get through this together, Isak.” Even could feel Isak’s breath steady a bit, and he loosened his grip a tiny bit, Isak lifted his head up and looked at him. Those green eyes were more lively than this morning, and he saw a tiny smile coming from both his mouth and eyes. “We’ve flooded your mum's kitchen with emotions, Even. We’ve pushed her out…”

“You have not pushed me out, Isak.” Liv interrupted. “I’m here, and I’ve just witnessed my two wonderful, strong boys pouring their hearts out. How lucky can a mum get? You two can stay in my kitchen forever if you keep up those speaks.” She smiled widely at them, and Even could see the traces of tears on her cheeks too. Isak’s cheeks turned red at her words, because he probably had forgotten her being there when he spoke. “And Isak” Liv said, turning to him and touching his shoulder, “never be afraid of talking about heavy stuff or your feelings. I would never, ever make fun of someone’s feeling. Never. That’s so disrespectfully.”

Isak sighed, “I do know that, it’s just…”

“I understand, Isak. Don’t think about it. When – if – you’re ready. I’ll be here to!

“I know.” Isak released himself from Evens embrace, and gave Liv a hug. A long one, “thanks, mum!” he whispered into her ear, and Even could see a tear fall from Liv’s eye, and he smiled at her and his husband, and he thought that Isak just had taken a step on the way. It was just the rest of it left, but they’d manage it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Later that evening, Even threw himself on the bed in his old bedroom. There was a double bed there now. The bunkbed had been thrown out when he and Isak had lived there for some month when they were 22 and 20, while they waited for their second apartment to be renovated. It had been a good time, but even better when they could move in to their new two-room apartment. Separate bedroom and living room. Newly decorated, all new equipment, and only 5 minutes’ walk from Uni.  Luxury.  

He felt a bit awkward sleeping at home again – he was 32 and they lived just 15 minutes’ drive away. But still, they’d decided that they would stay the night. Isak was in the bathroom, brushing his teeth. Anders had been so foresighted (or maybe Liv had instructed him) that he’d bought both toothbrushes and -paste, new boxers, deodorants and even lube (Even had blushed when he saw it – his father didn’t change his face a bit, just smiled) when he was out shopping. And Liv had promised them a decent breakfast in the morning.

The evening had been good. They’d eaten very nice dinner, talked a bit about anything but Lucas, they’d talked about Lucas, they’d watched some TV and played a board game – Trivial Pursuit. But it wasn’t that fun, he thought because Isak won. (He always did). He was so smart. And it kind of turned Even on, even he wouldn’t admit to Isak. No way. And he wasn’t sure if Isak wanted to make love to him tonight in his old boys-room, even if they’d done it there plenty of times before.

Even heard the sound of the bathroom door open and close, and he pushed himself up in the bed, leaning his back into the headboard so he could see all of Isak as he walked into the bedroom. And there he was. In just his jeans, shirtless, beautiful, muscles all over his upper body. His abs, his biceps, triceps, chest. All muscles. Even felt his dick twitch a bit, and he slipped out a little moan.

“Damn, you’re hot, Isak!” he said. Isak smiled at him. Unbuttoning his pants slowly in front of him, and Even watched with his mouth open, eyes wide. “Isak, you’re killing me, I’m serious. You’re so beautiful, so hot, so tempting!”

“Good.” He kneeled on the bed, crawled up to Even and laid on top of him, sliding his arms around his neck, and Even couldn’t do anything else but put his arms around Isak’s back, and hold him tight.

“I was hoping you’d think that. I need you Even. I need you as close as you can get to me, and even closer.” Isak kissed him, slowly, sucking his lip, tasting it, put his hands on his cheeks, and stroke them with his thumbs. Looked at him, Even saw the green, beautiful eyes who now was filled with desire and love, and he pulled Isak even closer. Got him to straddle his waist, pushed up against Isak and felt that they were both getting hard. Even lifted his head to kiss Isak, and Isak leaned down to him, kissing him forcefully, tongue slipped into his mouth and Even moaned into Isaks mouth.

 “Make love to me, Even, Please.” He kissed down his jaws, down by his ear, his collarbone, bit, sucked, kissed “I want you. I want you so bad. Please, make me feel so good and loved. I’ll make you feel so good. I love you so much.” He didn’t need to ask twice, Even spun them around, getting Isak on his back, and started tracing kisses down his chest. Licking his nipples and turned Isak into a moaning mess under him. Even cupped Isak’s hard dick, felt the wet spot on the front of his boxer, and rubbed it a little bit.

“Did you bring any lube?” Isak asked with aroused, rusty voice.

“No, but dad bought us a tube at the shop earlier”

“What?” Isak sat up, looked at him, and Even was about to burst out laughing at Isaks expression. “Your father bought you lube?”

“He bought US lube, and it’s not that I asked him too.” Even said. “He bought it when he bought the toothbrushes, toothpaste, boxers and deodorants. He did it all by himself, and I’m sure I looked like a tomato in my face when I opened the bag.”

“You don’t get embarrassed?” Isak giggled. “My beautiful boy got embarrassed?” he giggled again, stroke his chest, stomach, thighs, up to his crotch, stroking his dick through the fabric of the boxer.  Even had do bite his lower lip to manage to speak again.

“He’s my father, Isak. Shut up. I’m allowed to be embarrassed when my father buys us lube. We’re 30 and 32 for God’s sake!”

“I know. I’m so happy I wasn’t there when you opened the bag. But I’m so glad your dad bought it!” Isak was still stroking his dick through the fabric, up and down, playing with the hem of his boxers with the other hand, and Even couldn’t hold back the moan anymore. He grabbed Isak pulled him into a deep, passionate kiss, before he pushed him down on his back again.

The world around them disappeared, it was only the two of them. Lust, desire, kisses, moans. It was passionate, tender and love. Even was sure that Isak’s moans were the most beautiful sounds in the world, and they didn’t care if someone could hear. It was their time now. They needed it, needed to feel each other, needed to be as close as possible, and needed to just be the two of them.

 

 

As they lay in bed after, sweat, tired, content, Isak with his head on Evens chest, his left tight over Evens left hip, drawing circles on his chest, Even felt like he could manage everything everywhere in this world. He had his left hand in Isak’s hair, brushing it with his fingers. Loved the feeling of Isak’s soft curls in his hand and on his fingers.

“I love you!” Even whispered into Isak’s hair, as he kissed his head. “I know I say it all the time, and I hope the words don’t get worn out, because I do. I love you so much, Is. You’re the man of my dreams. You’re making me whole!”

“I don’t think words can be worn out, because my heart jumps every time you say it – even if you’ve said it a thousand times before. And I love you too, Ev! So much.”

And Even could feel what Isak said. As he heard the words from Isak, he felt it to. The tiny jump in his heart when Isak told him that he loved him. It was magic. And they needed that magic, he thought. Because it was a lot going on in their lives now that could need a bit of magic. He brushed Isak’s hair away from his forehead and planted a long, soft kiss on it. He felt their breaths synchronize, and they both drifted off into sleep.


	20. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak gets another nightmare, it's hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry in advance - this isn't pretty, nightmares seldom are. They hurts. 
> 
> You can choose to not read this chapter and still get along with the story from the next chapter.  
> 
> This is the last chapter today - finaly a day of. Maybe the next will come tomorrow.

_Isak was on his way up the stairs to the front door of his house. He was so happy; he’d got a 6 on his last assignment. He was so proud. He couldn’t wait to show it to his parents. They had to be proud of him now, wouldn’t they? He opened the door and walked into their hall. “Hey, mum?” he said, a bit loud. His mum came out from the kitchen, “Stop yelling!” she said harsh. “You think I’m deaf or something? Are you stupid?” Isak’s shoulders sank down “Sorry mum.” His mother turned around and walked into the kitchen again. He walked after her, about to show her the assignment, when she turned around, looked at him and said: “You know Isak, God will punish all the people that brags, are disobedient, lies or envies. You know that? And if you don’t stop yelling in this house, you’re disobedient. Got that?” Isak looked down at his feet. “Yes, mum.” She looked at him. “Good. What’s that in your hand?” Isak looked down at the assignment in his hand. A 6 on the assignment. Was he bragging if he showed it? Would her God punish him then? “It’s my history-assignment. Got it back today” he almost whispered. “Let me see?” his mother said, and took the paper out of his hand. “Oh, a 6. Smart little fellow you are. Huh? You think you’re smart?” Isak didn’t want to answer the question, because no matter what he said, it would be the wrong answer. He knew it. “I asked you a question, Isak. You think you’re smart?” Isak swallowed the lump in his throat and whispered a “I don’t know” down to the floor. His mother laughed. “You don’t know? You don’t know if you’re smart? You got a 6 on your assignment, and you don’t know if you’re smart? Of course you’re smart!” the sarcasm in her voice was obvious in the start, but Isak wasn’t sure if it was there in the last sentence. He never knew. His heart pounded like a million miles an hour. He couldn’t foresight what was coming next. “I’ll just go to my room” he said, silence, and turned around to walk to his room. Prayed to the God he didn’t believe in that he would be left in peace._

_He took four steps into the living room before he heard the voice he feared. “ISAK!” He stopped. “Come back here!” He didn’t want to. He knew what was going to happen. He didn’t want to go back into the kitchen. His breath was fast, his pulse rising. What could he possibly have done now? He turned around, walked back to the kitchen, feeling like a zombie – and saw his mother stand there with his assignment in one hand and his schoolbag in the other. “To smart to tidy your stuff away? Huh?” She threw the bag at him, hit him in the crotch so he bends over because of the pain. The assignment she curled together to a ball and threw it at him. He felt the tears push behind his eyelids. “Oh, no. Are you going to cry now, Isak. Poor Isak. Crying.. You need to get a bit harder, Isak. No one wants a whining wimp. You don’t get any friends by crying all the time you know.” The tears just poured down his cheeks. He picked up the assignment and the bag and turned around. “Oh, so you’re just leaving. Crying and leaving.”_

_She took a step against him, grabbed his overarm and turned him around so he had to face her again. She put her finger under his chin and forced him to look at her. “Look at me. You have to do as I tell you, Isak. And you have to follow my rules, even if you’re 12.” Isak swallowed and swallowed. ‘I could do that if the rules were the same day by day’ he thought ‘but the rules are never the same, so it’s hard to follow them!’ “Yes” he said out loud. “Yes, mum!”  She slapped him over the face, and he whined, shouted “au” and lifted his hand to his cheek. Then he saw the glass, half full with pills, on the counter. “Have you taken too many pills today, mum?” he whispered.. Knowing his mum only should take her pills in the evening. “None of your business. You don’t interfere with my medication. Stay away.” She said, raised her hand again to hit him, but he bowed, and avoided the hit. But that was surly a mistake, because it pissed her off. “You think you’re smart now!” she said, walking towards him, he grabbed his bag, spun around and run to his room. Slamming the door behind him and locked it. Sat down with the back towards the door, his hands over his ears and felt the door shake by her pounding on the door with her fists, yelling “Isak, open up the door!” “ISAK, OPEN UP THE DOOR!” “ **ISAK OPEN UP!”**_

**_“IIIISAK!!! PLEASE OPEN UP YOUR EYES. PLEASE WAKE UP!!!_ **

His eyes flung open and he looked straight into Evens big, blue, concerned, hurt, but loving eyes. He threw himself around his neck and cried. Cried and cried. He had been so afraid, he had been so hurt, it was awful. She had hit him. In the face. She’d made fun of him, she’d laughed at him. Isak held on Even, and Even tried to sooth him, stroking his back, whispering “I’m here, Is. You’re safe with me. I love you. Shhh” repeatedly in his ear, till his breath and pulse was steadier and more even. Somewhere along the comfort from Even he heard a knock on the door, and he heard Anders voice ask “Is everything ok Even?” And Even had answered – in between him soothing Isak; “Yes, dad. Isak got a nightmare. I had to yell to wake him up. Sorry if I woke you and mum!”

“Ok. Sorry about the nightmare, Isak.” Anders voice was filled with concern, “We can talk tomorrow. Try to sleep, boys!” Anders continued, closed the door, and they were back in the dark, and even if the dark scared him, Isak felt like he was safe again in Evens arms.

Even pulled them down on the bed, still holding Isak tight. He stroked his back, his upper arms, his hair, his cheeks and Isak felt himself relax into Evens warm and strong body. The dream became more distance – but he remembered everything. Every little thing from the dream, and he remembered what happened next too, but he didn’t want to think about that now. Now it was just the calming voice from Even occupying his mind – trying to not think about it. And he made it, he felt himself drift off – in to a dreamless sleep – safe in Evens arms.


	21. Talking always helps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak talks about the nightmare and his childhood.  
> And it helps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This hurts. 
> 
> Both to write this and to think about the kids who live under the same conditions as Isak in this story. Because there are kids that experience this every day.
> 
> And I promise - it will be better. 
> 
> <3

At first, Isak didn’t know exactly where he was when he woke up. He hadn’t opened his eyes yet, and he had to think a bit before he could do that. He felt Evens arms around his waist, so he knew he was with him. He could feel Evens steady breath against his neck, and he could smell the wonderful Even-smell when he turned his head. And it came to him again – he was in Evens room, at Liv and Anders. And he remembered the nightmare. He felt his pulse rising just of the thought. 

“Halla.” He heard the voice in his neck “You’re awake. How do you feel?”

“Halla. I feel weird. I didn’t remember at once where I were. I had to think it through. I felt you though, so I knew you were here.”

“Nice. Slept well again after your nightmare?”

“Yeah. Thanks for being there with me. You saved my night.”

“Anytime.” Even kissed his neck, and held him even tighter. “Anytime. Wanna tell me about it?”

“Yeah.” Isak said. “Just have to take a piss first.” He untangled himself from Evens embrace, and walked out of the room and into the bathroom. Thought about the nightmare, and again, shivers went down his spine. His pulse raised again, and he felt his throat tighten. He managed to piss, wash his hands, but then he sunk down at the bathroom floor. And he cried.

He thought of what had happened after he – 12-year-old-Isak – had locked himself into his room. The pounding on the door had eventually stopped, but what came after was even worse. His mother had started yelling at him through the door. Banned him with verses from the bible – yelled at him, told him he was useless, a disgrace for the family. And then, after a while. Dead silence. Not a sound. He didn’t dare to go outside his room again before later that night, heard his father coming home. He opened the door carefully, listening, looking – no one was there. He was about to walk down the stairs when he heard his father say “Oh God, no!” And Isak knew this wasn’t any good. Then he heard his father making a call, and he heard him talk “We need an ambulance. My wife has taken too many pills; I can’t wake her up. (..) I don’t know how many, but one glass is empty and the other half-empty!” 12-year-old-Isak had frozen at the top of the stairs, not being able to move. He stood there like a statue, waiting, hearing the paramedics come in to the living room, taking his mother with them and his father went along. No one saw him, no one cared. He eventually went back to his bedroom, lied down at his bed and fell asleep, exhausted, terrified and hurt. 

He got back to present time when he felt a strong, familiar hand touching his back and a low voice talking “Hey, hey. Is. Come back to bed with me please.” He heard the concern and care in Evens voice, and he managed to get up on his feet, Even caught him when he swayed a bit, Isak leaned into his chest, and they walked into the bedroom and sunk down at the bed while the tears just streamed from Isak’s eyes. No sound, just the tears. 

“I’ve got you, Is. I love you, and I’m here.” Even said, repeatedly as he did earlier that night. 

“I know Even. I’m just stupid. Letting the memories get to me.” Isak bowed his head. Felt 12 year again, felt stupid for his feelings, knew he was wrong, but he couldn’t help it. The feeling of being mocked because of his feeling lied deep down inside him. 

“No, Is. You’re not stupid. And those memories are bad for you, and I want to help you get through them. Please, let me help you.” Even begged him, looked at him, held him. The voice wasn’t sarcastic, hard or angry. It was caring, loving and soft. “Please, Is. You’re my everything and I want to help you get through this, but you have to let me help you, please.” 

“I just feel like I’m 12 again, and all my feeling are not allowed. Nothing I do is right, and it’s hard, Even. It’s fucking hard.” 

“I understand, but you’re not 12, and only you can feel what you feel, right? And those feelings are yours, and nobody can say that they are wrong.” Even still held him tight to his chest, stroking up and down, placing small kisses over his head and face. “Please, tell me about the nightmare, and what happened in the bathroom? It helps. Talking about things always helps, Is.”. 

“Ok.” Isak sighed. “Please, don’t make fun of me?” 

“Would never make fun of your stories, Isak. Never!”

And Isak tells his story. From the start of his dream to Even came into the bathroom. He tried to hold the mask, but doesn’t manage it. Not when he told about his mother being carried out by paramedics and no one is there for him. He sobbed, but not for his mother – not really – he sobbed because he was alone. No one cared for him. No one remembered that he was there. Not even his father. It hurt so much than, and it hurts now. 

“Oh, Is. I don’t know what to say. I can’t relate to your story at all, and I’m so sorry you have to go through this again. And I wish I could take it away from you, but I can’t. But I’m here for you Is. Always! And you’ve got to believe me when I tell you that all that shit your mother told you are lies. And you are the best thing in my life, and…

Isak lifted his head, looked at Even while he spoke, and kissed him, in the middle of Evens speak. “I love you so much, Ev. Please stay with me.” 

“I will. Always.”

Even held him tight, stroking his back. 

“Feeling better?” Even asked after a while. 

“A bit” Isak said. Thinking about it, he actually did. It helped talking to Even about it. And he thought he maybe had to talk to Liv and Anders to. He remembered vaguely that Anders had been in the room that night. He had to ask. “Ev? Did Anders come in to our room tonight?”

“Yes. I shouted a bit to wake you up. You were tossing around, whining, waving your arms. I saw your face hurt and heard your whimpers, and it was painful to watch and listen to, so I guess I shouted quite loud to wake you in the end. And dad came in, wondering what happened. I told him you’d got another nightmare. I think they want to listen to your story too. If you can manage. They worry about you, Isak. They care. They love you too, you know.” Even stroke his back all the time he was speaking. Comforting him, caressing him, nuzzled, kissed his cheek, his hair, his forehead. 

“I guess I can do that.” Isak whispered. Feeling the lump in his stomach tighten – the fear of being made fun of, being ridiculed because of his feelings were there, but his adult sense told him that Liv and Anders never would do that, and he thought maybe he’d trust that sense? He got out of Evens embrace, took his hand and dragged him on his feet. “Breakfast?” he asked. 

“Breakfast” Even nodded, and they walked out of the room and down to the kitchen hand in hand. 

Liv and Anders already sat by the table and got on their feet as Isak came into the room. 

“Oh, sweetie. Are you alight?” Liv asked, giving him a hug, stroking his cheeks. Anders came over to give him a hug too. 

“Yeah – sort of.” Isak answered. “Just another bad dream from a bad memory.” He bowed his head and sat down, Even beside him. Liv brought him a cup of coffee, and Anders passed him the toast. “Thanks” he said. He started eating, not really hungry, but it would postpone the inevitable for a little while. He had to tell them what happened, and he really, really wanted to, but still he was terrified of it. What if they didn’t believe him. What if they actually did make fun of him? What if they thought less of him learning one more of his bad childhood stories? As he thought of it, he felt Evens hand on his thigh, stroking, soothing, he lifted his hand and placed it around his shoulder, leaning in and whispered into his ear: “It’s ok, Is. We’re here for you. No one is thinking any less of you because of this.” Isak turned his head, looked straight into Evens eyes. Was he a mind reader? 

“How.... how did you know…?” Isak whispered back. 

“I know you, Is.” Even said, stroking his back, comforting, strong. “I know you, and love you.”

Isak looked down at the floor. It might not be such a bad idea to tell? 

“Eh..” he started. “So I guess I have to tell you what happened tonight?” He looked up at Liv and Anders. Liv smiled at him, Anders shook his head slightly, but smiled to. Not sarcastic smiles, loving one. 

“You don’t have to tell anything you don’t want to, sweetie. But if you want to, we’re here for you. I presume it was a heavy nightmare since Even had to yell to wake you – he yelled so loud we thought he stood outside our bedroom door. That’s why Anders went over to your room. And that’s how we know about the nightmare.” 

Isak just watched Liv as she spoke. After 12 years in their lives, in Evens life and as their son-in-law, he should have known that she would say that. But 12-year-old-Isak from the past was still present in Isak and 12-year-old-Isak didn’t trust people enough to talk about things. 

“Oh.” Isak mumbled. “Yes, it was kind of heavy. But it was even worse to remember what happened after the dream stopped. Even woke me up – thank God – because it was terrible, but when I was in the bathroom this morning, I remembered more – what happened after. After the dream stopped when Even woke me, and that was devastating. I just…. Fuck. My mother ate some pills and was sent to the hospital in an ambulance with my father, and they left me alone. I remember standing om top of the stairs looking at the paramedics carrying her out, my father followed her, and no one even looked at me. And I remember it now. Very clearly, but before tonight I didn’t have the slightest recollection of it. And it hurts. So bad. Not that my mother was carried out – I don’t really give a shit about her – but it hurts so bad that no one cared. About me. I was 12. Fuck. 12 years, and nobody in that house cared about me.” 

The words just poured out of Isak. He talked and talked and talked. He told the whole nightmare too, and none of the other three said a word, they just listened. Evens hand was firm against Isak’s back, stroking up and down, squeezing his neck and shoulder sometimes, sometimes laid flat on his lower back, but not breaking the contact once. Anders and Liv took a sip of their cups of coffee sometimes, but for the most, they just stared at Isak when he spoke. Some tears fell down Liv’s cheeks, and Anders’ eyes were watery, while Even held his eyes closed from time to time, and blinking rapidly. Isak didn’t look at either of them much. He just looked at the toast, the scrambled eggs, the coffee in front of him. He couldn’t look at them, terrified that they would laugh or make fun of him. But they didn’t. When he was finished, it was dead silent in the room. He heard Even sniff and dried his eyes with the hand who was not on Isak’s back. Liv sniffed too, got a handkerchief and dried her eyes and nose, while Anders rinsed his throat and spoke carefully, with a shivering voice.

“Isak, my dear son. First of all, I’m sorry you had to go through that both at twelve and now. Second, I can see why you have trouble talking about things if that was the kind of response you got by your parents when you were a kid, and third I can’t understand what makes grown up people do what your parents did, and now I fully understand why you don’t want them in your life.” 

Isak looked at Anders, his mouth was a bit open, and he processed what Anders just said to him, not sure if he got it right. There wasn’t any sarcasm or laughs. He felt his heart beat a bit slower – not much, but a bit, and he relaxed a bit more, and then Liv spoke. 

“Oh, sweetie. I must say as Anders here, I’m so sorry, and I support what Anders said. And I just want you to know that we’re her for you at any time in any way. You may not be our son in blood, but in our heart you are our son, and we love you so much, and my heart bleeds for both 12-year-old Isak and you as a grown man, who has to relive that horrible experience.”

Isak felt his tears coming in his eyes. Did he dare to cry in front of them – yes, he did, because now his adult brain started to take control – he knew now they wouldn’t make fun of him. The tears streamed, and Liv pulled him in for a hug, and he burst out “It just hurts so fucking much…… It just hurts so fucking much knowing that your parents didn’t care. It hurt then and it hurts now. But it hurts less by the time, especially now, when I got you and Anders in my life. Because of Even. Thanks!”

“We’re the ones who should thank you for including us in your and Evens life. I can’t imagine how hard it has been to you to be able to trust people again – especially people who’s the same age as your parent.” Liv said, letting go of him, and he leaned back to Evens safe embrace. Even put his arms around him, and held him safe and tight. 

“It was easier before I started to remember everything” Isak mumbled into Evens chest. “But maybe it’s a good thing I’m starting to remember, because now I can do something about it?”

“You’re probably right” Anders said. “But you should get some help, because neither Even, Liv nor I are professionals who really know how to help.”

Isak turned to him, and smiled. “I’m getting help from Kriss. I’ve got an appointment for myself next Thursday. Not for me being with Even, but for me.” 

Anders looked at him, smiled and said “Sharing everything, including the psychiatrist. That’s marriage.” Isak smiled back at him and nodded. “But good for you, Isak. Use the help you can get. That’s wise!”

“Thanks, Anders, and thanks Liv. You’re the best.” 

Isak turned around and smiled at Even; “After you of course. You’re the best” he said and kissed him lovingly. 

The rest of the breakfast Isak managed to relax, talked about both nightmares, about what he remembered from his childhood – both bad and the few good times he actually could remember. It wasn’t many. It was once when they’d been at the movies, both his mum and dad being there, and they had candies, laughed at the same things, funny things, and they’d been chatting. Isak thought he was seven at the time. And it was one time they’d been on the beach, bathing, swimming, buying ice-cream. And some more times, but Isak could count the times he remembered on two hands. Not much for 16 years. 

The others – the bad once – was the everyday. His mother yelling, calling him stupid, laughing at him when he did something or didn’t do something. His father ignoring him for the most, and if he didn’t ignore him, he yelled at him for everything and nothing. For not putting his shoes on the shelf, for putting his shoes on the wrong shelf, for putting his shoes wrong on the shelf….… – He never knew the rules neither from his mum or dad, because they shifted from day to day. And trying to be obedient and good was very difficult. Isak talked and talked to Even, Liv and Anders. 

Even had heard it before, but Liv and Anders hadn’t heard much of it, they just knew he had a bad childhood, but not the severity of it. Liv just sat there, mouth slightly open when Isak stopped talking. Anders shook his head over and over again and and mumbled “I don’t believe it” or “I don’t understand”. And in the end, she just burst out; “Why didn’t anyone interfere in your life?”

Isak just shook his head. “I don’t know. Maybe no one knew? Because I didn’t dare to tell anyone.” 

“But you’re telling now, Isak. And that’s important!” Liv said, squeezing his hand, and smiling at him. 

Even held Isak tight, and Isak felt good. He felt safe, protected, understood, accepted and loved. He was so relieved. He felt loved, and for the second time that week, he felt that his childhood didn’t necessarily have to ruin his life over and over again. He could deal with it. He could handle it, because he had someone to handle it with. He just had to remember it. Every time. 


	22. Going back home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even go home, cuddles and a bath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Breath - this chapter is light and full of cuddles and love. 
> 
> And I absolutely love it when a song fits the story!
> 
> This time it's Aerosmith. 
> 
> <3

They stood in the hall with Liv and Anders about to leave. After breakfast, Isak had taken a nap – exhausted by all the different emotions that he’d gone through earlier – and Even had been there with him. Sitting in the bed beside him, sketching. It wasn’t often he did that now days, but today he had the opportunity. He made a beautiful sketch of Isak lying in the bed, relaxed, sleeping, the curls falling down his forehead and over one of his eyes. Isak thought it was nice too, even if he didn’t really like watching pictures of himself.

“Have a nice day, enjoy. Try to have some fun!” Anders said to them as they were leaving. “And remember, our door is always open!”

“Thanks dad!” Even said, hugging his father, Isak got that big bear-hug from Anders as well. And Isak could feel the fatherly love from Anders melt into him. “Thanks dad” he whispered to Anders as he pulled back.

Liv hugged them to. “I’m always happy to see you two. No matter the circumstances. As Anders said; our door is always open!”

“Thanks mum!” they both said – simultaneously. Looked at each other and smiled. Even grabbed his hand and they walked to their car. The air was fresh from rain the night before, but now the sun was shining, and it looked like it was going to be a beautiful afternoon. They got into the car, and Even started driving.

“What do you wanna do?” he asked Isak.

Isak thought about it for a while. He didn’t know. And then it hit him like a lightening.

“Even. You know what?” he probably had raised his voice, because Even slowed down and looked at him.

“What’s wrong?”

“I haven’t thought about Lucas for once since last night. I feel so bad.”

“Oh, Isak.” Even laid a hand on his thigh. “You’ve got enough on your mind, and I think Lucas is alright. He would have called us if not.”

“But my phone is dead. What if… what if….”

“Shhh…” Even said. “My phone is NOT dead, and he would have called me – because I’m always the one who answer first, beside I’m over you on his list.”

Isak relaxed a bit. “You’re right about the list, but not about who answers first. But I still feel bad about not thinking about him.”

“I understand. But I’ve done it. Thought about him that is, and maybe you got enough on your mind this morning?”

“Maybe I did.” Isak said, sinking down in his seat. Grabbing Evens hand and held it. “Can we just go home?” he said after a little while.

“Of course.” Even said. “We can do exactly what we want, and I would like to go home too. Wanna do something when we get home?”

“Cuddle” Isak just said, smiling at Even, and Even smiled back.

“I can do that!” he said. “I can definitely do that!” Smiled wide, and tightened the grip on Isak’s hand.

They walked straight into their bedroom when they got home – that is, Even went to the bathroom to take his pills – and then they got into bed, close to each other. Isak felt the safeness of their house, their room, their bed, his Even, everything. They talked about nothing and everything. About Lucas, things that had happened, things they wanted to do, things they’d thought about, vacations they’d been too, work, family. After a while, Isaks phone got a message. Isak startled, got up to see it. It was Sana.

**SANA (1413)**

_“Hey, best bud. How’s everything?”_

_“Hey Sanasol.”_

_“Not the best day. Lucas is with his mum, and I got a really bad nightmare tonight.”_

“ _Oh, Sorry about that.”_

_“Wanna talk?”_

_“Later. Please.”_

_“Talked to Anders and Liv about it today.”_

_“We slept at theirs tonight.”_

“ _You slept there?”_

_“Why?”_

_“Just didn’t feel like going home to an empty house last night.”_

_“Besides, Liv makes delicious food.”_

“ _Yes she does.”_

_“What are you guys doing this evening?”_

_“Wanna come over for dinner?”_

_“Oh, have to talk to Even first.”_

_“Get back to you in five?”_

_“Sure”_

 

Isak put away his phone and turned to Even;

“Hey, Ev?”

“Hmm?” he mumbled, almost sleeping.

“Wanna go to Yousef and Sana for dinner later? Sana’s inviting.”

Even turned his head to Isak, stroke his chin and kissed him softly. “What do you want?”

“I don’t know.” Isak hesitated. “It’s nice to be at home, but it’s nice to be with Sana and Yousef too. Besides, they care – both for us and for Lucas. It’s nice to be around them, I guess.”

“Yes” Even agreed. “You sure you’re up for it?”

“We can just go home if it gets too hard. I’ve already told Sana about the nightmare. They’ll understand.”

“If you’re up to it, I’m all in. I actually have something I want to ask Sana about.”

“Oh? What?”

“Lucas’ mood swings. If it’s normal for kids – or to be specific – kids in his situation.”

“Yeah, smart. I’ve thought about it myself. Thought about googling it, but I haven’t come to do it yet. But Sana is the right one to ask!”

“Let’s go then. When?”

“I don’t know. Have to accept the invitation first.”

Even kissed him, hummed “Ok.”

 

_“Hey Best Bud!”_

_“We’d really like to come over later. When?”_

_“Free food, good company, and professionals that we can ask for advice.”_

_“Can’t say now to that.”_

_“ <3”_

_“Invitation withdrawn….”_

_“No, just joking. How’s 1730?”_

_“The kids will be home tonight though.”_

_“That’s ok.”_

_“It’s been ages since we saw them last.”_

_“They will probably ask about Lucas.”_

_“Why he’s not coming.”_

_“Want me to talk to them before you come?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“Might be a good idea.”_

_“Ok.”_

_“See you at 1730.”_

_“Thanks.” “See you. Looking forward to it.”_

 

Isak put his phone away again and snuggled into Evens chest.

“1730” he said.

“A couple of hours then. What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know. What about you?”

“I had planned for a romantic, relaxing bath yesterday, candles, wine, music. Maybe we should do that now, just without the wine?”

“Yeah. That sounds nice” Isak reached up for a kiss, and Even gave him one.

“And maybe a relaxing massage for you too? I think you may need one.”

“Yeah. I can’t believe that it’s not even 24 hours yet since we left Lucas at Anita’s. It seems like several days.”

“I know. I feel that too. It’s weird how time can go so fast sometimes, and other times it seems like the time almost doesn’t go.” Even kissed him again, and Isak moaned slightly into his mouth. “Time could just stop when I’m with you though. It would be wonderful to just stay like this forever. I could do that.” He mumbled into the kiss.

“Me too.” Isak mumbled back “me to!”

They eventually got out of bed, and walked into the bathroom. Even turned on the water and lit the candles, Isak found some music to put on. They undressed each other accompanied with a lot of kisses and hugs, wandering hands and admiring eyes. Isak did really admire Evens body. His long limbs, muscles – he’d been working out weekly the last years, and got firm and defined muscles in arms and legs, and abs. Don’t forget the abs. And chest. Isak loved to lie with his head on Evens chest and caress his chest and stomach. Drawing patterns with his fingers, over and over again.  It was the best place in the world. He felt so loved and safe. And with all those muscles Even had gotten the last year – it only became safer and safer. Even woke him up from his day-dream by taking his cheeks in his hands and kissed him soft.

“The bath is ready for you. You were gone for a while!”

“I was dreaming about you!” Isak blurred out.

“You do know I’m right here?” Even stroke his shoulders, upper arms, waist.

“Yes, I’m very aware of you being just in front of me, Even. I just got caught up in the thought of how beautiful, fit, sexy, wonderful husband I’ve got. And how much I love being with you. How much I love you keeping me safe, how much I love everything we have. It was just that.”

“That’s a whole lot, actually.” Even said. Nuzzling into Isaks neck. Placing kisses under his ear, his hands wandering over his waist, cupping his ass, caressing him.

“Yeah, it’s a lot. But it’s true.” Isak leaned into his chest. “If we don’t get into that bathtub soon, I don’t think we will be able to…”

“You’re right.” Even pulled away. He got into the bathtub, and Isak climbed after. Sat between his legs, and leaned back on Evens chest. Evens arms came around his waist, and held him tight. They just lied for a while, relaxing, feeling each other’s steady breath – even though a little faster than completely relaxed – and just chatting about nothing. Isak could feel Evens dick against his back, and he wasn’t unaffected himself either. And when Evens fingers started to move a bit on his stomach, tracing patterns lower and lower, he was gone. He tilted his head back, and Evens lips were there to meet his. At the same time, a new song started playing, and Isak just sighed into the kiss, and felt the music and the words just pounding into him and Even as they were about to make love. The lyrics made it even better, it was all so true.

 

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing

Watch you smile while you are sleeping

While you're far away and dreaming

I could spend my life in this sweet surrender

I could stay lost in this moment forever

Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

 

Don't want to close my eyes

I don't want to fall asleep

'Cause I'd miss you baby

And I don't want to miss a thing

'Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream will never do

I'd still miss you baby

And I don't want to miss a thing

 

Lie close to you feeling your heart beating

And I'm wondering what you're dreaming

Wondering if it's me you're seeing

Then I kiss your eyes And thank God we're together

I just wanna stay with you in this moment forever

Forever and ever

 

Don't want to close my eyes

I don't want to fall asleep

'Cause I'd miss you baby

And I don't want to miss a thing

'Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream will never do

I'd still miss you baby

And I don't want to miss a thing

 

I don't want to miss one smile

I don't want to miss one kiss

I just want to be with you

Right here with you, just like this

I just want to hold you close

Feel your heart so close to mine

And just stay here in this moment

For all the rest of time

 

Don't want to close my eyes

I don't want to fall asleep

'Cause I'd miss you baby

And I don't want to miss a thing

'Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream will never do

I'd still miss you baby

And I don't want to miss a thing

Don't want to close my eyes

I don't want to fall asleep

I don't want to miss a thing


	23. Sana and Yousef

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner at Sana and Yousef
> 
> Their kids asks a lot of questions.

Isak was really looking forward to dinner with Sana and Yousef and their kids. He thought it would be a nice opportunity to get his minds of both bad childhood, nightmares, Lucas being at his mum and everything that’s going on. Even walked beside him, safe and strong. His rock. He was amazed by the way Even still made him feel, amazed by the way Even made him fall in love again and again and again. The last time, just a couple hour ago when they made love to “I don’t want to miss a thing”. He actually got goosebumps down his back when he thought about it. Isak shook his head, and smiled to himself as they reached the front door of their friend’s house. Even rang the doorbell, and in a second Salima, Yousef and Sana’s oldest girl, opened the door. 

“Iiisak. Eeeven!” she screamed, and threw herself around their waists – hugging them both at the same time. “I haven’t seen you in ages!” Salima was 8, and a bit “grown up” in her behavior. A really good girl. 

“Hey Salima. I know. We’ve been busy! Nice to see you too!” Isak lifted her, hugged her and put her down again as Kerim and little Ayla came running to the door, with Yousef and Sana behind them. 

“Uncle Isak, Uncle Even”. Kerim yelled, quenched in front of them, and burst out; “Where’s Lucas, I wanna play with him!” Kerim was six too, and he and Lucas used to play a lot when they were together. They didn’t attend the same school, but were good friends. 

Isak looked at Sana and Yousef, and their expressions told Isak that they HAD been talking to the kids – but in vain. “Lucas is with his mother, Kerim. He isn’t coming today.” Isak said with a surprisingly steady voice. 

“Oh” the disappointment in Kerims face was obvious. 

“But hey, no hugs for me because Lucas isn’t here?” Isak smiled. And Kerim smiled, reaching up for Isak to lift him, and he did, and he got a big hug and Isak hugged him back, holding him for a while. 

“Me too, me toooo!” little Ayla said, raising her arms to Isak. 

“Of course little princess” Isak giggled, lifting her up and gave her a big hug. He looked at Even as he hugged Kerim, and lifted Ayla over to him. 

“Sorry about that” Sana said, leaning in to hug Isak. “We’ve just talked about it, but I guess six-year-olds don’t have the best memory in the world.”

“That’s alright, Sana. No worries!” 

Yousef came over and greeted them with a hug to. 

“So, how are you coping?” 

“At the moment ok.” Even said. “Terrible yesterday afternoon and this night, hard morning, but we’ve talked and talked and we’re hanging in there.”

“We can talk more after we’ve eaten. The kids go to bed around seven thirty, and we can have adult-time when they are sleeping. You don’t need to be home early?”

“No, we’re kind of rested and ready for an enjoyable evening with you two.” Isak smiled. “I’ll try to stay awake longer than last time.” He smiled at Sana, who smiled back. Even had his hand on his back, and he felt the warmth from it, and loved it. He was ok now. Really. He was. For now. 

They walked into the living room, and sat down at the big dining table. Isak and Even got seated, and Kerim came up to Isak and crawled into his lap. He looked at him and looked at Sana and looked at Isak again. He drew his breath as for to speak but didn’t say anything. He looked at Even who’d got Salima in her lap, and back at Isak again. Drew his breath again, but didn’t say anything. 

“Kerim?” Isak asked. “Is there something you want to say?”

“Yes, but mum said I shouldn’t be asking too much.”

“Oh, she did?” Isak smiled at Kerim, and smiled at Sana too, and he could spot a little blush in her face. “What do you want to ask about?” 

Kerim looked at his mum, as for permission to ask. Sana nodded at him, looked at Isak – telling him with a sad smile that the question would be about Lucas. Isak nodded – he knew. 

“Why do Lucas have to go to his mum?" Kerim asked silent. 

Isak looked at the boy, he had his mum’s eyes, and his father’s mouth, but Isak was sure that the brain – the brain was from Sana. He was straight forward, honest, and very loyal to those he loved. “You know, Kerim. Me and Even aren’t Lucas fathers for real. We’re his foster fathers. That means that Lucas have lived with us because his mum were sick and couldn’t take care of him. Now the judges in the court says that his mum is well enough to take care of him again, and then he has to move back to her. He’s not moved back for real yet, he’s just visiting her this weekend, and he’s going to visit her next weekend too. And the weekend after that he’s going to move to her.”

Kerim looked at him for a while before he stated the obvious for a six-year-old: “That’s stupid!”

Even smiled at him, and smiled at Isak and said: “Yes, it is. We think so too. But it’s not in our power to make those decisions. So we just have to do what they tell us.”

“I think that’s stupid anyway!” Samila said. “I like Lucas, and I don’t want him to move from you!”

“We don’t want him to either, Salima” Isak said, rubbing her shoulder. “But as Even says – it’s not our decision. We have to do what the judges tells us, because we’re not Lucas’ parents. We’re his foster fathers, and kids who lives in foster care only lives there when their parents can’t take care of them. And when the judges say Lucas’ mother is well enough to take care of him, we just have to obey. Even if we don’t think it’s fair, or the right thing to do, or we think it’s stupid. Because we do. We do think it’s stupid too!”

“I miss him!” Kerim said, and a tear fell down his cheek. 

“Oh, Kerim. We do too!” Isak said, holding the boy tight in his lap. “But you know what. He’ll come home tomorrow. Maybe you could come over at Tuesday or Wednesday afternoon and play for a while? I’m sure he would love that?” Isak spoke as he looked at Even who nodded at him. 

“Yeah! Mum, can I?” he looked at Sana with his brown eyes, and Sana smiled at him, and at Isak and nodded.

“Sure you can. But guys. The food is ready, so Kerim and Salima, you have to take your seats so we can eat. Isak and Even can’t eat with you two in their laps.”

Salima and Kerim got off their laps, but sat on the chairs next to them. Salima on Evens right side, and Kerim on Isak’s left. Kerim pushed his chair tight to Isak’s, to sit as close as possible. Isak thought it was nice. It was like Kerim felt that he needed someone close. 

The food was – as always – delicious, and they talked about everyday stuff. Salima told them how school was, Kerim too, while Ayla told them about a “crazy” women in the kindergarten who let them dance on the tables at Friday afternoon, calling it “Friday-disco” – and they played loud music and sang and danced – and the adults sang and danced with them. 

“Sounds like an awesome kindergarten” Even said. 

“Yes” Yousef said. “They’re the best. The kindergarten-teacher is the one who puts on music and let the kids go “crazy” Friday afternoon. It’s so fun to watch, but a struggle to get the kids home. No one wants to leave!” he laughed. 

“But of course” Isak says. “No one ever wants to leave a nice party!”

When they’d finished dinner, cleaned together, and it was time to get the kids to bed, Kerim came up to Isak and patted his arm and asked; “Isak, can you please tuck me in tonight?”

Isak looked at Even, who smiled at him, and then at Sana, who nodded before he answered. 

“Of course, Kerim. I would love to!” Kerim took his hand and they went to the bathroom first where Kerim brushed his teeth – with a little help from Yousef who was there with Ayla – and then they got to his bedroom. 

“Want me to read for you?” Isak asked. 

“Nah” Kerim said. He was silence for a while, as he was thinking hard about what to say. “Do Lucas want to live with his mum?” he finally asked. 

Isak looked at Kerim, uncertain of what his answer should be, but then he thought – honesty is important. 

“No, Kerim. He doesn’t want to live with his mother. He wants to live with Even and me.”

“Then it’s not fair that he should move.” Kerim stated. 

“No, I agree. But it doesn’t help much. I’m sorry!”

“Why do adults decide things without asking the kids?” 

Isak smiled at Kerim, wonderfull, honest, fair Kerim. Wanted everyone to be good, and wanted the world to be a good place for everyone. He felt the tears pressing in the back of his eyes, but took a deep breath before he answered the little boy. 

“You know what, Kerim. Lucas asked me the exact same question the other day, and you know what I told him?”

“That you don’t know?”

“No, I told him that it’s because adults think they know best.”

“That’s stupid!” Kerim said. 

“That’s what Lucas said too” Isak smiled at him. “And I agree. It is stupid. But some adults don’t think kids can be so smart as you and Lucas, and then they decide things without asking.”

“I wish it wouldn’t be like that.”

“Me to, Kerim. Me to. But you know what. We’ve got to make Lucas be as happy as he can while he lives with us. Right?”

“Hmm. We will.”

“You go to sleep now, and we’ll see you on Tuesday or Wednesday. Ok?” 

“Ok. Love you, Isak.” Kerim said, like a whisper. 

“And I love you, Kerim. And I love that you care so much about Lucas. It means a lot to both Even, Lucas and me. You’re a very good friend, you know. And you’re a very, very wise six-year-old.” Isak bent down and gave Kerim a hug. 

“I know.” Kerim answered, and smiled at him. 

“Sleep well, Kerim.” 

Isak left the room thinking about how many people this tragedy affected, and again he thought about how lucky they were to have such great friends in their life! 

When he came out in the living room, Even and Sana was talking about something. He didn’t get it at once, but sitting down beside Even and Even pulling him into his side, he got it. Even had asked Sana about Lucas’ mood changes. 

“So it’s very normal for a six-year-old to have mood changes, and kids like Lucas who goes through a life-change like he does, gets more of it than an average six-year-old. Some people call it the “First puberty” when kids are about five-six, and puberty is moods going crazy.”

“I can remember, actually – from my own youth.” Even smiled. “But is there anything we can do?” Even asked. 

“Not really. You just have to be there for him.”

Isak tuned out for a second. It was the exact same words Sonja had told him all those years ago, when Isak had experienced Evens first depressive episode. “You just have to be there for him.” And it wasn’t easy, but at the same time it was the easiest thing to do. Just be there for him. 

“What do you mean, Sana?” Even asked, he always wanted to do what’s right for Lucas. Say the right words, do the right things. 

“I mean just be there for him. Talk to him. Let him rage if he’s angry, let him cry if he’s sad, let him laugh if he’s happy no matter if it’s the right place or time to do it. Kid’s emotions are present – they are “now” – and they have to practice controlling them – and for Lucas it’s harder to do that, because the emotions are so deep and many. And you might experience that he gets mad for something he never have been mad for earlier, and he might laugh at something impropriate, or cry for nothing, but let him do that, and talk to him when it’s over.”

“Ok.” Even sighed. “It’s hard though. Never knowing his mood. Yesterday morning, he was cheerful and happy when he went into the bathroom to brush his teeth, and then I found him in our bed five minutes later and he was so sad. And it’s ok when we’re home and Isak and I are there, but what if he is like that now, and his mother doesn’t understand him.”

Isak startled. He hadn’t heard Even talk about his fears before, even if he knew he had them. But to hear he speak loud about them scared him a bit, but at the same time it was good for Even to talk about it too. And Isak knew he was holding a bit back when they talked about it, because he was afraid how it would affect him. 

Even continued; “What if she gets angry or upset with him when he has a fit or cries for nothing. What if she hurt his feelings? What if…”

“Hey, Even.” Sana touched his arm. “It will be ok. He isn’t made of glass. He can deal with it if it’s not on regular basis. And we don’t know how his mother reacts to any of this. Ok?

Isak took Evens hand, and Even looked at Isak. “Yeah. Ok. I’m just worried” he spoke. 

“I totally understand that, Even. But don’t think worst case scenario just yet. But talk to Lucas tomorrow when he gets home, and you’ll find out!”

“Ok” Even sighed. “Thanks a lot Sana.”

“Anytime” Sana smiled at them. “I’m here for you and Best bud, you know!”

Isak smiled at her. 

The evening went on with some light topics of conversations and some heavy. Isak told Sana and Yousef about his nightmares, and they talked it through with him, sharing some tears and hugs, and it was painful, but at the same time it was nice. It was really good to be with their good friends and the man of his dreams, talk about everything. Isak was comfortable talking about it, and that was a good feeling. He never thought he would be able to do it, but now he was.  And before they knew it, it was nearly midnight. 

They drove home in silence, tired, worn out, but a tiny bit of happy too. Happy because they had nice friends and family who was always there for them, and they had each other. 


	24. Sudden awake Sunday morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sudden Wake up on a Sunday.  
> The day don't turn out as expected..

Isak heard the sound from far, far away. He was sleeping, but the sound snuck into his ears. Louder and louder. He couldn’t understand what it was at first, but then he jumped. It was his phone. It was someone that was Face Timing him. He was wide awake in a second, grabbing his phone.

**“LUCAS”**

He pushed Even hard with his hand and said loud; «Wake up, Even!" and answered the call, while he pushed “record” on his phone. 

“Hey, sweetie. What’s up?”

Lucas’ face was in his screen, and he could see that he wasn’t alright.

“Isak?” he said, almost whispering.

“Hey there sweetie”

“Isak. Mum’s gone.”

Isak pushed Evens shoulder again. Even turned around, looked at him, not quite awake, not understanding anything. Isak pointed at the phone and showed him Lucas' face on the screen.

“What?” Isak said, a bit loud, turning up the volume on his phone.

“Mum’s gone. When I woke up she wasn’t here. I’ve looked all over the flat. She’s gone!”

Even was definitely awake now. He looked at Isak, eyes wide open, shook his head, didn’t believe what he heard.

“You sure? She’s not in bed? Bathroom? Hall?”

“Noo” Lucas whined, tears came from his eyes. “She’s gone. Please, come and get me, I’m scared.”

“Oh, my God.  Lucas, sweetie. We’ll come as fast as we can.”

Even was already out of bed and in his jeans and hoodie.

“Lucas, hold on. I’m giving Even the phone while I get dressed.”

“Ok” Lucas whispered.

“Hey there, sweetie. We’re going to drive as fast as we can.” Even said, soothing voice. “It’s about 20 minutes. You hang in there.”

“DON’T HANG UP! EVEN PLEASE DON'T HANG UP! I'M SCARED!” Lucas yelled into his IPad.

“We won’t, shhh. We won't, sweetie.” Even said.

Isak got the phone back, and he kept talking with Lucas. Even got his phone out. “I’m calling Anna” he said as he walked out of their bedroom. Isak followed him. Downstairs, out in the hall, out the door and in to the car. Even spoke to Anna and told her what happened, and got permission to get him. As if they hadn’t done that without permission, Isak thought. They’d done that anyway.

Isak talked whit Lucas while Even drove. Got him to talk about what they did yesterday, Friday and what he wanted to do when they got home.

Even mouthed to him that Anna was calling the police, and that they would meet them outside the apartment. Police, ok. The police were ok. It would be ok.

The drive took forever, Isak thought. He talked with Lucas, and looked at Even. His face was clenched, but Isak couldn’t talk with him right now, and Even knew it. Isak was almost falling apart, but pulled himself together. He had to. He nudged Evens arm and mouthed “Call mum!” when they were about five minutes from Anita’s apartment. Even looked at him, questioning him. He turned his own phone away from his face, so Lucas shouldn’t see or hear him and said, “Call mum. We might need them!”  Even got out of his own mind, and nodded. “Sure” he said, called, put the earbuds in his ear, and talked to Liv silently while Isak still talked to Lucas.

When they parked outside the building, a police-car was waiting. It was Thomas and another officer. Even got out of the car and informed Thomas; that Isak was on the phone with Lucas, and what happened. They talked for a minute or so, Isak still talking with Lucas, promising him they would be there any time now.

After the conversation Even came, opened the door for Isak, grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the car.  They walked hand in hand into the building, talking to Lucas and telling him where they were. When they stood outside the door, they asked him to come and unlock. He did, and in the moment the door opened, he started cry so hard, and Isak grabbed the boy in his arms, and Even was there with him holding Lucas tight, tight in their embrace.

“Shhhh” Isak said. “We’re here now. We’re so sorry this happened to you. But we’re here now, and we’re going home. We’re going home, Lucas. Now.” Isak held him while Lucas cried and cried.

“I was so scared. I was so scared. She’s gone. I don’t know where she is. I woke up at half past six, and she wasn’t there and I looked everywhere, and she’s gone. And I was so scared. And then I remembered I could FaceTime you and I did. Was that right?” he said the same things over and over again.  

“Yes, Lucas. You did the only right thing. We’re so proud of you. You’re so brave. And we’re so sorry you had to go through this. Our sweet, sweet boy.” Even stroke his back while he talked.

Isak wasn’t able to talk, he just held Lucas tight against his chest like he never was going to let go. They got into the apartment and got Lucas’ stuff. His suitcase, pillow, Teddy, other stuff, and they went out again. Anita was nowhere to be seen.

When they came out, Lucas froze at the sight of the police-cars.

“Am I going to jail?” he whispered, the uncertainty and fear was written in his face.

“What?” Even said.

“The police are here. Am I going to jail?” 

“No, no no, sweetie.” Even said. “You’re coming with me and Isak, and we’re going home. The police are here to talk to your mum. It’s not allowed to leave a six-year-old boy home alone, and your mum has to know that!”

“Oh”. Lucas said.

“But they really would like to talk to you. Can you do that?” Even asked.

“I guess.” Lucas said, “are you sure I’m not going to jail?”

“Yes, Lucas. Why do you think so?”

“Because mum said that if I’m bad I’ll go to jail.”

“But have you done anything bad?” Isak asked – finally able to speak.

“I don’t know. It’s kind of bad that I don’t want to be with my mum, isn’t it?”

“Oh, sweetie. Do you think it’s bad that you think that?”

“Not really. But mum says it is.”

“It’s not bad, Lucas. And you’re not going to jail. I promise! Ok?” Even leaned in to give Lucas a peck on his cheek, and Lucas nodded “Now we’re going over to the officers. The one on the right is Thomas, and me and Isak have spoken to him before. He’s nice. Ok?” Even said, holding his hand on Lucas shoulder, caressing his cheek while talking.

“Ok.” Lucas said, reaching over to Even, and Even took him in his arms. Held him with his right arm as Lucas wrapped his legs around Evens waist and Even grabbed Isak with his free hand. Lucas put his arms around Evens neck, and hid his face in the crook of Evens neck. Isak was about to break of the sight of their little boy so scared, hurt and insecure. But he pulled himself together again, took a deep breath, tightened his grip on Evens hand and got ready.

They walked over to Thomas, who was talking with his colleague.

“Hey there” he said, when they came over. “You must be Lucas?”

“Yes”, he said, lifting his head from Evens shoulder a bit.

“Can you tell me what happened?”

“Am I going to jail?” Lucas asked, turning around in Evens arms, still holding tight around his neck.

“No, why do you think so?”

“Because I did something bad.”

“What could you possibly have done Lucas?”

“I don’t want to live with my mum. That’s bad.”

“Is it?” Thomas asked. “I don’t think that’s bad if your mother leaves you alone on Sunday morning.”

“It’s not?” Lucas looked at him, disbelieving what he said, letting go of the tight grip he had on Evens neck. Looking at both Even and Isak to get them to confirm what the police officer just sad. They both smiled at him and shook their heads slightly. Isak could spot a sign of relief in Lucas’ face.

“No, it’s not. But Lucas. I would like you to tell me what happened when you woke up this morning. Do you know what time you woke?”

“Yes, it was at half past six. I can tell the time you see. And the flat was empty. I looked all over for my mum, but I couldn’t find her. And then I went back to bed and I cried a bit, because I was scared and alone. And I held my Teddy and I smelled my pillow, because it smells like Isak and Evens bed, and that made me feel safe for a bit, and I missed them so much, and I cried some more, and then I remembered that I could use my IPad to FaceTime Isak, and I did. And then they came for me, but it took them forever and ever to get here, and I was so scared, and I didn’t want to be alone, and…”

“Very good, Lucas” Thomas said. “You’re a clever boy, remembering to use your IPad.”

“Do I have to go back?”

“Back where?” Thomas asked.

“Back to my mum?”

“No, I don’t think you have to go back to your mum, because we don’t know where she is.”

“I mean when she gets home. I should be there until five this evening.”

“Lucas. You’re going home with Isak and Even now. And you’re not going back to your mum. Not today.”

“On Friday?”

“No, not on Friday either.”

Isak looked at Even, and let out long breath.

“No?” Lucas said. “You’re sure?”

“Yes.” Thomas smiled. “I’m absolutely sure!

“Thank you so much!” Lucas said, and smiled for the first time since they got him in the apartment. “You heard that Even? Isak, did you hear that? I don’t have to go back on Friday! I’m going to be with you!”

“Yes, sweetie. I heard it.” Even said, smiling. “I heard it!”

Isak smiled too. He hugged Even and Lucas, and he reached his hand out to Thomas and said “Thanks a lot.”

Thomas shook his hand; “No problem. You guys og home and take care of your little boy, and we’ll wait here for Anita to come home, telling her what’s happened, and what will happen. We’ll come over by yours later today to talk to you, and I think Anna is coming over to yours too.”

“Ok, fine.” Even said, putting Lucas down on the ground. He was quick to grab Isak’s hand, holding it tight, looking over his shoulders to see if Anita came. He seemed scared of her reappearing.

“It’s ok, Lucas.” Isak said. “We’re going home now. Let’s go to the car.”

They got in the car, and Even started driving. Isak looked in the backseat, Lucas looked tired, but there was a little smile in his face, but the glow in his eyes were not there. The bright, happy, smiling, glowing Lucas wasn’t there.

“Lucas? What’s on your mind now?”

“I just wonder where my mum is.” He said with a flat emotionless voice.

“I’m sure Thomas will tell us when she comes back.”

“Ok”. Lucas said, closed his eyes and actually fell asleep in the backseat.

 

Isak looked at him, and then at Even. Lucas never used to fall asleep in the car. Not even when they went to the cabin and drove up late after work Friday evenings. Isak felt worried. Worried about the way it happened. He thought about their little boy, left alone in the apartment. His mother had just left him. When had she left the apartment? How long had she been gone? Lucas had woken at 0630, he’d phoned them 0730, and now it was almost 0930. She had been gone for at least three hours. Maybe more. Maybe much more. What if he hadn’t had his IPad? No, Isak wouldn’t want to think about that. He had his IPad, and he used it just right. But he must have been just as afraid as Isak was himself, all those years ago when his father left him. But Isak had been 12. Lucas was six. Isak felt his heart beating, his hands started shaking and his breath was fast.

“Isak?” Even asked. “You alright?”

“No.” Isak said. “I just thought about how scared Lucas must have been, just as scared as I was – you know – when my father left me with my mother in the ambulance. I remember how scared I was, and I was in my own house watching my parents leave. He woke up alone. All alone.” Isak’s breath accelerated, and he was starting to hyperventilate.

“I know, Isak. I know.” He reached out and touched Isak’s shoulder “Just please, try to breath. Breath with me, Is. One-two-three, and out one-two-three. I’m here, Is. Breath, please breath with me while I’m driving. One-two-three and out, one-two-three.”

Isak breathed with Even for a while, managing to get his breathing become more even. He felt calmer, and he reached for Evens hand, squeezing it, looking at him, smiled, and Even smiled back at him. “Thanks” he said. Even just held his hand tighter, raised it to his lips and kissed his hand, smiling, about to say something when his phone went off.

“Can you answer that, please?” he asked.

Isak grabbed the phone, it was Liv.

“Hey Liv, it’s Isak. Evens driving. (…) Yes, we’re on our way home. Lucas is with us. (…) We’ve kind of promised Lucas we’d go home. But if you want to come to ours, you’re more than welcome. (…) Yeah, that would be nice. (…) Will tell you all about what happened back at home. (…) Yes please, awesome. (…) Thanks mum. Bye.”

“What did she say?” Even asked.

“They’re coming over, bringing food, love, comfort, and they could stay the night if we wanted them to.”

“Awesome” Even said. “Guess they got an early morning-flight from London…?”

“Huh?” Isak looked at him, didn’t catch it at once, but when he did, he grinned. “Yeah, how lucky! I’ll better text her that.”

“Yeah.

**Mum <3**

_“Hey, Isak again.”_

_“You were lucky to get an early morning flight from London?”_

_“Hey.”_

_“What?”_

_“You and Anders are supposed to be in London now, remember?”_

_“Oh, yes. I’d forgotten.....”_

_“Me too. But Even remembered.”_

_“Good. Yes, we got an early morning flight.”_

_“From London 0530, and straight to yours after!”_

_“Thanks, you’re the best!”_

_“Oh, anytime, Isak.”_

_< 3_

_ <3_

_“See you soon.”_

“She didn’t remember either.” Isak said.

“It’s good I have a remarkable god memory then!” Even smiled at him, and Isak smiled back. Leaning back in his seat, closed his eyes, and just sat there, trying to think about nothing.


	25. Sunday, home again.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They get home, 
> 
> Liv and Anders comes over. 
> 
> Hugs and kisses, love can change the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one,   
> busy times.

When the car was parked, Isak went out and opened Lucas door. Carefully unbuckling him and lifting him out of his seat, carrying him up to the front door. Waited for Even to come and unlock the door. They got inside, and put Lucas in their bed, Even lied down beside him in bed while Isak went downstairs to get his Teddy and pillow from his suitcase.

He opened the suitcase and noticed that the clothes he had packed were untouched. Not one single one of his clothes in the suitcase were used. He hadn’t changed clothes since Friday morning? Isak took out a hoodie and smelled at it, it wasn’t like he had used it and his mother had washed it either, because it smelled like it used to, it smelled them. Isak shook his head, making a mental note to tell Anna.

Isak grabbed Teddy and the pillow, which was still wet from Lucas’ tears that same morning, and he walked up to Even and Lucas in their bed. He lied down beside them, put Teddy in Lucas arms and caressed his cheeks softly, watching him, and watching Even who was also watching Lucas.

“He’s going to be ok. He just needs a bit of rest” Isak said. Mostly to himself, to assure himself that Lucas in fact was going to be alright.

“He is, love. He is. He’s back with us now, and he’s going to be fine!” Even reached over Lucas, stroke Isak’s cheek, and Isak leaned into his hand, seeking the touch.

Even got out of bed “Just going to take my pills, and I’ll go down to make some coffee. Coming?”

“In a minute!” Isak whispered. He was so impressed with Even, sticking to his schedules even if the world around him was a chaotic mess. Ok, he was a couple hours late with his pills, but that didn’t matter, he remembered them. And Isak was sure that when he made coffee, he would also make breakfast, and even if they didn’t have an appetite, Even would eat. He wouldn’t jeopardize anything. His schedules were very important, and especially in times like this. Like at work, when the student had their exams or defending their masters or their ph. D’s – it was a lot of pressure, but Even never skipped a meal or worked past his hours then either. He was strict to his schedules. Always.

Isak got out of bed, leaned over Lucas and kissed him on his forehead. He walked downstairs, and he could smell coffee and – yes, he was right – toast and bacon.

“I knew it” he said, sneaking his arms around Evens waist from behind, hugging his back tight, pressing his head in between his shoulder blades and sighed.

“What?”

“I knew you were making breakfast for us. Thank you!”

Even turned around, and Isak tilted his head, looking straight into the ocean of blue love, and Even kissed him. “Anytime” Even said, kissing him again, pulling him tight into his chest.

“Could you set the table, please?” he whispered into Isak’s ear after a little while.

“Sure” Isak said, took out three plates and put them on the table.

“You have to take two more – mum and dad will be here any minute. Just got a text from mum.”

“Ok.” Isak set the table for five, candles, napkins, plates, glasses, flowers...

Even had definitely taught him well, he smiled to himself. He hardly knew what napkins or candles was when he met Even all those years ago. His mother never used that, they hardly ever ate together. He could in fact not remember one single time they had eaten together at home all three of them. But at Evens parents they had a big kitchen-table in their big kitchen and they always sat around it, talked, ate, played board games, or just sat there, read, worked or just relaxed. Even had insisted that they should have that when they looked for a house. A big kitchen with a big, massive, kitchen table where they could do absolutely everything. And they got it, and they could in fact do everything by – and on – that kitchen table. They had done it. Several times. Isak blushed by the thought – ‘ _Still blushing_ _You’re thirty, Isak. Get a grip.’_ He thought to himself. But kept smiling.

“What are you smiling at?” Even smiled at him, pulling him in for a kiss.

“Just thought about our nice kitchen table, and how useful it is in so many parts of our lives.”

Even looked at him “what?”

“Later” Isak smiled at him, as the doorbell rang. He walked into the hall, opened the door, greeted Liv and Anders with a hug each. They walked into the kitchen, and Even greeted them too.

“Lucas is asleep” Isak told them, knew they were wondering. “He fell asleep in the car on the way home. We thought we should let him sleep. He seemed drained.”

“Oh, poor little thing” Liv said. “But how are you guys?”

“We’re fine. Better now that he’s home. But it was a heavy start on a beautiful Sunday.”

“What happened, really?” Anders asked, squeezing Evens shoulder.

And Even told them from the moment Isak woke till they were back home, Lucas asleep in their bed.

“He thought he was going to jail because he wouldn’t be with his mum? Poor thing!” Liv said.

“Have they found her?” Anders asked.

“I don’t know” Even said. “Thomas said he would call us when they found her. We don’t even know how long she’s been gone. As I said, Lucas woke at 0630 and she was gone, and she hadn’t returned at 0930 when we left.”

“That’s horrible” Liv said. “Leaving a little boy like that. What will happen now?”

“We don’t know.” Isak said. “We only know that Lucas is not going to her next weekend. Thomas said so.”

“Oh. That’s a relief at least” Anders said.

Suddenly they heard a loud scream from the first floor.

**_“Iiiisak. Eeeven. Where are you?”_ **

Isak and Even jumped up, and run up to the first floor. Lucas was sitting in their bed, crying and crying. Even got to him first, lifted him up and held him.

“Shhh….” He said. Isak put his arms around both of them, held them tight “Shhh, Lucas. We’re her. Both Even and me. You’re home with us.”

“Oh” Lucas sobbed. “I thought I was alone again.”

“You’re not. You’re here with us. We’re not going anywhere!” Isak assured him. The sobbing decreased, and Isak could see he was relaxing in Evens arms, put his head on Evens shoulder and just breathed. “I’m sorry we left you alone, we thought it would be ok when you were in our bed.”

“I was just so scared when I was alone, I didn’t remember where I was.” Lucas mumbled into Evens neck.

“That’s ok, sweetie.” Isak rubbed his back, and gave him a peck on the cheek.

“You know we have some visitor’s downstairs, and they would really want you to come down” Even said.

“Who?” Lucas asked, raised his head.

“Grandma and grandpa. Wanna go?”

“Oh, yesss! Even, go!” he said, not letting go of Evens neck, so Even carried him downstairs. Isak walked after. They should have thought about leaving Lucas alone in the bedroom, that he would wake up all alone, and that might be scaring for him. But they didn’t. Isak felt bad for it, but they’d been fast up stairs, and he hadn’t been alone for long, so he hoped he would be alight.

“Oh, there’s our sweet boy!” Liv said, reaching for Lucas, and Even put him in her lap, and he got a really big hug from her. “Are you alright?”

“Yes. I just got a little scared when I couldn’t see Isak or Even when I woke. I didn’t remember where I was.”

“That’s not so strange” Even said. “You were asleep when we came home, and Isak carried you up and put you in our bed. Then we went down to make breakfast for all of us. You want something to eat, sweetie?”

“Yes. I’m starving!” Lucas said. “Grandpa, can I sit with you?”

“Sure you can. Wanna sit in my lap or beside me?”

“Lap, please?” Lucas looked at him, and Isak could see that the glance in his eyes were about to come back. And so was the smile on his face. It didn’t reach the whole face yet, and his eyes were still a bit blank and sad, but Isak could see that the happy, loving, cheerful Lucas was hiding in there, and he was going to come out again. Isak was sure of that. He sat down beside Even, gave him a kiss and was about to start eating, when Lucas spoke; 

“They kiss because they want to and because they love each other” Lucas explained to his grandpa, and Anders laughed at him.

“I know Lucas, I know. Do they embarrass you?”

“Nah.” Lucas said. “They used too, but not anymore. I’m just so happy I’m here, I don’t mind if they do it all the time.”

Isak looked at Even and started laughing and Even did too. Isak leaned over to give Even a kiss, and Even met him halfway, and they both looked at Lucas while they kissed, and he laughed back at them. “See, not embarrassed at all” Lucas said, smiling at them, and in that smile, Isak could see the old Lucas.


	26. Phonecall, someone wants to visit.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They get a phonecall from Thomas, and Lucas' reaction to the upcoming visitors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's better with a short chapter than no chapter?  
> Next update will probably not be until Monday.

They were all in the living room when Evens phone started to buzz in the kitchen. Even got up, walked over to answer. Isak tried to listen to the conversation, but Lucas talked so energetic and vivid with Anders and Liv that he wasn’t able to hear a word. He eventually got up and walked into the kitchen, and Even looked at him and reached out for him while he spoke to whoever it was in the other end.

_“What? (…) And what are we going to do? (…) Ok. (…) Appreciate it. (…) Yes, we’re going to stay here for the rest of the day, not going anywhere. (…) Half past one is fine. See you then. Bye.”_

Even had grabbed his hand while he spoke, and when he put the phone down, he looked at Isak with a serious mind, pulling him in to his chest and sighed.

“What?” Isak asked.

“It was Thomas. There’s no sign of Anita. She hasn’t come home, they’ve searched around the area, parks, café’s and so on, but she was anywhere, and no-one has seen her.”

“Oh” Isak couldn’t say anything else.

“They’re going into her apartment now to see if they can find any clues for her whereabouts, and Thomas is coming over here at half past one to talk to us and Lucas.”

“About what?”

“About what we’re going to do, and what they think might have…. eh…have happened – or what has happened – if they find out before Thomas’ coming. And…. eh…. ” Even looked down at his feet, hiding something Thomas had said, Isak was sure.

“What do you mean, Even. Please tell me.”

“Thomas said that maybe she’s ill again, and might have gone out not being able to take care of herself, maybe she’s run away. Maybe she’s….“ Even didn’t say it, he just closed his eyes.

“ _Killed herself?”_ Isak whispered.

“No, he didn’t say _‘killed herself’_ , but if she’s sick again she might hurt herself. They have many theories, but they were only theories, because they don’t know a lot about her. The nearest explanation was that she’d gone out and not being able to find back or get back on her own.”

“And Thomas is going to tell that to Lucas?” Isak raised his voice a bit.

“Shhh…” Even said, and Isak clasped his hand in front of his mouth.

“Sorry” he said.

“No, he’s not going to tell Lucas that. He’s going to tell Lucas that they haven’t found his mum yet, and that he’s not going back to her neither the upcoming weekend nor the weekend after that.” He smiled when he said that. “They’ve filed a police-report on her for leaving her son alone, and the investigation is stopping Lucas’ return to his mother. For now.”

“FOR NOW?” Isak raised his voice again – and Even put his hand over his mouth. Isak shook his head, “ Fuck – sorry – for now?”

“Thomas said the “for now” was just formalities. And Anna will come over and talk to us, because the police has also reported what’s happened to the child services. But we never know, do we? We just have to trust Thomas and Anna.”

Isak could feel his hopes getting up. But he also was a bit sad. Lucas’ mum had fucked up and maybe it was going to give them Lucas. But she was still his mother, and he felt a lump in his stomach by the thought. She’d failed Lucas. Again. Little sweet Lucas. Her failure could give them Lucas permanently, but it was Lucas that was hurt. It was an ambivalent feeling in Isak. Both sad for Lucas who had been let down by his mum again and happy for them for maybe keeping their little family together. He smiled at Even, and Even smiled back. “Does that really mean that he’s staying?” Isak dared almost not to ask.

“I really hope so” Even said, pulled Isak tight to his chest, kissing his forehead. “I really, fucking hope so.”

 

 

“EEEVEN! IIISAAAAK” Lucas shouted from the livingroom.

Even startled, but walked calm out to him. “Hey, what’s up?” Isak followed him out in the living room. Lucas looked at them.

“What are you doing?”

“Talking.” Isak said, looking at Even and smiled a tiny smile, and got one back.

“About what?” Lucas was curious.

“Thomas is coming over in about an hour. He wants to talk to us. You too, Lucas.”

Isak saw the blood disappeared from Lucas’ face. And his eyes started to flick, he looked at Anders, Liv, Even, him, the hallway-door, the kitchen… and then he got on his feet and run upstairs and they heard his bedroom door slam shut. Isak looked at both Even, Liv and Anders, and they all looked confused at each other.

“That was some reaction” Liv said.

“Yeah, we’ve got some of those the last week,” Isak said. “we’d better go upstairs and talk to him, Even.” He reached for Evens hand, grabbed it, and they walked upstairs. He knocked three times on the door, and said “Hey, Lucas. It’s Even and I, can we come in?”

“WHATEVER!” Lucas shouted

“Ok, we’re coming in” Even said, opened the door. Lucas laid on his stomach in his bed, face buried into the mattress, his arms over his head. Even sat down on his knees on the floor by Lucas’ head, and Isak sat on the bed beside Lucas. Isak stroke Lucas’ back, while Even stroke Lucas’ hair.

“Hey there. What happened? Why did you run upstairs?”

Lucas pushed his head harder into the mattress, and mumbled something.

“I’m sorry” Isak said, “We don’t speak “mattress-ish”,  you have to lift – or turn – your head so we can hear you.”

Lucas turned his head a bit and whispered “I don’t want them to take me.”

Isak looked at Even, he clinched his eyes, and his brows furrowed.

“Who’s going to take you?” Even asked.

“The police. Thomas. He’s going to get me, right. And take me back to mum?” His voice cracked and the tears began to run.

“No. No-no-no.” Isak said. “No, Lucas. He’s not going to take you back to your mum. You’re staying here with us. He’s going to tell us what happened to your mum – if they’ve found out.”

Lucas turned his head, looked at Even, lifted himself up on his elbows and then on his arms and knees and crawled over to Even who lifted him of the bed and into his lap. “You sure?” Lucas stuttered.

“We’re sure, Lucas.” Even answered. “I just talked to Thomas, and he said he wanted to come over to talk to all of us.”

“He’s not going to take me away from you? You’re sure of that?”

“Yes, Lucas. I’m sure of that! I promise you, you’re going to stay with us when Thomas leaves.”

“But it’s gonna happen?”

“What is?” Isak asked

“I’m going to move from you eventually?”

“We don’t know that now.” Even said. “Your mum did a very bad thing when she left you, and we don’t know why she did it. But we know that you’re NOT going back to her now. And not this weekend, and not the next. That is a promise. And Thomas will tell us more when he comes. Ok?”

Lucas buried his head in the crock of Evens neck. “Ok” he sighed.

Isak reached out and stroke Lucas’ back, got down on his knees beside them, and wrapped his arms around both Lucas and Even. Nuzzled into both Evens and Lucas’ necks, and just held them. Lucas started to move, and he looked at both Even and Isak and asked;

“Is Thomas going to speak to grandma and grandpa too?”

“I don’t know.” Even said. “I guess we can ask both them and Thomas. Would you like them to be with us?”

“Yeah.” Lucas said.

“Then we will ask them. Ready to go down again?”

“Sure” he asked, bounced up on his feet and run down the stairs.

Isak looked at Even who shook his head, grabbing for Isak and pulled him in for a hug. “I wonder what he’s experienced while being with Anita.”

“Me too” Isak said. “I think we have to do a careful approach. Step by step.”

“Minute by minute?” Even asked and smiled lovingly at him

“Yeah. Minute by minute!” He kissed him softly and melted into his embrace.


	27. Thomas and a bathroom-talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas is coming over to talk to them. 
> 
> Lucas takes a bath, and stories are told.

The doorbell rang, and Lucas startled, run over to Isak and crawled into his lap, hiding his face into Isak’s chest. Even looked at them, worried eyes, but got up to open the door. Isak heard Thomas’ voice as Even let him in to their hall. They came into the living room, and Thomas greeted both Liv and Anders, and said they were more than welcome to stay while he spoke to Isak, Even and Lucas. They chatted a bit about everyday stuff, before Thomas eventually came over to Isak and Lucas, and sat down beside them, shook Lucas’ shoulder and spoke to him

“Hey, big boy. How are you? Good to be home again?”

Lucas nodded into Isak’s chest, he took a deep breath and turned his head towards Thomas and asked quietly;

“Are you going to take me away?”

Isak was surprised, he hadn’t expected that. Didn’t he trust them, or was it anything behind his reactions they didn’t know about? What could Anita said to him to make him change this much in just two nights and one day? Or was it just like Sana had said yesterday – six-years-old and their instant memory loss?

“No.” Thomas said. “I’m not going to take you anywhere, Lucas. Did you think that?”

“Yeah.” Lucas said, “Even and Isak said that you weren’t going to, but…” he stopped in the middle of the sentence, and looked at Isak.

“But?” Thomas said. “Has someone told you that the police might take you away from Isak and Even?”

“Yes.”

“Who?”

“I don’t know.” He hid his face in Isak’s chest, refusing say anything else.

“Ok, Lucas. I’m NOT going to take you away. You’re going to stay here now. The thing I wanted to talk to you about is; we haven’t found your mum yet.”

Lucas raised his head and looked at him as if he didn’t understand what he said.

“What?”

“Your mum hasn’t come back to her apartment yet, and we’ve been searching for her, and we can’t find her.”

“Maybe she’s with Jan.”

“Who’s Jan?”

“Her boyfriend?”

Even and Isak looked at each other. “Does your mum have a boyfriend?” they said at the same time.

“Yes.”

“When did you see this Jan, Lucas?” Thomas asked

“Friday after we ate pizza. But I didn’t see him properly, because he wasn’t inside her apartment.”

“What do you mean?”

“Mum talked to him in the hall, he was at the door. He gave her a grocery bag, and he kissed her, so I think he’s her boyfriend.”

“Did she say so?”

“No, she said he was Jan and that he was a friend who came whit something she forgot at the grocery store.”

“Why do you think he’s her boyfriend?”

“Because they kissed.”

“And?”

“Boyfriends kiss. Even and Isak kisses all the time” Isak blushed a bit by that statement, but Even just smiled widely, grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “And boyfriend and girlfriends also kiss.”

“They do, don’t they? Did you happen to see what was in the bag, Lucas?”

“No, she put it in her bedroom.”

“Ok, Lucas. Thank you very much.”

Isak looked at Even, and he wasn’t really sure what to think.

“But are you searching for her?” Isak asked after a while.

“Of course we are, and we’ve got a couple of police officers in her apartment now to maybe get some clues of her whereabouts.”

“And when she gets home, or you find her?”

“We will tell you, right away. And Lucas is staying here no matter what. Ok?

Thomas ruffled Lucas hair, and Lucas smiled, turned his head and buried his face it into Isak’s chest, putting his arms around Isaks neck and held tight.

“Thanks” Even said. “Appreciate it. Really. Thank you!”

“Anytime. Call if you have a question or Lucas here remember something he thinks is important for us to know. Ok?”

“Ok.”

Even walked Thomas to the door while Isak sat with Lucas in his lap and Liv and Anders looked at them.

“Well, that’s kind of a relief, but at the same time very disturbing, that Anita’s not back yet” Anders said.

“Yes.” Isak said. “I don’t like it. I don’t like parents that disappears. It’s a lot of parallels in my life now, and it kind of freaks me out.”

“Sweetie, coincidences happens all the time in the world. It’s just one of those times.” Liv soothed him.

“I know that, but still. Dreaming about it one night, and something similar happens the next morning….” Isak shrugged. He felt a cold shiver down his spine and pulled Lucas a bit tighter to his chest. Lucas lifted his head and looked at Isak.

“Did you dream about my mum leaving me?” he asked.

“No, sweetie. I did not. I dreamed about my mum leaving me. And my dad too. It was a nightmare.”

Lucas looked at him thoroughly. “But it happened for real when you were a boy, didn’t it? It’s like my nightmares. They happened for real before too.”

Isak looked at Lucas, then at Anders and Liv who sat there, eyes wide open. Anders looked down, while Liv looked at him and gave him a careful nod as Even came into the living room again. The room was dead silence.

“What?” he asked.

Lucas looked up at him, the only one who was able to speak right then. “I just asked if Isak’s nightmare about his mum and dad leaving him had happened for real.” Even looked at Isak, and Isak knew he couldn’t lie to Lucas, and Even nodded slightly, sitting down beside them and put a comforting hand behind his back.

“Yes, Lucas. It happened for real. When I was 12. My mum got very, very sick late one evening, and the paramedics came for her and my father went along with them, and I was left at home, alone. And I was very hurt and very scared – maybe just as scared as you were this morning.” He was NOT going to tell Lucas about what happened earlier that same day. But it might be nice for Lucas to know that he wasn’t the only child in the world who had been left alone home.

Lucas just looked at him, buried his face into his chest again, put his arms around his neck, lifted himself up and put his head in the crock of Isak’s neck and lied still there for a second before he whispered “I was so scared. And I don’t want that to happen ever again. And I don’t want that to happen to you ever again either. It hurts to be so scared.”

Isak just whispered back in Lucas’s ear: “Yes, it hurts to be so scared. But you’re going to be ok, and I’m gonna be ok. Because we’re so lucky to have these people around us, he tilted his head so Lucas should look at Even, Liv and Anders.” Lucas raised his head and looked at them for a moment before his head was back on Isak’s shoulder.

“I’m ok now.” Lucas said.

“Me too.” Isak whispered. “Me too!”

 

 

 

A couple hours later, Liv and Even had started preparing dinner. Liv had brought all ingredients, and they were about to make pizza. Isak could smell the delicious pizza sauce Even used to make, and he heard the mixer go, so the pizza dough was in the making. Anders had driven back to theirs to get clothes and stuff so they could sleep over at least one night. Isak liked it. It felt safe. He loved being around them, and their support was priceless. He was so grateful for them.

Isak decided to take Lucas to the bathroom for a bath and change his clothes. If his assumptions were right, he hadn’t changed clothes since Friday morning. He had to ask Lucas in one way or another.

“Hey, Lucas. Wanna take a bath?”

“Am I going to bed now?”

“No, but I thought maybe you wanted a bath now, then we can cuddle in the sofa this evening when you’re supposed to be in the bathtub? We can watch a movie? Or we can sit in the kitchen playing a board game with grandma and grandpa if you rather would like that?”

“But grandpa just left?”

“Yes, but he’s coming back. He’s going to get fresh clothes, pyjamas and toothbrushes for him and grandma. They’re sleeping here tonight.”

“Yess…”  Lucas raised his fist and dragged it down to his chest as a celebration-guest.

“So? Bath?”

“Yes. Can you come with me?”

“Of course!” Isak said. And they walked into the bathroom. Lucas stripped out of his clothes while Isak turned on the water.

“Lucas” Isak asked cautious “These clothes are the same as you wore on Friday. Haven’t you changed clothes all weekend?”

“No?” Lucas looked at him. “Were I supposed to?”

“Actually yes, but it’s not your fault. It’s not your responsibility to remember that.”

“Ok”. Lucas said, and got into the bathtub. Isak had got the suspicions confirmed. His mind drifted off a bit, thinking of Lucas being back with them and the happy feeling he got in spite all the bad feelings too. He got his phone out, and put it on the shelf, setting it on record – remembering all the “bathroom-talks” he and Lucas had before.

“Isak?” Lucas suddenly asked.

“Hmm?”

“When your mum and dad left you, why didn’t you go to someone else? Like I live here with you and Even, why didn’t you do that? When your mum and dad left you?”

“Well.” Isak hesitated, it was a difficult question, but it had an easy answer. “Well Lucas, you see, I didn’t tell anyone.”

“Why?”

“Remember when I told you about the other nightmare, when my mum wasn’t nice to me? Remember I told you I didn’t dare to talk to anyone? I was six then, but I didn’t dare to tell anyone when I was 12 either.”

“Why?”

“Because I was afraid that no-one would believe me, and that no-one would care.”

“Were you very scared?”

“Yes. I was very scared. But you were too, but you were one more thing. You were very brave who called.”

“I was, wasn’t I.” Lucas smiled at him. “It was the right thing to do?”

“Yes it was, Lucas. It was the right thing to do.”

“And I have you guys. You had no-one.”

“That’s right, Lucas. You’ve got us. Always.” Isak hesitated for a moment before he spoke again. “You see, I wish I’d been as brave as you were when you told your kindergarten-teacher that your mum wasn’t nice to you when you were three, but I wasn’t. That’s why I didn’t have anyone to speak too or go too.”

They went silent for a while. Lucas played a bit in the water while Isak watched him. Isak grabbed the shampoo, washed Lucas hair and rinsed it with the shower.

“Isak?” Lucas said after a little while.

“Yes.” Isak looked at the boy, his face was full of thoughts and queries.

“Where do you think my mum is?”

“Oh, I don’t know, Lucas. I really don’t know.”

“Do you think she’s ill again?”

“I really don’t know, Lucas. But maybe. Because I don’t want to think that she would leave you if she wasn’t.”

“But your father wasn’t sick when he left you?”

“No, he wasn’t, Lucas. And I don’t know why he left me that time.”

“You didn’t ask him?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know. But I didn’t remember he leaving me before I dreamt about it last night, so it might be I didn’t remember when I woke up the day after. I really don’t remember.”

“Oh.” Lucas said, and got lost in his thoughts again. Isak was wondering if he was too honest and open with him, but it seemed so right to talk to him about it when he asked. His story wasn’t exactly a nice bedtime story, but at the same time he thought that it might get Lucas to understand that it wasn’t just him it had happened to. And it wasn’t he that was the bad person. Because it had happened to Isak too, and Isak was good, and Lucas loved and trusted him, and Isak loved Lucas.

“Lucas?” Isak said after a while. “You know it’s not your fault that your mum left?”

“Isn’t it?” Lucas looked at him.

“No, it isn’t. Did you think that?”

“Kind of. Because I talked a lot about you and Even, and I told mum that I wanted to live with you, and maybe she got sad and left?”

“Lucas, it’s not your fault. Your mum is the grown up, and it’s her responsibility. Ok?”

“Ok.”

It was quiet for a while before Lucas spoke again.

“Isak? Mum said another thing. She said that if I didn’t come to her, she would report it to the police and then they would come and get me and take me to her.”

Isak looked at him. “She did what?”

“She said that if I stayed here, she would get the police to get me, because she’s my mum and she had the right to have me. Does adult have the right to have kids?”

Isak didn’t know what to say at once. He had to think fast, because Lucas was looking at him.

“Lucas, no adult has the right to have kids. Adults have to take care of them, watch them, love them, make sure they have clothes, food, good health, they have to teach them right from wrong, and they have to keep the kids safe. No adults have the right to have kids just because they are their biological parents.”

Lucas looked at him for a while before spoke. “So, the police won’t take me to my mum?”

“No, Lucas. The police won’t take you. Remember what Thomas said?”

“Yes. But what if he’s wrong. What if you are wrong?”

“Lucas, listen to me. When the judges decided that you were going to move back to your mum, your mum was healthy and did the right things. But now, she left you alone in her apartment, and that’s not good, and she hasn’t returned yet – at least she hadn’t when we spoke to Thomas earlier today. And when Thomas says you’re staying with us, you are, because Thomas works with kids that have parents that do the wrong things, so he knows.”

“Ok.” Lucas said. Standing up from the tub. “I want to get out of the bath now.”

“Ok, come here” Isak fetched a towel and wrapped Lucas in it, took him in his lap while he patted him dry. p> Lucas wrapped his arms around Isak’s neck and hugged him tight. “I love you, Isak. And I want to stay here.”

“Me too, Lucas. And I love you too. So much!” They sat in the bathroom hugging for a while before they heard a knock on the door.

“Hey, have you fallen asleep in her?” it was Even who came in. He smiled at them, and Isak shook his head.

“No, we’ve had a really good chat. Lucas is about to get dressed now.” Lucas jumped down from his lap, grabbed a clean boxer from his draw in the dresser and put it on.

“I’ll get pants and a t-shirt in my room” he said, and ran out of the bathroom, a smile on his face, and his brown eyes were shining like they used to.

Isak grabbed his phone from the shelve, and stopped the recorder. Even looked at him,

“Good chat?”

“Very.” Isak said. “Want to listen?”

“You recorded it?”

“Of course – our bathroom- and bedside talks are the best ones!” He smiled at Even, and leaned in to Even for a kiss. “I might have told him a bit about my own childhood, to make him feel that he’s not alone.”

“He’s never alone. And neither are you – nor I” Even said, kissed Isak’s temple and held him tight. “I would like to listen to it. I’ll go to the office, ok?”

“Ok”

Even took the phone and left the bathroom and Isak cleaned the room before he walked out to the kitchen. Lucas was already downstairs and sat in Liv’s lap by the kitchen table and they read a book Lucas probably had got from his bedroom. They looked so happy. He heard someone come through the front door, and Anders walked in with a bag and a suitcase.

“Hey there. Are we sleeping in the guestroom or in the office?” he asked Isak.

“The guestroom is always prepared for you” Isak answered, grabbed the suitcase and walked in front of Anders upstairs.

“Is Lucas doing ok?” he asked when they got upstairs.

“I think so. We just had a long chat while he was in the tub. His mum has apparently told him that if he stays here she’s going to get the police to get him. That’s why he was so scared of Thomas.”

“What did you say to him?”

“I told him that Thomas had said that he was going to stay, and that his mother can’t have him when she can’t take care of him.”

“Did he believe you?”

“He said he did, but I’m not sure. I don’t think he truly believes it. No yet.”

“No wonder, really. It’s a lot to take in. And it’s not even a day since he woke up in the apartment all alone. And it might not be 24 hours since she told him either. So we just have to be there for him.”

“Yeah. And we really appreciate you and Liv staying. Even and I have two appointments tomorrow. One with Anna and one with Kriss. And I don’t think Lucas is going to school tomorrow, at least not alone. Can you be here, or do you have work?”

“I can stay.” Anders said. “I can do my work from here. Got my stuff with me. Not sure about Liv, but I don’t think she’ll be needed at work tomorrow either, so I’m sure she can stay.”

“Thanks a lot da….. Anders”

“Please, Isak. I’m not your father, but you can call me dad if you want to.”

Isak blushed, took a step forward and Anders met him with a big fatherly hug. “Thanks dad!” Isak whispered, and he started to cry. He just couldn’t stop. He cried for Lucas, for himself, for Even for the whole absurd situation. He was so tired, but he had to keep going for Lucas. He just had to. Anders held him tight. “Hey, Isak.” Anders said when Isak’s sobbing started to fade. “Go and lie down for a bit. I’ll go downstairs to Lucas and Liv, and I’ll send Even up to you. Ok?”

“Ok.” Isak said, dried the tears away, “thanks for being her for us.”

“Of course. We love you, all three of you, you know!”

Isak felt the tears come again, and wasn’t able to say anything, he just nodded. Anders led him into his and Evens bedroom, and Isak fell down on the bed, curling up and closed his eyes. He could hear Anders leaving the room and walk down the stair, and then he fell asleep.


	28. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even have a chat after Isak's nap.  
> Comfort

Isak felt someone snuggle into his back, and he felt two arms sneaking around his waist, he felt someone nuzzling into his neck, placing small kisses under his ear and down to his shoulder, he felt the strong arms holding him tight, tight, and the warmth from the body behind him and the familiar, wonderful smell of Even. He turned his head a bit, seeking his chin for a hug and his mouth for a kiss. 

“Halla” Even said, smiling into the kiss. 

“Halla” Isak answered. “Have I slept long?”

“Nah, about 15 minutes. Wanna sleep some more?”

“Nah… want to get up. It’s just a bit hard. I just had a minor breakdown. I’m sorry.”

“I know you had, dad told me. But you’re sorry? For what?” Isak turned around to face Even, and Even placed kisses on his cheek, on his forehead, on his lips, on his jaws.

“I’m sorry I don’t manage to deal with this without breaking. You’re doing so good Even, being so strong, and I’m the one sobbing, panicking, has to lie down for a rest in the middle of the day, I’m….” Isak sat up in the bed, looking at Even who also sat up, pulling him into his chest, facing each other, legs around each other’s hips. 

“Isak.” Even interrupts. “Is, Is… Hey, Is, look at me…. Look at me….” Even fought to look into his eyes. He didn’t really want to, because he was a bit embarrassed over the breakdown on top of the stairs with Anders. Even put his hands on his chins and forced him to look at him. Just like he had done on Isak’s 18th birthday when the man had shouted “Fags” at them. Isak gave in at last and looked at Even.

“Is. Listen to me now, ok. You’re the one who fights two battles here. One for yourself and one for Lucas and us. You’re allowed to feel drained, you’re allowed to feel sad, you’re allowed to cry, you’re allowed to feel anything you want. I don’t fight your battle with the past, I’ve got my mother and father here as a support – and they’re here for you too. But I don’t have your story to carry so I can focus just on Lucas – and you – and I don’t want you to feel bad about that.”

“But it’s all on you…”

“Is it? Is, who has just recorded a wonderful – painful but wonderful – chat with Lucas just a while ago? Who is giving Lucas the comfort of not being alone in his situation? Who knows how Lucas must have felt when he was alone and can help him with that? It’s not all on me, Is. It’s all on us. And we’ve got people to help us.”

Isak just looked at him, and his words slowly got to him. “But….” Isak looked down and sighed, and whispered “But…..I don’t feel like that.” Evens arms got around his back, leaned into him and whispered in his ear. “You’re amazing, Is. Your chat with Lucas was so good, emotional, truthful, honest and good. It’s incredible how you make Lucas talk about the bad stuff, and it’s only you that get him to do that.”

Isak hugged his husband back, tight, “Really? 

“Really!” Even said. 

“I love you” Isak said, buried his head in Evens neck, sighed and crawled closer. 

“And I love you”, Even said, and held him tighter. 

They sat like that for a while, before they heard a light knock on the door, followed by a small voice who said their names. “Isak? Even? Grandma says pizza’s ready. You coming?”

Lucas head appeared in the crack of the door, and when he saw Isak and Even in an embrace, he flung the door open, ran over to the bed, jumped in and yelled, “Me too, me too!” He squeezed his way between them and placed himself with his back against Evens stomach and his head tucked into Isak’s chest. Even smiled at Isak, and Isak hummed. “Family-cuddle!” he mumbled. 

“Yes, family-cuddle” Even smiled. 

“I love this” Lucas stated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a short one, I know. 
> 
> More to come tomorrow, hopefully. 
> 
> <3


	29. A nice evening.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sofa, cuddling, a couple of texts, and bedtime.

They were all in the living room, stuffed with pizza, all of them comfy and ready for a movie. Lucas was between Even and Isak in the sofa, head in Evens lap and feet in Isak’s. He looked calm and happy. They sat close, so Evens hand was placed around Isak's shoulders. They’d argued a bit about which movie, but Lucas insisted that it had to be one of his favourites – so a cartoon it was. An old Disney-movie, and Lucas loved it. Isak felt he was drifting off from time to time, but it was ok. Even looked at him from time to time, smiling, caressing his neck, stroking his hair. Liv and Anders sat in the other sofa, Liv had her eyes closed, and she was tucked into Anders side. It was Nice. They were good.

A bit into the film, Isak’s phone buzzed. He picked it up from the table, and read the message. It was from Sana. He shrugged – he’d forgotten all about telling her what’d happened.

**SANA (1810)**

_“Hey. How’s Lucas after being with his mother?”_

_“Hey, Sana”_

_“He’s fine now.”_

_“We had to pick him up this morning, his mother has disappeared….”_

_“WHAT?”_

_“Are you kidding?”_

_“Wish I was.”_

_“He Face Timed me at 0730, crying, and told us his mum was gone.”_

_“No way?”_

_“What happened?”_

_“We don’t know.”_

_“The police haven’t found her yet”_

_“Seriously?”_

_“Dead serious!”_

_“They’ve searched for her all day, no signs of her.”_

_“How’s Lucas? And how are you guys?”_

_“Lucas is fine at the moment, but has his ups and downs.”_

_“We’re coping. It’s hard. Fucking hard.”_

_“Liv and Anders are here. They’re staying the night, maybe longer.”_

_“Good for you.”_

_“Poor little boy, he must have been terrified!”_

_“He was. It was awful.”_

_“It IS awful!”_

_“I totally understand.”_

_“Isak. How are YOU?”_

_“Now, OK.”_

_“I wasn’t for a while, but I’m now.”_

_“And Even?”_

_“He’s ok. Strong as fuck.”_

_“He’s amazing!”_

_“Good.”_

_“But you are amazing too, you know!”_

_“Thanks. Doesn’t feel like that all the time though.”_

_“We’re watching a film now. All cuddled up in the sofa.”_

_“Liv and Anders too.”_

_“Nice.”_

_“Brother Bear?”_

_“Yes. How would you know?”_

_“Well let’s say Kerim and Lucas have watched that a couple of times..”_

_“I didn’t notice…”_

_“_ _J_ _”_

_“Hah – it’s a nice film though! The moose are hilarious!”_

_“I know!”_

_“Well, enjoy the film. See you soon!”_

_“Yeah. I think we’ll be up for a playdate with Kerim on Tuesday?”_

_“And a chat with you, please!”_

_“Sounds nice.”_

_“Always up for a chat with you Best Bud.”_

_“We’ll set the time tomorrow?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“Thanks a lot Sana.”_

_“For what?”_

_“Being you. And being there for us. Both you and Yousef!”_

_“Any time, Isak.”_

_“We care, you know!_

_“I know.”_

_“ <3”_

_“ <3”_

 

“Who was it?” Even whispered over Lucas’ head.

“Sana. She was wondering how we were, had to fill her in.” Isak smiled at Even.

“Good.”

“She and Kerim are coming over at Tuesday. I think that will be nice.”

“Me too!” Even said, reaching over Lucas and planted a kiss on Isak’s mouth. Lucas rolled his eyes in Even’s lap, making Isak smile wide and laugh a bit.

“I thought you said earlier you didn’t get embarrassed anymore?”

“I don’t!” Lucas said, blushing a bit.

Even laughed at him. “So you’re not? Sure about that?” and he started to tickle Lucas stomach, and Lucas squirmed under him, kicking and waving his arms, laughing and yelling “Stop, Even, please. I’m not, I swear!”

“Ok” Even laughed too.

“Can I have some chips?” Lucas asked while he breathed out.

“Sure” Isak said. “You know where to find it? We’ll pause the film.” Lucas got on his feet and ran to the kitchen and came back with a bag of chips. While he was gone, Isak had crawled into Evens side, filling the empty space Lucas had left, smiling mischievous at Lucas when he came back.

“Hey! You took my space, Isak!” Lucas said, crawling into their lap, and squeezed himself between them.

Isak laughed, and grabbed him and held him for a long hug. “Come here, sweetie. But you have to share the chips!”

“I’m all in for sharing as long as I get my space!” Lucas said, smiling, opening the bag and grabbed a handful of chips, passing the bag to Isak.

They put the film back on, and watched a bit before Evens phone went off. He looked at it, and mouthed “Anna” to Isak and walked into the kitchen to speak. Isak restrained himself to stay in the sofa even if he really wanted to follow Even to listen to the conversation. But it was a short one, Even came back and whispered in his ear; “She won’t come today. We’ll see her at her office tomorrow.”

Isak nodded at him. It was nice, actually. Not having a visitor now at this time. It was soon Lucas bedtime, and he thought it would be nice if they had a calm and quiet end to the day.

 

When the film was over, Lucas yawned and stretched his whole body. Isak looked at him and smiled “Tired, sweetie?”

“Yes.” Lucas said.

“Time to go to bed.” Even said. “I’ll take you to the bathroom to brush your teeth and get you in to your pyjamas.”

“Ok” Lucas said, climbed into Evens lap, and put his arms around his neck, and put his head on Even’s shoulder.

“Oh, I’m going to carry you?” he smiled.

“Please?” Lucas said, smiling into Evens neck.

“You’re too sweet…I can’t say no to you.” Even smiled, and got up with Lucas in his arms. They walked into the bathroom.

 

 

“Worried about the night to come, Isak?” Liv got him out of his thoughts, and the question was exactly what Isak had been thinking about.

“Yeah” Isak said. “Nightmares mostly comes at night. I wonder if there will be one tonight. Me or him.”

“Maybe none of you” Anders said, smiling reassuring. “You’ve got some nice talks today, maybe that will do it?”

“Hope so. I really need to sleep tonight. All night.” He sighed.

“Lucas can sleep with us?” Liv asked. “The bed in the guestroom is big enough for the three of us. And you and Even can sleep without disturbances?”

“Yeah, but I really want to be there if there’s a nightmare.”

“We can come and get you?” Anders asked.

Isak thought about it for a second, it was tempting, sleeping with Even wrapped around him. Lucas was safe with Liv and Anders, he knew that. But what if Lucas wanted to sleep with them? He couldn’t deny the boy the safety of his and Even’s bed. He just couldn’t.

“If Lucas wants to. I suspect he’s asking Even to sleep in our bed, and I won’t deny him that comfort. We won’t. We can’t do that.”

“Of course not” Anders said. “But if he wants to, he’s more than welcome in our bed. I like that little snuggle-monster in our bed.”

Isak laughed at that expression – the same one he and Even had used just some days ago. It seemed so long ago. “Yeah, he is, isn’t he? A snuggle-monster. He loves cuddles and snuggling.”

Lucas came bouncing back into the living room again, and jumped into Isak’s lap.

“Can you tuck me in, please?” he asked, his brown eyes wide open, and a little smile curled on his lips.

“Of course I can. I was hoping you’d ask!”

“Lucas?” Liv asked “Would you like to sleep with me and grandpa tonight, in the guestroom?”

Lucas looked at both Liv and Anders, and then back at Isak and further at Even. They all looked at him. He turned around and hid his face in Isak’s chest again, as so many times before that day.

“Hey, sweetie. What’s up?” Isak asked.

“I was going to ask if I could sleep in your bed” he whispered, “but I don’t want to disappoint grandma.”

“It’s ok, Luc. It’s ok. You can choose.” Isak soothed him, looked up and smiled at Liv, shook his head slightly. She nodded back. “No one is disappointed in you no matter what you choose. We just want you to feel safe and loved. Ok?” Isak whispered into his ear.

“Ok.” Lucas said, sniffed a bit. He sat up in Isak’s lap, and looked at Liv. “Grandma, would you be sad if I want to sleep in Isak and Evens bed tonight?”

“No, sweetie. I won’t. I understand that you want that, it was just an offering, and if you don’t want to, it’s quite alright!”

“I just missed them so much last night.” He whispered, and again, hid his face into Isak’s chest and started to cry.

“Sssshh, sweetie. It’s ok, it’s ok. You’re here and you are sleeping in our bed tonight.” Isak hugged him tight, and stroke his back in long soothing movements. He felt the little body relax into his own, and Lucas’ breath became steady and calm, and during a couple of minutes he was fast asleep in Isak’s lap. Making small sleeping-sounds and his body all relaxed.

 

“Want me to carry him upstairs?” Even asked, leaning in to Isak’s chin, placing a kiss there while he had the chance.

“Yes, please.” Isak said, untangled Lucas from his embrace, and lifted him into Even’s arms. He kissed Lucas forehead, and whispered “I love you, sweetie” into his ear before Even walked upstairs with the sleeping boy. Isak sat down again, looked at Liv and Anders. They were smiling.

“What?” Isak asked

“It’s just so nice watching you guys” Liv said. “You’re so full of love and concern for that little boy, it melts my heart.”

“Yeah. He’s our little prince. I just wish I could brush everything away. I wish I could erase his memory – that he wouldn’t remember anything of it.”

“No, you wouldn’t” Anders said. “Because then he might come in your situation in 20 years from now, and you don’t want that?”

“No, you’re right. I don’t want that.”

“I think you’re doing the right thing, Isak. Talking to him about it. He needs validation of his feelings, of his experiences and he needs to know that’s it not just him that’s going through stuff like this.”

“Thanks.” Isak said. Rubbing his face with his hands. He was tired, he was drained, he felt like someone had chewed him and spit him out again. It was too much going on in his head at once. “Fuck” he mumbled to himself.

“What?” Liv said.

“Sorry, I just remembered I’ve forgotten to text Jonas. I promised I should text him when Lucas was home. I have to tell him that Lucas isn’t coming to school tomorrow so Marcus won’t wait for him or get worried about him.”

“Go ahead” Anders said. “It’s not even late yet. I’ll go get a cup of coffee. Want one Isak?”

“Yes, please.” Isak said, picking his phone up and found Jonas in his messenger.

 

**JONAS (19;44)**

**_“_ ** _Hey Bud.”_

_“Lucas is back home, but he’s not coming to school tomorrow.”_

_“Please tell Marcus for me.”_

Jonas answered instantly

_“Oh. Something’s happened?”_

_“I’ll tell Marcus. He will probably be devastated without his bb.”_

_“You can say something has happened”_

_“Lucas Face Timed us at 0730 this morning”_

_“His mother had left the apartment.”_

_“What?”_

_“She wasn’t in there when Lucas woke.”_

_“He searched for her an hour before he called us.”_

_“Oh, poor thing.”_

_“Is he alright now?”_

_“As good as he can be.”_

_“But no school tomorrow.”_

_“Liv and Anders are here to help us out.”_

_“Good for you!”_

_“Sorry I didn’t text you before, Jonas!”_

_“Hey. Don’t even think about it!”_

_“I can’t imagine what your day has been like.”_

_“Not one of the best, that 's for sure.”_

_“But it’s good to have him back home with us.”_

_“Is he staying?”_

_“For now. We don’t know further ahead than about two weeks.”_

_“But he’s staying for those two weeks.”_

_“Crossing fingers for longer.”_

_“Much longer!”_

_“Me too.”_

_“Take care of your boys, and say hi to Liv and Anders from me.”_

_“Eva’s all over me now, I have to explain to her”_

_“Talk to you soon, bro!”_

_“Yeah. Say hi to Eva from me.”_

_“ <3”_

_“ <3”_

 

Isak put his phone away, and sighed. He was still amazed of the amount of caring people he was surrounded by. He lifted his head and saw that Liv and Anders was watching him.

“You ok, Isak?” Anders asked.

“Yeah. Just tired. Jonas told me to say ‘hi’.”

They nodded at him, and smiled.

 “So, what’s happening tomorrow?” Anders asked after a while.

“Even and I have an appointment with Anna at 0900. And then at Kriss at 1130.”

“Will you be home in between?” Liv asked.

“I don’t know. It depends how long the meeting at Anna takes. It was supposed to be with Anna and Thomas and Annas superior, but I don’t know what happens now.”

“We’ll stay here with Lucas. I don’t have to work tomorrow, and Anders can work from here. We’ll be fine here, nice and comfy with Lucas.”

“Appreciate it. Really.” Isak said.

“No worries.” Anders answered. “You’re our top priority at the moment. That’s what parents are for, Isak.” He smiled at Isak, and Isak nodded.

“I know that now. And I’m grateful.”

Liv smiled at him. “Why don’t you go to bed, Isak. I’ll clean up the last here, and me and Anders would probably go to bed soon too.”

“Yeah. I think I’ll do that.” He got up, and walked over to Anders and Liv and gave them a long hug each. “Thanks for staying.” He said when he let go of Liv.

“We’ll stay as long as you need us to. Don’t even think about it.”

 

Isak smiled when he walked into the bathroom. Brushed his teeth, washed his face, looked  at the basket with dirty clothes. Maybe he could ask Liv to do laundry tomorrow? It was full. He shook his head – ‘get to bed Isak. You need to rest’ he said to himself, turned off the lights and walked upstairs. He opened the door carefully – didn’t want to wake Lucas – and apparently Even. They were in the middle of the bed. Even on his back, shirtless in his sweatpants with Lucas safe with his head on Even’s chest, and Evens right arm safe around his back. Evens left arm was stretched out as for an invitation to Isak to come and lie down. Isak got out of his clothes, laid down on Evens left side, snuggled up on Evens shoulder and crawled into his side. Even moved a bit, folded his hand around Isaks back, turned his head a bit and placed a kiss on his head.

“Hey, Is. I think I fell asleep. Nice of you to join.”

“Yeah. I was kind of sent to bed by your mother…”

“You were sent to bed?” Even hummed. “I don’t think I’ve been sent to bed by her since I was fourteen or something.”

“I can’t remember being sent to bed by anyone before. It kind of felt nice, you know.”

Even raised his head a bit, and Isak tilted his head to look at Evens face. “I can start doing that on regular basis if you want?”

“No, not like that. It was just a feeling of being taken care of. Not the bed thing. An adult caring for me.”

“I’m an adult you know” Even teased.

“Shut up. You know what I mean.”

“I do Is. I’m sorry I’m teasing you. I understand what you mean. Keep that feeling, they’ll never stop caring.”

“I know. They’ll stay here tomorrow while we’re at Anna and Kriss. And they said they would stay as long as we needed them to.”

“Yeah. I knew they would.”

 

The room went silent, and Isak could feel his body relax. He listened to Evens heart, beating steady, calm heartbeats, and he listened to Evens and Lucas breaths – even and relaxed. He soon drifted in to a doze, and just as he was about to fall to sleep he could hear Evens low voice in his ear; “I love you, Is. I love you so much!”. Isak mumbled back, “I love you even more”.


	30. Monday morning - memories and talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even wakes up early and takes a trip down the memory lane. 
> 
> Long talk With Liv in the Kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song in this Chapter is Ruelles "I Get to Love You." - sorry I just love sappy song.

Even woke up early. No wonder, really. He had fallen asleep with Lucas just after eight, and in spite of Isak waking him when he came to bed, he’d slept for over 9 hours when he woke up at half past five. He lay in bed, one boy on each side of him. He felt the warmth radiate from both of them. It was a bit too warm, really, but he didn’t want to move just yet. He wanted his boys to sleep as long as possible. Lucas wasn’t going to school so no need to wake him, they were seeing Anna at 0900, so Isak didn’t have to get up before 0800 – the latest. He just had to remember to phone Lucas teacher before 0800, but he had a lot of time before that.

Even thought back in time. To the first episode he had after he fell in love with Isak. At fucking Radison. He didn’t really remember much about what happened after he walked out of the hotel room, but he remembered that he HAD to get those burgers for Isak. It was all a blur after, and the crash was so hard. He had slept through several days, and when he started to get to himself at Thursday, and he saw the missed call and the message from Isak and was devastated. He slept most of the Friday away, but woke in the afternoon and felt like shit. But he had to tell Isak he loved him, because he already did. He really did love him in spite of the short time they’d spend together. He wouldn’t dare to think that Isak would come back to him after what he’d done. So he just sent the text, and didn't think he would get an answer, and certainly not see Isak again. But sweet, wonderful Isak came. All of a sudden he was there in the schoolyard, and Even couldn’t believe how lucky he was. And he wasn’t sure if he deserved it then, but now he knew that love couldn’t be deserved. Love just was.

 

When he thought back to his own feelings back then, he could actually relate to the feelings Isak was struggling with right now. It wasn’t the same, but similar. Isak didn’t dare to trust others with his feelings either, when the six-year-old brain or the twelve-year-old brain was in charge in Isak’s head. Even understood. And he knew he had to reassure him over and over again. And it didn’t bother him at all. He wouldn’t get tired of telling Isak how amazing he was. How good he was doing, how wonderful he was, how good he took care of Lucas, how good he was to Lucas.

It was the same amounts of reassuring that Isak had given to him over and over again during their years together. That he was good enough, that Isak loved him, that he would stay no matter what. Isak was there, in his darkest hours, when he didn’t want anyone to be there Isak was. When he didn’t want anyone to touch him, Isak was there, sitting beside him – didn’t touch him – just stayed. When he didn’t want anyone to speak to him, Isak was there, silent, but still beside him. Always. And Even loved him so much, and it hurt so much that he struggled so hard right now. Even felt Isak’s fights in his own body. It physically hurt him when Isak sobbed on his shoulder because of something his parents had done, or when he saw the pain and sadness in his eyes, or he felt his tense muscles in his shoulders, or he saw his jaws clench when he thought about it. But he also knew that Isak was strong as fuck, and he hoped that he would fight through it eventually. They just had to take the time. And they just had to do it together.

 

Together. Evens thought drifted back again, to the most wonderful day of his life. Their wedding day. It was the perfect wedding, with the perfect man on a perfect day. They didn’t get a “big fucking wedding”, but a small, intimate one, with only the closest friends and family. Isak didn’t want any of his family there. He didn’t tell them they were getting married either. (Even didn’t know if Isak’s parents knew up to this day that they were married.) Their guests were his own parents, his sister and husband, his niese, and his grandma. And Isak’s friends from High School – boys and girls, and his own from Bakka, Eskild of course – and some few Uni-friends they had back then. He remembered the feeling walking up the isle with Isak, holding hands, heart trembling with joy and love – and a bit nervous too. But not nervous about Isak saying yes or no, no. He was nervous about himself starting to cry his eyes out. He loved the man beside him so much, and he was going to be his husband. Even wasn’t able to explain with words to anyone in the world how much he loved him, but he had decided to sing a song – in the church – he had arranged it with the priest, so Isak didn’t know. And right after they had said their “Yes” to each other, put the rings on and kissed, the priest had looked at him and said; “And now, Even. It’s your turn. I know how hard you both have struggled, and I know how much you want to do this, the “stage” is yours. Even is going to sing Isak a song. Please, take your handkerchiefs out ladies and gentlemen.”

 

Mikael handed him his guitar, and Isak had looked at him with an open mouth. And when Even started playing, his mouth opened even more, and his eyes widened, his eye colour changed from green to black because of his pupils expanded. The tears just dripped out of Isaks eyes and he stood there, so beautiful, so happy and so handsome, that Evens voice almost cracked. But he managed to sing the song before he pulled Isak into his chest.

 

_One look at you;_ _my whole life falls in line._

_I prayed for you; before I called you mine._

_I can’t believe it’s true, sometimes._

_I can’t believe it’s true._

_I get to love you,_

_it’s the best thing that I’ll ever do._

_I get to love you,_

_it’s a promise I’m making to you._

 

_Whatever may come; your heart I will choose._

_Forever I’m yours, forever I do._

_I get to love you, I get to love you._

_The way you love, it changes who I am._

_I am undone and I thank God once again._

_I can’t believe it’s true, sometimes._

_I can’t believe it’s true._

_I get to love you,_

_it’s the best thing that I’ll ever do._

_I get to love you, i_

_t’s a promise I’m making to you._

 

_Whatever may come; your heart I will choose._

_Forever I’m yours, forever I do._

_I get to love you,_

_I get to love you._

_I get to love you,_

_I get to love you._

 

_They say love is a journey,_

_I promise that I’ll never leave._

_When it’s too heavy to carry, remember this moment with me._

_I get to love you,_

_I get to love you,_

_I get to love you._

 

The priest was right – everyone in the church cried, the sounds of sniffing and snorting was all over the church when they walked out and could hug all their friends and family. The priest actually shed a tear or two too.

It was the best day of his life, with the man of his dreams.

 

Even was back to present time, a tear run down his cheek when he thought back to the day, to the song. They still used to play that song, but it was a long time since they did it now. He had to remember to play it to Isak soon. Maybe tonight? Maybe now? He checked the time – quarter past six – a bit too early. He didn’t want to wake Lucas. But he’d used nearly an hour down the memory lane. He snuck out of bed, placed a kiss on Isak’s forehead and on Lucas cheek, went to the bathroom – kind of hoping Isak would wake up and follow him, but doubted it – took his pills, patted his own shoulder _‘You’re doing good Even. Good boy!’_ he thought, smiling to himself. He turned on the shower and got in. Felt the water rinse his scalp, felt the water wash away his concerns for a moment. The water was a bit too hot, but he liked it, it burned his shoulders, but it was a good burn. He felt his skin wake up.

When he got out of the shower, he heard someone in the hall outside. Tip-toeing steps snuck downstairs, and he heard them disappearing into the kitchen. He guessed it was his mum. He got dressed and walked down to get his suspicions confirmed.

“Good morning” he said, sneaking up behind her, and grabbed her upper arms as he leaned in for a hug.

“Oh, my God, Even. Don’t do that to an old lady.” She laughed “and good morning to you too. Early start?”

“Yeah, I’ve been awake for an hour. Fell asleep first with Lucas and then with Isak yesterday, so my body thought over nine hours of sleep was enough!”.

“Your body’s probably right.” His mother said, and smiled. “Isak and Lucas? Asleep?”

“Yes, fast asleep.”

“No nightmares?”

“No nightmares, thank God!”

“Yeah. They deserved a decent night sleep. Poor boys. Did you talk to Isak last night? He was dreading a night with nightmares.”

“No, we didn’t talk about that. We talked about you guys. We are so grateful that you stay with us.”

“Oh, Even. We’re always here for you. No matter what.”

“Yeah, I know that, but for Isak, it’s still news to him, you know. You know what he told me when he came to bed? He told me he liked you sending him to bed, and that he had never been sent to bed before – at least not that he could remember.”

“I didn’t… oh, yes I did. But I didn’t mean it like… I… oh.” Liv stuttered.

“Mum, didn’t you hear what I said. He liked it. He likes that someone cares.”

“Oh, puh! He liked it?”

“Yeah. Apparently his parents never told him when to go to bed. It’s probably a part of ‘them not caring’ – I can’t imagine how his life has been. And it’s coming up more and more stuff – “ Even sighed, and put his head in his hands. The silence lasted for a bit before he continued, Liv looked at him, waiting for him to speak;

“I’m afraid mum. How much can he take? What if my sweet, wonderful husband can’t take it? What if it breaks him? It would break me too, you know.” Even knew he was ranting, but he had to get the thought out of his head, and he couldn’t talk to Kriss about it, because Isak was going to be there. He told his mum “I can’t talk to Kriss about this today, because Isak’s going to be there, and I can’t ask for an appointment on my own, because then Isak starts worrying about me. I’m scared mum. I’m fucking scared that Isak’s past is going to take him away from me. It’s been so much and….”

“Even? Even, please stop.” Liv placed her hands on Evens chest, tapped him carefully to get his attention. “Isak is strong, Even. He’s lived through a bad childhood becoming a strong, wonderful, loving man who is your husband and a great father to Lucas. I don’t think anything can break him as long as you and Lucas are in his life, and as long as you do as you’re doing right now. Getting all the support and help you can get. And we’ll be there for you. And I understand that both Sana and her family and Jonas and his family are too, and you. Even, you are his rock. And he is yours. And you have that support too. Use all of us. I’m sure I talk for all of us when I say that we’re here for you now. Ok?”

Even just looked at his mum and pulled her into a hug. “It just hurts. It hurts so fucking much seeing him struggle.”

“I know, Even. It hurts for me too, but we’ll manage. And I don’t think you should hide the hurting-part for Isak. I think he should know that you share his pain. Because everything shared is less of a burden. It’s kind of when you’ve down. You knowing that someone is there for you, sharing your burden, it makes your thoughts a bit lighter. Right?”

“Yes. It does. When Isak’s beside me when I’m down, I know I’ll be alright, even if it hurts. He’s always there for me, and I want to be there for him now.”

“And you are, Even. Can’t you see that?”

“I do. I’m just so scared that I suddenly can’t.”

“And why should that happen?”

“If I go down?”

“Then we’ll be here with all of you. Ok?”

“Ok.”

Even sighed. Drew his breath. And leaned over to give his mum a hug. “Thanks” he mumbled in her ear.

 

They heard light footsteps down the stairs, it was definitely not a grown man.

“Even?” they heard Lucas’ small voice.

“In here, sweetie. In the kitchen.”

Lucas’ steps got faster, and he came running into the kitchen, speeded up when he saw Even, and Even caught him in his arms, lifting him up.

“Good morning, sweetie!” Liv said. “Slept well?”

“Yeah. Isak snored, so I woke. Why are you up, Even?”

“Because I fell asleep with you when put you to bed. I had to carry you upstairs yesterday. You fell asleep in Isak’s lap.”

“I did?”

“Yes you did. You were adorable!”

Lucas shrugged. “Was not!”

“You were so!” Liv said. “Wanna help me make breakfast, Even can go and wake the snoring Isak.”

“Sure.” Lucas said. “Oatmeal?”

“Whatever you decide, sweetie.”

“Your oatmeal is almost as good as Evens, so you can make it grandma. I’ll cut the fruit. But can we make pancakes too? Isak don’t like oatmeal that much.”

“Sure. Grandpa’s no big fan of oatmeal either, so pancakes and oatmeal it is. Even, go upstairs and get your husband up, and tell your father it’s breakfast soon too. He’s awake, lying in bed reading the news.”

“Sure” Even said, and left the kitchen with a grin on his face.


	31. Monday mornign - breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breakfast before the meetings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, not sorry. <3
> 
> \- One more fluffy, cozy morning-picture from Even and Isaks Kitchen. 
> 
> Before the reality kicks in.

_“Dad! Hey, dad. Look at me! Look at ME!” Isak turned his head, he looked at Even and then in the direction of the voice. It was Lucas. “What did you say, Lucas?” Lucas looked at him as he didn’t understand. “I said look at me!” Isak shook his head, “No, before that. You called me dad!” Isak felt his tears pressing behind his eyelids. “Can’t I do that?” Lucas looked sad at him, as if he’d done something wrong. “Of course you can, it’s just so surprising. You’ve never done that before. I would love it if you called me dad. I want to be Your dad, Lucas We want to be that.” Lucas looked at him and then at Even. “I want you to be my dads” he stated. “And we’d love to be your dads too, Lucas.” Isak’s happy-tears were falling from his eyes, his cheeks and to his shirt. “Hey Isak. Sweetie.”_

 

“Sweetie. Isak. Wake up, please!” It was Evens voice. Isak was back in his bed again, his eyes opened slowly. “Oh baby.” Even said, caressing his cheeks with his thumb. “Nightmare?”

Isak looked at Even and smiled. “No” he said. Tears still running down his cheeks. “No, not a nightmare. A happy dream. A fucking happy dream. Everything makes me cry.” He smiled widely at Even.

“Care to tell me?” Even smiled at him, drying the tears away with his thumbs, leaning in and kissed him softly.

“Lucas called me dad. He wanted to call us dad.”

Even looked at him. Smiled his widest smile, and his eyes sparkled. “That sounds awesome.”

“It was. I’ve never felt like I did in the dream before – or I actually have – it was kind of the same feeling I had when you sang to me at our wedding. I felt so much love pouring through my body.”

“I can relate to that” Even said. “I actually thought about our wedding when I woke this morning. Thought about that song, and how much it means to me. How much you mean to me. How much I love you!”

Isak crawled into Evens embrace and just held him for a while.

“Lucas up?” he asked.

“Yeah. He helps mum preparing breakfast. Guess what they’re making?”

“Oh no." Isak shook his head.  "Oatmeal?”

Even nodded, and Isak rolled his eyes. “Fucking oatmeal” he mumbled. “The person invented oatmeal should have been punished. Seriously.” Even smiled at him, his eyes were shining.

“They’re making pancakes too. Lucas asked if they could because you don’t like oatmeal that much. And neither does dad.”

Isak grinned at that. “I knew there had to be at least one more sensible person in the family including me. And it was Anders. I should have known.”

“Debatable – the sensible-thing” Even smiled.

“Rude” Isak said, pushing Evens shoulder. “Well, we’d better get down to them, before Lucas eats all the pancakes before his oatmeal.”

“Yeah. Get dressed, I’ll go tell dad breakfast is ready.”

Isak looked at Even as he left the bedroom. The feeling from the dream was still in his body. He wanted so much the dream to come true. He wanted them to be a family, and he would really love for Lucas to call them dad. Both of them. And he wanted so bad to be the dad he never had himself.

 

He got dressed and walked down the stairs, hearing laughter and chatting from the kitchen. He stood in the doorway for a second, looking at the people in the kitchen. Lucas stood beside Liv by the counter, slicing apples. Liv steered the oatmeal and flipped pancakes at the same time. Even sat the table. Five plates, glasses, spoons, forks, knives, napkins, lights, syrup, juice, milk, the sliced fruit, cinnamon… Isak felt his heart full of love because of the scene in front of him. Pushing the picture of Lucas not being there away. Lucas turned his head and spotted him. “Iiiisak! You’re awake!” He jumped down and run to him and threw himself in his arms, Isak was ready to catch him.

“Hey sweetie. Had a good night sleep?”

“Yeah, but you snore!”

“I do not! It’s Even.”

“How come I woke up by snoring when he already was downstairs?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you woke up by your own snoring?” Isak smiled widely.

“Yeah, right!” Lucas rolled his eyes – obviously something he’d learned from him.

Anders came in to the kitchen and Liv announced that breakfast was ready. They settled around the table, Lucas between Liv and Anders, and Even beside Isak on the other side of the table.

“Am I going to school today?” Lucas asked when he’d eaten some of his oatmeal.

“No, we thought you should stay home. We’ve got to talk to Marius first, and we thought you should get the day of. Spending the morning with grandma and grandpa. What do you think of that?” Isak asked.

“Ok, I guess.” Lucas said, looked a little sad.

“You wanted to go to school?” Even asked.

“Kind of. Wanted to play with Marcus.”

“We understand that, but it’s not a good idea going to school before Marius know what’s happened, and you know, maybe Thomas has some news for us today, and then it’s better for you to be home. But you know what? We can ask Jonas and Eva if Marcus can come over to play after school. How’s that?”

“Good.” Lucas said. “Are you going to be home today?” he looked at Even and Isak.

“No, we’ve got an appointment with Anna at 9 and an appointment with Kriss at 1130, so not the whole day. You ok with being with grandma and grandpa without us?” Even asked.

“Yeah. I’ll cope” he said, but when they saw the tiny smile and the sparkle in his eyes, they knew he was going to be ok, he was teasing his grandparents.

“Oh, so you’ll cope” Anders said, pointing a finger in his side. “You’ll cope with us?”

Lucas giggled. “I’ll survive” he giggled, and that gave him a round of tickling from Anders until he begged for mercy. “Grandpa, please stop. I’m happy to be here with you. Please stop tickling.” Anders stopped and Lucas ate some more. Isak looked at him and saw that his face got all serious again.

“What’s on your mind, Lucas?” Lucas watched his oatmeal like it was going to do some magical tricks or develop into a different shape.

“What are you going to talk to Anna about?” Lucas asked after a while.

“We’re going to tell her what happened yesterday. We’ve not spoken to her yet, only Thomas has. She wants to hear our story.”

“Ok.” Lucas said.

“Lucas?” Even said. “Anna’s not going to send you back to your mum. Ok. You have to believe us when we say that. You have to believe what Thomas said yesterday. It is the truth. You’re staying here with us for now!”

Lucas looked at Even, and Isak could see the relief in his face. “Ok” he said, and the tiny smile came back.

“I’ll better go and call Marius” Even said, and got up and walked out of the kitchen.

“Do you want to call Jonas yourself?” Isak asked Lucas. “To ask if Marcus want to come over this afternoon, or do you want me to text him?”

“Can you do it?” Lucas asked.

“I’ll text him right away” Isak said, picking up his phone.

**JONAS (0750)**

_“Hey, good morning!”_

Jonas answered immediately.

_“Oh, my God. Isak Bech Næsheim sends a polite text before 8 in the morning!”_

_“What’s up, bro?”_

_“Haha. Funny!”_

_“Lucas wonders if Marcus can come over to ours after school today.”_

It took some minutes before Jonas’ answer came in.

_“The shouting has just stopped – I think I heard a ‘Yes-yes-yes!’.”_

_“Great!”_

_“Even and I can pick him up after school if that’s ok with you and Eva?”_

_“Awesome”_

_“When do you want us to pick him up”_

_“Why don’t you all come over at 1800?”_

_“We can order some take-away and eat together?”_

_“Sounds amazing!”_

_“See you this evening.”_

_“Has to go. Eva’s stressing.”_

_“Say hi to her, and tell her to relax!”_

_“_ _:-)_ _”_

_“She says hi back, and tell you to f… off!”_

_“That’s not very polite!”_

_“It’s before 8 in the morning. She’s not polite before 9. Ever!”_

_“Sounds like me…”_

_“Yeah, I know. I talk to Even you know. We’re in the same boat!”._

_“Funny!”_

_“See you tonight!”_

_“Yeah. See you!”_

_“Good luck at Anna and Kriss.”_

_“Thanks man!”_

Isak smiled at the phone, and when he looked up, Lucas was staring at him.

“What did Jonas say? Isak, what did he say?”

Isak smiled at the eagerness in Lucas’ face. “He said yes!”

“YES-YES-YES!” Lucas shouted. “YES!”’

“We’re picking him up after school. I guess we can drive straight there after we’ve been at Kriss’.

“Ok.”

 

They sat in silence eating for a while, until Even came in to the kitchen, and he just nodded to Isak.

“Lucas, Marius told me to say ‘hi’ and he said that he was looking forward seeing you again when you were ready for school.”

“Oh” Lucas said. “When will that be?”

“I don’t know. Maybe tomorrow? Maybe Wednesday? We’ll see what happens today, ok?”

“Ok. Marcus’s coming over this evening.” He smiled at Even.

“Great!”

“Yeah, about that. I kind of invited Jonas, Eva and Bea over for take-away at 1800. Hope it’s ok with you?” Isak smiled and winked at Even, and Even smiled back at him – his ‘you did, and I love you for it’-smile. Isak’s heart trembled of that smile, and Even knew it.

“Of course.” He said, looked at Anders and Liv “You up for take-away tonight?”

“If my cooking’s that bad, so ok with me” Liv said, pretending to be insulted.

“Oh, mum. Please! We didn’t ask you to come here because of your cooking, we…..”

“I was joking Even,” Liv laughed at Evens reaction, “I was joking. I’m happy to eat take-away anytime!”

“Oh, sorry.” Even laughed too.

“Can you stay for one more night, grandma?” Lucas asked when the laughing has stopped.

“We’ll stay as long as you want us to.” Liv said.

“We’d love to have you here” Isak said.

“Then we’ll stay” Anders smiled, and hugged Lucas into his side, giving him a kiss on top of his head.

“We’ll better get ready to go, Isak.” Even said and got up.

“We’ll clean up here” Liv said. “Go and get ready you two!” She smiled at them and Isak got on his feet, and not long after they’re out the door and on their way to Anna.


	32. At Anna - disturbing news

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even is at their appointment With Anna.   
> Thomas is giving them some disturbing news

Anna stood outside her office waiting for them. Isak was nervous. He didn’t know for what, he just felt his body tremble and his hands were sweat. He held on to Even’s hand, and Even’s thumb stroke his hand in circular soothing movements and it helped a bit. 

“Hey” Anna said, giving them both a hug. “Let’s sit down in my office. Thomas will be here in 10-15 minutes.”

“Oh, so he’s coming too?” Even asked. 

“Yes. He phoned half an hour ago. He had some news to us.”

“Oh” Isak heard his own voice shaking slightly. He didn’t know if Anna noticed it, but Even did, because he looked at him and smiled, grabbing his hand again and squeezed it.

“Can you please tell me what happened yesterday morning. I understood it was you that got the call from Lucas, Isak? Can you tell me what happened?” 

“Sure. But I can also show you. I recorded the conversation from the start and until we were outside the door of Anitas apartment.”

“You’ve got a fast brain, Isak. Thinking of that.” 

“I’m kind of used to record at work. Surgery’s always recorded now days. And we often use it on consultations too, if we sense that the patients are of the difficult type, or there is severe diagnosis. We…” Even grabbed his hand.

“It’s ok, Is. It’s ok. You don’t have to explain yourself for recording, it’s ok. Isn’t it, Anna?”

“It’s more than alright. It’s fantastic, and it can be used as evidence. Would you like to listen with me, or should I go outside?” She looked at Isak when she asked the question. 

“It’s ok, I think.” Isak said. “I haven’t listened to it myself yet, so I don’t know how it sounds.”

“Ok, put it on, please.”

Isak got his phone out and started it. Lucas small voice came out of the speaker. He sounded terrified. Much more terrified on the recording than Isak remembered from yesterday morning. Himself sounded steady as a rock, calm, loving, but no panicking, no trembling in his voice, no hesitance. He was stunned by his own appearance. He hadn’t felt like that, he felt like he was about to fall apart yesterday morning. Isak grabbed Evens hand, and Even smiled at him. “You sound so calm and restrained” he whispered in his ear. “Didn’t feel like that, felt like I was losing my self” he whispered back, and smiled. 

Anna listened through the whole recording, Thomas had entered the room while it was playing. Nodding at Even and Isak and sat down beside them. He listened to the rest of the recording, looking at Isak as to question him if it was his recording, and Isak nodded.

“Ok” Anna said, when they heard the last words from the phone. “That sounded like a rough morning. How are you doing now, and how’s Lucas?”

“Lucas is at home with mum and dad” Even said. “It was a lots of tears and anxiety yesterday. Amongst the fears, his mother apparently has told him that the police are going to come and get him if he stays with us. And he’s repeated several times that he doesn’t want to go back to her. He has told us nothing about what he did Saturday, but he told us – and Thomas – that a man called Jan – maybe a boyfriend – came over at Friday. Not entering the apartment, just delivered something at the door.”

“First of all; good that he’s with your parents. Your judgement is good; he’s got nothing to do in school today. Probably not tomorrow either. Take it slow with him. He can get breakdowns when you least expect it. Triggers, remember?”

“Yeah, we remember” Isak said, looking down, but managing to calm himself down. 

“First of all I want to tell you that I want this record and I’ll take it to the Childs welfare committee and play it there to prevent Lucas to go back to his mother. Permanent. Along with what you tell us. Or, if one of you want to join me, feel free?”

“I don’t think I want to do that.” Isak said, “Or, let me rephrase that; I don’t want to do that!”

“If I don’t have to, I’d rather not,” Even said. 

“That’s quite alright, It’s not requested that foster parents do, but sometimes they feel the urge to explain themselves, but I think the record speaks for itself.”

“We actually got another too” Isak said. “It’s of Lucas and me yesterday evening. He was in the tub, and we always have good conversations when he’s in the tub, so I put the recorder on. It was some disturbing statements he had. Telling me what his mother had said to him.”

“Play it, please” Thomas said.

“Ok” Isak said, and pushed “play”. 

Isak listened again. And one more time he was astonished of his own calm and steady voice sounding out of the speaker. It wasn’t at all what he felt like. Both Anna and Kriss raised their eyebrows at the things Lucas said, and they shook their heads simultaneously when they heard Lucas say that her mother had said that she had the “right to have him”. When they came to the end, both Anna and Thomas looked at him and Thomas spoke first; 

“You’re very good at this, Isak. You’re not asking him any leading questions. He’s telling from his own recollection; you’re not putting the words in his mouth. And you wait when he’s got nothing to say, and then he continues. How do you manage?”

Isak flushed from the words of Thomas. He hadn’t thought about it at all when he and Lucas had the chat. And especially not in the last one with Lucas in the bathtub. Isak had been a bit preoccupied with the answers regarding his own childhood, so he hadn’t thought much. But he didn’t have to mention that. 

“Thanks.”

It was silence for some second before Even asked the question both him and Isak were wondering, but Isak hadn’t dared to ask yet. 

“Have you found Anita, Thomas?”

Thomas looked at him, “No, we haven’t found her yet. And there are no clues in her apartment for her whereabouts. But we’re worrying about some things we’ve found – and something that we’ve not found. First about what we haven’t found; her credit cards and passport – we know she has one, she got a new one in May – and no phone. And what we have found is a receipt of a newly bought passport.” Thomas drew his breath, looked carefully at Isak and Even. “For a child.” 

“What…. How….. WHAT?” Isak asks confused and upset. 

“We know it’s a passport for a child because of the price. We don’t know what child. It’s not certain it’s for Lucas, but we suspect that.”

“How is that possible?” Even said. “I didn’t think she could do that without acceptance from child services?”

“She shouldn’t have been able to. I don’t know. And we don’t know for sure if it’s a passport for Lucas….”

“But?” Even asked. “I sense a but here?”

“But we also found receipt of an airplane ticket. One adult and one child. Mrs Larsen and Mr. Larsen”

“WHAT?” Isak stood up. “Ticket to where?”

“It looks like Spain” Thomas said. 

“When?” Even asked.

“29thof September.”

“That’s on Sunday. That’s before he should have moved permanently to hers” Isak said, slowly. “She’s been planning to take him away.” Isak was raising his voice. 

“Yeah, it looks like that. But she won’t be able now, because we’ve found what we’ve found, and we’ve notified other police districts and airports.” 

Isak calmed down a bit. But grabbed Evens hand and held it firm. He clenched his jaws, breathing slowly.

“Ok. Where does this leaves us?” Even asks. 

“First of all; We don’t know much about Anita yet. We’re trying to get through to her doctor and therapist, but you know confidentiality. We’re actually working on several theories amongst them that she’s run away, or she’s hiding, she’s having an episode, she may be psychotic. It’s not logic behaviour to order plane tickets and then run away from your child. We’re definitely suspecting some mental imbalance here.”

“But if she’s having some kind of episode or is psychotic, she can do very irrational actions.” Isak said, he was able to speak again. 

“Yes. That’s right, Isak. And we do not know anything about this Jan-guy.” Thomas drew his breath and continued, “Does Anita know where you live?” Thomas asked. 

“I don’t think so” Even said, squeezed his eyes.

“Does your names appear in searches for addresses or phone numbers?”

“Not mine” Isak said. “I’ve got hidden identity because of my work.”

“Not mine either” Even said. “Only in the intern sides at the Uni, but you need to work there to get access to my address. My phone number is out on the Uni student-sides.”

“Ok. That’s good.”

“Does she know where Lucas go to school?”

“Yes…” Even hesitated. “Where are you going with this, Thomas?” 

“It’s really just precautions. We’re so unsure about her mental health, and with the passport and tickets – let’s say we’re keeping all possibilities open. And one of the scenarios are kidnapping.”

“What?” Isak felt all of his blood leave his body, and he felt dizzy. “That she’s planning on kidnapping Lucas?” 

“We do not know, Isak. It’s just one of the theories. As I said before, we know so little about her. I would love to talk to Lucas about what they did at Saturday, but I don’t think I’m the person to do it, because he doesn't trust me yet. But you can Isak?”

“What?” Isak didn’t get what Thomas said. He only thought about the word kidnapping. They had to call Liv and Anders. Isak felt like panicking. He drew his breath and let it out a few times. Even sensed what was happening, so he put his hand on his back and made some long strokes. It helped. 

“Should we call mum and dad and make them lock the door and let nobody in?” he looked at Even, 

“Do you think that’s necessary Thomas?” Even looked at Thomas. 

“It won’t hurt. But I don’t think she’ll do anything yet. We’ve still got the police patrolling around her apartment, and we actually got one outside your house too. We drove up there early this morning.”

“Oh.” Isak let out a sigh. “You did. Thank you.” 

“No worries, Isak. I can sense you’re not comfortable at all now.”

“No, seeing how this weekend has affected Lucas, and the thought about him being kidnapped after we’ve ensured him over and over again yesterday and this morning that he’s NOT going back, it’s a bit too much for me now. Sorry.”

“Don’t be, Isak. It’s ok.” Anna smiled at him. 

“But could you manage to talk a bit to Lucas about what they did Saturday? It might throw some lights of what happened when she left, and it might not. You don’t have to do it today, maybe tomorrow?”

“Yeah, sure.” Isak said. “I’ll try.”

Thomas talked a bit more about precautions they should take in the time coming up – not leaving Lucas alone, walk or drive him to school and home, if he was to visit friends, talk to their parents, no playing outside alone, not opening the door alone, and they had to talk to the headmaster in school, and the police would also talk to the staff at school, and a police car would be outside school when Lucas returned there. 

Isak breathed easier when they left the office heading for their car. It was almost 1030, and it was just an hour till their next appointment. 

“KB for coffee and something to eat?” he suggested to Even. 

“Yeah, sounds good. I’ll call mum and tell her we won’t be able to come home before the appointment with Kriss, and ask then to lock the door.!”

“Thanks."

They walked to the car, Even talking with his mum and Isak in his own thoughts. Just an hour until the appointment with Kriss and he felt a bit tired, but also ready to talk to Kriss. He had to ask if Kriss thought it was the right thing to do, telling Lucas about his own childhood. He just had to know if his thoughts, Evens and Anders’ thoughts about it were right, that it was a smart thing to do. And he wanted to cancel his own appointment – the one for the hypnosis. He wasn't up for that now. Not sure if he wanted to  know more about his childhood. He had enough on his mind. Mor than enough!


	33. At Kriss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even and Isak have a talk alone at KB
> 
> And an appointment With Kriss. Isak speaks - like a lot!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never had an appointment with a therapist, so I know nothing about how it works.
> 
> This is a fic, keep that in mind. 
> 
> <3

They ordered coffee and a sandwich each and found a table in the darkest corner on KB. Isak looked at Even, and he knew he wanted to talk about something, but was hesitant. Isak started to talk about the conversation with Anna and Thomas. 

“What do you think about the stuff Thomas told us? Do you think Anita’s thinking of kidnapping Lucas?”

“Oh, I’ve no idea, Is. She seems capable of anything, thinking of what she’s said to Luc and what she did yesterday.”

“Yeah. My thoughts too. I’m a bit worried. If she’s ill she might be unpredictable. What do we do about school?” 

“I don’t know, baby.” 

“But we have to talk to Marius, don’t we?”

“Yes, I suppose. We can do that when we pick up Marcus.” Evens eyes flicked a bit. There was something on his mind, Isak could tell. There was something on his mind that didn’t concern just about Lucas. He had to ask. 

“What’s on your mind, baby?” He looked at Even and smiled. Blue eyes looked at him and he could see that he was both surprised and relieved. 

“I’ve just been thinking about making an appointment with Kriss. For me. Just me.” Even didn’t look away when he spoke. “I just need to sort some of my thoughts on this whole situation with him. I’d love to have you there, but these thoughts I think I have to figure out on my own.”

Isak looked at him. “What do you mean, Ev?”

Even drew his breath and spoke. “All that’s come up lately, your nightmares, things you remember, it hurts for me too you know, and…… and I’m afraid of how it’s going to affect me. And when you’re going to get your hypnosis and maybe find out more, I don’t know how I’ll react. I can’t stand the thought about you being more hurt and struggle even more, but I understand that you want to get a closure of your childhood. I just need to work on some strategies to cope.” Even looked down. “I’m sorry I’m making this about me, when it’s about you.” Even grabbed his hand over the table. “I’m so afraid I’m not strong enough to be there for you, because I want to.

Isak just stared at him. And he swallowed a couple of times before he spoke. “I’m sorry Even, I…

“Please Isak. Don’t say you’re sorry, because you’ve nothing to be sorry for. It’s not your fault!”

Isak drew his breath once more, and continued, “I… ok, I’m not sorry because of that, I’m sorry this whole situation makes you hurt. But I understand. I really do. The table is kind of turned around now, because I hurt too when you’re down, and I totally understand what you’re saying. And I’m not upset because you want to see Kriss on your own. I understand.”

“You’re not upset?” Even looked at him. 

“No. I’m kind of happy, because one of my biggest fears is the thought of you getting a huge depression out of this. You getting manic is one thing, those episodes are ok to handle, not easy, but ok. But the depressions… I know I will cope, I know how it works by now, but it’s so hard for you, and you suffer so much from your bad thoughts and your head saying all the wrong things. So I think seeing Kriss on your own is a good thing.”

Even looked at him and there were tears on his cheeks. Isak reached over and brushed them away with his thumbs. “I hurt when you hurt too, you know” Isak whispered. 

“Yeah, I know that, but it’s different. When I’m down it’s because of my head. But you, it’s because of something they did too you. And I’m so angry at them all the time, and I’m so afraid of how it’s going to affect you – and me.” Even looked down. “I’m so afraid that you’re going to crash like I do and suffer so much, because I don’t want you to suffer. And I’m afraid to be angry at them all the time. Be an angry man. I know it’s silly, but the thoughts are there, and I have to get them away.” 

“Oh, Ev. Why haven’t you told me about these feelings before? I can’t promise that I won’t change throughout my life, but I will cope. I’m handling this and I’ll cope because I have YOU. And yes, all this crap that’s happened made me angry too, and it hurts, and I might be a bit vulnerable, and it messes with my head, but I’ll be alright. I’ve got wonderful people around me that helps me, and I’ve got the most fantastic husband who’s the rock in my life – you – you’re the anchor in my harbour, the sun in my life, the love of my life, Ev.” 

Even looked at him, stared at him by the words, swallowed a couple of times and spoke low; “I haven’t told you because I thought you had enough on your mind, and I wouldn’t bother you with my stupid thoughts.”

“Your thoughts are never stupid, Ev. I love all your thoughts. I love all of you.” Isak leaned over the table and kissed him softly. Just a short kiss, but with a lots of emotions. 

“Is. You are… I just love you, Is.” Even grabbed his hand again, leaned over the table too and kissed him. They looked at each other, smiling and nodding for a while, regaining their breaths and calmed down before Isak spoke. 

“I’m not going through with the hypnosis. I’ve made up my mind. And not because of what we’ve just talked about. I made up my mind earlier. I don’t want to search my future for more shit. Come what may come, and we will handle it when it does, if it does. And Kriss is only a phone call away.”

“You sure, Is?”

“Yeah. For now, I’m sure. Maybe later if I feel like I need it. But now we must handle what we have, and take care of Lucas. He deserves our full attention.”

“If that’s your final decision, I’m not going to argue with you. You’re an adult too, you know.” Even smiled. Isak knew he was referring to last night. 

“Maybe I should be the one to send YOU to bed?” Isak answered quickly. 

“Only if you’d join me…” Even replied, pulling Isak towards him by his hand and grabbed his neck and kissed him deeply. 

Isak leaned in, but pulled away shortly after “We’re in public, Ev. This is “our” KB – don’t even think about it!”

Even laughed “Think about what?” and smiled widely. 

Isak just smiled at him, and shook his head. 

“We’d better get going. 10 minutes till our appointment.” He got on his feet, grabbed Evens hand and dragged him on his feet. “We don’t want to be late.”

“You’re so bossy” Even smiled. 

“And you like it” Isak smiled. “Come. Let’s go!”

“Let’s go.” Even replied, placing a wet kiss on his cheek, and they walked out on the street. 

 

 

The door to Kriss’ office was open when they entered the waiting room, and they heard Kriss humming from inside. They knocked at the doorframe, and Kriss’ head appeared from behind his filing cabinet. 

“Oh, hey guys. Come in. Have a seat”

“Thanks” Even said, Isak nodded. He always felt a bit nervous when he entered Kriss’ office, but not today. He was calm. It was a strange feeling. 

“You look good, boys. Everything ok?”

“Eh, not exactly, but we’re coping.”

“Ok?” Kriss said. “We’d better get started then. Coffee? Water?”

“Water, please” they said simultaneous. 

Kriss went to get two glasses of water, and put them on the little table in front of their chair. 

“So? Who’s starting? Something happened?”

“Where do we start?” Even said, “There’s been a nightmare, and Lucas mother has disappeared so we had to get him yesterday morning, he was left all alone in her apartment. The police have filed a report on her and they fear kidnapping, and Anna’s taking the case to the Child welfare committee.”

“That wasn’t what I’d expected from the weekend.” Kriss had a really surprised look on his face. “But let the police and Anna do their work, and we’ll talk about you guys first. When did you have this nightmare, Isak?” 

“The night between Friday and Saturday. We slept at Liv and Anders, and it was a bad one.”

“Ok. Can one of you tell me what happened when you left Lucas at his mother on Friday?”

“Sure.” Even said, and started talking. The meeting at Anitas, the drive after, when they came to Liv and Anders, their talks there – including his own with Liv and Isak interrupting them, and when he came to the nightmare, Kriss stopped him.

“Hold on, Even.” 

“What did you think of what Even talked to Liv about, Isak?” 

“I understand why he thinks like he does, and I just have to work on the talking bit. Because I want to, but it’s something in my head that tells me not to. But I’m already getting better. There’s been a lot of talking this weekend. A lot.”

“Good. And the nightmare Isak? Care to tell me?”

“Yes. And it’s because of what happened back then that I’m so hesitantly about talking about my feelings. What happened in the nightmare happened all the time. I just didn’t remember all of it before.” And Isak told Kriss about the nightmare and what he remembered after. When Isak was finished, Kriss didn’t say a word at once, but rinsed his voice and spoke; 

“It’s kind of amazing that you’re sitting here talking about this and are capable of being a surgeon, a husband and a great father to Lucas thinking about what you’ve lived through, Isak. If the way you were treated in that nightmare was the rule and not the exception, I’d say you’ve done extremely well.”

Isak blushed “Thanks”. 

“And I can’t blame you for being hesitant with the talking-part. Is there anything about your nightmares you would like to talk about?” 

“No, not really. Even, Liv and Anders did a hell of a job with me on Saturday. And we also went to Sana and Yousef and talked to them too. I’m ok.”

“Good, Isak. Talking helps – always.” Kriss smiled. “What does this makes you feel, Even?”

“It hurts. It hurts so much seeing Isak hurt and it makes me angry.”

“How?”

“I’m angry at his parents for what they did. But we’ve talked a lot about it, and we’re kind of working on it.”

“Good. We’ll talk more about it later. Ok?”

“Ok.” Even nodded. Isak was glad he already had told Kriss about the anger and the hurt, it would be easier to pick up from here later. But now he had to ask Kriss about Lucas:

“Kriss, there’s one thing I’ve thought about. I need to ask you.”

“Ok?”

“Yeah – you know now that Lucas was left by his mother, there’s a lot of parallels in our histories. Do you think….. you think talking to Lucas about my own… eh…. experiences are bad for him? I mean, not telling him everything, but telling him that something similar happened to me too, and kind of tell him it’s not just him….. not just him that’s been left and that his feelings around it are ok?”

“I actually think that’s a good idea, Isak. As long as he wants to talk about it. Don’t push him.”

“We don’t.” Isak assured him. “He asks, and when I told him – or I didn’t really talk about it, I referred to it to Liv and Anders and Lucas was in my lap – he actually asked if it had happened for real, and I couldn’t lie to him.”

“Good thing you didn’t.”

“Thanks.”

“So what’s happened since yesterday morning?”

Even told him about the meeting with Thomas, the bathroom-talk, and the meeting with Anna and Thomas earlier the same day. Isak listened to him and filled in when necessary. 

Kriss looked at them when Even was finished. 

“I’m so glad you have Liv and Anders there to help you out. And I understand that you’re talking a lot, that’s good. Can I ask you Isak; how do you feel about Liv and Anders playing such a big part in your life?”

“You mean when my own parents acted like shit, how I feel about Liv and Anders being there all the time?”

Kriss smiled “Kind of?”

“I love it. I love them for being there for us, and you know what? I hardly think of my parents. They’re kind of some distance people I once knew, but don’t give a damn about now. I think about them when the nightmares are there and we talk about them – but not more.I’d gladly adopt Liv and Anders as my parents – or maybe they adopt me – but that would be weird considering I’m married to their son” 

Isak couldn’t stop speaking; “I don’t know where my parents are at the moment, I don’t even know if they’re alive. I don’t know if I’m being told if they die, and you know, I don’t care. I wouldn’t celebrate if they died, but I wouldn’t cry either. I wouldn’t feel anything, I think. I wouldn’t go to their funeral, and if I – because of some legal shitty-rules – inherit something from them because I’m their only child, I would donate it to some organization fighting child abuse. Wouldn’t that be the irony of it?” 

Isak drew his breath, Even looked at him, and Kriss’ mouth had fallen open. Isak continued, his voice was calm and steady. 

“You know what I’ve realized? I don’t even hate them anymore. I just hate the things they did. I don’t hate them because I don’t care. Hate is a feeling, and I don’t want to have feelings for them, no feeling at all, and I don’t. I haven’t seen them since I was 17, and I don’t want to see them ever again. Never. I’ve got new parents, I’ve got Liv and Anders, and I love them the way a child should love parents. And I know they love me too, like parents should love their kids. And I’m so grateful for their support and the fact that they’ve taken me in – since the first time I visited their home when I was 17 – I’ve been included in the family. I think I switched family when I was 17, from Valtersen to Bech Næsheim - and I’ve not regretted it for a second. And the first day I signed a paper with my new name after our wedding six years ago – when I signed with Isak Bech Næsheim – I felt complete, secure and saved.” 

Isak paused and took a sip of the water and drew his breath; “And despite of the bad things that have appeared now, and bad things that may come up in the future, I know that it’s going to be ok. Because my mother and father are not my family anymore. It will probably be painful episodes in the future, and I will probably cry, sob, hurt and all that, but that’s because of what they did. Not because I want them to care – because that ship has sailed. I don’t want them. I’ve people around me that loves me for who I am, for me, Isak Bech Næsheim. And I’m good.” 

He let himself fall back in the chair, took another sip of the water, and smiled to himself, eyes on his hands, they were calm, not shaking at all. He felt relieved, he felt freed in a way, he felt like he’d cut the last tiny string that had connected him to his parents. Just there. He felt like he could visualize them disappearing into the dark because of the things he said. He felt like it was some kind of magical spell that sent them away, them being taken by the darkness. He lifted his head, smiled at Kriss and said:

“I’m finished now, Kriss. Did I answer your question?”

Kriss looked at him, closed his mouth, rinsed his throat and said; “I think you’ve got it all covered, Isak. I’ve never heard you talk so much at once ever before. That was something. And I think your husband here kind of agrees with me that you’ve got it all covered.”

Isak turned his head to Even, and Even just looked at him with the blue oceans of love he had in his eyes. His eyes were watery, but he didn’t cry, he just looked at him and then he said; 

“That was an amazing speech, Isak. I don’t know what to say” he looked at Kriss and spoke further “I’m sorry Kriss, I just have to kiss this man now” and he grabbed Isaks neck and pulled him towards him, and kissed him. Forcefully, deep, with tongue and teeth. 

“Don’t mind me” Kriss giggled, “I’m getting a cup of coffee” 

Isak put his own hand in Evens hair, and pulled him in. The kiss deepened even more, and he felt both of Evens hand on his neck, he pulled back. “Is, how did you do that?” And then he kissed him again, equally deep, but soft and loving. Isak pulled back 

“I’ve no fucking idea, Ev. It just came to me. All the words just spilled out of my mouth, but it felt so right. It was wonderful to say all those things, and knowing that no one would question or correct me at any time. It was liberating.” Isak stroked Evens cheek, and sat back in his chair. 

Kriss came into the room again. “All done, boys?” He smiled at them. 

“Yeah, sorry about that” Even said. 

“No worries” Kriss said. “But I have to be careful about the questions I ask Isak in the future, because we can risk him using the whole session on his speeches” he smiled, and pointed at the time, their session was almost over. 

“Oh, shitt” Isak smiled. “Sorry”

“No sorry’s, Isak. It’s good for you to get it out. Very good. New appointment next Monday, 0900?”

“Yes that’s perfect…. And……and we’ve talked about something else…” Isak said, looking at Even. 

“Yeah….” Even was hesitantly I…..I think I want an appointment just for me”

“And I agree” Isak said 

“I’ve got some stuff I need to sort out for myself, we’ve talked about it, Isak and me, but I need your help too Kriss.”

“Ok?” Kriss looked at them both. “I’ve got an appointment free on Wednesday, at 1400?”

“Perfect” Even said. 

“And……” Isak said hesitantly “I…..I’m not doing the…. the hypnosis. Not now.”

Kriss looked at him with a serious and worried face. “You sure, Isak?”

“Yeah. I don’t want to do it. Not now. Maybe later. I just don’t think I’ll manage more shit right now. I know hypnosis might be a good idea, but not right now. And if the nightmares come, I’ll call you if I need your help. And either way I’ll see you again Monday, right?”

“Ok, Isak. I can’t force you. But keep it in the back of your mind that it might be a good thing.” 

“I will, Kriss. And I don’t say that I’ll never go through with it, just not now.”

“Deal” Kriss said, smiling. 

Even got up, ready to leave. Reaching his hand to Kriss, but Kriss got up too and gave Even a hug instead. “You’re doing amazing, Even. You should be proud of yourself!”

“Thank you” Even said. “For everything”

“Yeah, thanks Kriss.” Isak said, reaching his hand too, but gets caught in a hug too. “You’re welcome. It’s a pleasure to help you guys. But in fact, it’s you two that do all the work. I don’t think I’ve spoken so little in a session before.” He smiled at them both. 

“But talking helps, some wise man once told us” Even smiles at Kriss. 

“Lucky you that knows such a wise man.” Kriss smiled back.

They laughed, and Isak grabbed Evens hand and dragged him out of Kriss’ office. 


	34. A whisper from the past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even are at Lucas School to see the headmaster and pick Marcus up.  
> Someone recognizes Isak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short one, 
> 
> Real life happens sometimes too! 
> 
> Thanks for Reading
> 
> <3

They pulled in to the parking lot outside Lucas’ school. It was still nearly an hour till the school ended so they decided to see the headmaster and talk to her about the things Thomas had said to them. When they entered the staff-section of the school, Marius saw them and came to meet them.

“Hey, guys. Nice to see you. Something happened?”

“Yeah, actually. We kind of need to talk to you and the headmaster?”

“Oh, I’ll see if she’s free” Marius said, and walked out of the room.

Isak looked through the room. It was lots of small sofas and tables, face flowers, some boards with information, piles of books on a table, coffee cups, a bowl of fruit on the kitchen counter, coffee maker, dirty dishes. He looked around and suddenly he saw a lady looking at him, she was older than Liv he thought, maybe 60. She actually stared at him, so he stared back. Maybe she stared because he was unknown, maybe it was because Evens hand was on his back, maybe she had been one of his patients, he didn’t know. She came up to him and rinsed her throat.

“Isak? Isak Valtersen?” she asked.

“Isak, yes. But it’s Bech Næsheim.”

“But you were Valtersen.?”

“Yes.” _A million years ago_ he wanted to add, but didn’t. Who was this women?

“You don’t remember me, do you?”

“Sorry, now.”

Evens hand snuck all around his shoulder, and comforted him with small strokes with his hand on his shoulder and upper arm.

“I’m Inga. I worked at your school Isak. I remember you. You looked so sad almost all the time, and I felt sorry for you because of that. Because the times you smiled you were so adorable. And now – so handsome. It’s so good to see you, Isak. I’ve been thinking of you, and how you’d cope. I know you didn’t have the best home. You’ve made an old lady happy. One more child that I get to see grown up and happy. And this is your husband I presume?”

Just like that. Isak had never expected that, the easiness of her presuming Even was his husband, not a friend, not just a boyfriend – husband. Just like that.

“Eh, yes.”

“I see you’ve got rings you know, and with your new last name – Yeah, I just summed it up. Inga Johansen” she said and reached her hand out to Even. Even took it and introduced himself

“Even Bech Næsheim”

“Do you have children here?” Inga asked.

“Yes, Lucas in first grade” Isak said. “We’re his foster fathers. Somethings come up, so we have to speak to both Marius and the headmaster.”

“Oh, of course you are. I’m not familiar to all the last names yet, and when the kids don’t share their parents’ names – and of course he doesn’t when he’s in foster care – it’s even harder. But that sweet little boy. I’ve got some classes with Marius, and Lucas is just adorable. He actually said he has two fathers the other day. But he didn’t say anything about you being his foster parents?”

“Oh” Even said smiling. “He doesn’t like the “foster”-thing. He likes the father-thing better” Isak liked the way Even answered without giving away too much.

“I understand that.”

“How’s your parents Isak?” Even looked at him, but Isak didn’t hesitate a minute before he answered Inga.

“I’ve no idea. I haven’t seen them since I was 17, and I don’t care.” His voice was firm, he didn't hesitate a bit. And Inga looked at him, not surprised.

“I understand” she just said.

Marius came into the room with the headmaster, and they greeted her,

“Come to my office, Isak and Even” she said.

They walked over, Inga stood back and looked at Isak and he could see a smile on her face, but also something in her eyes he couldn’t describe. Pain? Guilt? Apology? He shook his head and focused on the meeting with Marius and the headmaster.

“So, what can I do for you? Marius has filled me in after your call this morning, Even, so you don’t have to take the whole story. Poor boy. But I understand something has come up during the day?”

“Yes, we’ve had a meeting with the child services and the police today, and the police are actually worried about the possibilities of kidnapping.”

“Oh” the headmaster said. “That’s not what I expected”

“We neither” Isak said. “But it’s one of their thoughts. She’s not been found yet, and if she’s ill they think that it might be one of her goals – to get Lucas at any cost.”

“Oh” she said again. “How can we help?”

“Well, the police want to have a car outside the schoolyard during the school day, and Lucas can’t be in the schoolyard without an adult. And he shouldn’t be left alone at any time really, because she could enter the building too. The police will inform you more when we think Lucas is ready to come back to school.”

“The police car outside is of course ok. And an adult to watch him too, but I’m not able to arrange that for tomorrow I’m afraid. Maybe Wednesday, for sure on Thursday.”

“That’s ok. Lucas won’t come before Wednesday at the earliest. Maybe not until Thursday.”

“What do you think Marius?”

“I think it’s possible to arrange something for Wednesday, but I’m wondering if I should talk to the class about what happened to Lucas, or is that not a good idea?”

“I don’t know” Isak said. “Lucas hasn’t told anybody but Marcus about him going to his mum before. But at the same time, the kids may notice that he’s being watched all the time, won’t they?”

“Probably.” Marius hesitated “Will you tell Lucas that the police are afraid of him being kidnapped?”

“We just have to” Even answered. “Because we can’t let him go on his own. I don’t really know how we’re going to do it. It might be we call Thomas – he’s the police officer we talk to – to help us out. We’ve not talked about it yet. So I think maybe we could say that Lucas isn’t coming until Thursday – then we have a bit of time to prepare. And maybe – his mother has been found until that too?”

“Of course” the headmaster said. “But will Lucas need some extra even if his mother is found?”

“That may be. He’s kind of fragile now. And he has some strange reactions to some words or expressions – his mother has apparently told him a lot that’s not true, especially about us and the police. And we don’t know the triggers, but they are there.”

“Ok. We’ll try to get an extra person in first grade from Thursday, and at least a couple of weeks. Will you be available for us during schooldays?”

“Yes, we’re available all days until at least the 6th of October. We are both on welfare-leave.”

“Good.” The headmaster said. “We’ll keep in touch. Here, my phone number, don’t hesitate to call me at any time of the day.”

“Ok” Isak said, taking her card.

“Thank you very much” Even said, reaching out, and she grabbed his hand and shakes it.

“Don’t think about it. We’re here for the kids and their parents!” She reached for Isak’s hand.

“Thank you” Isak said,

They walked out of the building and headed for the car, just as they walked through the schoolyard, the bell rang and what felt like a million kids came out of the doors. After just some seconds they heard a little voice;

“Iiiisak? Eeeven??”

They turned around and Marcus was on his way towards them.

“Hey Marcus.” Isak said, lifting him up, ruffled his hair. “Didn’t know you were able to get out of class so fast. You and Lucas use to be the last one out!”

Marcus laughed at him “Yeah, but that’s because we’re busy talking. When Lucas not here, I’m always out early. And today I was first, because I couldn’t wait to see you guys!”

“Oh, Marcus” Even smiled, “We’ve been waiting to see you too. Ready to go home to Lucas and grandma and grandpa?”

“They’re at yours? Awesome!” Marcus yelled. “Lucas’ grandpa is so cool!”

“I can’t tell him you said that” Even grinned “He’d never let that go!”

Marcus laughed as Isak put him down on the ground, and they walked to the car, got in and drove home.


	35. Dinner with friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marcus is over to visit Lucas. 
> 
> DInner With friends.

Even hadn’t even turned the engine off before Marcus was out of the car and run up to their front door. They saw the door open and he went inside. Isak smiled to Even, as he grabbed Marcus’ schoolbag and walked up to the house with Even two steps behind.

“Halla” Even said as he walked into the hall.

“Eeeven. Iiisak!” Lucas came towards them and flung himself in Evens arms first and hugged him, and then he reached over to Isak and gave him a hug too.

“Marcus is here, Marcus is here!” Lucas bounced in Isak’s arms, and he laughed.

“I know, sweetie, we kind of brought him here from school.”

“Oh, yeah right. We’re going to my room to play!”

“Off you go, boys!” Even said, and they were gone.

 

They walked into the kitchen where Liv and Anders were sitting by the kitchentable. They greeted them with a hug each, Even sat down, Isak walked over to sit on the countertop.

“How was the meetings?” Anders asked, and Isak looked at Even, and Even talked,

“Good. Disturbing at Anna’s, but good all the same. Very good at Kriss’ and we saw the headmaster at Lucas’ school too, and all went well.”

“We kind of wonders most about the meeting with Anna and Thomas. You kind of scared us a bit when you told us never to leave Lucas out of sight.”

“Yeah, sorry about that” Even said, “It’s just the police who’s considering every scenario for what can happen, and one of those scenarios is that Anita will try to kidnap Lucas. They haven’t found her yet, and all of her credit cards, passport and such items are not in her flat.”

“Ok” Liv said. “And what are the police doing? Locking Lucas up in his house and drinks coffee and eat donuts?

“No” Isak smiled at Liv, she was stressed, he could tell. “If you go to the window in the living room and look out on the street, you’ll see a big black Volvo parked, inside there are two police officers who’s watching our house. And there will be a police car outside Lucas school when he returns if Anita’s not found until then.

“Oh, sorry!”

“No need. We’re all a bit stressed.” Isak smiled understandingly at her “Why don’t you take dad and go for a walk, grab a coffee at KB, rest or something to get your minds on something else for a while? We’ll be home for the rest of the day.” Isak continued, and the three other people in the kitchen turned their head at the same time and just looked and smiled widely at him.

“What?”

“Nothing” Anders just shook his head slightly “we’ll go for a coffee at KB” and he grabbed Liv’s hand and they walked out of the room smiling at each other.

Isak looked at Even who smiled at him, “What was that all about?” Isak asked when Even.

Even got on his feet and walked the three steps over to him, grabbed his waist pulled him towards him, leaned in and whispered in Isak’s ear “You said ‘dad’, and they love it. They just don’t want to make a big deal out of it”.

Isak felt his cheeks turn pink and just breathed out an “Oh”, and rested his head on Even’s shoulder, “They better get used to it, no need to smile every time though. I’m not going to stop.”

 

 

 

Jonas, Eva and Bea came over just before six, and they were greeted with hugs and handshakes. Bea followed the older boys to Lucas’ room, and Jonas and Eva followed Isak and Even into the kitchen.

“So how are you, really” Jonas asked, looked at both Even and Isak

“We’re doing ok. We got to know today that the police are watching our house because they’re afraid Lucas mother is trying to get to him. They don’t know, but that’s a theory. And no, they haven’t found her.” Even answered.

“That’s tough” Eva said. “How’s Lucas taking it?”

“He doesn’t know yet” Isak said. “He’s been busy playing with Marcus all afternoon, so we haven’t had the chance to talk to him about it. We’ll do it tomorrow. He’s not going to school until Thursday we think. The school have to get someone who can follow him around all the time – if his mother enters the school – and if he needs a break because of all that’s happened.”

“That serious?” Jonas asks.

“The police say so” Even said. “We just have to do what they say.”

“Of course” Jonas says. “What do we tell Marcus if he asks?”

“Just be honest, but go easy. You don’t have to tell about the kidnapping-thing, maybe just say the police are there to look for Anita or something. I don’t know. It’s difficult to say how much we should tell them!” Isak answers.

“Yeah” Even sighs “Fucking hard.” Isak feels Evens hand on his back, and he leans in and Even wraps his arms around his waist, his chest against Isak’s back, resting his head on Isak shoulder, chin against chin.

“Good thing Liv and Anders are here. Or have they left?”

“No, they’re staying, they’re just out. Went for a walk earlier, and decided they would go out for dinner just the two of them. They’re staying at least for Wednesday. Maybe longer.” Even smiled, straightened up and pulled Isak closer. Isak felt the warmth and safety from Even radiate into himself.

“Good for you” Eva said. “Just let us know if we can do anything. Anything at all. Ok?”

Isak nods, as the doorbell rang. He jumped and turned his head, looking at Even. “It’s the pizza, isn’t it?”

“Guess so, I’ll go” Even said, and went down the hall to the front door. Isak heard him talk and pay for the pizza..

 

 

Isak went upstairs to get the kids, but he stopped outside Lucas’ room, looked into it, wanted to watch them a bit before he spoke. The two boys lay on the floor, the floor was covered in cars and Lego. There had apparently been a car-race in Lego city, but now they lay on their stomachs, shoulder by shoulder, faces away from Isak, and they were talking.

“Are you coming to school tomorrow?” Marcus asked.

“Now, I don’t think so. They haven’t found my mother yet, so I guess I’ll stay home.”

“Where is she?”

“I don’t know. The police don’t know either.”

“Are you sad?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because she left me.”

“When?”

“When I was at hers. I looked all over for her, and she was gone.”

“Yesterday?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“What did you do? Sneak into the kitchen and got some candy?”

Lucas looked at Marcus as he didn’t understand the question.

“Why would I do that?”

“Because when I’m in alone at home I always sneak into the kitchen and get some candy.”

“Yeah, but then you know Eva or Jonas are coming back.”

“I guess”

“I had searched for my mum for an hour, and she was gone.”

“What did you do?”

“I Face Timed Isak. And they came to get me”

“Yeah, they’re great!”

“Yeah.”

“Are you staying here now?”

“I hope so. They don’t know yet.”

It was silent for a while. Isak didn’t want to interrupt their conversation, so he kept his mouth shut. He was impressed with Bea, she just sat there and read some of Lucas’ books, all silent. As if she knew the boys needed that chat.

“You know what Marcus?”

“What?”

“I hope my mother never comes back.”

“Why?”

“Because then I can stay here forever.”

“But she’s your mother. Don’t you love her?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because she isn’t nice to me. I don’t even think she likes me.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I just don’t think so. She never says she does. Isak and Even say it all the time, like they love me, and they like what I do, and they like spending time with me. She never does.”

“Oh”

“She hit me you know.”

“No?”

“Yes. And she locked me up in my bedroom.”

“Because you were bad?”

“No, because I was hungry and asked for something to eat. When I was three.”

“What?”

“It’s true.”

“She’s bad”

“Yes.”

Isak didn’t know what to do or say, so he decided he would keep his mouth shut and let that conversation be what it was – a conversation between two six-year-olds. The boys went silent and Isak knocked on the door.

“Hey boys and Bea. Pizza’s here. You hungry?”

The boys got up on their feet and run downstairs, and Bea came after, reaching her arms up so Isak could pick her up and carry her down the stairs. Pizza was on the table, and the boys were smiling, Jonas, Eva and Even chatting. Isak walked in and put Bea in the highchair, and sat down between Even and Lucas, grabbed Lucas shoulder and pulled him into his chest and kissed his head and whispered “I love you kid” in his ear.  

“Isak. I’ve got friends here” he whispered embarrassed.

“I know. Sorry. _I just had to_.”

Lucas smiled at him, nodded, and then he looked at Marcus and his eyes were like “told you”, and Marcus smiled at him, nodded, and continued eating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, leaving kudos and comments.   
> Appreciate it!
> 
> <3


	36. An exhausting evening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak is terrified for a short while
> 
> Thomas is visiting.
> 
> Isak and Even get some time alone

Even and Lucas were in the bathroom and Isak was just finished cleaning after dinner. Isak thought about the conversation Even and him had with Thomas earlier, and what could happen and what they should do if something happened. Was the police right in their assumptions on the danger of kidnapping? And how could that happen? He was deep in his thoughts, and picturing scenarios, when he heard someone enter their house through the front door. He froze and felt a shiver down his spine, his heart started beating faster and he felt pearls of sweat popping out on his forehead. He hadn’t locked the door when Jonas and his family left about half an hour ago. Who was it, was it… were they coming to take him. Did they…… Were they….?He was to grab a knife when he heard the voice; 

“Hello?” It was Liv’s voice. Isak felt the blood leave his face, black dots spun around in front of him, and he sunk down on the floor. Liv walked into the kitchen, and almost yelled; 

“Isak? Isak? What’s going on?” She bent down, and Anders came up behind her “Isak? What happened?” Anders grabbed him under his arms and lifted him up and put him on a chair, pulled a chair next to him and put one arm around his shoulders. Liv poured a glass of water, and pulled another chair into the other side of him, giving him the glass. He drank, gave Liv the glass and looked at them. 

“I… It’s…. I… I forgot to……. Forgot to lock the door. I…. I…thought… I. Shitt. I just thougt…. Shitt, I’m freaking out for nothing… shitt….”

“No Isak, you’re just scared. And worried. Sorry. We should have rung the doorbell.” Liv said. Anders got on his feet and walked to the front door and locked it. When he came back he smiled at Isak sat down and patted his shoulder. 

“It’s ok Isak. I’ve locked the door after us.”

“Thanks.” He took a deep breath. “I just pictured someone coming in and grabbing Lucas, taking him away.”

“Yeah, but no one did. We’re ok, Isak. It was just us.”

“Thank God. Glad you’re here.”

“Thanks” Liv said, and hugged him. “Where are the two other?”

“In the bathroom. Evens giving Lucas a bath. He was kind of sticky from both playing with Marcus and pizza.”

Anders grinned. “I can picture. Let’s go into the living room. Want a cup of coffee, Isak?” 

“Yes please.” Isak said, felt the pulse coming down and regaining his breath. 

They walked into the living room and sat down. Anders came with the coffee mugs, and handed one to Isak. He took a sip, holding the cup tight in his hands. 

“Does she know where you live?” he asked. 

Isak looked at him and shook his head. “I don’t think so. Neither Even or I are in the public register, and we’ve never told her. But what do I know? She might have found out somehow.”

“Yeah. You know, we’ve got room for all of you, if needed.” Liv said. “We talked about it over dinner. If you feel like it and want to, you could come and live with us for a while?” 

“Or else, we’re happy to stay here too – as long as you need us. Ok?” Anders added.

“Thanks. We can talk about it – Even and I.”

The room went silent a bit before they heard small feet running over the floor, and a very happy and freshly bathed Lucas came bouncing in to the living room and “crashed” himself into Anders lap. 

“Grandpa? Where have you been? Marcus wanted to play with you. He says you’re the coolest!”

“Oh he does, does he?” Anders laughed. “I’m sure he’s quite right about that!”

Even rolled his eyes when he came into the living room hearing the conversation. “I told Marcus never to say that out loud. Now we never hear the end of it!” Lucas grinned at Even, and turned his head to Liv; 

“Can I sleep with you tonight, grandma?” 

“Sure you can, sweetie? You sure you don’t want to sleep with Isak and Even tonight too?”

“Yeah. They snore!”

“Yeah – as if grandpa doesn’t!” Even just snorted. 

“But I can push him and he stops. You don’t!”

“Rude boy!” Even laughed and threw himself at Lucas and tickled him. 

Isak watched the boys, and smiled at them. All curled up in the sofa, Even tickling and Lucas laughing, begging for mercey. And he smiled even more because of Lucas’ question to Liv. He could already picture himself in Evens arms and be just the two of them in bed. Not that he didn’t want Lucas, Liv or Andres anywhere else but right here, he just needed some alone-time with Even. Just them. Alone. Together. 

“Lucas” Isak said when Even stopped the tickling and Lucas had settled in Anders’ lap again. “Time for bed. Who’s gonna tuck you in tonight?” 

“You and Even. In grandma and grandpas bed. Please?”

“Of course” Even said. “Say goodnight to them, and we’ll go upstairs.” Lucas jumped up and hugged both Liv and Anders and they held him tight and wished him sweet dreams. 

They walked upstairs, Lucas got his pillow and Teddy from Isak and Evens bed and they all curled up in the big bed in the guestroom. 

“Can you come and get me if I get a nightmare?” Lucas asked shyly when they were all set in the bed. Lucas in the middle, and Isak and Even one on each side, facing him. 

“Of course. Grandpa will come and wake us if you need us.” Even answered, stroke some hairs away from Lucas forehead. “Had a good day today, Luc?”

“Yes. It was fun to play with Marcus.” He was silent for a bit as if he was thinking hard on what he should say. “I told him what happened yesterday.” 

“What did he say?” Isak asked – knowing the answer. 

“He asked why I didn’t want to be with my mum.”

“And?”

“I told him I don’t think she likes me. And I don’t like her. I like you. I like being here. I love you.”

“Sweetie. We love you too!” Isak placed a kiss on his cheek, and Even did on the other. 

“Have Thomas found her?” Lucas asked after some second. 

“No, he hasn’t. They’re still searching.” 

“I hope they don’t find her.” Lucas said, firm and determined. 

“Why?” Even asked. 

“Because she left me. And I don’t want to see her again.” He looked at Even and then at Isak “But that’s not my decision to make, is it?” Isak felt a lump in his throat – those words weren’t words a six-year-old should know how to use. He swallowed a couple of times to get the lump and tears away. 

“Oh, sweetie.” Even said. “No, it’s not your decision to make. But I don’t think you have to worry about that for now. You’re not going back to her at the moment, and we’re gonna fight to have you here with us. Me and Isak are going to fight for you!”

“You are?” 

“Of course we are! We want nothing but have you here. We love you so much, Lucas. And we want you to stay here till you’re a grown up man. And maybe we want you to stay here then too!” Even said, smiling at him. 

Lucas looked at Even and then at Isak, took a deep breath and whispered “I want that too. I want you to be my dads.” He closed his eyes and took another deep breath and nuzzled closer to Isak’s chest and buried his face into his shirt and sighed. Isak put his arm around his back and stroke slowly up and down, and Even started to hum a tune, slowly combing his fingers through Lucas hair. Isak recognized the song and hummed with. It was Lucas’ favourite, and he pushed himself closer to Isak’s chest and Isak could feel him relaxing more and more, and finally drifted off to sleep. Isak kissed his forehead as he carefully lay Lucas on his pillow, and Even bent over and kissed Lucas’ cheek and got out of bed. “Sleep tight, sweetie” he whispered, and came around the bed and wrapped his arms around Isak when he got out of bed. “He’s safe here” Even whispered into his ear. Isak leaned into Evens chest and buried his head in the crock of Evens neck. 

“I know” Isak said. “You know, when Liv and Anders came back, I actually thought it was someone coming to get Lucas. I almost fainted.”

“Oh, baby. I don’t think she would come here. I really don’t.” 

“Yeah. I know that, it’s just that my thoughts went crazy for a while. I’m good now. Mum and dad got me.” Isak whispered in his ear, and Even held him tight, caressing his back up and down, and moved his right hand up to his face, caressed his cheek and kissed him. 

“Let’s go down and have a chat with them,” Even said and kissed him once more grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the room. 

They walked down the stairs when the doorbell rang. Isak froze, and squeezed Evens hand. 

“It’s ok, Is. I’ll get it.” Even said, walking down the hall to the front door. Isak could hear a male voice at the door, couldn’t recognize it at once, but when he came closer, he did. It was Thomas. Isak breathed again – not aware that he’d held it – and walked to the door. 

“Hey Thomas” he grabbed the hand Thomas reached out. “Something’s happened? Want a cup of coffee?”

“Coffee, yes please, and yes, somethings up! Can we talk in the living room?”

“Sure, my parents are there, but they’re kind of well informed about everything, so if it’s ok with you, it’s ok with us?” Even said as Isak went into the kitchen for coffee. 

“No problem” Thomas said, walking into the living room greeting Liv and Anders.

Isak came back into the living room with coffee and mugs, and sat down beside Even in the sofa. Liv and Anders were in the other sofa, while Thomas sat in the chair. 

“So.” Thomas started. “I’ve got some news for you”.

“Ok” Evens voice was steady, but Isak could feel the trembling in his body. 

“Yeah, we’ve traced Anita’s credit card, and it's been used in one withdrawal in Copenhagen and one in Kiel today, so it was obvious to us that she had left the country….”

“But..?” Isak said, 

“She hadn’t. It was a man who had her credit cards – there is a recording from his withdrawal in Copenhagen, and the video shows clearly a man. Maybe this Jan, I don’t know yet.” Thomas took a sip of the hot coffee, and looked straight at Isak and Even: “We found Anita an hour ago. She’s ill. She didn’t know where she was or who she was. We found her wandering around at Oslo S. She wasn’t able to say who she was, where she had been, where she was going, but she had her passport on her so we could identify her, and……” Thomas hesitated, “… and she had this.” 

Thomas gave Isak a passport. He opened it and looked at the picture. It looked like Lucas, but it wasn’t him. But the name, Lucas Larsen and the social security number was correct. Isak shrugged.

“How is it possible?” 

“I’ve no idea.” Thomas said. “I’ve no idea. Someone has certainly not done their job right. We’re investigating it.”

“Where is she now?” Even asked.

“She’s been admitted to hospital. Psychiatric ward.”

“You don’t know anything about what’s happened?” Even asked again, clearly worried. 

“No, we don’t. She wasn’t able to tell us anything. Didn’t react when we asked about Lucas, nor Jan. Nor you and Isak. Maybe we’ll never know what has happened. But we’re searching for the man who has her credit cards. Maybe he can enlighten us?”

“Excuse me” Anders interrupted. There were some anger in his voice, but most curiosity and confusion; “How is it even possible that she won the trial when she’s clearly not well? How is it possible that no one in that court saw all the sign that should have been seen when we think of her history. Is there no limit for the suffering a six-year-old has to go through just because of biology?” Anders was clearly upset by all of this. 

“I understand what you’re saying, Anders” Thomas said, “And I’ve got no good answers to you. All I can say is that Anita had the best lawyer in this field, and the lawyers at the child services isn’t trained to work like the private practising ones. I’m sorry, but that’s how it works.” He drew his breath and took the last sip of the coffee. “We just have to be happy that she didn’t do more damage than she has. I’m not saying it’s no big deal, it certainly is, but it could have been much worse.” 

“Yeah” Isak nodded. “You’re quite right. She’s done a lot of damage, but it could have been much worse. He could have ended up….…” his thought drifted a second. Lucas could have been a new him, but now he wasn’t. He felt Evens arm on his shoulder, and Even stroking his upper arm up and down. “But he didn’t Is. He didn’t” he whispered. Even looked at Thomas and asked; 

“What do we do now?” 

“What you’re already doing. Take care of that boy and each other. We’ll keep you informed.” He stood up, ready for leaving. 

“But when she’s so ill, will there still be a charge against her?” Isak asked

“The police report is already sent, so there will be if she recovers.”

“If?” Isak asked

“Yes. If.” Thomas didn’t say anymore. Isak didn’t know what he felt at the moment. He was happy that Anita was found, but he wasn’t happy about her being so ill. He thought about how this could affect Lucas. 

“What do we tell Lucas?” Even asked the question Isak was thinking of. 

“Tell him we’ve found his mother, and that she’s very ill and in hospital.” Thomas said. Still standing in the living room about to leave. 

“Ok” Even said, got on his feet to walk Thomas to the door. Isak got on his feet as well, following them. 

“Thanks for coming” Isak said when Thomas was at the door. “And thank you for all you’ve done. I know it’s your job, but I feel you’ve done more than just your job in this case.”

“Your story’s kind of got to me.” Thomas said looking at Isak. “Yours and Lucas’. I just hope it will all be in the best for all of you.”

“Thanks” Even said, about to reach out his hand, but instead he pulled Thomas in for a hug “Really appreciate it.”

“No worries. Take care of the boy! He deserves the best – and I think you are!” Isak stepped forward and gave Thomas a hug too. 

“Thanks again.”

Thomas walked out the door and left Isak and Even alone in the hall. Even leaned in to Isak and wrapped his arms around his husband and held him tight. “Is it over?” he whispered. 

“I’ve no idea” Isak said. “I’ve no idea!”

 

 

When Isak and Even came into the living room again, Liv and Anders was in a low conversation. They turned their heads as the two men came in, and smiled at them. 

“So, that was some news!” Anders said. 

“Yeah. Not all that unexpected really, but at the same time it was.” Even said. “I kind of think it’s a good thing she’s ill. Don’t get me wrong – but for Lucas’ sake it’s good she’s sick, because it’s much easier for him to cope with her leaving him when she’s sick.”

“I agree” Isak said. “Lucas and I actually talked about it last night. He asked me why I thought she left, and I said that I thought she was ill.”

“But what are you going to say to Lucas?” Liv asked.

“I don’t think we know yet.” Isak said, looking at Even who shook his head. “But we have to tell him tomorrow, that’s for sure.”

“Do you think this means they don’t fear kidnapping anymore?” Liv asked again, a bit hesitantly. 

“I don’t know. I don’t think I want to leave him unattended for a while no matter what, so we’ll just have to let this sink in and talk to Thomas later. I don’t think we’re going to tell Lucas about the suspicions on kidnapping. Not when we tell him his mother is sick.” Even said, his eyes were heavy, Isak could see he was tired, and he was too. But most of all he longed to lie close to him under their duvets, nuzzle into his neck, smell the Even-smell and feel the strong arms around him. 

“Yeah, I agree” Isak smiled and yawned. “Can we talk more tomorrow? I think we need to get to bed now. Sorry, we’re not much of an evening company these days.” 

“No worries, we understand. You’ve got two heavy meetings today, and then Thomas now. I think you deserve an early night. We’ll clean up down here before we head up to bed!”

“Thanks, mum. Come and get us if Lucas wakes up!” Even said. 

“We’ll do! No worries. Get to bed now, both of you!” Anders smiled at them. 

 

Isak got on his feet and dragged Even to the bathroom. They brushed their teeth together and headed upstairs for bed. Isak had to look in on Lucas in the guestroom, he was fast asleep. Isak bent over him and kissed his forehead before he went back to their bedroom. He got undressed and crept under the covers where Even already was waiting for him. Even reached out for him and pulled him into his side, Isak placed his head on Evens shoulder, nuzzled into the crock of his neck and sighed. 

“I’ve longed for this all day long” Isak mumbled. 

“Mhm… me too” Even said and kissed his forehead, his cheeks, his nose, 

Isak looked up at him and stretched out to get a proper kiss and he got one. Isak’s hand found its way to Evens neck and he pulled him tight, opened up his mouth and deepened the kiss. Tasted Evens tongue, lips, toothpaste, Even. He moaned a little, and felt Evens arms tight around his back, pulling him even closer to his chest. Isak loved it. He felt Even  staring to grow hard against his thigh, and he wasn’t far behind himself. But he didn’t know if he wanted to go there now, because of the guestroom was right on the other side of the hall. But then,  why not? Even moaned into his mouth when Isak stroke down his chest and over his stomach and continued down to the hem of his boxer. He got his finger under and stroke inside the hem all the way around to the back, and pushed his whole hand down and squeezed Evens ass. He continued to the crack and stroke careful up and down and Even moaned even more. “Is.. my parents…” Isak's hand went back to his ass and squeezed it once more, and stroke over the hip and to the front where he found Evens hard cock. Isak stroke down all the way to his balls, and further down, teasing with just one finger, and Even threw his head back and moaned a bit loader. “Is… I’m… I can’t be silent…. you are not able to be silent either…. my parents…” Isak teased Evens cock, his fingers up and down like a feather, Even trembled. “I don’t care, Ev. I just want you so bad. So bad. I need you and want you. Please.” Even smiled at him and attacked his lips with a demanding kiss, and now Evens hands started their way down Isaks back. He cupped his ass in his big hands and pulled him into his own waist, and then he pushed Isaks boxer down. Being free from the fabric was wonderful and Isak did the same to Evens boxer, pushed it down, and they both used their legs to get rid of them. 

Naked they grinded towards each other, it was heavenly to get some friction, but Isak wanted more. “What do you want?” Isak whispered. Even looked at him, his eyes filled with desire, “you”.  Isak smiled. Kissed him, demanding. “How convenient” he smiled “I’m right here”, kissed him again and asked with heavy breath “how?” Evens breath was heavy “Want to be inside you.  Can I?” Isak kissed down his jaws, beneath his ear, sucked a bit – carefully to not leave a mark – and kissed his way down to his collarbone “Yes, please. Please Ev. Want you. Want you to make love with me. Please!” 

And Even did. And Isak felt like he melted into Even and Even melted in to him. They were not quiet, but Isak didn’t care. He panted and moaned Evens name, and Even moaned his, and it was so good. And when they came simultaneous, they just collapsed in each other’s arms, and Isak felt like he had died and gone to heaven. 

As they lay in the afterglow, Even turned his head to Isak and whispered – barely audible; “Is, I think you’re the most fantastic person in this world, and I love you so much!” Isak turned his head, looked at him and whispered back; “You’re wrong. You are the most fantastic person, and I love you more!” He kissed him and got out of bed to get something to kleen them with. When done, he curled himself up into Evens side and kissed him softly “The man of my dreams is truly the man in my life! Thank you!” Even smiled at him. “No, Is. Thank you!” And they drifted of like that, tight together and worn out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for Reading, kudos and comments. 
> 
> Really appreciate it.


	37. And another nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucas has another nightmare

_“Even?”_

_“Isak?”_

Isak heard the voice from far away at first. Then he heard the knock on the door. He might have heard it before too, but now he heard it clearly.

“Even?”

“Isak?”

“Wake up”  

Isak sat up in bed, fought to get his eyes open. He switched the light on

“What?” he said, tried to not sound grumpy.

“Lucas’ had a nightmare, he wants to come in to you. He’s all crying in Livs lap now. I said I’d get one of you.”

Even turned around and sat up in the bed too. “What’s happening?”

“Lucas got a nightmare, he wants to come in to you.” Anders repeated.

“Sure” Even said, on his way out of the bed.

“I’ll get him” Isak said, he was already on his way out of bed, but just remembered he was all naked. Shit, he thought, when he put his feet out of the bed and grabbed his boxers who was on the floor, flushing a bit, as he tilted his head to look for Anders, but he was gone and he heard hia voice comforting Lucas from the hallway. 

“Isak’s coming to get you, Luc. He just has to get out of bed!” He could hear Lucas sobs, they weren’t loud, but he heard them anyway, and the lump in his stomach was back. Poor little boy. He got on his feet and was in the guestroom in seconds, sat down beside Liv and Lucas crawled over to him, threw his arms around Isak’s neck, held tight, and cried louder. 

“Don’t leave me, Isak. Please, don’t leave me.”

“I won’t, I won’t!” Isak said. “Shhh, Lucas. I’m here. Let’s go to Even in our bed.” He looked at Liv, whispered “has he said anything?” Liv shook her head. “We woke up by him screaming “Dad, please, don’t leave me!” It’s about five-six minutes ago, when he was awake, the first thing he said was that he wanted to be with you, so I asked Anders to get one of you.”

Isak felt the tears pushing behind his eyelids, and all he could say, with the lump in his throat was “Thanks!”

 “We’ll talk more tomorrow! Try to get some sleep” Liv said.

“You too!” he managed to say, before he went out of the door with Lucas in his arms. Lucas hadn’t loosened his grip around his neck, he held so tight, Isak thought he would get bruises, but didn’t really mind. As long as Lucas felt safe nothing else mattered. He walked into their bedroom and sat down on the bedside, backed up so he rested his back against the headboard and Even moved himself into his side, reaching for Lucas, stroking Lucas’ back and spoke low, soothing

 “Hey Luc. You’re ok. We’re her, both Isak and me, you’re here with us now.” Lucas turned his head against Even, the sobbing was decreasing, and he loosened the grip around Isak a little bit. Even continued to stroke Lucas back, and Isak combed his hair with his fingers. Eventually Lucas just had a few hiccups and his breath was calm again.

“Wanna tell us what the nightmare was about?” Even asked, almost whispering. 

Lucas shook his head, but lifted it and looked at Even, traces from the tears was on his face, and his eyes were red.

“You sure?”, he stroked Lucas cheek with his index finger, brushing all the tears away.

Lucas shook his head once more.

“Whenever you’re ready sweetie. We’re here for you, you know.”

Lucas moved himself around in Isak’s lap, curled up with his right side into Isak’s chest, facing Even and his feet on Evens thigh. Even grabbed his feet and rubbed them slowly, as Isak stroke Lucas upper arm and back in long soothing strokes. Lucas opened his mouth and closed it again. Drew his breath once, twice, opened his mouth and said low;

“You left me.” The tears were in his eyes again.

“Where?” Isak asked.

“You left me with my mum again, and I was so afraid, because I knew she would leave me, and I would be all alone again.”

“I’m so sorry” Isak said, wrapping both his arms around the boys’ tiny body, “It was just a nightmare, we’re here now!”

“I don’t want to be left alone.” Lucas buried his face into Isak’s chest.

“You’re not now, Luc. We’re here, both Isak and I. We’re here with you!” Even patted his hair and got closer to Isak, putting his left arm around Isak’s back so he could hold both Isak and Lucas in his long, arms. Isak leaned into him, holding Lucas tight and said low “How did you know your mum was going to leave you? In the nightmare I mean?”

“I just did. I don’t know how, I just did.”

“Ok”

“I screamed so loud when you went down the stairs, I can still feel it in my throat.”

“Yeah, and you woke grandma and grandpa up too.”

“Are they angry with me?”

“No, why would they be?” Even asked,

“Eh… I don’t know?” Lucas hesitated.

“You don’t? Have we ever been angry with you when you wake up at night?” Isak asked.

“No…?”

“Then why do you think grandma and grandpa would?”

Lucas went silent for a while, put his face into Isak’s chest and mumbled “Mum did.”

“Did you have a nightmare when you were there, Luc?” Even asked, quietly, calm.

“Yes.” Lucas said – still into Isak’s chest.

“Do you remember what it was about?” Isak asked, rubbing his back, it calmed the little boys’ breath, and it was soothing for Isak too.

“No, but I remembered my mum came in and said I had to stop screaming and whining, acting like a baby.”

Isak looked at Even, and he felt tears behind his eyelids again. Even tightened the grip on his embrace around the two boys, and said “We’re never going to be angry at you for having a nightmare, because it’s not your fault. No one can control their dreams. And grandma and grandpa would never be angry at you either. They were worried. Grandpa came in here to wake us because you wanted to be with us.”

Lucas had turned his head to look at Even, and he nodded when Even spoke, and Isak felt the little body relax.

“Let’s lay down and try to get some sleep” Isak said, when he felt Lucas breath being deeper and his body heavier.

They crawled under the duvets, Lucas in the middle, Isak on his left and Even on his right. Even searched for Isak’s hand, and found it, squeezed in and put their hands on top of the sleeping Lucas in the middle.

Isak felt the warmth from Evens hand, and the calm breath of Lucas asleep, he thought about what Lucas had told them, and again, the lump in his stomach was back. How much pain should that little boy go through? He thought about what Thomas had asked him, if he could try to find out what Lucas and his mother had done Saturday. Isak was actually a bit scared to find out, but he had too. Because IF it was something bad, Lucas had to talk about it. The unknown was scary, Isak thought. He looked over at Lucas and Even again. Lucas breath was deep and calm, he felt Even’s tight grip around his hand slip a bit – meaning that Even was falling asleep again. Good. Beautiful, strong, handsome, hot, loving Even. Isak heart jumped a beat, but steadied quick again. They were here – both his boys were here – with him. He sighed, closed his eyes, and felt his body relax and drifted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, comments and kudos. 
> 
> Appreciate it!
> 
> <3


	38. The news and a visit from a friend.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tuesday morning, and Lucas gets the news about his mother. 
> 
> Kerim and Sana visits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for keeping you waiting. 
> 
> Real life got my attention. 
> 
> <3

Isak woke up alone in bed the next morning. He wasn’t quite awake at once, he had for sure slept hard. He could feel it. It felt good, but – he grabbed his phone from the bed side table; 0845 – he had slept too long. The others had probably eaten breakfast a long time ago. He was surrounded by morning people. He rolled over and put his feet on the floor. He thought back to the night, he actually had walked into Liv and Anders room just in his boxer, he hadn’t considered for one second that he should’ve put a shirt on - why use the time to get dressed when Lucas was so scared? He shook his head – he’s probably exaggerating it – they’ve probably not thought about at all. He pulled his sweatpants on hand grabbed Evens t-shirt, put it on, and walked downstairs.

He could hear them in the kitchen, chatting and pots and pans were making sounds – maybe they hadn’t eaten yet? Isak loved family meals. And he knew Even did to – it was because of him Isak loved it. He’d learned to love it with Even. He couldn’t help it, but tip-toed to the doorframe to the kitchen. Wanted to take it all in before he spoke. Even, making eggs – Isak loved Evens eggs, they tasted heavenly – Liv fried bacon. Lucas slicing some fruits and vegetables and Anders sat the table. And there were rolls in the oven.

“Good morning” he greeted as he walked in to the kitchen.

“IIiisak, you’re awake. Finaly!” Lucas jumped down and came over to hug him. “We’re starving because we’ve been waiting for you for ages” he dragged the word ages and rolled his eyes at him “but now Even said that we had to start preparing breakfast, and if you didn’t wake up on your own, we would come and wake you by throwing a big cup of water in your face.”

“Oh, he did?” Isak stared at Even but smiled, and Even smiled mischievous back.

“Not a cup, a bucket, Luc” Even was grinning widely. “A bucket”.

“You’re the worst” Isak said, but he was smiling and Lucas laughed. “Good thing I woke up then, or else our bed would be soaked for days!”

“Come Isak, sit down” Lucas pulled on Isak’s hand, and showed him to his chair, and Lucas sat beside him. “I’ve cut some apples, peppers, cucumbers, tomatoes and some oranges, have some?”

“Thanks, Luc. No oatmeal today?” he smiled at Lucas.

“No, grandpa said there has to be at least one day a week without oatmeal, he even thought that was in the law. He’s just joking though, but we agreed.” Lucas lowered his voice and tried to whispered into Isak’s ear “Even says it’s always smart to agree with him, because then he thinks he’s in charge. Grandma does it all the time!” Lucas wasn’t a very good at whispering, so the others in the kitchen heard him, and Isak saw they were all struggling not to laugh.

Isak just nodded to Lucas and replied, pretending to be whispering: “Sounds smart. It’s almost like we give in to Even sometimes you know – so he thinks he decides.”

“That’s exactly what he said about you too, Isak!” Lucas smiled, but suddenly put his hand in front of his mouth “Oh, I wasn’t supposed to say that!” Even couldn’t hold himself anymore, and his laughter exploded, held his hands on his stomach and laughed so hard he wasn’t able to stand upright, and when Lucas looked up, he saw that they all were laughing – all of them, and then he started laughing himself too.

Breakfast was nice, they didn’t touch subjects like the nightmare or the visit from Thomas last night. Even and Isak had agreed that they should talk to Lucas on their own after breakfast.

 

So when the breakfast was finished, and they’d cleaned up, Isak asked Lucas to come and sit down at the kitchen table with Even and him, Isak told him they wanted to talk with him about something really important. Lucas sat down, and he looked at them, worried and scared in his face, and Isak saw that he was about to cry.

“Am I going away?” Lucas asked, tears coming down his cheeks.

“Oh, Lucas. NO. No-no-no-no.” Isak grabbed him and took him in his lap. “You are not going away. You’re staying here Luc.”

Even shook his head and spoke “Thomas came here yesterday - after you'd gone to sleep - and he had some news about your mum.”

Isak felt the boy’s body go in defence, he suddenly was tense, and he felt Lucas pull away from him, as he was ready to run away.

“The police have found her, but…” it was all he was able to say before Lucas shouted

“I KNEW IT. SHE’S COMING HERE TO GET ME!” Lucas eyes was the biggest Isak had ever seen them, and they were black of anger and fear. The tears sprinkled out of his eyes, and Lucas was about to jump down from Isak’s lap, but Isak managed to hold him back and said: “No”, he held the boy firm in his lap and repeated “No. No Lucas. She’s not coming to get you.” The boy stopped the fight to get out of Isak’s lap, and looked at him. And then he looked at Even, still fear in his eyes.

“The police have found your mum, but she is sick.  Very sick, and she’s in hospital.”

Lucas turned around and clung around Isak’s neck again for the – Isak hadn’t the slightest idea which number – time the last days. And he cried.

“What kind of sick is she?” he asked after a little while.

“Her head, her brain. Her mind. She didn’t know where she was, where she’d been, what she had done, she didn’t know anything.” Even said,

“She didn’t remember leaving me?” he asked.

“I don’t know if they asked her.”

“Does she remember me?”

“I don’t know, Luc. And neither did Thomas. We’ll hear more later. We just wanted you to know that they have found her, and that she’s in hospital. And you’re here with us, and are going to stay here….”

“For how long?” Lucas interrupted.

“We hope for a very, very long time, Lucas.”

“But you don’t know?”

Isak took Lucas head in his hands and made him look at him; “Luc, listen to me. We don’t know yet, because of all that’s happened. But we want you to stay here, and we’re going to fight for you. And Anna’s fighting for you to stay here and Thomas. We’re all fighting for you to stay with us. Ok? And nobody, NOBODY, will come at the door and take you away. Ok?”

“Ok” he sighed, breathed heavily and crashed into Isak’s chest again, and held him tight, like a little scared monkey. After a while he loosened the grip and looked up at Isak and spoke; “I was so afraid when I dreamed about you leaving me tonight. And I’m still afraid it’s going to happen.”

“We understand that” Even said “and we were afraid that you would have to leave us too, but we have to trust Thomas and Anna when they say you’re staying. Ok?”

“OK” Lucas looked at Even. “But we don’t know if it’s forever, do we?”

“No, we don’t know that, Lucas. But we just have to hope that it is, and if something comes up, we’ve got to handle it when it happens. Ok?”

“Ok.”

“Can I please have a hug to? It seems like Isak gets all of them” he smiled at Lucas, and Lucas smiled back. “Sure” and Lucas reached over to Even and Even took him into his lap and hugged him and held him tight.

 

 

 

 

The rest of the morning went by. Even spent some time in the office – in spite he was on leave – he had to go through his mailbox, answering some of them, cancelling some appointments, making some new and rescheduling others. Isak and Lucas were on the coach reading some science books, chatting and wondering about all the exciting and unknown big universe we all are a part of. In between they did some house chores – like emptying the laundry basket, cleaning the floors, taking the garbage out. But all in kind of slow motion. Liv and Anders both went to work for some hours – after making sure both Isak and Even were ok with that – and promised to cook dinner when they came home. Isak knew that meant Liv and Even cooking and Anders watching, but all the same. It was a good day.

Sana and Kerim came by after school, and Lucas was over the moon to see his friend again, dragging him up to his bedroom to play, and that’s all they could see of those boys for a while.  Sana and Isak sat in the Kitchen and talked, Even was still in the office so it was just the two of them.

“How’s everything Isak. Really?” Sana asked, holding a cup of tea in her hands, blowing at it carefully sipping.

“Oh, it’s kind of strange. Like we’re living in a vacuum, I mean we’re waiting for something we don’t know. Something is good though, because we know Lucas mother is found, she’s ill so she’s in hospital, but she’s found. Liv and Anders are her for as long as we need them to be, that’s good. Lucas is getting there – he’s more good than not at the time, thanks to you and Kerim, also Marcus was here yesterday. The school is supportive – both Lucas’ teacher and headmaster, they’re wonderful, we get all we need, and they’re giving Lucas a supportive adult in class for at least a couple of weeks so he can have someone who helps him if his thoughts or fears gets to him.”

Sana looked at him and nodded. “Sounds good.” She took another sip of her tea and looked straight at Isak “And you Isak. How are you?”

“I’m…. Actually, I’m good too, you know.”

“Are you?”

“Yeah, I think so. I’m a bit worried about Lucas and how he’s getting on after his mother left him on Sunday and what reactions he might get after he’s been told that she’s found but ill. But I’m good.”

“No nightmares?”

“Not since Friday, no. You know, I mentally sent my parents into the dark at Kriss’ yesterday. And it felt really good. It just poured out of me, they don’t matter in my life anymore. It was liberating. Believe it or not; Kriss got speechless – and Even too.”

“What? Kriss speechless – I didn’t see that coming – you making him speechless!” Sana grinned at him, she knew Kriss from earlier, they’d worked together some years ago.

“I don’t think he did either. I have apparently not spoken that much totally in our sessions earlier!”

“Good for you, Isak.” Sanas face turned serious again; “Does Lucas get anyone to talk to besides you and Even?”

“What do you mean? Like a therapist?”

“Sort of. He’s been through a couple of heavy weeks.”

“Yeah, I see what you’re thinking, but he talks a lot about it to Even and me, so I really don’t think he needs it – not right now at least.”

“Sounds good. I think you and Even are doing an amazing job, Isak. I’m so impressed of the way you’re handling all this.”

“Thanks, Sana. I’m actually quite impressed myself. When I listened to the recording of myself and Lucas I sounded so calm and sensible, but I felt like I was tearing apart when it happened. I don’t really understand how I managed, but I did.”

“Yeah, you’d be surprised what the body and mind are capable of both taking in and showing to the world, and the differences between what you think you’ve done and what you actually have. The outside and the inside of the body and mind does not always play the same pictures. And especially not in hard times.”

“I can see that now. And it feels good to know that I’m actually capable of appear as a sensible adult when I feel like a whining teenager.”

“Nice to be around you as a sensible adult too, even if I loved grumpy, whining teenager Isak too.” Sana smiled at him.

“Grumpy teenager-Isak is gone I think, but child-Isak sometimes comes out in my brain, and he’s not calm and sensible, that’s for sure.”

“No wonder. Have you talked to Kriss about it?”

“Yeah. He suggested hypnosis, but I’m not going to. Not now. I don’t want to know more about my childhood right now. I want to take care of Lucas and make him heal as best we can.”

“Sounds like another sensible adult-Isak decision.” She smiled again, Isak smiled back at her, just as Even came into the kitchen.

“Adult-Isak? Who’s that?” He grinned widely before leaning over Isak and wrapped him in a hug.

“He was here until you came” Sana laughed, and Isak laughed too. Kissing Even as he leaned down to him. “But he seems to disappear when you enter the room. Then he turns into a soft, drooling pup.” Sana continues.

“Rude” Isak smiled.

“Love the soft drooling pup” Even said and kissed him again. Even sat down beside Isak, and poured himself a cup of coffee.

They talked a bit about this and that before the boys came bouncing down the stairs.

“Isak!! Even!! Can I come to Kerim tomorrow? After he’s home from school? I haven’t been there for aaaaages!” Isak looked at Even and then at Sana. “Please?”

“Pleeeeease mum, can Lucas come tomorrow? Please, please!!” Kerim begged his mother.

“It’s ok with me” Sana said. “We can have dinner together in the evening if you want to? Yousef’s home with the kids by 1500, and I’m home around 1700?”

Isak thought about it, it might be good for Lucas to socialize a bit, and dinner at Sana and Yousef were always nicw. “Yeah, what do you think, Even. Dinner and some playtime tomorrow?”

Even looked at him, “Yes, why not? You have to take him there though; I have an appointment with Kriss at 1400 you know.”

“Sure” Isak said.

The boys yelled a simultaneous “YES!” and went back upstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, comments and kudos. 
> 
> Really appreciate it! 
> 
> <3


	39. Isak and Lucas talk about Saturday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Lucas are talking about what happened Saturday
> 
> Isak gets a question he's afraid of

An hour later Sana and Kerim left. Liv and Anders were back, and Liv and Even cooked dinner as Isak had presumed. It smelled delicious, and Isak thought about the talk he had to have with Lucas. About Saturday. He walked upstairs to Lucas room, and sat down on the floor beside Lucas who was building a house with his Lego.

“What are you building? A house?” Isak asked.

“No. It’s a truck stop” Lucas answered. “It’s for the drivers. When they’re tired after the races, they have to get something to eat and a place to rest.”

“Oh, I see. Can I help?” he asked. Isak loved Lego. It was one of the most relaxing thing he could do, building with the small pieces and create something. He wasn’t the artistic type – like Even who could draw and paint, he was more the handy type, creating with wood and bricks – and Lego.

“Sure” Lucas said. “You can make the parking lot. There has to be some petrol pumps and some parking lots there. You can use that plate over there.” Lucas pointed at a plate with marked parking spots. Isak grabbed it and started building some petrol pumps, a flower bed, some trees, some benches and even a fountain.

“You’re good at this” Lucas said.

“Thanks. You too.”

They built a while in silence before Isak dared to ask the question he had on his lips.

“Lucas. You haven’t told us what you and your mum did on Saturday. Could you tell me?”

“We didn’t do much. We were in the park and at the mall. Mum bought some clothes for me – I think they’re still at hers. It was a bit strange, because she bought summer clothes and we’re like in September, but they were on sale, she said, so she wanted to buy them anyway. They were nice though.”

“Ok.”

“And we were at McDonalds for lunch. I don’t really like the food, but she thought I did, so it’s ok.”

“Sounds like an ok day?”

“It was ok. We only were out for about two hours; the rest we were in her apartment. It was kind of boring until the evening when we watched TV.”

“What did you do at her apartment?”

“Played in my room. She has a lot of Lego too, you know.”

“But Lego is fun?”

“It’s fun to build and play. But I had to break it and tidy it up when I was finished, and I don’t like breaking what I’ve built.”

“What did your mum do while you built Lego?”

“She was on her computer, and she was talking in the phone.”

“Oh.” Isak said. “Didn’t you talk to your mum much?”

“Not much. She was so strange when we talked. She said so many weird things, and it felt like she wasn’t talking to me but to someone else. Not like when I talk to you and Even. You listen to me, it didn’t’ seem like she listened to me when I talked. She just talked.”

“What do you mean?”

“It was like when we ate that evening, she talked about she had the right to have me, but she wasn’t talking to me. She said things like “I’ve got the right to have him” and “I’m going to get the police to get him if he has to stay with **_them_** ”, and that kind of scared me a bit.”

“I can understand that. And you do know now that it’s not going to happen? No one is coming to get you.”

“Yeah, I know that. I just forget sometimes and I get scared.” He breathed, waited a bit before he continued. “She said another thing too.”

“Ok?”

Lucas drew his breath and lowered his voice. It was clearly he was nervous about telling Isak, but it also seemed like he wanted to. “She said that you and Even were bad because you’re married. She called you bad names.”

“What?” Isak felt the rage grow inside him. What kind of homophobic crap had she told him? “What did she say about us?”

“That two boys loving each other were bad, and you being married was wrong and that it wasn’t good for me to live with you, because I could get in… inf… inlected… or something. It was a difficult word.”

“Infected?”

“Yes. Infected. What’s that?”

“It means that if I have the cold and you hug me, you can be infected by the germs that I have and get a cold too.”

“I don’t think you and Even are bad and I think it’s nice that you love each other”

“Yeah, me to, Luc. But you see, there are people that thinks it’s only boy and girl that should love each other and get married. Not boy and boy or girl and girl. I don’t know why, but unfortunately it’s like that.”

“But can I be inflected by you?”

“No. You can’t be infected by me or Even in the matter of being gay. People are born like they are – someone likes girls, someone likes boys, and someone likes both. I like boys – and I love Even. He likes both, and he loves me and we got married.”

“I like that.” Lucas said. “And I don’t like what my mother said.”

“I don’t like what she said either. “

Lucas climbed into his lap and hugged him. “I don’t know if I like boys or girls” he whispered into Isak’s ear. “What if I like boys?”

“What if?”

“You’ve infested me then?”

“No, Lucas. If you like boys, it’s because you were born like that. Not because you’ve become infected by anything or anyone. It’s not germs that makes people gay. And you know what? You can love whoever you want when you grow up. If you like girls, that’s fine, if you like boys that’s fine, and if you like both, that’s fine too! And Even and I will love you no matter what!”

“Ok” Lucas said. Looking at him with the big brown eyes and hugged him tight.

“But that’s nothing you need to worry about now. I think dinners ready soon, lets go downstairs!” Isak said stroking Lucas’ back in long strokes, up and down.

“What’s for dinner?” Lucas asked, his head still resting on Evens shoulder.

“I don’t know. I’ve been up here with you. Even and grandma’s cooking. We’d better go down and see?”

“Ok” Lucas said, grabbing Isak’s hand and they walked out of the room. Lucas stopped on the top of the stairs, pulling Isak’s hand to say something.

“Hmmm?” Isak looked down at Lucas.

“When did you see your parents the last time Isak?” Isak felt the question like a fist in his stomach. He’d been waiting for the question, really, but he’d hoped it wouldn’t come.

“Oh, that’s a long time ago, Lucas. I’m gonna tell you about it, but not now. Now we’re going to have dinner with the others.”

“Can you tell me later - when I’m in the bathtub?” Lucas asked.

“Sure.” Isak answered, not quite sure about how he should do it. He just had to be honest, but maybe wrap it up a bit. They walked downstairs while Isak still thought about what to say – and what not to say. He had to talk to Even before Lucas’ bath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, comments and kudos. 
> 
> Appreciate it!
> 
> <3


	40. The last time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak talks to Even about what to say to Lucas and he goes through the memory of the last time he saw his parents. 
> 
> Lucas gets to know parts of the story, and Liv and Anders are there for them, as always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m kind of nervous about posting this chapter, because in this universe Isak never got the text from his mother that said she loved him no matter what. He never got the text and the call from his father inviting him to the concert. 
> 
> Isak was at the concert in Sagene Church all by himself when he got the text from Even. 
> 
> Hope you like it.

After dinner, Isak looked at Even and asked quietly; “Even, can we talk in the office for a minute?” Even looked at him, questioning him silently, but Isak just walked into the office in front of him and expected Even to follow, and he did. When he came in, Isak closed the door, and sat down in one of the chairs there, his shoulders sunk down and he sighed.

“What’s going on, Is?”

Isak drew his breath and spoke; “Lucas asked me when I saw my parents the last time. He wants to know. What should I tell him?”

“Oh, sweetie” Even was all soft in his face, sat down on his knees in front of Isak and grabbed his hands. “What do you want him to know?”

“I don’t know.” Isak said. “I don’t know what I want to tell him, and I don’t know how I’m going to tell him either.” Isak thought hard. He hadn’t seen his parents since January 2017, after the first Christmas he spent with Even, when he lived in kollektivet.

_His father had tried several times to get Isak to meet them since Isak ran away from home. His mother had sent him loads of text messages, some of them with verses from the Bible, saying that the end of the world was close, some of them accused him for being a bad son because he’d ran away from her, and some of them begging him to come back._

_His father was back with his mother, Isak knew that, and he was a bit more careful in his messages because he had also left his mother just before Isak did. Isak didn’t really want to meet either of them, but after talking it through with Even, they’d agreed that **they** could do it – together. _

_Isak had messaged his father and told him that he would meet them but he was going to bring his boyfriend. The answer wasn’t – or was it? – the answer Isak had expected. His father told him that that was out of the question meeting his boyfriend. His mother would not accept him being gay._

_After some hours his mother had started sending him messages about how sinful he was, falling in love with a boy – how could he dare to do that – and that she would save him from hell if he met her. She promised him that she would heal him from being gay. Isak didn’t reply to any of those messages. And the meeting was off. He texted his father and told him that if they didn’t accept him being gay and accepting that Even was his boyfriend, he didn’t want see them. He didn’t hear more from his parents after that._

_It was about three weeks after the last message from his father it happened. It was a cold afternoon late in January. On the street. They weren’t prepared, none of them. Isak had frozen, stared at his parents walking towards them. And Even – who’d never seen them before – didn’t understand at once what it was. Not before Isak turned his head to him and whispered “mum and dad”._

_Isak squeezed Evens hand, the knuckles turned white and he felt like the blood stopped. He could see his parents slow down as they walked towards them, and he could see they both had recognized him, and he prepared himself for a speech. But it didn’t come. But it would have been better if they had yelled at him, then what they actually did._

_When they came up to him, they tilted their heads as if they tried to look down at them and his mother actually spit at Even and at him and called them ‘the devils offspring’, and his father came up to Isak, his face just an inch from Isak’s and said with his teeth clutched: ‘You’re no son of mine, you’re sickening me, you’re awful and you’re a disgrace to our family.’ And they’d walked pass them, spit at them behind their backs, and walked out of their sight._

_Isak whole body had shivered. Even took him in his arms and just held him. Tight. For a long time. Eventually, when Isak – and Even – had stopped shaking, Even said; ‘They’re the disgrace, Isak.’. Isak had whispered back in Evens ear: ‘I don’t think I ever want to see them again in my life’. And they walked home to the Kollektivet, put all their clothes in the washing machine, and got in the shower to clean it all off physically. Since that day Isak hadn’t seen his parents, not receiving a message or a phone call from them. And he didn’t miss it for a second._

 

Isak shook the memory away, and remembered the conversation he had with Lucas too.

“Ev, when I was upstairs with Lucas earlier, he told me that his mother had talked badly about us. She had called us bad names. He didn’t tell me what names, but he was sad about it. And she told Lucas that he can get infected by us – we apparently can make him gay.” Isak held Evens hands tight, and looked him in the eyes.

Even stared. “What?”

“That’s what Lucas said.”

“What did you tell him?”

“I told him that no one else can decide who you fall in love with, and if you like boys or girls – or both – it’s not because you’ve been infected by someone, it’s because you’re born that way.”

“Good. Poor boy.”

“Yeah. She’d told him that we were bad. Fortunately, she didn’t get to him, he didn’t believe her – but he thought he could be infected by us.” He sighed, and smiled “But he doesn’t anymore.”

“Good job, Is. You’re kind of amazing, you know that?”

“Thanks.” Isak smiled a bit more from Evens words, but turned silent for a while, thinking. “It’s just what my parents did – what his mother did. What do I tell him?”

“I don’t know, Isak. Maybe what happened on the street that time, not everything, but some of it?

“You’re right…. I have to tell him that my mother and father called us bad names because we were in love. Do you think that’s ok?”

“Yeah. But we weren’t just in love, we did love each other already. At least I did.”

“You’re right.” Isak smiled, “I did too.” He put his hand on Evens cheek and caressed it with his thumb, placing a kiss on his lips. “Ever since and always will”.

“Mee too” Even said, kissing him back. “Want me to come with you?”

“Yes, please.”

“Ok. Let’s go!” Even stood up and pulled him into his chest and held him tight, kissing his temple and his cheeks as there was a knock on the door.

“Come in!” Isak said and Lucas put his head inside and looked at them.

“What are you doing? You’ve been here for aaaages!” That was apparently Lucas new favourite expression. He walked up to them, nudging Evens arm. “Come on!”

“We’re coming now. We just had to talk about something that your beautiful ears didn’t have to hear!” Isak said, ruffling his hair.

“Come on sweetie, it’s time for your bath” Even said to Lucas, and patted his shoulder.

“Can you come with me?” Lucas asked.

“We’re both coming with you, Isak wants to talk to you about something.”

“Yeah, we talked about it earlier” Lucas said, looking a bit sad, but walked into the bathroom.

 

 

 

Isak turned on the water and got some bath foam in, and the bubbles and foam raised as the water raised in the bathtub. It smelled like strawberries and summer, Isak liked it. It smelled happiness, vacation, bright days and joy. It smelled like all before the trial and all the bad things that happened the last two weeks. Isak shook it off as Lucas stepped out of his clothes and climbed into the water and foam.

“So what do you want to know?” Isak asked when Lucas was all settled. His toys floating around in the water, foam all around them, and his hair was a bit wet from the splattering.

“When did you last see your mum and dad?” Lucas looked up at him with his big brown eyes.

“It was over 12 years ago. When I just had met Even.”

“Why did they leave?”

“They didn’t leave. I did.” Lucas looked at him, as if that wasn’t possible.

“You? Left? Them?”

“Yeah. I did.”

“Why?”

“At first I left my mother because she was sick and I couldn’t take care of her on my own. I was 16, nearly 17, and my dad had left both my mum and me. Because my mum was sick… .”

“Ok? And… ”

“When they wanted to see me again, after they had come back together, they didn’t want to meet Even. They said that we couldn’t love each other. That it was wrong for a boy to love a boy.”

“Just like my mum told me….” Lucas looked down and played with the foam.

“Yeah sort of. But it wasn’t just that. My mother said bad things about both me and Even, and my father said that he didn’t want me as his son if I were gay. And my mother said we were sick.

“But … “ Lucas stopped himself.

Isak looked at him. He was apparently thinking of something important and seemed scared to ask. “What did you think of, Lucas?”

“You’re not sick? You’re born that way, right?” he hesitated a bit before he asked the last question. Isak smiled reassuring at him.

“That’s right, Lucas. But my father and mother didn’t think that. They thought I was sick, and that Even was sick.”

Lucas looked at them. “They didn’t understand anything, did they?”

Isak smiled again, “No, they didn’t!”

Lucas went silent again. It was a lot to digest for a little boy.

“Did you live by your own when you left your mum?” he asked after a while.

“No, I lived in kollektivet then, with a man named Eskild, and two girls, Noora and Linn. And soon after we got together, Even and I moved in to our first apartment.”

“But didn’t your parents try to get you?”

“They didn’t try to get me, and I was happy about it, because I didn’t like the things they said about me and Even.”

“Why did they say those things?”

“You know, Lucas. I really don’t know.”

“Are you sad that you don’t see your mum and dad anymore?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because they hurt me so much both then and when I was younger, and I didn’t – and don’t – want to be hurt by them again.”

“Oh.” Lucas looked down, and went silent again. He played a bit with his toys and splashed a bit in the water. He turned his head to Isak, looked at him and then at Even, smiled and played again. After a while he drew his breath and said silent, without looking up at them.

“I think they were stupid.”  He said it in the way only a six-year-old can. With pressure on each word, but most on ‘stupid’.

Isak smiled, and ruffled his hair. “Me to!” Even smiled too, and squeezes Isak’s shoulder as a sign saying; ‘ _That went well, you’re amazing’_ , and Isak smiled back at him.

“Let’s wash your hair, sweetie, so we can get you out of the tub before the water gets cold.” Even said, leaning over to get the shampoo.

He washed Lucas’ hair, showered it clean and got him out of the tub. Isak watched them, all the little smiles and fondness in their faces as Even wrapped Lucas in the big towel, rubbed him dry and handed him clean clothes for the night. All done, Lucas walked over to Isak and climbed into his lap, and hugged him.

“I think you and Even are the best!”

“Thank you, Lucas. That means a lot you know, you saying that. It’s a very nice thing to say.” Lucas nodded, got on the floor and grabbed his hand to pull him up.

“Can we watch some TV before I go to bed?”

“Sure. What do you want to watch?”

“Science-kids” he smiled, looking at Even who almost managed NOT to roll his eyes. “It’s fun, Even. Me and Isak like it.”

“Yeah, I know. Science-geeks” he smiled at them, and it was Lucas’ and Isak’s turn to roll their eyes, smiling agreed on the fact that science was fun.

 

Lucas curled up on the coach next to Anders, and Isak found Science-kids on the TV. It was a Scientific program for kids, and Lucas loved it. There were different subjects every episode, like space, biology, history, natural science, the body, animals and so on. The subject on the episode today, was surprisingly – but fitting – “Love and biology”. It touched subjects like homosexuality, genetics, environmental impact – all focused on animals, but it also touched humans – like humans are affected both by the environment they grow up in and their genetics. Lucas eyes were glued to the TV all the time.

Lucas yawned and stretched his body when the show was over.

“Time to go to bed, Luc!” Even said, patting his shoulder.

“Nooo” Lucas whined. “Can I stay up a bit longer, please?”

“No, it’s way past your bedtime now. Say goodnight to Isak, grandma and grandpa, and I’ll take you upstairs.” Even said, smiling at the tired boy.

“Ok!” he hugged Anders, Liv and Isak and walked over to Even, smiled his sweetest smile and lifted his arms. “Please, carry me?”

“How can I say no to you?” Even laughed and lifted him and put him on his hips.

“I think I want to sleep in my bed tonight. You all snore!” he said, smiling to all of them, and they smiled back at him. Even turned around and walked upstairs. Isak could hear them talk on their way up, as he leaned back into the coach and sighed.

 

“You ok, Isak?” Anders asked.

“Yeah. Just a bit empty. Lucas asked me when I last saw my parent.”

“Oh” Liv looked at him with sad eyes.

“No, I was prepared for him asking that, it was just so difficult to know what to say. Not too much and not too little. You know what I mean?”

“Yes. You sure you’re ok?” Liv asked, concern in her voice.

“I’m sure. They don’t matter to me anymore. I’m not even angry with them anymore. They’re not someone I want to relate too, they’re not someone I want to think of, they’re not someone I want to use my energy on what so ever. I’m not sure if I would recognize them if I saw them on the streets.”

“That sounds hard” Anders said, low voice, and with concern.

“Not really.” Isak drew his breath “Not when I’ve got you guys.” Isak looked up at them, and he couldn’t stop thinking about how lucky he was. Liv startled by the words, and she looked at Anders and then back at Isak; “Thank you, Isak”

“No, thank you. If you hadn’t welcomed me, and taken me in to your home and family the way you did when I met Even, I wouldn’t have been the man I am today. You’ve – during the years – made me understand that families can be like this – like the one I have now – not all families are like the one I grew up in. And I’m so grateful for that. For all you’ve done for me, for us. Even if it’s taken me a long time to get where I am today.”

“You made our son so happy all those years ago – and still does – how could we not?” Anders asked, Liv wasn’t able to speak, she was way too busy swallowing.

“Not everyone does it anyway” Isak said silent.

“That’s true” Liv said after a while. “But to us it was no alternative. Both you and Even were beaming, and Even had hardly his feet on the ground those days – and neither did you. We’re so happy you said yes to come and visit us that first time, and you did become a part of our family almost immediately, because you are you! And I’m so happy for that!” Anders nodded his agreement beside her, and Isak looked at them.

“Yeah. Me too! You know, I talked to Kriss about it the other day, and I said that I felt I switched family after that day. From Valtersen to Bech Næsheim. And it’s all because of you. And when I signed with my name after our wedding, with Isak Bech Næsheim, I felt like I was home and safe.”

Liv and Anders just stared at him. Surprised by the amount of words Isak was using, and he understood it, he’d never spoken so much before. But he just needed to tell them. And talking felt good.

 

When he laid with his head on Evens chest, listening to his heartbeat, in bed later that night, he told him what he’d talked to Liv and Anders about earlier. Even just held him tight and kissed his forehead, whispering in his ear just how amazing he was – as a husband, son-in-law and as a father to Lucas. Isak let the words get into him and felt the warmth and love from them and thought that in that moment, he couldn’t be in a better place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, comments and kudos. 
> 
> Really appreciate it. 
> 
> <3


	41. Almost one week

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The following week going by, Lucas back in school, trip to the cabin and  
> someone forgets the keys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally one more chapter - real life is busy.

The following week went by, and they slowly got their everyday back.

They talked a lot with Lucas about how his mother was ill, what kind of illness it was. That the illness made her do the wrong things. Isak could sense that Lucas didn’t take it all in, but how could he? He was only six, but they wanted to talk with him about it anyway – no secrets – that was important to both Isak and Even. There had been way too many secrets in their own past, and they didn’t want Lucas to have that.

Lucas went back to school at Thursday, and that went well. Marius and the headmaster had kept their promise and got him an assistant in class who would follow him, watch him if he got scared, tired or if he struggled in some kind of ways. Isak and Even were (a bit) tense that day, just waiting to pick him up after school, but the worries were pointless. Lucas was a happy boy when he came running into their arms, and he told them that it was awesome to be back in school, and he’d played with Marcus a lot and school had been nice. He also told them that a Inga had been with him all day, and she was very nice. Isak thought back to the encounter with Inga at school, he still couldn’t remember her from his own schooldays, but then again, he didn’t remember that much of his schooldays at all, so it was really no wonder he thought. Isak was happy when Lucas was happy. So simple, but yet so difficult.

Thursday evening Liv and Anders went back home. Isak knew he was going to miss them – the safety of knowing someone else was there in case something came up – but at the same time it was nice to be just the three of them again. Quiet, calm, nice – it was almost as it was before it all started with the announcement of the trial. Almost. Because it was always that little voice in Isak’s head that told him “It might not last”, but he didn’t want to listen to that voice too much.

They went to the cabin for the weekend. Driving up after Lucas was finished school on Friday. They brought Jonas and his family with them. “Taking the cabin back” as Even said to Isak, smiling. They hadn’t had the best time the last time they were there. But with Jonas and his family it was. The kids played and the adults both joined the kids and watched them. Talked, laughed, played board games, read, relaxed. Saturday out in the beautiful autumn weather, fishing, hiking, plenty of good food, candy, Isak even had a couple of beers with Jonas – he hadn’t had one since the last time he was at the cabin, and it felt like it was ages ago. For real it was two weeks. And Isak couldn’t quite understand that.

 

They came home late Sunday evening, just in time for Lucas bedtime. Isak looked up at their house as Even pulled into their driveway, and he suddenly burst out;

“Even, did you take the key from the kitchen table when we left the cabin?” Isak looked at him.

“No? I thought you did. You always have the key. You’re the master of keeping keys. I always loose – or forget – them.”

“Fuck” Isak whispered so Lucas shouldn’t hear him. “I totally forgot. Shit we - I - forgot the key. Fuck.”

Even looked at him, put his hand on over his heart, drew his breath and laughed; “Isak Bech Næsheim – YOU actually forgot the keys to our house? I can’t believe it.” Even continued to laugh, and Isak looked at him, tried to be angry because of Even made fun of him, but he couldn’t.

“Apparently I did. Sorry!” he smiled shyly.

“No worries – mum and dad have a spare-key, we just have to drive to them.” He put the car in reverse and got out of the driveway and drove off.

“Where are we going?” Lucas asked from the backseat.

“Isak forgot our key at the cabin, so we have to go to grandma and grandpa to get our spare-key there.”

“What?” Lucas asked. “YOU forgot the key, Isak? That’s Evens job to forget keys!”

Even laughed at Lucas’ statement, and Lucas laughed most likely because Even did. Isak looked at his husband again, and shook his head. He loved Evens laughter, and he loved Lucas’ laughter – and he thought as so long they laughed, he could live with the fact that he – who never, ever lost of forgot keys – actually had done that. He pulled out his phone and sent a text to Anders.

 

**DAD ANDERS**

**_“_ ** _Hey”_

_“Someone forgot the keys at the cabin.”_

_“We’re on our way to yours to borrow the spare-key”_

_“You’re home?”_

_“Hey”_

_“Of course – you’re always welcome!”_

_“But why do you let Even take the responsibility of the keys?”_

Isak laughed, and read the message from Anders out loud to Even. And Even laughed again.

“My own father. No trust or confidence in me at all!”

“Wonder why?” Isak teased. “How many keys have you lost?”

“Who’s counting? But you’d better admit to him that it was you – I’m going to tell if you don’t!”

Isak typed an answer

 

_“I didn’t”_

_“What? Did you forget the key, Isak?”_

_“Pigs can’t fly yet, do they?”_

_“Don’t think so.”_

_“But yes, it was me. A first for everything, I guess.”_

_“You’re welcome here anyway.”_

_“Mums already preparing supper for you!”_

_“Thanks!”_

 

They drove up to Liv and Anders’ house, and Lucas bounced out of the car in no time and run up to the door, opened it, and got caught by Anders who lifted him up in his arms. Isak and Even walked up as well, and by the time they got there, Lucas was already in the kitchen chatting with Liv. Anders welcomed them, and continued to teas Isak because HE was the one who forgot the key.

While standing in the hall, Isak phone started to ring, and Isak picked it out of his pocket. The display said “Thomas” and Isak answered.

“Hey, it’s Isak.”

_“Hey, Isak. Thomas here. You have a minute?”_

“Sure. Just hold on a sec.” Isak said, holding Even back as he was about to walk in with Anders. He whispered " _Thomas_ " to Even, and he turned around. “I’m putting you on speaker so Even can hear you too, ok?”

_“Ok. Hey Even!”_

“Hey, Thomas!” Even answered.

“ _So, sorry for calling you so late at a Sunday afternoon. But I have a question for you. First of all; there’s no change in Anita’s state, but there will be a meeting tomorrow at about 1200. It’s the police and the child services. It might happen that they want to talk to you after that one. But I don’t know about that until tomorrow. Will you be available for a meeting tomorrow at about 1300?”_

“I guess so” Isak said,              

“Yes, I think so” Even said. “If mum or dad can pick Lucas up after school and stay with him for a while.”

 _“Good.”_ Thomas said. _“As I said, I don’t know what will happen at the first meeting yet, but then I know that you are available?”_

“I have to ask mum and dad first” Even said, “Hang on a sec, and I’ll ask them. We’re at theirs now.”

 _“Sure. I’ve got time.”_ Thomas said.

Even walked out of the hall and in to the kitchen.

“So, no changes in Anitas state?” Isak asked. “Lucas is wondering if she remembers him.”

_“She doesn’t remember anything. They’ve showed her pictures of him, of her apartment, of herself, and she doesn’t even recognize herself. It’s a severe situation, and very rare one.”_

“Oh.”Isak said. “That sounds severe. I know about totally memory loss, but that’s almost always because of severe traumatic incidents or accidents.”

_“Yeah, I know. But remember Isak. We don’t actually know what’s happened to her before we found her. We’ve not found the man using her cards yet. So no closer to a solution.”_

“Ok. Thank you for sharing the information.”

Even came back from the kitchen, nodding at Isak.

“Mum can pick Lucas up from school tomorrow, Thomas, so we will be available for a meeting.”

_“Good. I’ll call you during the day.”_

“Thanks, Thomas! Isak said.

_“No problem! Have a nice evening, both of you!”_

“You too!” Even said. “Bye!”

_“Bye!”_

They walked in to the kitchen, Isak greeted Liv with a hug, and they all gathered around the table for the meal Liv had prepared. After half an hour, Isak looked at Lucas, and watched his eyelids started to get heavy, and he hid a couple of yawns behind his glass of juice, so he looked over at Even;

“Even, I think Lucas is a bit tired, maybe…” he couldn’t say more before Liv interrupted him.

“It’s pointless of you going home now. You can sleep here, and you can drive Lucas to school tomorrow morning. You surely got his backpack in the car since you left straight from school to the cabin, and all three of you've got clothes both in your luggage and here,so there is no reason you should go home now. It’s late, and way past Lucas’ bath- and bedtime. He can have a bath and go to bed here now. Your beds are still ready from the last time you slept here.”

“I vote for!” Lucas grinned, and put his hand in the air, climbing into Anders lap and curled up there. Anders nodded, of course, and put his arms around Lucas and held him tight into his chest.

Isak smiled at Even, and Even shook his head and smiled too. “I guess we’re staying here for the night! No need to argue.”

“Yes, yes, yes!!” Lucas shouted, and got out of Anders lap and into Liv’s. “Thanks, grandma!”

“You’re welcome, sweetie. But I guess it’s time for a bath and bed. Can I take you?”

“Yes. Can I play with those cartoon figures in the tub? Please?”

“Of course you can!”

Lucas jumped of her lap and run along to the bathroom, and Liv followed. Isak watched him and looked up at Even again, smiling. There hadn’t been one nightmare since last Tuesday when they talked to Lucas about the last time Isak had seen his parents. And Lucas hadn’t asked about it anymore. It felt really good being back in the normal routines. Isak was thinking of maybe going a couple of hours to work this week, just to say “hi” and speak to his colleagues. But one thing that worried him was; when Even and him both got back to work, Lucas had to stay at school with the after school programme, and he wasn’t sure about how Lucas would manage the long and busy days. But they had – eventually – got to go back to their normal work hours and days.

“Hey, what’s on your mind, Is?” Evens low, dark voice came in to his ear. He leaned in and put a small peck on his cheek.

“Just thinking about how it’s gonna be when we start working again, with the after school programme, and long hours. Will it be ok for Lucas. Will he manage?”

“Hey, Is. One day at the time, right?”

Isak smiled at him. Of course. “Yeah. One day at the time. I know. But I’m still thinking about it.”

“Of course you are.”

Anders looked at them, and drew his breath. “Can I make a suggestion, if you don’t mind me interfering?”

“Go ahead.” Even smiled

“Liv’s of work at 12 both Tuesdays and Thursdays. She could probably pick Lucas up from school those days, and drive him back to yours and stay there with him until you come home from work. Just for some weeks until you’re all back to normal. And I’m off at12 on Fridays and can do the same. That way it’s only two days a week he has to have long days?”

“But… but we can’t expect you to use all your spare time and short days on us. Liv choose to work part-time for a reason, and for you to take an early day off at Fridays. You need the time of, right?” Isak looked at Anders, overwhelmed by the offer he had come with.

“Isak, please. It would be our pleasure to help you. And spending time with Lucas is hardly any sacrifice for us. On the contrary – it’s a pleasure and a joy!”

“But…” Isak started

“You should know better by now than to argue with dad” Even said, chuckling.

“I guess….” Isak smiled, and looked at Anders who nodded.

“It’s what family are for, Isak.”

“Yeah. I know. It’s just, you’ve done so much already. You took almost the whole week off last week.”

“Isak. It’s a pleasure. Let us do it, please!”

Isak sighed, but smiled. He felt released, because of the proposition from Anders. “Thanks, dad.” He mumbled. And Anders smiled widely.

“No problem." Anders smiled widely to him, and patted his shoulder. "No problem, son!"

 

 

As Isak curled up in bed in Evens old boys room that evening, he felt good. There were no thoughts swirling in his head, there were no concerns, no fears. He sighed when Even lifted the duvet and crawled into him and kissed him, just a peck on his lips first, but then he put his arms around him and pulled him closer, the kiss deepened and Isak could feel the tingling in his whole body. He put his hand in Evens hair and pulled him as close as he could get him, kissed him hungrily an long. So long he felt his pulse rise, and breath heavier. He put his knee between Evens legs, and felt that Even was affected too.

“Is…” Even panted a bit “Is, fuck… I want you… I want you…”

“What do you want, Ev?” Isak asked, kissed him down his jaws, kissed the thin skin under his ears – where he knew Even had a very sensitive spot. Kissed down his neck, down to the collarbone. “Ev… what do you want?” He felt his own hard cock against Evens thigh, and moaned when Even moved his thigh slightly to give him a tiny bit of friction.

“I want you inside of me, Is. I want you to make love to me. I need you, Is. Please.”

Isak looked at him, utterly beautiful, his eyes were almost black with desire, and he smiled while he panted.

“Anything for you, Ev.” Isak said, reaching over to the nightstand to get the lube, threw the duvet away, tugged Evens boxers down, and just admired the naked man in front of him. “Anything for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, comments and kudos. 
> 
> Appreciate it!
> 
> <3


	42. The phonecalls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a nice morning, two phone calls turn the world upside-down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's been so long since the last update, but real life is important too. :-)
> 
> Don't be mad at me after this chapter, please.

Even woke up early Monday morning, as usual. Looking down at his husband, fast asleep on his arm, making small sleeping sounds. He looked so relaxed and beautiful. Almost as he did the first mornings they woke up in kollektivet almost thirteen years ago. Even smiled at the memory. How lucky he was finding Isak in high school and still have him by his side. Not many were so lucky as him, finding the love of his life at 19. He pushed some stray hairs away from Isak’s forehead, and kissed him softly and carefully. Didn’t want to wake him.

He snuck out of bed and walked into the bathroom. Took his meds with water from the tap and got in the shower. He could hear the small footsteps made by Lucas running in the hall, past the bathroom and into his mum and dad’s bedroom. “Grandma, I’m awake” he heard the boy shout, and he heard someone mumbling back. He smiled to himself. Thinking about how lucky he was, having the parents he had. Thinking of Isak and his parents – he never got the chance to know them himself. He thought about it sometimes, if things had been different – if they hadn’t met on the street, would they be in touch eventually? If Isak had met them on his own, without mentioned that he had a boyfriend, would they have accepted Isak being gay just bit by bit? Even shook his head and stopped his mind going down that road. It was all history, and Isak was happy with it, so Even would NOT bring that up. Not ever.

Even got out of the shower, got dressed and walked into the kitchen and found his mum and Lucas at the kitchen table.

“Why are you up so early, Luc?” he asked.

“I woke up, and I was hungry!” he said, grabbing his toast (of course with Nutella) and took a big bite.

“Mum, you shouldn’t give him Nutella sandwich for breakfast. That’s just for Saturdays.”

“Not in my house, Even. It’s for every day.”

“It certainly wasn’t when I was a kid.”

“But you aren’t a kid anymore, and grandchildren are supposed to be spoiled by their grandparents.”

Even rolled his eyes, and Lucas smiled widely at him. Even grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down with them.

“Ready for school Luc?” Even asked.

“Yepp. We’re doing science stuff today. It’s awesome!” he answered. “We’re going to watch a space movie and we’re making a model of our solar system. I’m going to make Marsh with Marcus, Tina and Fiona.”

“Oh, that sounds fun.”

“Yeah. I know more about the solar system than Marius does. He hardly knows anything.”

Even smiles at him, “I bet you do. It’s Isak’s fault. Science-geek”. Lucas roll his eyes at Even.

“Who’s the science-geek now?” Isak said behind Evens back, putting both his index fingers under Evens arms and tickled.

“Nobody” Even giggles at the touch, he’s particularly ticklish under his arms when Isak does it like that.

“He said it about you, Isak. I told him I know more about the solar system then Marius, and Even said that it’s your fault because you’re a science-geek.”

“I wouldn’t call it fault. I would call it my profit.” He grinned. “Is there any coffee for me please?”

“In the coffeemaker, science-geek. Help yourself.” Even smiled.

Even pulled out a chair for Isak, and Isak sat down beside him, giving him a quick kiss. He looked at Lucas as he made a face at them for kissing, but continued eating his sandwich.

“Lucas, Grandma’s picking you up after school today. Isak and I might have to attend a meeting with Thomas today at 1300. So grandma takes you home to ours and we’ll come when the meeting is over.”

“Ok?” Lucas looked at him for a while, “what kind of meeting?”

“I don’t really know. Thomas called us yesterday and told us.”

Lucas looked down. And Liv put a hand on his shoulder.

“Lucas, you know nothings gonna happen?” Even wanted to make eye contact with the boy, he was hesitantly, but at last Lucas looked him in the eyes, and he continued; “You’re not going anywhere, right?”

“Yeah. The meetings just make me think about it.”

“I understand. But grandma’s coming for you, and you’re going to go home with her, and we’ll be there later.”

“Ok.” He sighed. Putting the last of the Nutella sandwich in his mouth. “Can I have one more?” He looked at Liv, big brown eyes and a big Nutella-grin on his face.

“Sure, sweetie” she said as she got up, staring at Even as to say “my house, my rules” and walked over to the counter and made him another sandwich. Even just shook his head, no need for arguments he thought.

 

They eventually got in the car and drove off to school. Barely getting there in time, the bell rang as Lucas got out of the car. Isak and Even drove straight to Kriss for their appointment ar 0900. It was just a nice and calm conversation today, no heavy topics, no heavy thoughts, just calm and nice. Just as they left Kriss, Isak got a call from Thomas, asking them to come to the child services office at 1300, to meet up with Anna, him and both their superiors. Isak confirmed that they would come, and hung up.

“Wanna grab a coffee and something to eat, or do you want to go home for a while?” Even asked.

Isak looked at his phone to check the time. “It’s 1015, I would like to go home and unpack and grab something to eat at home before the meeting. We haven’t been home since Friday.”

“Sure” Even said, as they got into the car and drove home.

Back home, Isak took care of the unpacking and the laundry, while Even made them some lunch. It was nice, being just the two of them. Even cherished the moments like these. All alone with Isak. He loved Lucas, and loved having him around, but it made the hours with just the two of them so precious. He sat the table with candles and napkins, he even cut some cardboard into a heart and put on Isak’s plate. The words “LOVE YOU” written on one side, and a little drawing of Isak, Lucas and him all curled up in the sofa on the other. 

As Isak walked in to the kitchen, he looked at him and it hit him how his husband still made his stomach flip and the butterflies were still alive down there. Still. He smiled at Isak and walked over and pulled him into his chest, kissing him and whispered

“You look just as gorgeous today as you did the first time I saw you at Nissen!” Isak’s cheeks turned pink and he snorted;

“I still look like a closeted 17-year old grumpy brat; you mean?”

“No, you look like a beautiful angel. You know, I didn’t know that you were either closeted or grumpy just by looking at you that time. I got to know that after I got to know you.”

“And you still wanted me?”

“I still wanted you. Always did, and forever will.” Even smiled. It was their promise.

“Me too” Isak said, and kissed him back. “You’ve made lunch?”

“Yepp. Hungry?”

“Very!”

They talked about everything and nothing during their lunch. Time flew, and it was all of a sudden time to go to their meeting. They had just started cleaning before they should leave when Evens phone rang, and just a second later Isak’s rang to. They looked at each other.

“Hello, Mum?” Even answered.

“Hello Marius?” Isak answered.

They did it simultaneously.

“What’s up?” Even continued.

Liv was hectic in her voice; _“Even. Lucas wasn't at school. Apparently a woman named Inga had told Marius that she would take Lucas home, because he wasn’t feeling well. She was going to call you, Marius said.”_

“What?”   

_“I said that too. I’m on my way to yours-”_

Even looked over at Isak, and he saw his husband all white in his face, shaking, dropping his phone, his eyes turned white as they rolled back, and he dropped to the floor.

“Shit, mum. Isak just fainted, call Thomas, please Mum!”

_“Even?”_ she almost yelled at him.

“Call Thomas!” Even yelled into the phone, got across the room, kneeling down beside Isak and pulled him into his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, comments and kudos. 
> 
> Appreciate it!
> 
> <3


	43. "Just get him here"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuing from where the last chapter ended.

Even was on the floor, had pulled Isak in his lap and patted him on his cheek.

“Please, sweetie. Wake up!”

_“Hello??? Isak?? Are you there?”_ Even heard the voice from Isak’s phone on the floor. He picked it up, and answered,

“Hello? It’s Even.”

_“Oh, Hi Even. It’s Marius. I’m so sorry, but Inga’s taken Lucas away…..”_

“Yeah, I heard,” he interrupted. “just spoke to my mum.” He swallowed the lump in his throat before continuing; “Isak’s on the floor, fainted.” Even was angry and scared, he could hear his own voice, and he knew it wasn’t Marius fault. But that didn’t matter, all that mattered was Lucas – LUCAS -  What the hell happened?

_“I’m so sorry, Even. Inga said Lucas wasn’t feeling well, it was about half an hour ago, and she said she was going to call you and drive him home. Apparently she hasn’t done that.”_

Even felt his jaws could break any second because he bit his teeth so hard together.

“No, she hasn’t. Neither of those.” Even drew his breath, stroking Isak’s cheeks, tears filling up his eyes.  “Look, Marius. Isak on the floor, he fainted, I’ve got to take care of him. Please call if something comes up.” Even hung up.

He pulled Isak into his chest, whispering, patting his cheeks “Please, Is, sweetie, wake up.” Isak’s eyelids moved slightly, he turned his head towards Evens chest and suddenly arms wrapped around his waist.

“Even? Lucas…..” He turned silent, just tightened the grip around him. Breathed. Loud breaths. Even just held him, and Isak held him back. Tight. Even was shaking, breathing fast, tried to even his breath, tried to even Isak’s breath. “Breath with me, Is. Come on, get on your feet, let’s get in the sofa.” He stood up, pulled Isak on his feet and held him as they moved into the living room and dumped down on the sofa.

“Even? Lucas is…..  why has she taken him away from school? I’m so scared. Has she kidnapped him? Is someone going to take him away? Is someone going to hurt him…. Is…. Is… ”

Even interrupted him, didn’t want him to go down that road. Didn’t’ want to go down that road himself either, even if he had thought about it.

“Is, please, stop. Listen to me; Marius said he was ill, and that Inga had said she would call us, but she hasn’t. I don’t know anything else, Is.”

He barley finished speaking before his phone went off. He grabbed it and looked at it, hoping it would be Thomas, Marius or someone, but it was an unknown number; _‘who dared to call him right now?’_ he thought irrationally – he knew no one knew what had happened, but still. He didn’t answer it. Let it go. But as soon as it stopped, it started again, and he thought, _‘what the hell’_ and pushed the button and answered;

 

 

“Hello, it's Even?”

_“Hello Even. It’s Inga.”_

“What?” Even yelled, and stood up from the sofa. Isak stared at him.

“ _I’m sorry I didn’t call before, but Lucas is ill, and I was going to take him home to you. He’s been vomiting heavily for the last thirty minutes, so I wasn’t able to call you. I’m so sorry. I know I’ve probably scared....”_

It took a while before Even managed to understand what Inga said, but when he did, all he could shout into the phone was;

“Where are you?”

_“I’m going to drive to you now. I’m really sorry, but Lucas got vomit all over both himself and me, his backpack, my purse, my phone, and I’ve had my hands full helping him. I finally got hold of a lady and could use her phone to call you. I’m so sorry. He’s asleep by the way. I was about to call after we’d started driving from school, but then he started vomiting, and I couldn’t do anything but hold him. I had to pull over in a parking lot.”_ Inga was talking fast, incoherently, surely nervous because of what had happened, and Even’s harsh voice probably didn’t make it easier for her.

Even took a deep breath, let the words from Inga sink in _‘Lucas was safe, he was on his way back home’_ and he felt tears coming from his eyes, the anger left him for a while and he was able to just whisper a “Oh, my God. Just get him here, please.”

_“I’m so sorry,,,”_  he heard Inga say in the phone as he hung up.

Even turned to Isak and smiled through his tears;

“They’re on their way. He’s just got a stomach flu, he’s been vomiting all over Inga and her car.” He pulled Isak into his chest. He felt Isak sigh in relieve, and he hugged him tight. “He’ll be home soon, Is. Our boy will be home soon. Nobody has taken him. He’s on his way back home.” Even felt the knot in his stomach disappear, and he felt Isak crying on his shoulder, and he couldn’t help himself, but he was smiling in relief.

 

 After just a minute or so, he heard someone at the door.

“Even? Isak?” It was Liv.

“We’re in here!” Even said.

Liv’s head popped in the door opening, questioning the situation; “You’re smiling?”

“Yeah. Lucas’ on his way home. He’s got stomach flu. He’s been vomiting all over Inga and her car, that’s why she hadn’t called us. He’d actually vomited over her phone too.” Even couldn’t help smiling again when he said that.

Liv dumped down on the sofa, giving them both a hug. “Oh, my God. That’s a relief. I thought…”

“Yeah, we did too” Isak sighed, Even saw a tiny smile on his face, and felt his body relax a bit more. Isak’s smiles tended to do that.

“Did you call Thomas?” Even asked.

“Yes, I did. I didn’t dare not to. You were yelling at me.”

“Yeah, sorry about that, mum. I just panicked”

“No worries. I understand you perfectly well. Thomas is on his way over here by the way.”

 

 

Inga and Lucas arrived at the same time as Thomas did. Even briefly informed Thomas about what had happened, before he kneeled into the car, embracing the sleeping Lucas and lifted him out of the car.

Thomas pulled Inga away from her car and explained her what her actions had put Isak and Even through and she was of course devastated when she understood what she had caused. Fortunately, Thomas said; the police hadn’t started sending out patrols yet, but they were stand by, waiting for him to say “go”. She apologized again for what had happened, but explained again and again that her main concern was Lucas, and that she wanted to take care of him when he vomited. Thomas told her that he understood it, but next time; call first. He then walked over to the police car to abort the mission from the police patrols.  

Even carried Lucas inside, and he was so happy to hold the boy in his arms. Didn’t mind the clothes full of dried vomit or the smell. He couldn’t care less about it. He wanted him to rest a bit before they took him to the bathroom. He sat down in the sofa, Isak seated as close as possible and together they pulled of his jacket and his shoes, beanie and sweater, and that made him almost free from clothes with vomit. Almost.  

Liv and Inga came after them into the livingroom, and Inga sat down in one of the chairs, on the edge, ready to stand up any second.

Inga told them what had happened.

_Lucas was feeling bad at the end of the day, and she had told Marius that she would drive him home, calling Even from the car. As soon as_ _they got in the car, started to drive, phone plugged in, ready for Lucas to call (he wanted to do it himself) he had started vomiting. Her first       thought had been; stop the car; so they’d stopped in a parking lot, then the second thought was; take care of Lucas. She got him out of the car, sat with him on the ground and she’d never seen a kid vomit so heavily before. It was just like a tsunami of vomit over and over again, in the end with no content at all, just dry heaving, but over and over again, and he had cried, and cried. And of course he’d been asking for Isak and Even, all the time, and Inga had assured him that they would go home as soon as he stopped the vomiting and retching. As soon as it had stopped, he’d fallen asleep and she had lifted him into the back seat (the front seat was covered in vomit) and she could finally find someone with a phone and call Even._

Then she apologized to them again. And again.

 

“It’s all good now” Even finally said, when Inga had apologized for the tenth time. He felt bad for the old woman who was clearly devastated when she realized the pain she had inflicted on them. “He’s here, and he’s safe.”

“I know. And if I’d knew what I know now, all you’ve been through the last weeks, I would never have done what I did.”

“I’m sure you wouldn’t” Isak said, giving her a tiny smile. “And don’t get us wrong, we’re grateful for you taking care of Lucas while being ill, but it’s just with all that’s happened, we’re a bit scared – no terrified – of what might had happened to him. And maybe we’re all blowing this up, but you know – there are a lot of crazy people out there.”

Even looked at Isak. He was back on tracks again. Having Lucas back – safe and unharmed – Isak was getting back to himself again. Traces of tears were still on his cheeks, but he smiled, carding his fingers through Lucas’ hair, kissing his forehead, face all soft and his eyes radiating love towards both Lucas and himself. Even decided that they didn’t have to tell Lucas about what they thought had happened. He didn’t need to know this. He was so happy Lucas had been sleeping when he came home so he didn’t have to see Isak and himself so teared up.

“I’m so happy life is good for you, Isak.” Inga said after some silence. “I still can remember you from school. You had the most beautiful, but sad, eyes I’d ever seen. And that boy you always had by your side – what’s his name again, Johan? Jon?”

“Jonas” Isak replied

“Yes, Jonas. He was always with you, helped you. Shared his lunch with you, lending you stuff, books, pencils, clothes…. We saw it. That you had a bad time, that your parents didn’t do the right things and we certainly should have done something, but we didn’t. And it’s been bothering me ever since. I’m so sorry, Isak.”

Even watched Isak while Inga spoke. His eyes darkened a bit, his jaws clenching, the fur between his eyes turned visible. Isak drew his breath a few times, as to calm down, and Even knew he was thinking back, trying to remember – or not remember – something.

“You know what, Inga? I do not remember much about my childhood, and I really don’t want to talk about it. Don’t want to remember.” He drew his breath “But I appreciate your apology. Thanks.” Even heard the tone in his voice, thought it was a bit too cold and harsh, but who was he to judge? He could understand him; Isak didn’t want to remember. Because there wasn’t much to remember.

“Oh” Inga said, a sad expression on her face, drawing her breath as to speak, but she didn’t. She got on her feet instead, fast as in a hurry, and said abruptly “I’d better get going. I’m going back to school. Have to talk to Marius. I’m going to ask the headmaster to get another class from tomorrow.” She turned her back to them and was about to walk out and said; “I won’t be around Lucas anymore.”

Even shook his head. “Inga! It’s no need for that. Lucas likes you, he talks about you a lot, and we would really like you to be his assistant the rest of the time he needs it. You’ve done everything to keep him safe, and we’re grateful for that. It’s just that we’re so concerned"

Inga turned to them again, looked at Isak, and he nodded. “I agree, Inga. Lucas’ best is our first priority. And you’re Lucas’ best at school besides Marius. He likes you a lot.”

“Thank you.” Inga said. “I’ll have to see what the headmaster and Marius says. Take care of him. He’s a treasure.” She turned around and left their living room and then their house.

 

Even pulled Lucas closer to his chest and thought that she was right. He was a treasure. Their treasure. And the thought about losing him was far more frightening now than it had ever been. Because of all that had happened. Because of all the things that had come up. Even didn’t know what he’d done if something had happened to Lucas, if it wasn’t just the stomach flu that had kept him from them.

While thinking, he felt the little body tense up, and he didn’t manage to do anything to provide what happened, Lucas just vomited in his lap, yellow fluid of stomach acid and water poured out of Lucas' mouth, hitting his neck, chest and down on his pants and at Lucas’ chest, stomach and thighs.

Lucas started to cry and retched some more while Liv got on her feet and were back with a bucket and a towel in seconds.

“Shhh, sweetie. It’s ok. You’re home now. You're here with us. Inga brought you home.” Even soothed the little boy. Stroke his back up and down, while he tried to dry himself and Lucas off with the towel.

“I’ll take him” Isak said, stood up and lifted Lucas up in his arms. “Him in the tub and you in the shower. Please.” Isak smiled at him and nodded to his shirt and pants. Even saw the wet spots, traces of Lucas’ vomit all over, on his neck, his arms, his clothes. He nodded and got up, and led them into the bathroom. Turned on the water in the tub and pulled his clothes off and got in the shower.

Even let the doors to the shower stay open so he could watch the two boys, and be able to help if Isak needed him to.  Isak sat down and undressed a very sleepy and exhausted Lucas and got him into the tub. Used the showerhead to wet his hair, washed it carefully, making sure that no soap got into his eyes, washed his face, his body, all while Lucas was almost sleeping, not talking at all – a clear sign that he was not well. Even watched them, and smiled. The concern, affection and love pouring out of Isak’s eyes as he carefully took care of Lucas. Even loved it. Loved him. Loved them.

Lucas started shivering and whined a bit, and Isak lifted him out of the tub and into his lap, wrapping a towel around him and dried the little body. He looked so small, sitting there in Isak’s lap, pale, dark circles under his eyes, shivering. Even was quick to finish showering too, stepped out of the shower, dried himself and put on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, fetched another big towel, and held it out for Lucas.

“I’ll carry him into the living room” he said to Isak. Isak nodded and lifted the boy into the towel and his arms. Lucas grabbed him, put his tiny arms around his neck and whispered into his ear:

“I’m so tired, Even. And my stomach hurts. Make it go away, please, Even.” tears running down his cheeks.

“Oh, if I only could, sweetie. But I can’t. But we’ll sit in the sofa, cuddle, and I can rub your stomach? And maybe we can get a warm towel on it as well?” He looked at Isak, and Isak nodded again. Got on his feet and got another towel, put it in the dryer to heat it up.

“I’ll bring it in in a couple of minutes” Isak said. “Go and make yourself comfortable you two. I’ll just put the dirty clothes in the washer”.

 

When Even came into the living room, both Thomas and his dad had come in. They sat in the sofa chatting with a cup of coffee each. They watched him as he walked in and Anders was the first to speak.

“How is he?”

“Stomach flu. It’s the worst.” Even smiled at them, and they smiled and nodded back. He thought there was almost nothing as bad as the stomach flu. He hated it. “He’s hurting, but also very sleepy. But now at least we’re clean.”

“Good.” Liv said, smiling at them.

“I obviously cancelled the meeting when Liv called,” Thomas said when Even had got him and Lucas all curled up in the sofa – “But if you’re up to it, could we have one as soon as possible? It’s soon 1430 now?”

Isak walked into the room “Is it that important, that we have to have it today?”

“The sooner, the better, so kind of ‘yes’, it’s important to have it today, but we do understand if you don’t want to.”

“Will it last long?” Even said. “Don’t want to leave Lucas for long when he’s sick.”

“It would probably last about 30-40 minutes.” Thomas said.

Even looked at Isak, and Isak nodded. Then he looked at Liv and Anders.

“Mum? Dad? Would you like to have dinner with us tonight? Around 1800? I’ll cook. The catch is to watch Lucas, and his bugs, while we’re at the meeting with Thomas and Anna?” Even smiled his widest smile at them, and Liv just laughed.

“Of course we will. You didn’t have to bribe us with dinner either, but thanks! Love your cooking!” Liv smiled at them.

“Can I’ll call Anna and tell her we’ll be there in 30?” Thomas asked.

“Ok.” Even said. He thought about it. Why was Thomas so eager to get this meeting going today? Was it bad news? He didn’t want to think that, but he didn’t dare to think the other way around either. The way that led him to think they would let them keep Lucas. He couldn’t think about it. But still he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, comments and kudos. 
> 
> Really appreciate it. 
> 
> <3


	44. The meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The meeting at the child services

Isak and Even walked into the office they’d been to several times the last weeks. Anna was there greeting them. She told them Thomas and their superiors would be there in a minute. She smiled, and Isak became even more nervous because of the smiling than he would be if she hadn't smiled.

Thomas and the two others came in, and they got seated. 

“So.” The superior police officer started. “I’ve asked you to come because I’ve – we’ve – got some new information for you.”

Isak grabbed Evens hand and he started sweating and shaking a bit, felt his pulse rise and his heart beat faster. 

“Ok” Even said in a breath. “What’s the news?”

“First of all. We’ve got hold of the man who used Anita’s credit cards in Denmark. He’s a known criminal – from Oslo – who stole her cards when she was out the night between Saturday and Sunday last weekend. He’s been arrested by the Danish police and will be transported back to Norway in a couple of days.”

“So no connection to Anita and Lucas?” Even asked, hesitantly. 

“Not as we know. His name is not Jan, if you wonder.”

“Ok” Even drew his breath so loud Isak could hear it. He also heard the shiver in his breath, and couldn’t blame him. He felt it too. 

“Then there’s Anita.” 

Isak felt his stomach tighten. He was afraid, didn’t know what to expect now, he kind of feared it. 

“She started talking last night. She’s told us that she’d left her apartment to go to a party, and when we asked her about Lucas, she didn’t remember that he was there. She didn’t remember him being there at all. She told us that she’d been taking some kind of drugs – pills – that this Jan had brought her. Her story isn’t coherent, but it gives us a fairly good picture of what’s happened the night she disappeared. Apparently she’d been taking some drugs, forgot about Lucas, gone out and got high or wasted – or more likely both – and robbed. And when we found her – you know that part of the story. We don’t know what drugs, we don’t know what time she left and we don’t know what happened in-between her leaving the appartment and we finding her.”

Isak felt his heart break. They’d left Lucas in her care, and she’d just left him, she had drugged herself and left him. He looked over at Even who stared at the superior police officer. All he said was; 

“What? What....” 

Isak saw the anger in Evens eyes, and he could feel it building up in himself too. Anger towards the system that had forced them to leave Lucas in Anita’s care. Anger towards Anita and anger towards themselves for letting this happen. 

“I can see you’re both angry.” Anna interrupted. “And I totally understand it. I’m angry too. That we could let this happen to Lucas, and to you. This experience isn’t something anyone should have to go through.”

“You’re fucking right we're angry. I’m so angry I could….” Isak raised his voice, his hands were in tight fists ready to punch something, he was about to stand up. Even put a hand on Isak’s shoulder to hold him down, and he squeezed it, comforting. 

“Isak.” He said with his low, soothing voice. “It’s not doing anyone any good. I’m angry too, but what’s happened has happened. We’ve got to move forward.” 

Isak looked at him, saw his jaws clench a bit, but he also saw the hope in his eyes, and he thought he could maybe do that too. Get his hopes up. 

Anna’s superior started talking,

“Anger is a natural reaction to all this. And we wish this would never have happened, but it has. What we have to focus on now, is to never let this happen again. And if we can decide; it will never happen again.”

Isak felt the anger start to disappear from his body by those words, he shifted a bit in the chair, not daring to hope to much, but managed to get a little “ok” out of his mouth. 

“We took your case to the The County Board, which are dealing with cases from the child services, this morning.” She continued. 

Isak felt numb. He grabbed Evens hand and turned his head towards him, and Even looked at him, mouth open and eyes wide. 

“You… did? This….. this morning? To....today?” Isak stuttered. He squeezed Evens hand and his heart started beating faster again. Black dots were flying before his eyes. He took a deep breath and forced himself to even the breaths that followed, making the dots disappear. 

“You’ve… what?”Even said. 

“Yes, we did. And I’m sorry we didn’t tell you, but after the conversations the police had with Anita yesterday, we didn’t want to wait any longer.”

“Oh?” Isak said, barely able to speak. 

“Long story short; the County Board have from today decided to give you full custody for Lucas.”

Isak gasped for breath, fell back in his chair and put his hands in front of his face. He felt Evens hand gripping after his hand, and he let him have it, and heard his voice shaking as he asked; 

“They’ve done WHAT?”

“They’ve given you full custody for Lucas.” The lady was actually smiling. “He’s staying at yours. Now and for as long as he needs.”

The tears just streamed down Isak’s cheeks. He bent forward and sobbed, hands in front of his face and just mumbled; “Thank you. Thank you!” Even put his hand on Isak’s back and rubbed it. Isak’s thoughts spun around. Lucas was going to stay with them. Their wonderful little boy was going to stay. They weren’t going to take him away, he was staying. He felt like his heart was going to jump out of his chest. He was so happy. He sat up in the chair and looked at the people around him, got up on his feet, turned to Even who also was standing and fell into his arms. “He’s staying, Ev. He’s staying!”

“He is, Is. He’s staying. I’m so fucking happy right now! I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m so fucking happy!” he laughed amongst his tears. And Isak couldn’t help laughing himself all teared up and so happy he couldn’t stand still. 

He freed himself from Evens arms and walked over and hugged Anna, hugged Thomas, he even hugged both their superiors even if he knew it wasn’t appropriate, but he couldn’t help himself. He could have hugged Donald Trump if he was there. He was in heaven; he didn’t think it was possible to be so happy. He turned around and looked at Even, and saw him standing there, biggest smile on his face, breathing, tears streaming and walked into his arms again. “He’s staying. He’s fucking staying with us, Ev!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, comments and kudos. 
> 
> Really appreciate it. 
> 
> <3


	45. Three and a half years later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're on vacation, and it's Lucas' tenth birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo, this is the last chapter of this story about Even and Isak in this universe. 
> 
> Hope you've enjoyed it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. My first fic, and maybe not the last, I don't know. 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> <3

_“Dad!”_

Isak heard his voice from a distance. He lifted his eyes from the book he was reading and looked to the direction of the voice. He spotted him at once despite the crowd of people, the slim, tan boy, brown, a bit too long, hair bouncing when he run toward him, wide smile on his face. He shouted again.

_“DADDY!”_

He run fast - to get to him first – Even was right behind him, but was doomed to be the runner up. Lucas raised his arms and smiled. The big, wonderful, warm smile only Lucas could smile, brown eyes sparkling. He was right in front of him now.

“DAD! Did you see me in the water? Did you see I dived under for at least a minute, maybe longer? I’m the master of holding my breath under water!” He grabbed his towel, while he spoke, shook it so the sand spread around everywhere, wrapped it around his shoulder, and stood just in front of Isak, bounced on his toes and heels, so happy and eager.   

Isak smiled at him, ruffled his wet hair and stroke his cheek. He had watched him dive under, and it was certainly at least ten seconds, “Yeah, I saw you, and I’m not sure it was a minute, but you sure held your breath for a long time sweetie.” He got up and started collecting their few items, put it in the bag, making them ready to leave the beach.

“There’s only one master of holding his breath under water, Luc.” Even came up behind Lucas, grabbed him under his arms and lifted him up and put him on his shoulders. Even’s hair was wet, curling around his head – his was a bit too long too, but Isak kind of liked the long hair on both of them – he had a big bright smile, blue eyes that sparkled more than the sun in the water. Isak handed him his towel as well, and Even wrapped it around his waist

“Oh? Who?” Lucas asked from above both Isak and Even.

“Your Dad!” Even smiled, and kissed Isak on the temple as he pulled him into his side. Isak smiled back at him, he still sometimes felt the tickling in his stomach when Lucas or Even called him Dad. Even if it was a long time since Lucas had started calling them Daddy Isak and Daddy Even. And today was one of those day the tickling was back.

_It was Boxing Day after “the autumn of horror” he said it for the first time. They’d spent the days from Christmas Eve to Boxing Day at Liv and Anders’, and had come home late that afternoon. All three of them were curled up in the sofa, watching science-kids; this one was about grown up animals taking care of cobs who had no parents, because they’d abandoned them or died. Lucas had looked at both Even and him after the program had ended, and he drew his breath deeply and said, firm and determined;_

_“You’re my dads now. Daddy Even and Daddy Isak, and I love you, and I’m going to stay with you forever.” And then he’d pushed his back up to Isak’s chest and placed his feet over Evens stomach, took one of their hands each and held them tight and laid there smiling. Isak had just stared at Even and Even had stared back, and the tears were pounding behind his eyelids, Even smiling the widest he could, and he knew he did it too. It was decided. Lucas had decided it._

“Daddy?” Lucas said, disbelief in his voice. “You’re the master of holding your breath under water? You never come swimming with us. How can you be the master?”

Even laughed, looked at Isak, he was teasing, but still could never be sure, so he answered before Even;

“Long story, sweetie. You’ll get it told when you’re older!” Isak smiled, and stopped every protest Lucas tried to come with. “Ready to go to the hotel?” he asked Even.

“Yeah. I’ll take the bag if you can take the stroller. Is she asleep?”

Isak nodded. “Fell asleep a while ago. While you and Luc were in the water diving, she was exhausted after all the splashing, building and fun we had.”

“Good. Maybe she sleeps while we get this one in the shower and get some sand out of his hair?” Even smiled, tapping Lucas’ legs who hung down on his chest.

“I wanna get in the tub, please!” he begged from Evens shoulders

“Shower today, or we'll get a beach in the tub!” Isak laughed, starting to move the stroller up in the sand. He struggled a bit, but he eventually got it up on the small road leading towards their hotel.

Isak looked down on the little girl fast asleep with her pacifier in her mouth and the little white rabbit tucked under her nose. Blond curls around her head and a peaceful expression on her face. The eyelids hid two beautiful ice blue eyes, who either shone like the sun – both of happiness and joy – or was on fire – with anger and willpower. She was a fighter – a tough one that’s for sure – but yet so lovable and lovely with the chubbiest arms, the tightest hugs, most adorable and charming smile and the most precious laughter.

She had come to them just a month old, her mother being a drug addict, staying clean during the pregnancy, but didn’t manage to stay off the street – and drugs – after she’d given birth. She had given her little baby girl away to the child cervices, and Isak and Even were more than happy to give her a home. After a year they even signed the adoption papers. It was four months ago now – this vacation was kind of a celebration of that – Mari Bech Næsheim becoming their daughter. But it was more to this vacation. It was Lucas 10th birthday today, and the birthday present they had for him – Isak smiled when he thought of it – looking up at Lucas towering over all of them on Evens shoulders. It would be amazing.

He’d grown so much the last three and a half years since they thought they had lost him, but hadn’t. He was confident and safe now. No nightmares, no bad thoughts, no fears of someone coming to get him or take him away. He had visited his mother three times after that autumn. His mother still didn’t remember him, but the staff at the hospital she was admitted to tried to help her to remember the days prior to the visits, but it didn’t do much good. After the last visit, in November more than a year ago, Anita had told the staff, and the child services, that she didn’t want Lucas to visit her anymore. Lucas didn’t know that it was Anita that didn’t want to see him. It was just Even and Isak that knew, and they wanted it to stay that way. And they agreed to the child services suggestions on stopping the visits until Lucas asked for it himself. He hadn’t done that yet. Isak really didn’t think he would do it either.

 

 

Back in the flat on the hotel Isak put the stroller with the sleeping Mari in the bedroom while Even took Lucas to the bathroom. There were sand everywhere, and some years ago Isak would have hated it, but now he just picked up a sweeper and swept the floor, thinking about how much fun they all had in the sand earlier.  How Lucas played with Mari for a long time, helping her build a small sand castle, she teared it down, him fetching water for her, she poured it out, he got her seashells, she tossed them away, he brushed her hands when they were covered in too much sand and she covered them with sand again. Laughing and smiling, all four of them. Lucas cared for her so much, being a real protective and loving big brother. They were so adoring. Isak’s heart swelled when he thought of it.

Of course, having two kids were a lot more than just having just Lucas. Especially the first year of Maris life. Taking care of a baby was something completely different than taking care of an eight-year old. There had been more than a few calls to Liv and Anders that first year.  Isak smiled to himself by the memory of Even being totally clueless of what to do when Mari got chicken pots when she was nine months.

_Isak was away on a large medical conference in Denmark, it lasted for almost a week, and he was notable to answer Evens calls at any time. Mari got red spots all over, high fever and cried and cried. Even had been sure she had a severe disease and had called Liv, panicking by the thought. Liv had come over to theirs and assured Even that it was chicken pots, and it wasn’t dangerous to neither him or the children, and that Mari would be well in about a week. And she was. And when Lucas got the chicken pots as well just a week later, Even was the “master of treating chicken pots” as he stated to Isak._

Even called him from the bathroom:

“Is? Can you bring Lucas his clothes, please?” Isak smiled;

“In a minute!” he said, walked into the bedroom and picked up the blue shorts, white shirt, and a light blue tie. They had bought the clothes for this special evening. Lucas had picked his birthday-clothes himself, and felt quite grown up using a shirt and a tie. Isak smiled as he turned around by the sound of Mari being awake in the carriage. He put the clothes down and walked over to her.

“Hey, sweetie. You awake?” Isak smiled at her, bending over and lifting her up. “Had a nice nap?” Mari curled up in Isak’s arms, and put her head on his shoulder. “Dadda” she whispered, snuggling into his neck. “I’m here, sweetie,” kissing her head, blond curls everywhere. He picked up the clothes for Lucas again, and walked into the bathroom.

“Here are the clothes for the birthday boy!” Isak said, smiling at him. “Ready for dinner?” Isak gave Even a kiss while he was close to him, and of course Lucas rolled his eyes at them.

“Please, dad!” he turned away from them kissing. And they smiled at him. “But yeah, I’m ready for dinner. And my present. Why did I have to wait?”

“Because the best surprises are the one you have to wait for the longest.” Isak teased him, kissed Even again, and Lucas rolled his eyes – again – but now with a smile.  He had been nagging about the presents all day when he had a free minute. But Even and Isak had agreed that he would not get none of the presents before the dinner that evening. Lucas put on his boxers, grabbed the rest of his clothes and walked out of the bathroom to get dressed

Even stepped out of his clothes and walked into the shower while Isak put Mari down on the counter and started undressing her to put her in the tub to get all the sand of her as well. She had sand everywhere, in the clothes, in her hair and even in her diaper. He carefully put her in the tub and used the shower to rinse her body free from sand. She laughed, splashed her hand in the water – she loved it. Isak wet her curly hair and washed it with gentle movements, keeping an eye on the soap so none of it came in her eyes. When she was all clean, he lifted her up in Evens arm – he was ready with a big soft towel, and wrapped her in it and patted her dry.

“Dadda” she squirmed, and put her chubby arms around his neck.

“Yeah, princess.” Even smiled at her “I’m here. Now we’re going to get you all dressed up in your pretty purple dress, all ready to attend Lucas’ big birthday celebration.”

“Luca, Luca!” she yelled, kicking her feet and Even put her down on the floor and she run naked out to Lucas, Even walked smiling after her with her clothes in his hand.

Isak pulled his clothes of quickly and got in the shower. Feeling the water rinse his body was amazing. All sand, sunscreen, salty water and sweat washed down the drain, it was nice. He was eager to get his little family down in the restaurant to start the celebration. He knew Lucas would love their surprises – all of them. One more than the rest – at least he hoped.

 

 

They took the elevator down to the lobby, and walked in to the restaurant. Mari bouncing on Isak’s hip and Lucas between him and Even, holding both their hands. Even had his biggest photo bag over his shoulder – not containing just his camera, but also diapers, napkins, pacifiers, some clean clothes, the little white rabbit… it was a bag for all needs. One time he actually forgot his camera because of all the other necessities he’d stuffed into the bag.

They’d reserved a table in a separate part of the restaurant, a bit on the side and more private. Lucas looked at them when they walked past the table they had been seated at the other nights.

“Dad? Isn’t that the table we use to sit at?” he pulled Evens arm and looked up at him.

“Yeah, but it’s your birthday, and we’re going to have another table tonight.”

They walked past the bouffe, and passed the bar and stopped by a door leading in to a separate room.

“Go ahead, birthday boy!” Isak said. “It’s through that door. You go first.” He smiled at Even, a secret smile.

Lucas took a few steps, opened the door, and suddenly stood still; he turned his head towards them, and the biggest smile appeared on his face; **“Grandma and grandpa!”** he ran into the room and threw himself in Anders’ and Liv’s arms, and they hugged him tight.

"Hey sweetie. Happy birthday!" Liv and Anders said, smiling lovingly at him, both of them.

When done hugging them, he saw the other people in the room as well; it was Jonas, Eva, Marcus and Bea, Sana, Yousef, Salima, Kerim and Ayla, and he just stood there, looking at the crowd of the people he loved.

“How did you all get here?” he finally managed to say, smile so wide it looked like it hurt.

“By plane, stupid!” Marcus smiled, walked over and hugged him. “Wouldn’t miss my best friend’s birthday!”

“Me neither!” Kerim said, stepping forward and hugging him as well.

They all shared hugs and kisses, and after a while they got settled around the big table, ready to order. Isak looked at Lucas, he smiled happily, seated between Marcus and Kerim, chatting and laughing while he read the menu. He looked over to Isak who sat opposite of him and smiled.

“I think this is my best birthday ever, dad!”

“Hope so.” Isak said smiling. “It’s not over yet, you know. Presents will come after we’ve eaten.” Lucas’ smile turned even wider, as he continued talking with Marcus and Kerim.

Isak was a bit nervous, but he was sure the main present would make Lucas happy – maybe the happiest ever. He looked over at Even seated beside Mari, who was between them, smiled at him and Even tapped his pocket as a signal to Isak that he had the present. Isak reached out behind Mari’s back and squeezed his shoulder, Even took his hand and caressed it with his fingers, it was a soothing move, and felt relaxing. But he still was a bit nervous.

After the dinner was served and everybody had eaten for a while, Isak looked at Even and they nodded agreeing at each other. Isak used his fork to carefully hit his glass as a signal for everybody to be silent. He stood up, and Even got up on his feet and stepped in by his side. Isak rinsed his voice and spoke;

“Dear Lucas!”

Even handed him a paper, the tiny speech they’d written, and they took turns. Every other sentence. Even continued;

“It’s been seven years since you first came to us.”

“A little, beautiful, shy, scared boy with the most beautiful brown eyes in the world, and the biggest smile.”

“You stole our hearts in the blink of a second”

“And I think that goes for every adult in this room.”

Everybody laughed and nodded, and Isak could see Liv take her napkin and brush away a tear. Even continued;

“You’ve turned out to be a confident, polite, clever boy, and even if Isak’s science-geek-stuff has rubbed off on you in too many ways, you’re a really good boy.”

Lucas rolled his eyes at that. He still loved science, and him and Isak could spend hours reading science books or watching shows on TV. He loved it.

“But you’re also a wonderful big brother to Mari. So loving, caring and good with her. We do appreciate everything you do for her, and every minute you spend with her, so much.”

“You’re also a very good friend, trustworthy and honest. You cherish your friends, and are always making sure they’re alright. And we thought having Marcus and Kerim here would be fun for you – and then we had to invite the rest of their families as well – and it would be fun for all of us!” Even smiled at them, and they all laughed again.

“Our main present to you on your tenth birthday, Lucas, isn’t big, yet it’s the biggest one we can give you, and we really hope you like it. Dad’s got it in his pocket and before you open it, we just want you to know that we love you very much, and we’re so happy that you came to us seven years ago. A woman once said to dad and me that you were a treasure, and you are. You are our treasure. Happy birthday, Lucas!”

Even pulled out a white envelope, no name on it, just white, and handed it over to Lucas. He just looked at them, questioning them with his eyes, and Even just nodded and said “Go ahead, open it, Luc.”

Lucas carefully opened the envelope and pulled out a sheet of paper. He started reading, his jawes dropped, his eyes widened  and then his face all of a sudden became covered in tears. He looked up at Isak, and then at Even and whispered:

“Is this true? Is this for real?”

Isak couldn’t speak, he just nodded, and Even said with a tick voice, “It’s true, Luc. It’s for real. You’re now our son for real. You can call yourself Lucas Bech Næsheim, if you want too. Dad and I signed the adoption papers about fourteen days ago, and got the name changing done straight after.”

All the others around the table gasped when they realized what Even had said. Liv hid her head on Anders’ shoulder and she cried. Anders shed a few tears too. Jonas and Eva just sat there with open mouths a while, before Jonas leaned over to Marcus to tell him what it meant, causing the biggest grin on his face. Kerim turned to Yousef for an explanation and Yousef whispered in his ears while a tear came on his cheek too and Sana gripped his arm so tight it was surely making marks, her eyes all watery as she smiled at Isak and nodded. Kerim grinned just as wide as Marcus, and they both patted Lucas shoulders and Marcus said out loud what everybody thought;

“Best birthday present ever, ey, Luc?”

Lucas stood up, pushed his chair back so hard it fell over at the floor with a loud ‘bang’, and he spun around the table and threw himself in Isak’s arms.

“I love you so much, daddy Isak. I love you so much!” he let go of Isak and reached for Even, who lifted him up and hugged him “I love you too, daddy Even. So much! And I love to be a Bech Næsheim. Just like you, dad and Mari! And I love being your son!”

“You’ve always been that, Luc. Only now it’s in all the official papers too!” Isak whispered as he put his arms around both Lucas and Even. The tearflow from Lucas didn’t stop at once, but when Mari thought it was too much hugging without her, and she hit the table with both her hands and shouted; “Me too! Me too!” Lucas smiled through his tears, untangled himself from his dads embrace, lifted her up and gave her a long, big hug.

“Yeah, Mari. You too!” he smiled at her, and Isak put his arms around both his children, and when Even put his arms around all the three of them, he felt his life was complete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, comments and kudos. 
> 
> Really appreciate it!
> 
> <3


End file.
